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Physical punishment for kids? Does it work?
- Thread starter The Futurist
- Start date
Impeccable
Member
We ignore actual science in favour of anecdotes.
Animals should never be hit. Hitting a kid is okay.
Raising a kid is inconvenient and difficult. Short cuts are needed sometimes.
I expect a child to know or do better but dont expect the same out of myself.
Not every kid is the same, dont judge! (Despite the fact parents like me inherently have a way more difficult time and understand that physical punishment is wrong AND unnecessary.)
I want this to sink in. You want the best for your kid we all do. Please consider for one minute that the old way isnt the okay way - and it has actual scientific basis. Anecdotal evidence is not evidence. You can punish and talk to ANY child without using violence claiming otherwise is absolutely bullshit.
As a general consensus we (neogaf) laugh at flat earth. We laugh at ani-vaxxers, we get furious at them for harming their kids and other kids because of their anti-science stance.
I cant even make a good point because it actually pisses me off so fucking much that a forum like this is debating something like HITTING A FUCKING CHILD is okay in any scenario at all, ever. What I would give to have one of your normal kids that just need that smacking to get the point across.
Ugh, I am so grossed out. Guess this is what triggered feels like.
Animals should never be hit. Hitting a kid is okay.
Raising a kid is inconvenient and difficult. Short cuts are needed sometimes.
I expect a child to know or do better but dont expect the same out of myself.
Not every kid is the same, dont judge! (Despite the fact parents like me inherently have a way more difficult time and understand that physical punishment is wrong AND unnecessary.)
I want this to sink in. You want the best for your kid we all do. Please consider for one minute that the old way isnt the okay way - and it has actual scientific basis. Anecdotal evidence is not evidence. You can punish and talk to ANY child without using violence claiming otherwise is absolutely bullshit.
As a general consensus we (neogaf) laugh at flat earth. We laugh at ani-vaxxers, we get furious at them for harming their kids and other kids because of their anti-science stance.
I cant even make a good point because it actually pisses me off so fucking much that a forum like this is debating something like HITTING A FUCKING CHILD is okay in any scenario at all, ever. What I would give to have one of your normal kids that just need that smacking to get the point across.
Ugh, I am so grossed out. Guess this is what triggered feels like.
tonysidaway
Member
My kids survived somehow. Parenting, how does it work?
To be serious for a minute, really small children must be physically contained. As they grow in capabilities the containment is gradually removed. My kids are adults now, so I hardly ever worry about them mistaking kitchen cleaning liquid for a tasty drink, and most days they can even manage to struggle across a busy road junction without me being there to hold their hand.
SMOK3Y
Generous Member
Ill concede you're smarter & know more than me & give up as i dont know what im discussing with you now.. good?
There's really not a time and place for everything.
SMOK3Y
Generous Member
Read above
tonysidaway
Member
I didn't find punishment of that sort helpful either. It just didn't seem like a useful tool. So for all those parents who find removal of privileges useful, good for you I suppose, but to me it just seems like meanness for its own sake.
I actually question whether my wife and I ever did anything our kids would have perceived as punishment. We certainly did a lot of talking and listening. We did a huge amount of planning, too. If you foresee trouble, that's half way to avoiding it.
Children who fight can be separated. If this keeps happening you keep them separated. You distract them and wait for them to forget the grievance.
Strangely to me, some other parents perceived our children as naughty, but not because of mean behaviour (they weren't especially mean). It eventually dawned on me that they meant our children were quite assertive in talking to us, and they would argue with us all the time. It didn't bother us, but I think the sight of a child "talking back" to an adult disturbs some grown-ups. Listening to children is great, and I think it's what all good parents do instinctively.
So you are ok with being an abuser.
crazy monkey
Banned
the look was enough for me as i knew what was coming if i misbehaved lol. Never got hit by parents but they chased me around the house pretending that i will get smack and me running laughing and saying sorry at the same time. Best memories ever. My parents are still amazing. Respect the way they raised us. I will be very lucky if I can give my kids that much love and devotion. Everything they did in their life was for us.
tonysidaway
Member
It's literally impossible to say this too often on a thread about hittng children.
Lol. Yeah sure buddy. Giving my children a slap when they aren't listening or being disrespectful after repeated warnings makes me an abuser.
Fudgepuppy
Banned
No.
