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Being black makes me not want to go outside sometimes

M

M52B28

Banned
Taking a walk at night in some flip flops, I get stared down by groups and couples as I walk by, and they often go silent; sometimes they mention me when they think I'm not in listening distance.

I don't look mean, albeit a stocky guy and I don't have a suspicious body language.

It's as if I don't belong in some places, despite being generally a person that's first to help.

During the day it's different with the refusal to make eye contact with me and a worried body language; as if I want to take what others have.

I don't even want to go to my job because people will immediately disqualify my information and go to the nearest lighter skinned person just to be told the same thing.

It's just annoying.
 
U

UnemployedVillain

Member
Where do you live?
I can understand this kind of thing slowly getting to you, but it sounds like it happens fairly frequently wherever you are if it's affecting you to the point you don't want to go outside
 
E

Eggbok

Member
Few days ago I was walking on a decent sized sidewalk, there was a lady coming in the opposite direction. She decided to walk in the grass as she got closer to me and once she passed I looked back and she was back on the sidewalk. There was plenty of room for us to fit on the sidewalk.

I'm not scary looking or intimidating at all and I had bags from 7/11 in my hand. Was legit shocked. Like you'd rather walk in the dirty grass than pass beside me on the sidewalk? Daaaamn.
 
M

M52B28

Banned
I remember going on a jog near the Golden Gate bridge later in the day with a headlamp and two guys I passed turned around and shined their light on me as if they were studying me.

What went through my mind is the fact that I have just as much of a reason to be out there as they did.
 
S

Socivol

Member
I'm the least intimidating black guy you will ever meet and I've had those ridiculous experiences as well. People walking to the other side of the street to avoid walking past you, women grabbing their (cheap) purses tight as if I want to steal from them, I've gotten so many DWBs it's not even funny. Being black in the US is exhausting.
 
A

always crazy bacon

Banned
M52B28 said:
Taking a walk at night in some flip flops, I get stared down by groups and couples as I walk by, and they often go silent; sometimes they mention me when they think I'm not in listening distance.

I don't look mean, albeit a stocky guy and I don't have a suspicious body language.

It's as if I don't belong in some places, despite being generally a person that's first to help.

During the day it's different with the refusal to make eye contact with me and a worried body language; as if I want to take what others have.

I don't even want to go to my job because people will immediately disqualify my information and go to the nearest lighter skinned person just to be told the same thing.

It's just annoying.
Click to expand...

The worst thing about this is that it perpetuates a cycle, people are weird to you, you react accordingly thus your not acting normally. As a white guy in I proactively do my part to try and stop this cycle.
 
Acrylic7

Acrylic7

Member
Eggbok said:
Few days ago I was walking on a decent sized sidewalk, there was a lady coming in the opposite direction. She decided to walk in the grass as she got closer to me and once she passed I looked back and she was back on the sidewalk. There was plenty of room for us to fit on the sidewalk.

I'm not scary looking or intimidating at all and I had bags from 7/11 in my hand. Was legit shocked. Like you'd rather walk in the dirty grass than pass beside me on the sidewalk? Daaaamn.
Click to expand...

Not funny but funny.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XSoQgOxlKYw
 
E

Escape Goat

Member
Do you have anxiety? I used to think people were looking at me/talking about me but it was just my brain going into overdrive. Rationally, I knew they weren't but my brain reacted that way regardless.
 
D

DogDude

Member
M52B28 said:
Taking a walk at night in some flip flops, I get stared down by groups and couples as I walk by, and they often go silent; sometimes they mention me when they think I'm not in listening distance.

I don't look mean, albeit a stocky guy and I don't have a suspicious body language.

It's as if I don't belong in some places, despite being generally a person that's first to help.

During the day it's different with the refusal to make eye contact with me and a worried body language; as if I want to take what others have.

I don't even want to go to my job because people will immediately disqualify my information and go to the nearest lighter skinned person just to be told the same thing.

It's just annoying.
Click to expand...
Have you ever talked to a doctor about anxiety?
 
L

LookAtMeGo

Member
I cant even imagine.

I was walking down the street the other day and there were 2 black guys walking towards me. I actually had to cross the street to get where I was going and started crossing the street and it crossed my mind "I wonder if they think I am crossing the street because they were walking towards me?"
 
E

excelsiorlef

Member
Escape Goat said:
Do you have anxiety? I used to think people were looking at me/talking about me but it was just my brain going into overdrive. Rationally, I knew they weren't but my brain reacted that way regardless.
Click to expand...

