I can't, don't want to fuck this up, this woman is legit wife material. I never think about marriage, but she is top fucking tier. But perhaps I just should relax a bit. If she didn't want a second date, we wouldn't have planned a second date.
Maybe you shouldn't, uh, think like 30,000 steps ahead, cuz if anything that's what's going to ruin it rather than if you say #TeamIntrovert or not lol
True. She just seems to have all of her ducks in a row and I'm really impressed by this. I've met a good amount of...well effing crazy people so it's nice to meet somebody that's different.
Excellent job, successful in her career not a fucking basket case, intelligent, sweet and cute. She's not perfect and I know this already. She's just got it a lot more together than a lot of women I've tried to date and got more going for her than my ex.
Hey guys and gals. I've only posted a handful of times in the thread but just wanted to pop in and say thanks for some of the general advice. In particular, the "use the word date" business when asking someone out. It's actually saved me a bit of a headache just recently where the person was happy to make plans, but as soon as I literally said the word date things changed a little and there was more communication about where everyone's feelings were at. From the sound of things it's probably not going anywhere in this particular case, but it feels good to know pretty precisely where things stand.
JadedWriter chill out man. It's been one date. Most of us, even after GREAT first dates, take it easy and say 'had a good date' and let it flow.
1) did you kiss on the first date?
2) did you sleep together on the first date?
3) did you meet her friends?
4) did you meet her family?
5) were you able to know how she handles conflict and tension first-hand?
6) did she showcase her emotional health beneath the surface?
7) did you talk about children?
8) did you talk about long term goals?
Maybe if you can do all the above, then you'll develop a liking for her and see some potential in pursuing a relationship.
Yeah this is true. I went through some of this stuff with my ex, our long term goals were not the same at all. I'm not much of a kiss on the first date person so that didn't happen and I'm not sure where I am on kids yet. I guess just me saying she's marriage material was just stupid hyperbole on my part. Probably should've just said she ain't as crazy as the introverted woman I tried to date was cause those two were pill poppers.
Maybe you shouldn't, uh, think like 30,000 steps ahead, cuz if anything that's what's going to ruin it rather than if you say #TeamIntrovert or not lol
No one has all their ducks in a row. NO ONE.
Also you've talked to this girl for like a week or two at most, there's no way you know everything about her, including how orderly her ducks are.
Comparing other people to your ex is generally a bad idea. As a result, you put this girl on a pedestal because she isn't cray like your ex.
I do realize she's human with most likely a fuckton of flaws and not toss her on a pedestal, which I'm sure is what I'm doing. Who knows maybe her ducks are asshole geese, I would never know at this point. I think I'm doing the ex comparison cause I guess I just know what I don't want to put up with at this point. I think my ex expected me to be socially perfect and was probably just disappointed when I wasn't. I think I'm "30,000 steps ahead" cause I like to mentally micromanage the narrative a bit. Really need to stop doing this. Doesn't help that I really do not like dating. There are aspects of it I like, others I don't and the finding people aspect of it is most likely my least favorite thing.
I'm used to being written off cause I'm either black, too short, not rich or some other non sense. She's probably been written off for some shit too, people are fickle. I guess I'd rather just try putting work into the current woman instead of wasting my time finding other women that most likely wouldn't want anything to do with me any way. I don't think we have everything in common, but if we can make something work then that's what matters to me.
I'm only saying this for your own good. I'm not trying to ruin your enthusiasm or anything.
But, you don't have a current woman bro. Cut that shit out. You met someone who is second date material. Nothing more, nothing less.
By all means, be excited and enthusiastic about it. That shit is fun and should feel amazing. You should be pumped. But that's all you should expect... a potentially good second date. There's a good chance she's seeing other dudes, too.
I can't, don't want to fuck this up, this woman is legit wife material. I never think about marriage, but she is top fucking tier. But perhaps I just should relax a bit. If she didn't want a second date, we wouldn't have planned a second date.