No.
No.
I've never heard anyone be pro physical punishment, without them starting the argument with "My mom hit me and I deserved it".
Just shows that anyone pro punishment, is basically saying "I went through it, so y'all should", since they as much as everyone else, know that there are no benefits to it when looking at the science and research.
No.
No.
I've never heard anyone be pro physical punishment, without them starting the argument with "My mom hit me and I deserved it".
Just shows that anyone pro punishment, is basically saying "I went through it, so y'all should", since they as much as everyone else, know that there are no benefits to it when looking at the science and research.
There is no obscure line here that you keep imagining. Abuse is abuse, violence is violence. If someone slapped your child, you'd be furious because someone used violence on your child. It doesn't change into something else because it's some idiotic, ignorant teaching moment of a lazy, impatient parent with no self-control.
That's not how shit works. If you deliberately inflict physical pain on a child, no matter what the motive, that is violence. That is abuse.
Abilidebob
Member
It's all about "tradition" with some Neogaffers. Just take a look at the circumcision threads, and how many defend the practice on infants because "I want it to look like mine" or "Girls don't like uncut" or some other stupid, retrograde, bullshit.
Noboru Wataya
Banned
I grew up getting a smack on the wrist, like someone else said in this thread, it wasn't sore, it was an understanding in an instant that I was wrong, I was bad, people are angry at me. My mum never hit me to hurt me, it was a quick signal to stop. Especially if I was hyper, or acting up and not listening. I think it worked, it would either calm me down, make me stop and listen, or cry because I have wronged my mum. Life is full of learning experiences, sometimes a painless slap on the wrist was what I needed to 'come down' so to speak.
It seems a percentage of people on this forum think this is a form of child abuse and I should have been put into foster care for the wickedness I enjured from my mother, who clearly took pleasure in such sick forms expression. So she should be locked up.
No, people need to chill out a little here. A slap on the wrist/bum does not equate to beating a child bloody. Calm your jets folks.
And people comparing dogs to kids, you clearly have never had to deal with both if your able to compare them so easily.
If you have a kid that's able to be chill and respect you then I agree, don't use any physical signals. But some kids can be irratic and can't/won't listen (not even counting those with disabilities that parents are unaware of).
I see an awful lot of finger pointing and disgusting language/accusations being thrown at people who are just adding to a conversation.
It seems a percentage of people on this forum think this is a form of child abuse and I should have been put into foster care for the wickedness I enjured from my mother, who clearly took pleasure in such sick forms expression. So she should be locked up.
No, people need to chill out a little here. A slap on the wrist/bum does not equate to beating a child bloody. Calm your jets folks.
And people comparing dogs to kids, you clearly have never had to deal with both if your able to compare them so easily.
If you have a kid that's able to be chill and respect you then I agree, don't use any physical signals. But some kids can be irratic and can't/won't listen (not even counting those with disabilities that parents are unaware of).
I see an awful lot of finger pointing and disgusting language/accusations being thrown at people who are just adding to a conversation.
DrROBschiz
Member
I say no
There is no universal rules for kids
You are the parent and you spend everyday with your children so you alone are best equipped to know what works and what doesnt
Dont be lazy
Talk to your kids constantly and do research on several methods until something clicks
This isn't to say you can't be physical. Sometimes I have to pick my kids off the ground and carry them against their will, or stop them by hand from running into the road, and I have a bad habit of raising my voice and making a big deal out of things when I shouldnt
Parenting requires conscious effort and self control. Do not attack you children with physical violence. On top of being completely one sided and terrifying it does send all the wrong messages
There is no universal rules for kids
You are the parent and you spend everyday with your children so you alone are best equipped to know what works and what doesnt
Dont be lazy
Talk to your kids constantly and do research on several methods until something clicks
This isn't to say you can't be physical. Sometimes I have to pick my kids off the ground and carry them against their will, or stop them by hand from running into the road, and I have a bad habit of raising my voice and making a big deal out of things when I shouldnt
Parenting requires conscious effort and self control. Do not attack you children with physical violence. On top of being completely one sided and terrifying it does send all the wrong messages
So you're just going to grumble about how everything is all or nothing now, then leave out of a conversation because logical arguments are disagreeing with you...seems all or nothing that
SMOK3Y
Generous Member
Good post
I was the one that had his post changed to dogs i honestly give up as i was getting slightly confused
SMOK3Y
Generous Member
The quote above you explains it better than i could my problem is I cant put words like that together
tonysidaway
Member
Containment is the only realistic strategy for keeping small children safe. When I'd visit my mother with my toddler son, I'd make no bones about going around her living room making it safe. I'd even check the lower level cupboards in the kitchen for bottles of bleach, just in case the toddler got in there.
