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[JdFoX187]

I had the displeasure of covering a young professionals luncheon yesterday that was billed as a way for professionals under 40 in this area to come together and network and learn new ideas of how to take more of a prominent role in our community. Hokey as it sounded, the idea at least had potential -- especially as my city is run by a cabal of old, white dudes.

Instead, the speakers did nothing but talk about how they followed their dreams and never gave up and they were successful, so everyone else in the audience can be too, as long as they work hard. Bootraps(tm), essentially.

What the 35-year-old hospital CEO didn't divulge was that his family has a long history here and his relatives have been involved with the hospital for the last 50 years.

What the 30-something co-owner of a major local advertising agency didn't divulge when she was bragging about quitting her job in DFW and moving here was that she and her husband both made six figures down there, sold their already-paid for house and then moved to a much cheaper cost of living area, paid for their house in cash and started up their agency with clients poached from their other job.

What the old retired businessman-turned-mayor didn't divulge when he was bragging about working his way up in the business world of this community was that he inherited his father's already-successful business and only made his money when he sold it off and used that to move into politics.

So when discussing this with some friends yesterday, I was told I'm entirely too bitter and cynical because I'm of the belief that following your dreams is great for an inspirational poster hanging on the wall in a doctor's office somewhere, but it's just not logistical in today's world. For every one person who "makes it," there's thousands of others who didn't and who are struggling beneath them. I was told that's just because they didn't believe hard enough, or they gave up, or they "settled" for less -- as if settling for a decent-paying, albeit less glamorous job, while having a family is "settling" and is a bad thing.

So is it being "bitter and cynical" to want to say that dreams are nice, but not everyone will "make" it and that doesn't mean your life is a failure, a bad thing?

 

[yanipheonu]

You may have gone Too Cynical.

Even the most jaded people need hope to keep going.

 

[Skellig Gra]

Not outdated at all. You've always needed some sort of capital to start your own business. So it's always easier for already rich people to do it. That being said, there is nothing at all wrong with just doing a boring 9-5 job. Your life shouldn't be about what your means of employment are.

 

[Kayhan]

No. You should still follow your dreams. As long as it is something realistic like being a manager at McDonalds.

Oh you want to be a CEO. Sorry, all locked up for a different class of your betters.

 

[pje122]

You sound pitiful, OP.

 

[pureplayin2]

It's not outdated at all by a long shot. Some people have unrealistic dreams that will never be met. Dream are more like long term goals. Everyone should have dreams, long term goals, but at the same time have achievable realistic short term goals that help reach that dream or long term goal.

 

[SliceSabre]

Follow your dreams is for people with either money, lots of talent or luck. Follow your dreams is about the most bullshit mantra mankind has come up with.

And no I don't have an dreams and never have. I'll settle for what I've been able to get.

 

[Zaphod]

Following your dreams does not guarantee success, but dreams and goals are important for growth. Also, not everyone's dream is to own a business. For example I wanted to be an engineer, but I figured I was too old at 35 to start college as a Freshman. Fortunately I decided to work hard and follow my dreams, and next year I'll be graduating with a high GPA and a choice of jobs.

Edit: And for the cynical post above mine, I ain't got money, talent or luck, just a good work ethic and strong desire to learn.

 

[HStallion]

Its not outdated but you need to be realistic on your expectations and actually put in the work to make that dream a reality otherwise it just stays that, a dream. Even then it might not turn out but I'm more of a journey is more important than the destination type of person.

 

[Napoleonthechimp]

It will never be outdated because people will always be seeking motivation to realise their dreams. Just as there will always be people who look for reasons to not do it.

But honestly it needs to be added to with "Follow your dreams... with consistent action and hard work."

 

[jph139]

Brought to mind this xkcd from a few days ago:

I've never been a fan of the chase your dreams mantra. There's no shame in just trying to survive and enjoying the day-to-day as best you can. But some people need to aspire for greatness, even it's unrealistic. There's no one-size-fits-all path to life.

 

[marrec]

Nah man, follow your fuckin' dreams cause you might as well. Follow your dreams doesn't mean you'll achieve it, it just means do it cause there ain't much time.

Cynicism is so boring.

 

[Prime crotch]

It's been part of the American dream fantasy since ever, so it's not outdated, just not applicable for many.