It's not anxiety OP is experiencing racism.

And if there is anxiety it's being caused by said experience of racism

Word of wise to anyone when someone is speaking of their experiences of racism... maybe don't just assume the OP is mentally ill.
 
B

Bluemongoose

Neo Member
In High School I was assigned a mentor and he opened me up to city events and some culture. Showed me TimeOut magazine and we'd go to events. I am dark-skinned Dominican and he was red-headed white. I remember him taking me to a gym and us using the pool. I was so self-conscious being the only melanin-carrying dude in there.
 
D

DocSeuss

Member
Reading the examples in this thread, I find myself questioning if it's race thing or just a "dude being out alone at night" thing, because I'm super white and all of this happens to me. I've seen people put themselves between me and their kids. I've had retail workers follow me around stores. Once at a store I actually worked at. When I used to work on the retail floor, people would do something similar to the OP; they'd ask me a question, I'd answer as friendly as possible, and they'd still go find someone else, usually one of the ladies on the floor, and ask the same question.

I'm like... the golden retriever of people. I love everyone I meet and I think I'm nice and cuddly. But for whatever reason, yeah, I'll have times like when I used to walk back from campus and would see women get visibly nervous around me, start walking a lot faster, clutching their bags, crossing to the other side of the street, whatever. I've actually done my best to appear as non-threatening as possible, like conspicuously wearing headphones, stopping to appear interested in something else, calling my mom on the phone, stuff like that.

Like, I don't want to question someone's lived experience, but... I have also lived this experience, and I'm not black, so... is it just a Guys Walking Alone At Night thing, or a "Doc, you're so pale that people mistake you for a fuckin ghost" thing, or what? A lot of this impacted my self-esteem in a big way and contributed to my social anxiety disorder issues. I'm not trying to discount anybody. I have just also experienced what sounds like identical stuff, so I feel like there's gotta be more to it.
 
E

Escape Goat

Member
FriskyrumX said:
I dunno, figured you didn't even read the OP because this is something that actually happens.


I mean, not really.
Click to expand...

Of course racism happens. But I asked the question because OP mirrored my own experience. The anxiety is something OP can control. Racism is not.
 
H

Heckler456

Banned
FriskyrumX said:
I mean, not really.
Click to expand...

It is though. Not the "hearing them talking about me when they think I can hear them" or "wide birth at night" thing, but it's possible that what he says he experiences during the daytime falls under the whole anxiety thing.

Like yeah, the things he describes absolutely happen, but why are people acting all offended at the mere notion that anxiety could be playing a role here as well? The hair-trigger response to even the possibility that someone has ulterior motives is getting kinda tiring...
 
E

excelsiorlef

Member
Heckler456 said:
It is though. Not the "hearing them talking about me when they think I can hear them" or "wide birth at night" thing, but it's possible that what he says he experiences during the daytime falls under the whole anxiety thing.

Like yeah, the things he describes absolutely happen, but why are people acting all offended at the mere notion that anxiety could be playing a role here as well? The hair-trigger response to even the possibility that someone has ulterior motives is getting kinda tiring...
Click to expand...

Because when someone is speaking of their experiences of racism asking if maybe they aren't just mentally ill instead is out of line.
 
L

LookAtMeGo

Member
Its not the brining up the anxiety I think anyone has an issue with. Its the rest of the comment suggesting that it could just be in his head.
 
W

whitehawk

Banned
DocSeuss said:
Reading the examples in this thread, I find myself questioning if it's race thing or just a "dude being out alone at night" thing, because I'm super white and all of this happens to me. I've seen people put themselves between me and their kids. I've had retail workers follow me around stores. Once at a store I actually worked at. When I used to work on the retail floor, people would do something similar to the OP; they'd ask me a question, I'd answer as friendly as possible, and they'd still go find someone else, usually one of the ladies on the floor, and ask the same question.

I'm like... the golden retriever of people. I love everyone I meet and I think I'm nice and cuddly. But for whatever reason, yeah, I'll have times like when I used to walk back from campus and would see women get visibly nervous around me, start walking a lot faster, clutching their bags, whatever.