I do realize she's human with most likely a fuckton of flaws and not toss her on a pedestal, which I'm sure is what I'm doing. Who knows maybe her ducks are asshole geese, I would never know at this point. I think I'm doing the ex comparison cause I guess I just know what I don't want to put up with at this point. I think my ex expected me to be socially perfect and was probably just disappointed when I wasn't.
Now learning from past relationships is important, and that's good, but you gotta be careful not to go "well new girl doesn't do X,Y, and Z from the old girl, so she's the best!" type thing. It can be a hard line to walk at times, and especially hard to do if you don't have a lot of reference materials, but it's important as to help realize that the girl you're currently dating is her own unique human being with her own strengths and flaws. I mean I've fallen into that mindset at times too, like my current SO being really understanding of stuff that was a bad hangup with my ex. It can be surprising when you see someone reacting differently to stuff
I mean, people also go in the opposite direction to, in which they place the ex on the pedestal and new girls they date just are never up to snuff.
To be honest, I think the girl asking you to text less is a good idea... it gives you time to separate yourself from her mentally for a bit, and gives you time to cool off and think a little more rationally about your current relationship with her.
I'm only saying this for your own good. I'm not trying to ruin your enthusiasm or anything.
But, you don't have a current woman bro. Cut that shit out. You met someone who is second date material. Nothing more, nothing less.
By all means, be excited and enthusiastic about it. That shit is fun and should feel amazing. You should be pumped. But that's all you should expect... a potentially good second date.
Oh I know. I think I waited a few months to be honest last time. I know she's not my GF or anything. Not to mention I have no idea what her head space on this is either. Could just be dating me as of right now cause she bored who knows.
Now learning from past relationships is important, and that's good, but you gotta be careful not to go "well new girl doesn't do X,Y, and Z from the old girl, so she's the best!" type thing. It can be a hard line to walk at times, and especially hard to do if you don't have a lot of reference materials, but it's important as to help realize that the girl you're currently dating is her own unique human being with her own strengths and flaws. I mean I've fallen into that mindset at times too, like my current SO being really understanding of stuff that was a bad hangup with my ex. It can be surprising when you see someone reacting differently to stuff
I mean, people also go in the opposite direction to, in which they place the ex on the pedestal and new girls they date just are never up to snuff.
To be honest, I think the girl asking you to text less is a good idea... it gives you time to separate yourself from her mentally for a bit, and gives you time to cool off and think a little more rationally about your current relationship with her.
There's that and she pretty much told me she needs some healthy alone time, which I can get. I'm pretty introverted as well and can admit that people frankly exhausts the fuck out of me. I actually do my best to learn something from every woman I potentially like. I've had a few that I really liked initially only to eventually learn more about them and find out how damn shallow they are. One was a borderline sloppy drunk and just got too annoying with how she didn't know what she wanted, didn't even know what gender she wanted to date. Then I just hit the fuck this I'm done button and only try to message her when I'm just flat out depressed as fuck, which I know isn't good for me which is why I don't contact her that much.
I was open minded and level headed about marriage with my ex, she just didn't want to get married cause a) our parents didn't like each other, b) I did not want to marry into her family, c) she had the most negative views towards marriage and relationship evolution due to her upbringing so shit wasn't going to happen period.
You are not the only one. I hate picking stuff period. Yesterday I was put on the spot and had to pick what to do for Saturday and went scrambling to Google.
You are not the only one. I hate picking stuff period. Yesterday I was put on the spot and had to pick what to do for Saturday and went scrambling to Google.
I did manage to pull a suggestion out of her earlier (with a "so what food do you like?" text lol) but it's a bit out of the way, so I suggested we go there this weekend.
I did manage to pull a suggestion out of her earlier (with a "so what food do you like?" text lol) but it's a bit out of the way, so I suggested we go there this weekend.
In my defense my memory is dog shit on numerous things. Whelp my conversation history don't go back that far. All I can remember is that her favorite pie seems to be pumpkin.
Not remembering what your wife likes to eat is like forgetting to put the toilet seat down and cumming to fast...you're fucked.
