superdeluxe
Member
That is how we get as well, we rocked as a 3 man team, but getting that 2nd child, we are now a 4 man team lol
-
Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.
Is it selfish to have just one child?
- Thread starter JJH
- Start date
- Status
That is how we get as well, we rocked as a 3 man team, but getting that 2nd child, we are now a 4 man team lol
nekkid
It doesn't matter who we are, what matters is our plan.
I don't mean to sound rude, but how would you know? It is different.
PdotMichael
Banned
You failed to provide a single argument why not adopting children is selfish.
First of all you are a horrible person for your views on the Nintendo Switch. You are never going to get anywhere in life, let alone become a bonafide JoyConBoyz (the highest honor one can attain), if you don't aim high.
As to kids. It is all a crap shoot. You can plan and it can not work out or you can not think beyond the next load and come out on top with a perfect family and a bunch of successful kids. We had kids late so we were desperate for our first kids. Had twins and my wife was like, I really really like this, but I am ok with not having more. I love having kids so I could easily be one of those weirdos who has like 10 kids but it doesn't work if both people are not on the same page and the wife's vote definitely counts for a hell of a lot more than mine when it comes to having kids (one of my partners in my law firm only wanted one kid but his wife wanted more, he ended up with 5 kids...).
Happy wife happy life
Goro Majima
Kitty Genovese Member
I was an only child (well I have three half siblings that are significantly older that are basically like an aunt or uncle) and there were some big drawbacks.
Things were really quiet and kinda boring as a kid. I remember envying all the other families since they always seemed to be out doing shit together. Really wasn't like that at all for us but I had a lot of friends and a few in the neighborhood so that definitely helped.
Now that I'm in my 30s and now unfortunately both of my parents have passed away. I don't really have anyone that really remembers the details of me growing up anymore. Nor do I have any close family members so most holidays I'm usually hanging out at other people's houses. So life can feel kinda lonely in a way without that lifelong consistent connection to my past.
All that said, my fiancé and I are having exactly one kid also because we're in our mid 30s and like money haha. Her family is way more close knit than mine so I'm hoping that aspect won't be too terrible.
Boy girl twins? That seems really damn ideal
The biggest thing about having more than one for us besides expense is going through the "no sleep for a year" thing more than once
Things were really quiet and kinda boring as a kid. I remember envying all the other families since they always seemed to be out doing shit together. Really wasn't like that at all for us but I had a lot of friends and a few in the neighborhood so that definitely helped.
Now that I'm in my 30s and now unfortunately both of my parents have passed away. I don't really have anyone that really remembers the details of me growing up anymore. Nor do I have any close family members so most holidays I'm usually hanging out at other people's houses. So life can feel kinda lonely in a way without that lifelong consistent connection to my past.
All that said, my fiancé and I are having exactly one kid also because we're in our mid 30s and like money haha. Her family is way more close knit than mine so I'm hoping that aspect won't be too terrible.
Boy girl twins? That seems really damn ideal
The biggest thing about having more than one for us besides expense is going through the "no sleep for a year" thing more than once
As an only child, the answer is no. I didn't think it was selfish for my family not to include siblings. It sounds like you're all trying to ensure a sustainable, secure life for yourselves and you've decided the best way to do that while balancing the things you want for yourselves.
Phoenix RISING
Banned
LoL.
I have 3 but kind of regret that my wife and I made a Permanent Solution choice to not have any more. Feel like we're cheating nature.
Yes. Boy and girl twins.
That is actually what my wife wanted (she has twins in her family) because she wanted two for the price of one.
It is nice now but damn it is tough those first 2 years if you don't have family around to help out. Also it kind of backfired because I want another kid but she is satisfied because she got one of each and is worried about boring things like properly raising additional kids and how we would pay for everyone to go to college (duh, just win the caddie's tournament at Bushwood and you are set!).
pigeon interrupted
Member
Hey, not all of them are like me.
Remember: Jesus was an only child.
Ooh! And Teller from Penn and Teller
Visualante2
Member
I'm a single child and I don't think I can put many of my problems on a lack of siblings. But social problems were compounded by a father constantly working, a lack of pre school and moving house a lot. A sibling would have provided some stability throughout that.
It really depends on the rest of your life. If you have a large extended family with children, or friends with children. Hell even a good neighbourhood with similarly aged children can help.
I lean towards zero children nowadays. So take that as you will.
It really depends on the rest of your life. If you have a large extended family with children, or friends with children. Hell even a good neighbourhood with similarly aged children can help.
I lean towards zero children nowadays. So take that as you will.
Hippopuncher12
Member
Of course not, however growing up as an only child, not having a sibling was something that has always bothered me.
We have 1 kid and I was the youngest of 4.
Not selfish at all, plenty of friends and activities in the world for them to meet and learn. I rarely played or interacted with my brother closest in age (1.5 years)
also its nice to know that once he is out of daycare our finances become a lot more stable which allows for more travel and comforts at the house.
Not selfish at all, plenty of friends and activities in the world for them to meet and learn. I rarely played or interacted with my brother closest in age (1.5 years)
also its nice to know that once he is out of daycare our finances become a lot more stable which allows for more travel and comforts at the house.
Omegasquash
Member
Not at all.