Like, I don't want to question someone's lived experience, but... I have also lived this experience, and I'm not black, so... is it just a Guys Walking Alone At Night thing, or a "Doc, you're so pale that people mistake you for a fuckin ghost" thing, or what? A lot of this impacted my self-esteem in a big way and contributed to my social anxiety disorder issues. I'm not trying to discount anybody. I have just also experienced what sounds like identical stuff, so I feel like there's gotta be more to it.
Click to expand...
yeah same. Not dismissing that race is also part of what's happening, but being a male is also part of the mix.

I'm white, and I've had plenty of situations where I'm walking behind a women and she crossed the street.
 
formasymphonic

formasymphonic

Member
Escape Goat said:
Do you have anxiety? I used to think people were looking at me/talking about me but it was just my brain going into overdrive. Rationally, I knew they weren't but my brain reacted that way regardless.
Click to expand...

blly155 said:
why? it's a fair point.
Click to expand...

- When you've had people cross the street to avoid you
- Zip up / clutch their bags harder when you walk past
- Avoid sitting next to you on public transport (and I don't just e reluctance, I mean fill up a bunch of other seats even if it means facing the wrong way or have to get someone else to move so they can sit down)
- hide their phone / purse / cover their jewellery

...etc etc — you'll realise real quick that its not anxiety (well not on your part anyway). And you can try and ignore it all you want but you're only human — every so often it gets to you and that shit just hurts.
 
G

GameAddict411

Member
As a brown person I experience these micro aggressions all the time. It definitely makes me feel like I am outsider, but I am an outsider and I left my home country a few years ago. But I can't even imagine how it's like for someone to experience this since they were born. It's truly a terrible feeling to have. A white person would usually dismiss these events as being not a big deal, at least individually. Even when they recognise that it's wrong, being hit by these micro aggressions almost everyday makes an impact on the mental health of any person. Hence the OP.
 
L

LookAtMeGo

Member
Im a bigger, pretty intimidating looking white guy myself and I get all kinds of looks and shit and people acting weird around me. Op isnt saying these things only happen to black people but I'd argue most of the time when it happens to a black person it has to do with their skin colour and not their demeanor.
 
E

excelsiorlef

Member
Also when someone is speaking of their experiences of racism... going "are you sure it's racism?" and then making it about your experiences as a white person isn't helpful either.
 
G

gogosox82

Member
Heckler456 said:
It is though. Not the "hearing them talking about me when they think I can hear them" or "wide birth at night" thing, but it's possible that what he says he experiences during the daytime falls under the whole anxiety thing.

Like yeah, the things he describes absolutely happen, but why are people acting all offended at the mere notion that anxiety could be playing a role here as well? The hair-trigger response to even the possibility that someone has ulterior motives is getting kinda tiring...
Click to expand...

Because it sounds like your saying the racism he's experiencing is his head and he's imagining things when every minority has to go through this on a daily basis for their entire lives. Its just a shitty thing to say.
 
H

Heckler456

Banned
excelsiorlef said:
Because when someone is speaking of their experiences of racism asking if maybe they aren't just mentally ill instead is out of line.
Click to expand...

Well, I didn't interpret that as such. I really don't think that was what that person was suggesting at all.

And in fact, lots of other people here seem to be in agreement that an anxiety-disorder could develop from the treatment he's getting from strangers, so it's not really out of the realm of disbelief that that anxiety would further exacerbate the issue. And I'm speaking out of experience here, as a person with an anxiety disorder caused by abuse during childhood. Point being, I really don't see why the suggestion is out of line here.

gogosox82 said:
Because it sounds like your saying the racism he's experiencing is his head and he's imagining things when every minority has to go through this on a daily basis for their entire lives. Its just a shitty thing to say.
Click to expand...

I guess you could have interpreted his comment as such, but that's the hair-trigger response I'm talking about. I really don't see the point in assuming that that's what he meant when his comment seems to be at the very least well-meaning.
 
A

always crazy bacon

Banned
DocSeuss said:
Reading the examples in this thread, I find myself questioning if it's race thing or just a "dude being out alone at night" thing, because I'm super white and all of this happens to me. I've seen people put themselves between me and their kids. I've had retail workers follow me around stores. Once at a store I actually worked at. When I used to work on the retail floor, people would do something similar to the OP; they'd ask me a question, I'd answer as friendly as possible, and they'd still go find someone else, usually one of the ladies on the floor, and ask the same question.