Weeks, nay, months of passive aggressiveness and don't even get me started on the side eye and soul shattered jabs when you have a argument. It's a shame you don't shut up as quickly as you cum...
So is there a way to catch someone's attention on the dating sites or dating apps? Still zero replies (well except for 1 that said thank you to me) for over a long time
So is there a way to catch someone's attention on the dating sites or dating apps? Still zero replies (well except for 1 that said thank you to me) for over a long time
Not remembering what your wife likes to eat is like forgetting to put the toilet seat down and cumming to fast...you're fucked.
Weeks, nay, months of passive aggressiveness and don't even get me started on the side eye and soul shattered jabs when you have a argument. It's a shame you don't shut up as quickly as you cum...
I grew up in a house full of women, I'm pretty good at putting down the seat. There are other parts to that post that I can answer but do not feel like airing out on a public platform.
So is there a way to catch someone's attention on the dating sites or dating apps? Still zero replies (well except for 1 that said thank you to me) for over a long time
I grew up in a house full of women, I'm pretty good at putting down the seat. There are other parts to that post that I can answer but do not feel like airing out on a public platform.
Have you tried being a tall white dude? They seem to be the in thing these days.
So is there a way to catch someone's attention on the dating sites or dating apps? Still zero replies (well except for 1 that said thank you to me) for over a long time
If you can't do more with your appearance (you can), do more with your life. Skydiving, travel, fancy food, art, music, anything to show how interesting you are.
Aim for a couple of inches less than you and you should be fine. Anything equal height seems like no dice at least from my experience since they don't want to tower over you when they throw their fucking heels on. I'm only about 5'6 and it seems my height to about 5'3 wants nothing to do with me. There is also the answer "anybody that shallow isn't worth your fucking time." One Chinese woman I used to like about 5'3 and obsessed with men in the six feet range. I have never seen anybody she used to date, but as far as I'm aware she's still single.
Tomorrow's date (the other of those two friends I matched with) has said two times that I look "fucking hot" and apparently we're getting drinks, then going to her place.
I went to her place, then we walked to a nearby bar and drank some beer. We had some fun conversations and looks like we both really, really love kebab.
Then we went to her place to watch Netflix, she wanted me to see Shameless but that kind of failed as we ended up making out.
I was pretty sure it's going to sex again, but her friend called as they had made plans. I took her to her friend's place, kissed goodbye and she's coming to my place this weekend.
Your pics suck. This is my default reply for situations like this, because it's true 90% of the time.
If you can't do more with your appearance (you can), do more with your life. Skydiving, travel, fancy food, art, music, anything to show how interesting you are.
That may be true, it's damn hard to get good pictures of myself.
If I lived in Gothenburg or in Stockholm I could do more stuff. But living in a $h!%*+#e of a town there isn't really that much to do. And I don;t have that good of a paying job so I cannot travel around
I went to her place, then we walked to a nearby bar and drank some beer. We had some fun conversations and looks like we both really, really love kebab.
Then we went to her place to watch Netflix, she wanted me to see Shameless but that kind of failed as we ended up making out.
I was pretty sure it's going to sex again, but her friend called as they had made plans. I took her to her friend's place, kissed goodbye and she's coming to my place this weekend.
That may be true, it's damn hard to get good pictures of myself.
If I lived in Gothenburg or in Stockholm I could do more stuff. But living in a $h!%*+#e of a town there isn't really that much to do. And I don;t have that good of a paying job so I cannot travel around
I went to her place, then we walked to a nearby bar and drank some beer. We had some fun conversations and looks like we both really, really love kebab.
Then we went to her place to watch Netflix, she wanted me to see Shameless but that kind of failed as we ended up making out.
I was pretty sure it's going to sex again, but her friend called as they had made plans. I took her to her friend's place, kissed goodbye and she's coming to my place this weekend.
I went to her place, then we walked to a nearby bar and drank some beer. We had some fun conversations and looks like we both really, really love kebab.
Then we went to her place to watch Netflix, she wanted me to see Shameless but that kind of failed as we ended up making out.
