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[JJH]

Wife (29) and I (28) have a wonderful 4 year old daughter she brings so much joy to our lives. We were discussing about whether to have a second child, and are leaning against it due to financial reasons and life in general.

My wife and I both have careers, homeowners, and have our daughter in activities such as swimming and tumbling. While we do OK financially we don't want to spend so much money on raising children, and want to plan/save money for a comfortable life.

I don't know if this decision is a mistake and one which we'll regret in the years to come.

I'd love to hear from other parents with one child: Did you stop at one child for financial reasons? Do you regret it? Does your child miss having siblings? How did they turn out?

 

[xxracerxx]

What? No.

 

[TheGeniusArcana]

No?

 

[reelbigtink]

What? No.

One and done.

I mean, the first post and also your child situation.

 

[JustHadToJoin]

Without my sister I would've hated my life

 

[Mammoth Jones]

Facing this choice ourselves. Got three years to decide as age is a factor for us.

We want two kids but daycare is expensive as a motherfucker.

 

[Mr_Appleby]

No. We had two anyway, but no it's not.

 

[newdayrocks]

I'm 41, my wife is 35, and we have a 12 year old. She's constantly asking about having a second child, but I have absolutely no interest in such a thing. Dealing with a baby at our age, as busy as we our with our jobs, would be a nightmare.

Having only one means we get to spoil him, and ensure he gets lots of time with friends.

 

[Durrzerker]

Less kids the better imo. Was part of a big family on low income and it sucked. Wouldn't trade my siblings NOW of course, but it got dark there for awhile

 

[Shadybiz]

No.

 

[Atenhaus]

I'm an only child and I certainly didn't mind that fact. I did, however, become close with a lot of my cousins who lived near me as a teenager. Just be sure your child has lots of people to play and interact with growing up.

 

[Chaos2Frozen]

It would be selfish to have more than one child if you can't afford to

While it's ideal to have siblings, it's not something mandatory for a healthy child.

 

[BudokaiMR2]

No. We did decide to have a second child though. So far it is already having a positive impact on our son.

Two is definitely my limit though. Any more than that and we are outnumbered!

 

[Nista]

I was perfectly happy being an only child. Honestly my parents weren't that well off anyway, so a sibling would have meant more hardship on the family.

It's not like siblings always get along anyway, I just hung out with my cousins as a kid.

 

[Escape Goat]

Yes. You are a bad person.

 

[Laieon]

Some people would say its selfish to have any children (which I think is an absolutely ridiculous thing to say).

I think 2-3 kids is the sweet spot. As the oldest of 3, my siblings are my best friends and that sibling relationship is incredibly meaningful to me. Getting a little brother (then a little sister!) are some of the best memories of my life.

That being said, I also think it depends on the age. My brother was born when I was 3 and my sister when I was 7, being so close in age really helps us bond. I'm not sure we would have the same relationship if he was born was I was 12. I know my girlfriend's parents had their 3rd kid when my she (the oldest) was about the graduate high school. She feels more like an aunt to her sister then a sister.

Can't fault you for not having a 2nd though if you know you can't afford to.

 

[Makki]

Procreation isn't there for charity to the world or if this is about company for your one kid that shouldn't be the main reason to have another. If your child brings enough happiness to your life to where you don't feel the emotional need for another then you should not feel bad about stopping.

 

[xxracerxx]

I'm an only child and I certainly didn't mind that fact. I did, however, become close with a lot of my cousins who lived near me as a teenager. Just be sure your child has lots of people to play and interact with growing up.

The most important part of any kids life, really.

 

[Haly]

Culturally, I don't understand where this sibling thing comes from, or the stigma of being/having an only child.

Can someone shed some light on this?

 

[Marmaladefire]

As an only child, I always maintained that I would have been annoyed if my mom had another kid tbh. I had a couple of cousins my age and I didn't have to live with them. I have a couple of half siblings but there's a big age gap (me being oldest) and I never had to live with them either.

Culturally, I don't understand where this sibling thing comes from, or the stigma of being/having an only child.

Can someone shed some light on this?

Something something selfish, spoiled, something something, overly precocious and stubborn, etc.

 

[AoM]

He?

 

[chrisPjelly]

He?

Has

 

[Violence Jack]

My wife is due to have our first in October. If we have a 2nd one, we're going to adopt. Maybe think about helping about a child later on when you're in a better financial place and that would take away any selfishness you might feel.

Otherwise, no. It's not.

 

[FreeMufasa]

Nope. But being an only child sad mad depressing

 

[theWB27]

I feel like it's pretty inherently selfish having even one child

Cause they didn't have a choice in the matter?

 

[brianjones]

being an only child kinda sucks as you get older..

