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[Conkersbadfurday]

Clinical depression is a specific term—and it doesn't sound like it applies to your character. Has the character been diagnosed with clinical depression? Is he on medication? Etc.

Yes to these things. The story starts right at the point his new medication starts working, I did a lot of research to try and get everything right, though I based the core fears/angst on my own issues since...you know, write whatcha know.

 

[Dolla Dolla]

Would this be the topic to inquire about beta readers?

Over the past year or so, I've been pursuing my writing more seriously, getting critiques and such, and my end goal is to land an agent and be published traditionally. In my research, a lot of authors who I admire have acknowledged people who have read for them and talked through plot / character issues.

Do we have any beta readers here at GAF?

 

[Dandy Crocodile]

Would this be the topic to inquire about beta readers?

Over the past year or so, I've been pursuing my writing more seriously, getting critiques and such, and my end goal is to land an agent and be published traditionally. In my research, a lot of authors who I admire have acknowledged people who have read for them and talked through plot / character issues.

Do we have any beta readers here at GAF?

I know people on GAF have done it for each other before.
Do you have more info?
Genre? Word count?

 

[Dolla Dolla]

I know people on GAF have done it for each other before.
Do you have more info?
Genre? Word count?

Middle Grade Fantasy, 55,000 word count.

I would also throw my hat in for being a reader for anyone's fiction that needs an outsider's opinion.

 

[AngmarsKing701]

So if you'd asked me whether I had writer's block, I'd have said no. I've maybe written 1000 words in the last 8 months, and I think that was all in one day. I think I've mentioned on here before that I'm working on book 2 of my fantasy series and I've reached the key climactic point, where things happen, shit goes south, good becomes evil, hero becomes villain, yadda yadda. I had a draft of this written many moons ago, and there was a particular scene (actually a particular sentence from that first draft) that I wanted to make sure I kept.

Everything has been building to that.

But ... and this is where I'll tell you it wasn't writer's block ... other shit kept getting in the way. Job. First son applying and visiting colleges. Occasional gaming. Watching TV.

So today I'm out walking, listening to my ass kicking tunes, and I really haven't been thinking about writing or the book at all. In fact, if anything, my brain has been trying to get me to think about a different book. Almost like "you don't really want to write the hard part of this book, where everything is happening at the same time and shit goes south, yadda yadda yadda, so why don't you think about starting this new book with this new idea..."

Well I've resisted that. I've jotted down some notes to make sure I don't forget said idea. Anyway, I'm thinking "what am I going to do when I get home from my walk?" My wife was at a meeting; I basically had about 90 minutes of open time. I was thinking Daredevil S2E1. Or maybe giving in and buying Overwatch on PC. Or try to finish reading Lies of Locke Lamora.

And then my brain was like, "well, if you're not gonna jump to this other awesome idea until you get done writing the awesome idea you're writing, I guess I'll help."

And it was like "whooooooosh" ... all the shit I'd been building to and struggling with trying to fit together suddenly clicked. Everything I'd been trying to figure out how to organize suddenly just made sense. I'm not saying when I sat down that the characters necessarily agreed with what my brain was doing, and we might have had a tweak here or there, but hot damn if I didn't kick out 1500 words in 90 minutes. And I thought they were good fucking words, too. I might look at it tomorrow and consider it dreck, but at this point I'm thinking (hoping) that I'm over the hump.

 

[JaseMath]

Damn it, guys.

I've been working at my first draft since late March, and I've been making steady progress—around 35,000 words now—but I feel like I'm burning out. In The last week I've only managed an average of one page per day and while I'm personally excited about the story, it's hard to stay motivated because I really don't have anyone cheering me on other than my mom (bless her heart).

Is it common to have beta readers look at uncompleted first drafts?

 

[Mike M]

I think at that point they're more alpha readers, if there is such a term.

 

[Delio]

So thanks to the comments in here about avoiding making stuff feel to "anime". I did some cleaning up of Seasonals and I honestly think it works better. Excited to rewrite all this into something that flows well.

 

[Conkersbadfurday]

Damn it, guys.

I've been working at my first draft since late March, and I've been making steady progress—around 35,000 words now—but I feel like I'm burning out. In The last week I've only managed an average of one page per day and while I'm personally excited about the story, it's hard to stay motivated because I really don't have anyone cheering me on other than my mom (bless her heart).