I was pretty sure it's going to sex again, but her friend called as they had made plans. I took her to her friend's place, kissed goodbye and she's coming to my place this weekend.
Your pics suck. This is my default reply for situations like this, because it's true 90% of the time.
If you can't do more with your appearance (you can), do more with your life. Skydiving, travel, fancy food, art, music, anything to show how interesting you are.
This is a hilarious question. I mean, you want to put your best foot forward but you don't want to be stuck with someone who wants to do things that you don't. Have good pics of you doing things you actually love.
Yeah I have some bad history with women and people in general. Really can't let that dictate everything.
I think if she had a big problem with it she would've said something about it. When we first started texting I ended up actually texting her too much. She pretty much told me that she's a textbook introvert and that she needs healthy alone time and that if I want daily conversations that we should break it off before we meet and look elsewhere. After this we talked about it and I told her that I'm willing to work with her on this issue. I left her alone till the morning of our first date, which we both seemed to enjoy and now I pretty much just text her every other day to give her her space and recharge time.
Do you want daily conversations with your partner? I've legitimately soured on girls because they were shit texters or needed to talk on the phone way too much. I prefer text and meeting face to face, for instance.
Are you being honest with yourself about what kind of relationship would be good for you?
I can't, don't want to fuck this up, this woman is legit wife material. I never think about marriage, but she is top fucking tier. But perhaps I just should relax a bit. If she didn't want a second date, we wouldn't have planned a second date.
Yeah, what I've learned is that even initial encounters that go so well fizzle out for whatever reason, or others that you don't expect blossom later on. But you don't know who someone truly is (and thus, "wife material") until way, way later.
I will admit to having attachment issues. I should do my best to tone it down a bit. It does get pretty bad.
I guess compared to some of the shit I've dealt with. I guess to put it more realistically I like her enough not to really be in the mood to try to pursue other women. I swear at this point I'm going to wind up a GAF meme or something.
Yeah this is true. I went through some of this stuff with my ex, our long term goals were not the same at all. I'm not much of a kiss on the first date person so that didn't happen and I'm not sure where I am on kids yet. I guess just me saying she's marriage material was just stupid hyperbole on my part. Probably should've just said she ain't as crazy as the introverted woman I tried to date was cause those two were pill poppers.
I do realize she's human with most likely a fuckton of flaws and not toss her on a pedestal, which I'm sure is what I'm doing. Who knows maybe her ducks are asshole geese, I would never know at this point. I think I'm doing the ex comparison cause I guess I just know what I don't want to put up with at this point. I think my ex expected me to be socially perfect and was probably just disappointed when I wasn't. I think I'm "30,000 steps ahead" cause I like to mentally micromanage the narrative a bit. Really need to stop doing this. Doesn't help that I really do not like dating. There are aspects of it I like, others I don't and the finding people aspect of it is most likely my least favorite thing.
You date a type (i.e., introverted girls with some degree of social awkwardness) because you find it comfortable. You're not particularly willing to date outside that type. You might resent a partner challenging you to exist outside of the comfortable space you've erected for yourself.
Nor have you embraced your sexuality (e.g., you don't like to kiss on the first date -- why?) or decided whether you're willing to start a family.
You are ready for a semi-serious girlfriend. You are not ready to jump into a relationship. You gotta work to get there, and most of that involves understanding yourself.
Instead of trying to please her, why not just take her somewhere you enjoy?
You're approaching this with an unhealthy, transactional way of thinking. I don't mean in a "red pill" way. I know you're not trying to buy her love. But you could just say, "Hey, Claire, I really enjoy sushi at Umi. Ever been there?"
It's the company, not the activity. You're trying to forge a connection, not audition to be her personal assistant.
I went to her place, then we walked to a nearby bar and drank some beer. We had some fun conversations and looks like we both really, really love kebab.
Then we went to her place to watch Netflix, she wanted me to see Shameless but that kind of failed as we ended up making out.