I'm like... the golden retriever of people. I love everyone I meet and I think I'm nice and cuddly. But for whatever reason, yeah, I'll have times like when I used to walk back from campus and would see women get visibly nervous around me, start walking a lot faster, clutching their bags, crossing to the other side of the street, whatever. I've actually done my best to appear as non-threatening as possible, like conspicuously wearing headphones, stopping to appear interested in something else, calling my mom on the phone, stuff like that.

Like, I don't want to question someone's lived experience, but... I have also lived this experience, and I'm not black, so... is it just a Guys Walking Alone At Night thing, or a "Doc, you're so pale that people mistake you for a fuckin ghost" thing, or what? A lot of this impacted my self-esteem in a big way and contributed to my social anxiety disorder issues. I'm not trying to discount anybody. I have just also experienced what sounds like identical stuff, so I feel like there's gotta be more to it.
Click to expand...

I've also has all of that at times in my life, but as white guys we don't have the +10 modifier of being black added to it. That's what's more to it.
 
F

Frozenprince

Banned
Heckler456 said:
Well, I didn't interpret that as such. I really don't think that was what that person was suggesting at all.

And in fact, lots of other people here seem to be in agreement that an anxiety-disorder could develop from the treatment he's getting from strangers, so it's not really out of the realm of disbelief that that anxiety would further exacerbate the issue. And I'm speaking out of experience here, as a person with an anxiety disorder caused by abuse during childhood. Point being, I really don't see why the suggestion is out of line here.
Click to expand...
"See a doctor" is not going to make racism go away.

That's why.
 
B

Bounceounce

Member
Socivol said:
Are you a minority? Just wondering because being black and living in a major and reading the OP this is straight up racism and microaggressions.
Click to expand...
I'm a minority, my first thought was exactly what he had and I still see it as a legitimate point.
Generally my experiences with racism/perspectives on it don't align with where a lot of Gaf's do though.

Edit: I'm also not remotely "threatening
looking" or large so this hasnt been an aspect of life as a minority I've had to deal with
 
E

excelsiorlef

Member
Heckler456 said:
Well, I didn't interpret that as such. I really don't think that was what that person was suggesting at all.

And in fact, lots of other people here seem to be in agreement that an anxiety-disorder could develop from the treatment he's getting from strangers, so it's not really out of the realm of disbelief that that anxiety would further exacerbate the issue. And I'm speaking out of experience here, as a person with an anxiety disorder caused by abuse during childhood. Point being, I really don't see why the suggestion is out of line here.



I guess you could have interpreted his comment as such, but that's the hair-trigger response I'm talking about. I really don't see the point in assuming that that's what he meant when his comment seems to be at the very least well-meaning.
Click to expand...


Interpret it as such? Did you follow the chain of conversation at all?

The first post suggesting anxiety was literally maybe what you think is racism just all in your head.

Literally that's what the post says... that's no an interpretation, that's factually what it says:

I used to think people were looking at me/talking about me but it was just my brain going into overdrive. Rationally, I knew they weren't but my brain reacted that way regardless.
Click to expand...
 
H

Heckler456

Banned
Frozenprince said:
"See a doctor" is not going to make racism go away.

That's why.
Click to expand...

True. But it could help him deal with the experience better, and recognize when he's adding to the issue itself. It's one thing experience the kinda bullshit he does at night, like people taking a wide birth or talking behind his back. It's quite another to then reinterpret daytime conversations as people "avoiding eye-contact" and "having worried body language as if I want to take what others have". Not saying that he isn't potentially right about those daytime conversations either. Racism doesn't disappear under the light of day unfortunately.

excelsiorlef said:
Interpret it as such? Did you follow the chain of conversation at all?

The first post suggesting anxiety was literally maybe what you think is racism just all in your head.

Literally that's what the post says... that's no an interpretation, that's factually what it says:
Click to expand...

Well I guess it's me doing the interpretating, by not looking at the face value of the post, and giving him the benefit of the doubt.

I think that he's suggesting that anxiety could play a role - not that anxiety is solely the cause of every single racist incident the OP has ever encountered.
 
B

BladeoftheImmortal

Member
I'm sure some have been in his head. But it's more to do with it has actually happened before, so of course he would think of it when he sees something suspicious going on around him.

My guess is more often than not it isn't just in his head, though. America is a racist fucking country.

Our own president can't even condemn hate groups for fuck's sake...


I'm a white guy btw.
 
G

God Dayumm

Banned
"See a doctor" is not advice given in good faith to someone who is experiencing prejudice from others. Unless you are implying that it is all a hallucination, stop gas-lighting
 
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