Is it common to have beta readers look at uncompleted first drafts?

Look at it this way: a page a day is better than a lot of writers do, or at least, a lot of writers I know. They're so busy plotting and planning or playing video games that they never actually get any writing done.

Some people do grab readers for incomplete drafts though. I've done this for my friends. If you think that will help, I guess go for it.

 

[zulux21]

Damn it, guys.

I've been working at my first draft since late March, and I've been making steady progress—around 35,000 words now—but I feel like I'm burning out. In The last week I've only managed an average of one page per day and while I'm personally excited about the story, it's hard to stay motivated because I really don't have anyone cheering me on other than my mom (bless her heart).

Is it common to have beta readers look at uncompleted first drafts?

once I get around to fixing the first arc of my story i fully plan to get some of my friends to read it and give me feedback.

I have to fix a number of things that the second arc has broken though lol.

granted I rarely do things the same way as others.

I typically plot in my head for a few days and then just sit down and pump out 2-6k words in a night and rinse and repeat right now.

 

[FlowersisBritish]

My new years goal this year was to finish three novel first drafts. I've finished the first( a NANOWRIMO novel I left unfinished, though with the stuff i wrote this year was more than 50,000 words). Now, I have finally begun work on the second. This one, I'm starting from scratch, and trying some new stuff. Gonna actually keep electronic notes this time, atleast for character's. That way I can add and remove details at my whim. Gonna write out the chapter by chapter outline on paper though, cause I really like doing that. Feels right. I just really love writing down my story notes(though terribly inefficient) Hoping to get a first draft done before Nano this year, where my third will be a Nano winner.

Main point, my god I forgot how daunting it is to start such a massive project from scratch. Nano last year kind of forced me to do or die a little. But, with all the spare time until November, the project just feels huge. I can't even imagine how people here are able to crank these out so efficiently :/

Also, how do people tend to organize their notes? That's always been one of my biggest weakness just as a person.

 

[Freeza Under The Shower]

organize?

Is such a thing even possible?

 

[Delio]

My notes are scattered to the wind.

 

[Conkersbadfurday]

Also, how do people tend to organize their notes? That's always been one of my biggest weakness just as a person.

Notes? Like those things singers try to hit?

:V

 

[Ashes]

Folders help. Spreadsheets. Or even a doc.

 

[Fuu]

I swear by Scrivener. I don't use all of its features, but the ones I do have become an integral part of my process.

 

[Freeza Under The Shower]

.

 

[Beaniedude]

Man, condensing your novel into a ~250 word query is fun work. There are a lot of guides out there and I've been reading a few different examples but they range from just giving a synopsis of your story, to talking about the characters and how people will relate to them and what the writing style is influenced by.

Now I have no writing accolades so I take it the best way is to basically hook them in with the story, give the genre/word count, and just walk away? If so would the following be alright?

Dear Agent,

When Sally Stanton witnesses a giant bipedal raccoon materialise out of thin air, an all-consuming fervour forces her to track down any evidence that this creature even existed so she can secure her rightful place in the annals of history. After a year, and at the expense of her reputation and her job, her chance finally arrives when she comes across a familiar sight, only this time there are two of them. And this second one looks deadly.

Blinded by visions of grandeur, Sally hatches her plan to study and capture these creatures but quickly learns how difficult a task this will be. She not only has to deal with the prying eyes of her landlady but with the jagged teeth and deadly claws of the very creatures she is trying to trap. And she has to do all of this before someone else stumbles across her discovery and steals her place in history.

Meanwhile the creatures, Jorsh the reluctant guide and Gort the focused killing machine, have been tasked with retrieving their crown Prince, who has fled to this strange dimension seeking refuge. They must do this without exposing themselves to the natives and as soon as possible or face the wrath of their waiting King.

THE BOY FROM DIMENSION 73 is an urban fantasy novel complete at 110,000 words.

Thank you for your consideration,
etc

 

[FlowersisBritish]

Man, condensing your novel into a ~250 word query is fun work. There are a lot of guides out there and I've been reading a few different examples but they range from just giving a synopsis of your story, to talking about the characters and how people will relate to them and what the writing style is influenced by.

Now I have no writing accolades so I take it the best way is to basically hook them in with the story, give the genre/word count, and just walk away? If so would the following be alright?