 

[boxoctosis]

I had the displeasure of covering a young professionals luncheon yesterday that was billed as a way for professionals under 40 in this area to come together and network and learn new ideas of how to take more of a prominent role in our community. Hokey as it sounded, the idea at least had potential -- especially as my city is run by a cabal of old, white dudes.

Instead, the speakers did nothing but talk about how they followed their dreams and never gave up and they were successful, so everyone else in the audience can be too, as long as they work hard. Bootraps(tm), essentially.

What the 35-year-old hospital CEO didn't divulge was that his family has a long history here and his relatives have been involved with the hospital for the last 50 years.

What the 30-something co-owner of a major local advertising agency didn't divulge when she was bragging about quitting her job in DFW and moving here was that she and her husband both made six figures down there, sold their already-paid for house and then moved to a much cheaper cost of living area, paid for their house in cash and started up their agency with clients poached from their other job.

What the old retired businessman-turned-mayor didn't divulge when he was bragging about working his way up in the business world of this community was that he inherited his father's already-successful business and only made his money when he sold it off and used that to move into politics.

So when discussing this with some friends yesterday, I was told I'm entirely too bitter and cynical because I'm of the belief that following your dreams is great for an inspirational poster hanging on the wall in a doctor's office somewhere, but it's just not logistical in today's world. For every one person who "makes it," there's thousands of others who didn't and who are struggling beneath them. I was told that's just because they didn't believe hard enough, or they gave up, or they "settled" for less -- as if settling for a decent-paying, albeit less glamorous job, while having a family is "settling" and is a bad thing.

So is it being "bitter and cynical" to want to say that dreams are nice, but not everyone will "make" it and that doesn't mean your life is a failure, a bad thing?

Invert it.

If I'd followed my dreams, and done so successfully, I'd have dreamed about being a very successful life insurance actuary, and while I like being an actuary and find it hugely fulfilling, it would have been a shit dream to follow.

 

[JdFoX187]

No. You should still follow your dreams. As long as it is something realistic like being a manager at McDonalds.

Oh you want to be a CEO. Sorry, all locked up for a different class of your betters.

That's my point. I'm not saying you should just take the first job you can and not ever try to improve your lot in life. But it seems to be an "all or nothing" deal with many that I've talked with -- no matter how big the dream is.

I have a dream of finishing a novel and getting it published. I don't ever see it happening, but I'm still writing on a daily basis. That's one thing. Working your way up the ladder and reaching the pinnacle of your profession is your dream? Awesome, keep working toward it. Telling someone to up and quit their jobs to start their own business because you did it without mentioning how the road was paved seems a bit much.

Wouldn't better advice be about finding and making contacts and working toward smaller, more easily obtainable goals on your way to that dream be better?

 

[Renpatsu]

Aphorisms don't just become inaccurate or outdated because the the truth they're speaking to can't account for all people. They're generally observable guides and not absolutes.

 

[Fulminator]

Its not outdated but you need to be realistic on your expectations and actually put in the work to make that dream a reality otherwise it just stays that, a dream. Even then it might not turn out but I'm more of a journey is more important than the destination type of person.

Yeah I agree with this , your dream doesn't just fall in your lap unless you have the silver spoon

 

[always crazy bacon]

I followed my dreams and it paid off, but in between that I suffered a whole lot of shitty jobs to pay the bills. Then the bottom fell out of my dream and I'm back to shitty jobs. The reality is, you're not going to be able to retire early no matter what your dream is for 99% of people.

Follow your dream in so much as you have an idea of what you want to do so that you have a plan, but don't follow your dream blind to the realities of life.

 

[Vicetrailia]

Important but you gotta remember the lower you derive the harder you have to work.

 

[Alexlf]

There's really no other reason to exist than to follow your dreams, at least that's how I see it.

 

[M0nochromatic]

Follow your dreams, sure, but maybe try having a dream that's reasonably achievable and has a good reward to effort ratio.

An important part of life is settling for less.

 

[highrider]

I don't devote any thought to those that have it easier than me. It's kind of counter productive. Also, I prefer goal as opposed to dream.

 

[Widdle Puppy]

You're not cynical OP. You're facing reality for what it is.