I was fine as a kid but it would be nice to have some people my age to turn to that aren't friends.. someone you can bitch about parents to cuz friends don't wanna hear that shit

 

[always crazy bacon]

My childhood would have sucked if I only had my older sister and middle brother I did not get on with them at all. Luckily my parents had a 3rd boy and he was just like me and was great. It's not selfish to only have one child though.

 

[SoRuffShoNuff]

It's not selfish but it does suck being an only child. So grateful I grew up with sibling.

Also keep in mind that as you and your wife age the burden of taking care of you and your affairs will fall solely on this one child.

 

[Voidance]

I was perfectly happy being an only child. Honestly my parents weren't that well off anyway, so a sibling would have meant more hardship on the family.

It's not like siblings always get along anyway, I just hung out with my cousins as a kid.

This was 100% my experience as an only child, too. When my wife and I decide to have children, I would be happy with just one. My parents didn't feel selfish about having just one child and neither should you.

 

[chixdiggit]

It kind of boils down to what kind of parent you are IMO. Are you hands on, spend lots of time with your child and listen to their thoughts and feelings? One is cool then.
But if you are a sit on the couch and ignore your kid kind of parent for sure give them someone to be friends with.

 

[Stinkles]

No. I only had one and she'd only be half as cute if I diluted it.

 

[Brawly Likes to Brawl]

No, and It's not selfish to choose not to have any children either.

 

[Joyful]

its selfish to have any number of children

Spoiler

dont bother responding i dont actually think this

 

[massoluk]

No? Weird premise.

 

[-COOLIO-]

no, if anything, it could be considered selifsh to have two or more children in the near future if overpopulation concerns become a thing again.

also, i mostly grew up as an only child and it's awesome.

 

[rokkerkory]

nope not at all

prob smarter

 

[Sunster]

No. I only had one and she'd only be half as cute if I diluted it.

that baby has no idea wtf is going on

 

[JJH]

Sorry GAF about not being clear on be finance part. We can afford and provide for a second child, but would like to pour our resources into our only child while maintaining our quality of life with alone time and our own hobbies (hence the feeling of selfishness)

 

[pablito]

Without my sister I would've hated my life

If you don't mind answering, why do you feel this way?

If I ever had kids (I won't because I'm morally opposed to it) I would prefer having two, growing up with an older sister (2 years older than me, that would be the ideal age difference) was great even though she was a bit of a bully so I'd like them to have a sibling as well.

Same. I'd have two, if any. Ideally girl first, boy second. Not exactly sure why I feel that way. I'm the oldest, but I feel like if I had an older sibling I'd like it to be an older sister.

 

[CreepingFear]

As an only child, I'm happy with my life. When I was a little boy, I stayed at my cousins in the day while my mom worked, then I got to go home to my NES to play at night. Brothers and sisters can be assholes. I've seen that from my mother's sister.

 

[Coriolanus]

Sorry GAF about not being clear on be finance part. We can afford and provide for a second child, but would like to pour our resources into our only child while maintaining our quality of life with alone time and our own hobbies (hence the feeling of selfishness)

i mean, if your goal truly is to avoid selfishness, the only option is adoption.

Aint nothing wrong with pouring all of your resources into only one child.

 

[commedieu]

Robotics will be pretty advanced in 10 years or so. Will get her a digital sister.

 

[Platy]

Yeah, considering the number of children for adoption is kinda selfish to have any number of biological childs.

But besides that if you have one .... I don't see what makes it more selfish to have 1 or 2 or 3.
Considering overpopulation an argument can be made towards having more childs is more selfish but not sure

 

[Bounceounce]

If I ever had kids (I won't because I'm ethically opposed to it and am incapable of being a good parent even if I wasn't ethically opposed to it) I would prefer having two, growing up with an older sister (2 years older than me, that would be the ideal age difference) was great even though she was a bit of a bully so I'd like them to have a sibling as well.
And no, it's probably selfish to have kids at all.

 

[hydruxo]

I was perfectly happy being an only child. Honestly my parents weren't that well off anyway, so a sibling would have meant more hardship on the family.

It's not like siblings always get along anyway, I just hung out with my cousins as a kid.

Also an only child and I agree completely

 

[Mesoian]

What? No.

 

[whitehawk]

Yes

Might be an unpopular opinion, but siblings are great, and family you will have your entire life.

 

[Escape Goat]

Have as many babies as possible so they can donate a kidney when you're old. And so they can do the yardwork on Saturday mornings.

 

[DBT85]

I'm glad I had a brother growing up and I plan on having a second after our first is born.

With that said, however, being able to afford 1 child is much better for that child than not being able to afford anything if you have a second. Fiscal responsibility has to come in to family planning.

Our situation means we are very fortunate that we should be able to have a second with no issues.

 

[davepoobond]

its selfish to give birth to your own children when there are so many other children born to other people that do not have selfish parents to call their own