It's been awhile since I've read about query letters, but as I read this, I think i vaguely remember you are not supposed to hook them. this is not a back of the cover blurb. You are suppose to give them pretty much the entire story, twists and all. You want to be as transparent as possible with them, so that the agent knows what the story is, not just the pitch(they know enough about pitch's already, they want to know the product).

 

[AngmarsKing701]

Followed up the epic dam-bursting from the other night with another 500 words since then. Seems I'm a writer again!

 

[Conkersbadfurday]

Man, condensing your novel into a ~250 word query is fun work. There are a lot of guides out there and I've been reading a few different examples but they range from just giving a synopsis of your story, to talking about the characters and how people will relate to them and what the writing style is influenced by.

Now I have no writing accolades so I take it the best way is to basically hook them in with the story, give the genre/word count, and just walk away? If so would the following be alright?

What you did here is basically what you want to do. I'd think about taking out that third paragraph and expanding a bit on the first two. You ideally want as few names/proper nouns as possible since they can get confusing. I was on board until Jorsh and Gort showed up; then I was just confused. Are they the monsters Sally is after?

On rereading it, yes, it seems like they are.

Not sure how to really fix that bit, since I was a hair confused and that's sorta the last thing you want an agent to be. But most agents are probably smarter than me so I'd say flesh out that paragraph a bit more--which one is the giant racoon?--and see if that helps.

As to your last paragraph, it's basically what I'm doing with my current one. If you have any blatant forms of inspiration for it, maybe detail those, but up to you there. For my first book--high fantasy with talking animals--I namedropped Brian Jacques and Redwall to kinda explicitly let agents know what they were getting into if they already didn't understand my talking-cat protag.

Keep in mind that agents will ask for different things in a query letter. Some will want a bit of an author bio to go along with everything else, while others will specifically state, "TELL ME WHAT SETS YOURS APART." Once you get a prefect draft of your query letter, draft two more with those bits added in. Copy/paste the one you need as you go through a database (or three) of agents.

Uh. Last thing: My novel was rejected all over the place, and a few agents were kind enough to rudely tell me why: I'm a noobie author with a BIG book. No publishing credits and over a 100k words will make some deny you on the spot. Shit sucks, but you know, best to know up front until some jackass tells you, "That word count is just begging me to deny your submission [lol]"

It's been awhile since I've read about query letters, but as I read this, I think i vaguely remember you are not supposed to hook them. this is not a back of the cover blurb. You are suppose to give them pretty much the entire story, twists and all. You want to be as transparent as possible with them, so that the agent knows what the story is, not just the pitch(they know enough about pitch's already, they want to know the product).

Incorrect based off of all the research I've done on the matter. Query letters are for hooking agents in. Some agents will request a plot summary with the query letter, and that is where you'll detail the whole novel in as transparent a way as possible.

My current query letter looks thusly for anyone willing to tell me I suck at it. I still think it needs a bit of work.

At first it’s a bad dream, and Norbert has been on enough antidepressants to know that nightmares come with the territory. Yet this one is different: it’s too vivid, too focused. It’s like he’s awake. Dirty oil lamps hang from the ceiling on metal chains while black bookshelves run from one shadowed horizon to the next. He’s in a library, and he isn’t alone.

The dream ends with a book. Norbert finds a pattern and a word he recognizes, and the next day while bored in class, he replicates the drawing. The picture bursts into flames. The dream was real, and so is magic.

And for the first time since he was diagnosed with depression, Norbert is happy. If magic can exist, then maybe he can wake up one day and not be depressed. Maybe he can just be normal like everyone else.

Maybe he isn’t stuck.

However, change won’t be as easy as Norbert hopes. He returns to the library every night, and the more magic he learns, the more he feels trapped. There are monsters in the library, and the ones that don’t chase him promise him answers to his worst fears.
There are some things even magic can’t fix.

THE GRIMOIRE LIBRARY is a young-adult, urban-fantasy novel with strong horror elements throughout. It measures 83,700 words.

 

[Beaniedude]

It's been awhile since I've read about query letters, but as I read this, I think i vaguely remember you are not supposed to hook them. this is not a back of the cover blurb. You are suppose to give them pretty much the entire story, twists and all. You want to be as transparent as possible with them, so that the agent knows what the story is, not just the pitch(they know enough about pitch's already, they want to know the product).