Cynical would be saying something like "you have zero say over what happens in your life and everything will always suck." "If your life is bad there is absolutely nothing you can do to change it." That is cynicism.

Recognizing reality for what it is: That is every event that takes place in the present tense came from the previous existence of prior events that took place before it.

There is no such thing as a "self made man." They don't exist and are the creation of people who want to feed their self centered ego. You'll notice it's narcissists like Trump that parrot stuff like this the most when in actuality they were some of the most privileged people of all. So this self made man didn't have someone take care of them when they were a child? How could they be a self made man if at one point in their life they required someone else to feed them? They would have had to rely on someone else long before making their million. Far from being self made. Everyone owes their existence and status to some degree to things that were there before them. This can go for good things like inherited wealth and a proper upbringing or bad things such as poverty and racism.

This doesn't mean that people don't have control over their lives. People have control and they can always bring about positive change in it even if it's minimal. Just like one's past, their actions can also be good or bad. Someone can work hard through college and eventually get a good job or they may go down a path of stealing and killing. Just like my previous point, it can go either way and it's not black or white.

People are very much at mercy of fate and what took place before them and it has just as much say as their own actions in choosing what to do with their life.

 

[dave is ok]

My favorite was the woman who wrote a book or article saying she saved 20k in a year or something - and in the article mentioned they were living rent free until their parents gifted them a condo, which they then moved out of and rented to someone else.

Most people are inspirational circuit are just people who lined up some fortunate circumstances and used those to boost their image so people would come see them speak.

 

[John Kowalski]

Their dreams of, what, having more money than they can count?

That's a terrible dream to have. Dream about love and being good instead.

 

[DECK'ARD]

I followed mine and it worked out ok.

I wouldn't give it as general advice, but I would say to at least give it a try if it's something you feel that strongly about.

You never know what might happen.

 

[Makonero]

Follow your (realistic) dreams. My girlfriend wants to be an eye doctor. She isn't rich, doesn't come from a background with doctors, and she'll be the first in her family to get a PhD. That is a dream worth pursuing and encouraging. But she has a plan to get there.

If your "dream" is something you haven't looked into or planned for? Then yeah, it's foolhardy to pursue it. But if it's practical and realistic? Why not encourage that?

 

[Reeks]

My boss does this shit, too. I'm a neuroscience grad student and he's the PI. Once a year, he'll have us over to his Beverly Hills crazy fucking house and say, "you can have this, too." BUT...in addition to being a PI, he's also an MD and still sees patients. His wife is also a prominent MD. And on top of that, he comes from a family with a lot of money (as a child, he'd summer in one of Picasso's homes). Oh and his father was also a prominent neurologo MD.

I always have to just roll my eyes and hold my tongue.

 

[zeemumu]

 

[Mossybrew]

You're not cynical OP. You're facing reality for what it is.

Agreed. "Follow your dreams" is complete bullshit.

 

[DECK'ARD]

My teacher was the first to shit on my dream actually, his exact last words were "Andy. You're good. You're not THAT good".

Nothing has made me more determined to prove someone wrong. No I won't go to University, I will do this instead.

Went back years later, he shook my hand, and said "Andy, we always knew you'd do well". Twat.

 

[Cyframe]

I don't think the OP is cynical at all. What they're talking about are those with abundant resources that enabled them to make certain choices without big financial hurdles or sacrifices to get them. So, for those in that position "saying follow your dreams, I did it" it's inauthentic and at worst lying.

People should have motivations and things that they want to accomplish and should have realistic goals. But I'm not a big fan of speakers like the OP mentioned.

 

[PantherLotus]

OP is this guy

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nDwEFvOh9co&feature=youtu.be&t=38m53s

 

[sphagnum]

It has never been true as a general rule.

 

[gaiages]

It's a tough thing. It's true that most people won't ever achieve their dreams, whatever they might be, and that's a really depressing thing to think about. At the same time, though, if one's meaning in life is to simply settle and exist, then what's really the point? Not having some kind of dream or goal (which are more or less interchangeable here) in mind really is just a bleak mentality to have.

Also, dreams don't have to revolve around our careers. Just because I'm not working my dream job or never will (I later decided that was a bad idea anyway) doesn't mean that I don't have other goals or aspirations in life. And dreams can also be small, and personal things too.