I was pretty sure it's going to sex again, but her friend called as they had made plans. I took her to her friend's place, kissed goodbye and she's coming to my place this weekend.
That was me this weekend! Also avoiding hooking up! Plus I'm seeing a new girl tomorrow after establishing a competitive range and down-selecting the girl from Sunday. Just wasn't feeling her, despite us having everything in common, including setting our device passwords as Pokemon names. Really lovely, wonderful girl, but... I don't know.
Falcom music? Like... the soundtrack from Ys games? Man, I wish I could bond with people over their favorite 16-bit SquareSoft OST.
It's obviously Chrono Trigger.
And now, the multi-quote fiesta begins!
Do you want daily conversations with your partner? I've legitimately soured on girls because they were shit texters or needed to talk on the phone way too much. I prefer text and meeting face to face, for instance.
Are you being honest with yourself about what kind of relationship would be good for you?
Bruh.
Yeah, what I've learned is that even initial encounters that go so well fizzle out for whatever reason, or others that you don't expect blossom later on. But you don't know who someone truly is (and thus, "wife material") until way, way later.
She crazy. Everyone crazy. They just hide the crazy on the first date.
Are you healthy enough to enter into a committed monogamous relationship with someone?
What I'm getting from that is this:
You date a type (i.e., introverted girls with some degree of social awkwardness) because you find it comfortable. You're not particularly willing to date outside that type. You might resent a partner challenging you to exist outside of the comfortable space you've erected for yourself.
Nor have you embraced your sexuality (e.g., you don't like to kiss on the first date -- why?) or decided whether you're willing to start a family.
You are ready for a semi-serious girlfriend. You are not ready to jump into a relationship. You gotta work to get there, and most of that involves understanding yourself.
Instead of trying to please her, why not just take her somewhere you enjoy?
You're approaching this with an unhealthy, transactional way of thinking. I don't mean in a "red pill" way. I know you're not trying to buy her love. But you could just say, "Hey, Claire, I really enjoy sushi at Umi. Ever been there?"
It's the company, not the activity. You're trying to forge a connection, not audition to be her personal assistant.
That was me this weekend! Also avoiding hooking up! Plus I'm seeing a new girl tomorrow after establishing a competitive range and down-selecting the girl from Sunday. Just wasn't feeling her, despite us having everything in common, including setting our device passwords as Pokemon names. Really lovely, wonderful girl, but... I don't know.
Yep. No one goes skydiving every weekend.
Then why would anyone want to be with you? What drives you?
It's more like I want to kiss on the first date, but I don't exactly know if that's being too forward not to mention that I do have some physical intimacy...I'm not going to say hang ups, but it does take me a few meetings to get used to somebody in that way and to want to make that step. I made pretty good strides with this with my ex to be honest. I actually think my ex was anti my type and so have a couple of other women, it's just a lot to try and go into detail about. Every woman has been vastly different in their own ways, cause well they're women they have to be. Some have been sort of similar, but that's about it. Also I was with my ex for 14 months, no cheating. It's not super long term, but it's definitely a period of time that I still think takes a lot of work to actually make it to. Also with the activity it was something we both agreed on, I just usually like to make sure what we do isn't something that she wouldn't enjoy. I've been dragged to stuff I didn't like, it's not fun. Also to further answer the first question I spoke to my ex daily and well that ended in shambles, I probably could use something a little different so as of right now it's not really bothering me too much. I get to focus on my job and usually when I get home and can occupy my brain with actual fun things I'm fine. If I just have to adjust how I talk to a person a bit I'm fine with it, now if she snaps at me for texting her every other day or something then that's most likely a deal breaker.
This is a hilarious question. I mean, you want to put your best foot forward but you don't want to be stuck with someone who wants to do things that you don't. Have good pics of you doing things you actually love.
Every time someone does this to a steak, an angel loses its wings.
So tinder vets, so how do you usually respond to gifs on tinder besides just sending another gif. I want to avoid the boring "hey, how are you?" and keep the conversation fun and light but also move it forward so I can get a number.