I think I read somewhere that there is also the plot summary which is basically a page detailing the whole plot of your story, complete with twists and ending reveals and what not. Though I could be wrong, I'm still so new to this whole weird world.

What you did here is basically what you want to do. I'd think about taking out that third paragraph and expanding a bit on the first two. You ideally want as few names/proper nouns as possible since they can get confusing. I was on board until Jorsh and Gort showed up; then I was just confused. Are they the monsters Sally is after?

On rereading it, yes, it seems like they are.

Not sure how to really fix that bit, since I was a hair confused and that's sorta the last thing you want an agent to be. But most agents are probably smarter than me so I'd say flesh out that paragraph a bit more--which one is the giant racoon?--and see if that helps.

As to your last paragraph, it's basically what I'm doing with my current one. If you have any blatant forms of inspiration for it, maybe detail those, but up to you there. For my first book--high fantasy with talking animals--I namedropped Brian Jacques and Redwall to kinda explicitly let agents know what they were getting into if they already didn't understand my talking-cat protag.

Keep in mind that agents will ask for different things in a query letter. Some will want a bit of an author bio to go along with everything else, while others will specifically state, "TELL ME WHAT SETS YOURS APART." Once you get a prefect draft of your query letter, draft two more with those bits added in. Copy/paste the one you need as you go through a database (or three) of agents.

Uh. Last thing: My novel was rejected all over the place, and a few agents were kind enough to rudely tell me why: I'm a noobie author with a BIG book. No publishing credits and over a 100k words will make some deny you on the spot. Shit sucks, but you know, best to know up front until some jackass tells you, "That word count is just begging me to deny your submission [lol]"

Sweet thanks for the info and feedback. The third paragraph is a bit jarring, I'll try and smooth out the transition and if that fails just cut it completely.


I enjoyed reading your query. The only thing that really stumped me was the line

There are monsters in the library, and the ones that don’t chase him promise him answers to his worst fears.

To me it reads as if promising him answers to his worst fears is a bad thing even though it isn't. It's just something my addled brain stumbled over.

 

[Conkersbadfurday]

To me it reads as if promising him answers to his worst fears is a bad thing even though it isn't. It's just something my addled brain stumbled over.

Is it not? I guess you're right; the way I have it worded is a bit clumsy in that regard.

It is obscene how many hours go into so few words

 

[Hop]

Started the first draft of my next book yesterday. I like doing it NaNoWriMo style, just pushing out a ton of words so I have the story details and discover things about my characters as we go. Already have 3500 words down and I'm getting a good sense of the relationship the two main characters have. Here's hoping the story is actually interesting.

 

[Dresden]

http://www.tor.com/2016/06/01/tor-com-publishing-opening-to-science-fiction-novellas-in-june/

Over the course of our unsolicited submissions open periods, we at Tor.com Publishing have found a wonderful variety of novellas to acquire and publish. Slush brought us such novellas as The Sorcerer of the Wildeeps, Runtime, The Drowning Eyes, and more. To date Tor.com has purchased half a dozen novellas from slush, and we’d like to keep up that good work.

Until the end of June, Tor.com will only be considering novellas of between 20,000 and 40,000 words that fit one of the following science fiction subgenres:

Time Travel
Space Opera
Near Future Thriller
Cyberpunk

I always knew my time traveling near-future space opera novella would come in handy.

 

[Delio]

http://www.tor.com/2016/06/01/tor-com-publishing-opening-to-science-fiction-novellas-in-june/





I always knew my time traveling near-future space opera novella would come in handy.

Ohh nice. Makes me wish i had a nice Space book to push to them.

 

[Conkersbadfurday]

http://www.tor.com/2016/06/01/tor-com-publishing-opening-to-science-fiction-novellas-in-june/





I always knew my time traveling near-future space opera novella would come in handy.

Wish they'd ask for horror so I could send them the one novella I have It's a good one too!

 

[Vagabundo]

I've been so bad recently for word count, but on the plus side I've been spending time trying to think through some of the hard parts of my novel (my second, but failed, NaNoWriMo) about asteroid mining and massive solar system wide criminal organisation. So I've not been a complete wastrel.

But yesterday I got an awesome idea for a third viewpoint character - since yesterday she's been upgraded from a minor character yey! - and banged out 2200 words in 40 minutes; an action scene that's a mix between Mission Impossible and Eon Flux. So, hopefully, this novel's first draft will be finished before year end.