Northeastmonk
Gold Member
I have a sister, but we haven't spoken since my wedding. It was ok. I spent most of my childhood with friends and in my room. She didn't like to do anything. She was a lot of help at times though, so I wouldn't say it was a terrible thing at all. She's my sister and all. Plus she's older than me by 4 years.
As for children. I am a step parent to a 3 year old. I have been taking parenting classes every week and it's a 9 week course. Well this is because I am new to this situation where I'm parenting after years of being single. Well, my therapist thought I hated kids from how I talked about the situation. I personally don't understand it.
I wanted kids for years. Now I'm married and have a step child to love. I vent and it's in the worse way possible.
Besides that whole thing. I try to love this child and support her growth. I do care a lot. I know she isn't mine.
It has made me think about my own child someday. I mean, children will know if you don't like them. What that means is that don't have a child if you're going to regret it because children in this world need love and support.
I wanted to hold off on children right now just because we just got married in December and I've had issues with not being happy because I have this idea of what it was like being single instead of being a parent.
I'm going to see a therapist and I'm taking this class, so hopefully I'll understand things like discipline and knowing how to handle a toddler when things go wrong.
Love should also be unconditional. So if you're having second thoughts then wait. It is selfish because you haven't had this child yet and you want to focus more on yourself. But the kid hasn't even been conceived yet, so it's not like you owe them an explanation.
I'll admit I'm selfish. I am sometimes fighting that urge to be a parent that i want to be. Sometimes I might come off as someone who doesn't like the idea of having kids, but I'm working hard on that. I have to adjust to things. I am not a mean horrible person. I do want to be a father figure. I'm just selfish because I hold onto things that I enjoyed or was use to doing without a child in the picture.
As for children. I am a step parent to a 3 year old. I have been taking parenting classes every week and it's a 9 week course. Well this is because I am new to this situation where I'm parenting after years of being single. Well, my therapist thought I hated kids from how I talked about the situation. I personally don't understand it.
I wanted kids for years. Now I'm married and have a step child to love. I vent and it's in the worse way possible.
Besides that whole thing. I try to love this child and support her growth. I do care a lot. I know she isn't mine.
It has made me think about my own child someday. I mean, children will know if you don't like them. What that means is that don't have a child if you're going to regret it because children in this world need love and support.
I wanted to hold off on children right now just because we just got married in December and I've had issues with not being happy because I have this idea of what it was like being single instead of being a parent.
I'm going to see a therapist and I'm taking this class, so hopefully I'll understand things like discipline and knowing how to handle a toddler when things go wrong.
Love should also be unconditional. So if you're having second thoughts then wait. It is selfish because you haven't had this child yet and you want to focus more on yourself. But the kid hasn't even been conceived yet, so it's not like you owe them an explanation.
I'll admit I'm selfish. I am sometimes fighting that urge to be a parent that i want to be. Sometimes I might come off as someone who doesn't like the idea of having kids, but I'm working hard on that. I have to adjust to things. I am not a mean horrible person. I do want to be a father figure. I'm just selfish because I hold onto things that I enjoyed or was use to doing without a child in the picture.
Helensmith
Member
I'm an only child due to China's policy and I wish I had at least one sibling when growing up. I think my parents regret not having another child when we moved to the UK. I'm much better off financially, but I would rather trade college fees help and free mortgage deposit for a sibling. Money being tighter is temporary and I could have paid my own way, but a bigger family unit for a lifetime is priceless. As my parents get older, there is more pressure too.
Also, I am a little paranoid about dying in accidents or something because my parents would be absolutely devastated losing their only child. Anyone else feel like that?! Maybe just me being a pessimist.
Also, I am a little paranoid about dying in accidents or something because my parents would be absolutely devastated losing their only child. Anyone else feel like that?! Maybe just me being a pessimist.
mckmas8808
Mckmaster uses MasterCard to buy Slave drives
Not at all
My wife is an only child, and she's one of the least selfish people I've ever met. I think it's maybe easier for parents of only children to make their kids feel like the center of the universe, but it's not like it's automatic.
We decided to have a second kid because we both did want my daughter to have a sibling. I grew up in a family with three siblings, and those relationships are hugely important to me. But this is just our opinion, and it's certainly not selfish to only want one kid.
I like this.
Crankshaft
Member
My wife and I are both only children, and we hated it growing up.
Then we only had one kid.... whoops.
We thought about having another one several times. Just didn't happen.
Then we only had one kid.... whoops.
We thought about having another one several times. Just didn't happen.
Nah, have as many or as few as you want.
I have 2, ages 6 and 4. We made a conscious decision that we didn't want an only child. Although they occasionally annoy each other and logistically and financially it can be tricky, we've never regretted having two kids. They are wonderful together most of the time and I think having a sibling gives a valuable perspective on life.
I have 2, ages 6 and 4. We made a conscious decision that we didn't want an only child. Although they occasionally annoy each other and logistically and financially it can be tricky, we've never regretted having two kids. They are wonderful together most of the time and I think having a sibling gives a valuable perspective on life.
bigbaldwolf86
Banned
No. It's selfish to have another child if you're not in the financial position to do so
ZeroMaverick
Member
An argument could actually be made that even having a child at all is selfish. There are roughly 18 million children around the world without parents. I'm definitely not trying to criticize you for having a kid. I'm just saying there's an argument that could be made.
- Status
Similar threads
- Locked
- Locked