She grumbled a bit, but she knew I meant it when I said I'd have to leave if the place wasn't acceptable.
So rather than attempt an impossible act of communication with a child barely able to understand simple sentences, I made use of my own very highly developed brain and the brains of other adults. That worked quite well.
I would much rather have my kids respect and be worried about disappointing me, my wife and their grandparents, rather than fear me. Violence is rarely if ever the right solution.
Yep. I guess this is how folks justify hazing.
Yep. I guess this is how folks justify hazing.
I'm anti-corporal punishment. I have a 16-year-old son. Never spanked/slapped/hit him. Come from a family of corporal punishers.
My personal anecdotal experience leads me to believe the parent is responsible for their child's behavior, good or bad. Typically. And hitting is just a lazy shortcut, that doesn't even seem all that effective. Mostly just causes more problems, fosters resentment, etc.
My personal anecdotal experience leads me to believe the parent is responsible for their child's behavior, good or bad. Typically. And hitting is just a lazy shortcut, that doesn't even seem all that effective. Mostly just causes more problems, fosters resentment, etc.
KarneeKarnay
Member
I'm against it because it's lazy. It's the easy solution to any problem. Your kid is acting up in public, smack them. Your kid disobeys you, smack them.
Your no addressing the problem, your just teaching them that if they step out they get hit. The thought of my kid only staying in line, because they fear getting hurt by me, would cripple me.
Teaching you kid consequences is important, but that's not the same as teaching them right from wrong. Too many times I've seen parents confuse them.
Your no addressing the problem, your just teaching them that if they step out they get hit. The thought of my kid only staying in line, because they fear getting hurt by me, would cripple me.
Teaching you kid consequences is important, but that's not the same as teaching them right from wrong. Too many times I've seen parents confuse them.
Everything is not black and white either my friend. You can give physical punishment without being abusive. What I'm saying is okay won't put a child in a mental institution or cause long term damage. I'm not saying I would do that in every situation or to toddlers. Sometimes, one slap or two on the wrist/arm is okay for them to know what they did has serious consequences.
And what? I'm doing that to my own child and not anybody else's. I love them more than anything and will do what I think makes them understand and learn best.
Also way to assume that I would do it with no control.
A slap on the wrist is not what people mean when they talk physical punishemnt. Even then, I'd only do that if some small child was about to touch something hot or something, to get them to react and quickly pull their hand back before the actually harmful accident happens. Otherwise I'd just grab the hand and pull it away and say "don't do that because of X", no need to cause pain for someone if you can avoid it.
This is about PUNISHMENT. More picking up the child, putting them on your lap and then slapping them on the bum a few times, not something that is less of a punishment and more of a reactionary "don't do that".
You as the adult & parent should be the one with patience to deal with the BS that the child that you voluntarily chose to bring into this world does. You decided to reproduce so don't go for shortcuts that quite likely don't work and at worst can harm your child.
A lot of stuff isn't black & white. Hitting your child is a black & white issue.
Violence is black and white. There is no acceptable form of violence. I mean, a "slap" can be a lot of things, if it causes pain it's too much. There is no other line to be drawn.
SMOK3Y
Generous Member
This is exactly what I've been meaning this whole time FFS...
biggersmaller
Banned
My mom rarely ever slapped me, but if little biggersmaller needed it, he got it. Those times being so impactful I cannot argue with their effectiveness.
tonysidaway
Member
You're on the cusp of asking for advice on how to emotionally abuse your children. If the kids are old enough to argue with you, listen to them. You respect them, they see that but they still don't win every argument. They know that there are boundaries, and they respect you. No need for hitting or making them believe they "ain't shit."
Naked Snake
Member
My father was a monster to my siblings with brutal beatings at times. Luckily I was spared most of it, but I'll never respect him for how he beat my sister with a hose next room from me and left her bruised for weeks. I've also heard stories of him doing the same to my brother before I was born or was too young to remember.