I hit the big four oh this year and I'd really like a mostly finished product to give out to beta readers, something good. All my siblings have volunteered. SO is out, she's way too critical by nature, although she said she likes the synopsis I told of one of my main characters. I find it hard to keep motivated unless I get outside encouragement, but I'm too terrified to join a writing group.

 

[Nappuccino]

Nice, congrats! Do you have a link, or is it print only?

Thanks! My story is in print only, but there are a couple stories, essays, and poems online: http://crazyhorse.cofc.edu/issues/number-89-2/ I haven't gotten to read through the book yet, but Crazyhorse typically puts a great issue together.

Since the book has been out for a while now, I might be able to upload a PDF, or something. It fits on a page, so I think that'd be okay.

Also, submitting to literary journals is tedious--everyone has different reading periods. I need to make an Excel sheet for just when to submit.

 

[Conkersbadfurday]

On draft five of my current book, mostly hunting for typos at this point. I'm making minor changes here or there, and hey, I'm finding typos yet!

I kinda hate my writing at parts in the first three chapters. It improves in chapter four and so far it's stopped bothering me. I think this means the first three chapters need a few extra passes yet though.

Five drafts is too many >.< I have to stop doing this to myself.

 

[FlowersisBritish]

No five drafts is never enough! Its never enough until you are happy with it or dead! Though ive been told i tend to over edit...

 

[JaseMath]

On draft five of my current book, mostly hunting for typos at this point. I'm making minor changes here or there, and hey, I'm finding typos yet!

I kinda hate my writing at parts in the first three chapters. It improves in chapter four and so far it's stopped bothering me. I think this means the first three chapters need a few extra passes yet though.

Five drafts is too many >.< I have to stop doing this to myself.

At least you're not that guy on Reddit who does NINE drafts.

 

[SolVanderlyn]

I'm almost done with draft two. I'm getting to the point where I'm scared because

A) The later writing is much better than the earlier writing

B) I'm faced with the prospect that I may never be published

C) I may have wasted a year of my life writing it

 

[Conkersbadfurday]

No five drafts is never enough! Its never enough until you are happy with it or dead! Though ive been told i tend to over edit...

I'll go grab my gun then

At least you're not that guy on Reddit who does NINE drafts.

That is terrifying.

I'm almost done with draft two. I'm getting to the point where I'm scared because

A) The later writing is much better than the earlier writing

B) I'm faced with the prospect that I may never be published

C) I may have wasted a year of my life writing it

Welcome to the club. Lemme buy you a drink

 

[JaseMath]

I'm almost done with draft two. I'm getting to the point where I'm scared because

A) The later writing is much better than the earlier writing

B) I'm faced with the prospect that I may never be published

C) I may have wasted a year of my life writing it

D) You're part of the 3% of writers who started and actually finished a novel.

How remarkable is that? It might be complete rubbish, but no matter what happens in your life from here on, you'll always be able to say you wrote a novel. Congrats!

 

[Elfforkusu]

I'm almost done with draft two. I'm getting to the point where I'm scared because

A) The later writing is much better than the earlier writing

B) I'm faced with the prospect that I may never be published

C) I may have wasted a year of my life writing it

I still haven't figured out how to solve B, I just said eff it, I'll keep writing. Maybe my story will be a surprise cult hit 50 years after I die!

 

[Conkersbadfurday]

D) You're part of the 3% of writers who started and actually finished a novel.

How remarkable is that? It might be complete rubbish, but no matter what happens in your life from here on, you'll always be able to say you wrote a novel. Congrats!

Interesting statistic. Is it true?

 

[Hop]

I'm almost done with draft two. I'm getting to the point where I'm scared because

A) The later writing is much better than the earlier writing

B) I'm faced with the prospect that I may never be published

C) I may have wasted a year of my life writing it

A and C cannot both be true. If your writing improved, you didn't waste your time.

As for B, you can always say fuck it and self-publish.

 

[JaseMath]

Interesting statistic. Is it true?

I've read this over and over through the years. It's mentioned ad nauseam on blogs, but I can't find the source.

 

[Conkersbadfurday]

I've read this over and over through the years. It's mentioned ad nauseam on blogs, but I can't find the source.