So to answer your title question--no, not really. Are you cynical? Maybe, maybe not. Your view of the situation is the blunt truth at the end of the day, but not having hope or dreams or whatever because it fails for most is really a defeatist mindset.

Aside: I hate those kinds of "motivational" speakers though, too. Or any kind of motivational work that's like "hey look if I did this, with my affluent family and every advantage in the world, anyone can!", when the vast majority of the population does not have even half of the opportunities available to them. That'd make anyone cynical.

 

[yanipheonu]

Actually I always figured "follow your dreams" implied that not everyone can reach them.

I read it as a "follow you dreams, if only because if you do and you still fail, you can't ever regret that you never tried."

Not everyone can achieve their dreams, but it'd be even worse to never try.

 

[Nabbis]

Yeah, it's bullshit. I believe that "follow your dreams" is only rational if you can make a concrete systemic plan on how to get there with you being able to control most variables. Everything else is luck.

 

[radios shipping overview]

Social mobility is very low in America and a lot of places right now, and the class you were born into is a big determinant of where you end up in life. But humans need hopes and goals, even if they're unrealistic, because they provide structure to life and help insulate us against life's difficulties and disappointments.

 

[Mossybrew]

Secondary to this, in my experience not everyone has a "dream" to follow. It's almost expected that at least by college age you'll have one overriding passion to pursue, and frequently that's just not the case. I know I had a lot of interests, but no one that clearly was my "dream pursuit" so the idea has always rung hollow for me even aside from the realities of pursuing one if you had one.

 

[illusionspark]

Sounds like my internal dialogue. I guess I'm cynical/practical/boring/whatever else people think this type of thinking is.

 

[Dyle]

It's absolutely still valid today, and might actually be more relevant today than ever before. The internet has made it possible for people to leverage skills and hobbies into full careers through Youtube, Etsy, or by making your own site. While economic inequality is high and there are absolutely still barriers to entering many fields, the internet has made it possible for many niche dreams to be realized in ways that were unimaginable a decade ago.

But it's not easy by any metric

 

[Shmuppers]

Whether the mantra is actually true or not doesn't matter. It's about keeping a positive outlook on life.

 

[Strangelove77]

You need to follow realistic dreams, like dying broke and alone.
I'm still on track.

 

[DECK'ARD]

You need to follow realistic dreams, like dying broke and alone.
I'm still on track.

Here, have a hug and a Happy Meal.

 

[Bluecondor]

I agree with the OP. People often like to attribute their success to "hard work" and ignore the connections and family ties that often make this possible. In psychology, this is the "self serving bias":

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Self-serving_bias

In Pittsburgh, we had a mayor a few years back who was elected to the office while still in his mid-20s. Naturally - one could make the case that his family's extensive poiltical ties over generations played a role in his success:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Luke_Ravenstahl

When he was first elected, one of the local newspapers published a story along the lines of: "New Mayor Woke Up on Third and Thought He Hit a Triple."

 

[bennywhatever]

When he was first elected, one of the local newspapers published a story along the lines of: "New Mayor Woke Up on Third and Thought He Hit a Triple."

Don't have much to comment on regarding the OP, but damn that's a powerful headline.

 

[guek]

Dude, the mantra may have been started by baby boomers but it's been adopted by millenials and tweaked to "do what you love." It's basically a rearrangement of YOLO. In turn, millenials have become very short sighted and obsessed with instant gratification.

 

[Man Called Aerodynamics]

Eh, kinda. Having dreams and working toward them is good, what's not good is believing that you are a failure if you don't end up as a CEO, or in the NFL, or a movie star or whatever. Like, you "only" end up living a happy and comfortable, but not exceptionally successful, life? That's still really great. Because, realistically and as you say in the OP, that level of truly exceptional success is often down to luck, connections, etc., and has nothing to do with how hard you did or didn't work or whether you believed in your dreams enough.

 

[Dreez]

People should have a driving force or a "dream" but recognize that there's steps A-Y before you get to Z.

 

[MindofKB]

I see the mantra as more of a "give it a shot."

I faced a ton of adversity in my life and I still pursued my dreams. I honestly wouldn't be able to live with myself if I hadn't, because it was on my mind all the time. If you don't achieve it, you don't achieve it. But putting yourself out there is way better than not and wondering "what if?" for the rest of your life.