My father is 82 years old now.
It's very unlikely that I will ever have children so it's not something I think about.
My father is 82 years old now.
It's very unlikely that I will ever have children so it's not something I think about.
SMOK3Y
Generous Member
Sorry to hear about that mate
A slap can be full blooded on the face or a lighter one on the shoulder or back of the head to grab some serious attention. I don't think you guys are able to distinguish the difference between the two. If you think they are both one and the same thing then I have nothing else to say.
I wasn't thinking of using that specific phrasing exactly, lol. I just want to do whatever I can to keep my kids from turning into selfish privileged assholes. If I have a biological boy, it's gonna be a lot of work to teach him that the world's already bending over backward for him without making him resentful at me for doing so. But that'll depend altogether on how the kid turns out, I guess.
Listening is what I'm good at. Treasuring the uniqueness of a consciousness is what I try to be good at. I was really just trying to figure out good ways to protect and teach a kid without going too far.
As long as you know what hurts and what doesn't I think we are all on the same train here.
If someone slaps his kids arm or whatever leaving red marks on the skin, even I will see the difference.
Hitting adults is considered an absolute no no, and a crime unless you are defending yourself.
How people can therefore twist their thinking to think that hitting a child is somehow acceptable is beyond my comprehension.
My mum used to hit me when I was being a shit (usually with a wooden spoon). I don't hate her for it, and she is a wonderful mum. But I think I grew up into a responsible, balanced adult as a result of all the other great parenting she did, and in spite of (rather than a result of) the occasional ass whooping. People who say "my parents spanked me and I grew up fine" aren't making a solid case for anything.
My son pushes me to my emotional breaking point at times, but even in those moments physically or mentally abusing him doesn't come into my thought patterns at all, even in my most base reptilian instincts.
The only situation I can see myself using physical force on him would be in a do or die, he's about to pull a pot of boiling water on himself if I don't slap his hand away in a split second, no time to explain, situation.
How people can therefore twist their thinking to think that hitting a child is somehow acceptable is beyond my comprehension.
My mum used to hit me when I was being a shit (usually with a wooden spoon). I don't hate her for it, and she is a wonderful mum. But I think I grew up into a responsible, balanced adult as a result of all the other great parenting she did, and in spite of (rather than a result of) the occasional ass whooping. People who say "my parents spanked me and I grew up fine" aren't making a solid case for anything.
My son pushes me to my emotional breaking point at times, but even in those moments physically or mentally abusing him doesn't come into my thought patterns at all, even in my most base reptilian instincts.
The only situation I can see myself using physical force on him would be in a do or die, he's about to pull a pot of boiling water on himself if I don't slap his hand away in a split second, no time to explain, situation.
If you are just basically tapping them on the shoulder, that's not much of a slap or what people are arguing about.
Equally I don't think a majority of parents should be deciding what is an acceptable level of physical harm to enforce discipline. The child is not able to express whether it was an unacceptable level, so we should just trust parents because they supposedly know better?
That's why it should essentially be a zero tolerance on striking children
SMOK3Y
Generous Member
This is what ive been meaning this whole time but you keep disagreeing with me?
farmerboy
Member
A voice of reason on GAF. Well I never.....
tonysidaway
Member
And now we've got to endure your endless justifications for your view that, while hurting a dog is wrong, hurting a human is okay. I think "slightly confused" is a wild exaggeration.
DaMasta113
Member
I will definitely hit my kids if I need to. I hope I don't have to, but if it's necessary, then I will. Children need discipline. Time outs are bullshit.
SMOK3Y
Generous Member
What?
As I said youse are all smarter than me so i wont going into my opinion about humans & animals 😉
As long as it's more of a "hey, pay attention" noticeable tap but nowhere near something that will cause pain, then there's no problem. The second we go to "it causes pain" (even if a little bit), then it's wrong in any & all situations. If the child is like "oww, that hurt", then you as the adult should apologize because it's not ok to harm someone to get their attention.
Discipline doesn't inherently involve violence.
Why are they bullshit?
They are incredibly effective in my personal experience.
You sound impatient.
Discipline doesn't mean violence. I hope someone reports your ass if they ever see you physically abusing your children.
I hope you never get children, you don't sound like someone who should get them with that kind of horrible attitude.
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