I want it to be true because it means I'm a special snowflake

 

[NipplesAndToes23]

I hate how I'm doing stuff I'm good at for free, but get paid for the stuff I'm bad at.

 

[orthodoxy1095]

Sorry for barging in, but I just started a writing project. I've been asked to write a children's book and I was wondering if you all had any resources that you might suggest?

Publishing and illustrating isn't a problem, fwiw

 

[Conkersbadfurday]

Showed my query letter to someone else and he had some suggestions. Wondering how y'all feel about this. Changes are minor but you know, big because it's only 222 words.

Dear Editor,
At first it’s a bad dream, and Norbert has been on enough antidepressants to know that nightmares come with the territory. Yet this one is different: it’s too vivid, too focused. It’s like he’s awake. Dirty oil lamps hang from the ceiling on metal chains while black bookshelves run from one shadowed horizon to the next. He’s in a library. He isn’t alone.

The dream ends with a book. Norbert finds a pattern and a word he recognizes, and the next day while bored in class, he replicates the drawing. The picture bursts into flames. The dream was real, and so is magic.

And for the first time since he was diagnosed with depression, Norbert is happy. If magic can exist, then so can change. He isn’t stuck being alone and hating himself; he isn’t stuck with depression.

He isn’t stuck, period.

However, change won’t be as easy as Norbert hopes. He returns to the library every night, and the more magic he learns, the more he feels trapped. What’s worse, the library is filled with monsters. Most try to kill him, and the ones that don’t promise to make his worst fears come true.

There are some things even magic can’t fix.

THE GRIMOIRE LIBRARY is a young-adult, urban-fantasy novel with strong horror elements throughout. It measures 83,700 words.

 

[NipplesAndToes23]

Hmm, I don't think I'm that good of giving criticism, but I'll comment anyway because I know it feels bad when no one replies to you.

It didn't do much for me overall. Nothing really grabbed my attention, but I can't see how you could make it attention grabbing. It might just be a personal preference thing, but I think you have too many paragraphs.

I'm sorry that wasn't really helpful.

 

[Conkersbadfurday]

Hmm, I don't think I'm that good of giving criticism, but I'll comment anyway because I know it feels bad when no one replies to you.

It didn't do much for me overall. Nothing really grabbed my attention, but I can't see how you could make it attention grabbing. It might just be a personal preference thing, but I think you have too many paragraphs.

I'm sorry that wasn't really helpful.

No, that is helpful, though I"m not sure what I'll do with the information. It looks a little better when in a Word doc with standard margins, a bit less like a shotgun of short sentences and paragraphs. I may remove the, "He isn't stuck, period" bit. Seems a hair glib on a relook. Or if nothing else, I'll move it up with the other paragraph.

Edit: I did that, moved it up.I also changed some sentences around to be conditionals, which may or may not make it better. Hard to say.

It looks better visually though, I think. Plus, seven "paragraphs" is too many, I think, even if my other query letter had eight or nine. But that had a bit more going on in terms of story--was a high fantasy thing with a lot more to talk about.

 

[JaseMath]

Maybe I'm simply not familiar enough with the standard flow of a synopsis, but nothing really grabbed me either. What did was the end, even if it was unintentional.

STRONG HORROR ELEMENTS

That stands out to me. If only because the synopsis tells me a lot of what the story is about, but is fairly vague in terms of what I can expect.

EDIT: Also, this entire section needs to go:

He Isn’t stuck being alone and hating himself; he isn’t stuck with depression.

He isn’t stuck, period.

It reads so much more naturally with it out.

 

[Conkersbadfurday]

Maybe I'm simply not familiar enough with the standard flow of a synopsis, but nothing really grabbed me either. What did was the end, even if it was unintentional.

STRONG HORROR ELEMENTS

That stands out to me. If only because the synopsis tells me a lot of what the story is about, but is fairly vague in terms of what I can expect.

EDIT: Also, this entire section needs to go:

He Isn&#8217;t stuck being alone and hating himself; he isn&#8217;t stuck with depression.

He isn&#8217;t stuck, period.

It reads so much more naturally with it out.

Well shit. If it isn't really gripping then that's an issue. Fucking hate writing these things.

I reworded the part you thought needed to be removed entirely to the following:

And for the first time since he was diagnosed with depression, Norbert is happy. If magic can exist, then so can change. Maybe he isn&#8217;t stuck being alone and hating himself; maybe isn&#8217;t stuck with depression. Maybe isn&#8217;t stuck at all.

I feel like this information is important which is why I'm hesitant to remove it. Norb's main fear is that he's stuck where he's at, that people don't change and that means he won't either. He's basically unhappy and thinks he'll remain that way forever because that's just how things are.

When he starts talking to some of the monsters--all of which are spiders--in the library, they basically confirm his fears. Everyone is stuck on this cosmic spider web, and it controls everything. It's a religion to them, and one he ends up believing. I'm hesitant to add that in though, because it starts around chapter four nad most agents only want the first three chapters right off.

Edit: the only other thing I can think of is to start it with a sentence like this and go from there, though I'm finding it difficult

What starts as a bad dream caused by new antidepressants turns into a desperate hope for change, because the library is real, and so is magic.

 

[JaseMath]

Well shit. If it isn't really gripping then that's an issue. Fucking hate writing these things.

I reworded the part you thought needed to be removed entirely to the following:



I feel like this information is important which is why I'm hesitant to remove it. Norb's main fear is that he's stuck where he's at, that people don't change and that means he won't either. He's basically unhappy and thinks he'll remain that way forever because that's just how things are.

When he starts talking to some of the monsters--all of which are spiders--in the library, they basically confirm his fears. Everyone is stuck on this cosmic spider web, and it controls everything. It's a religion to them, and one he ends up believing. I'm hesitant to add that in though, because it starts around chapter four nad most agents only want the first three chapters right off.

Edit: the only other thing I can think of is to start it with a sentence like this and go from there, though I'm finding it difficult

And for the first time since he was diagnosed with depression, Norbert is happy. If magic can exist, then so can change. Maybe he isn&#8217;t stuck being alone and hating himself; maybe isn&#8217;t stuck with depression. Maybe isn&#8217;t stuck at all.

The wording here is odd. The way it's worded makes it seems as if being alone, hating himself, and being depressed are mutually exclusive when (at least I think) they're all a byproduct of Norbert's depression.

If that's the case, what if you streamlined and moved some elements around so it was something like:

And for the first time since he was diagnosed with depression, Norbert is happy. Maybe he isn&#8217;t stuck being depressed and alone, hating himself. Maybe he isn&#8217;t stuck at all. If magic can exist, then so can change.

Just a thought.

 

[Conkersbadfurday]

Just a thought.

Helpful! I appreciate your thoughts very much. I also redrafted half of this tonight because you know what, you're right. It doesn't hit the conflict enough. Maybe this does?

Dear Editor,

At first it&#8217;s a bad dream, and Norbert has been on enough antidepressants to know that nightmares come with the territory. Yet this one is different: it&#8217;s too vivid, too focused. It&#8217;s like he&#8217;s awake. Dirty oil lamps hang from the ceiling on metal chains while black bookshelves run from one shadowed horizon to the next. He&#8217;s in a library.

The dream ends with a book. Norbert finds a pattern and a word he recognizes, and the next day while bored in class, he replicates the drawing. The picture bursts into flames. The dream was real, and so is magic.

At first Norbert is happy, because if magic can exist, then so can change&#8212;he isn&#8217;t stuck being depressed. However, happiness is soon replaced with dread as Norbert finds out the library isn&#8217;t empty, and the spells he learns are not safe.

Soon Norbert is afraid to fall asleep, because no matter how much he wants to stop taking his new medication and be free of the monster-infested library, he cannot. Something there keeps bringing him back. And he&#8217;s powerless to stop it.
According to the spiders, there are some things even magic can&#8217;t fix.


According to the spiders, there are some things even magic can&#8217;t fix.

THE GRIMOIRE LIBRARY is a young-adult, urban-fantasy novel with strong horror elements throughout. It measures 83,700 words.

 

[Nappuccino]

On draft five of my current book, mostly hunting for typos at this point. I'm making minor changes here or there, and hey, I'm finding typos yet!

I kinda hate my writing at parts in the first three chapters. It improves in chapter four and so far it's stopped bothering me. I think this means the first three chapters need a few extra passes yet though.

Five drafts is too many >.< I have to stop doing this to myself.

Honestly, if you're not happy with the first few chapters, you might want to revise them. Those are the chapters that will hook the reader or make them put the book back on the shelf. So too editors and agents. I'd revise as the mood strikes, that is until someone bites.