PigSpeakers
Member
Cool, I got stood up. I'll probably see this girl on Sunday (since we go to the same church). I am not going to confront her. Still feel pretty crappy about this.
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Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
- Thread starter soultron
- Start date
- Status
This is why dating is too old-fashioned for the 21th century. Don't feel bad, you're not supposed to. Rethink your approach if you are truly hurt by this.
PigSpeakers
Member
No, I'm not hurt. A little annoyed mostly. Dating is pretty normal with people here.
WascallyWabbit
Member
That's messed up, man. Did she have any excuses or she was just AWOL?
AKingNamedPaul
I am Homie
you have an awesome name
Never speak to her again.
Doctor West
Member
That's awful dude. Just ignore her from now on.
If your girl actually said that, then you're already broken up, you just don't know it yet. She just hasn't found your replacement. No woman that's into a man will say that, as appealing as it may sound. Not only is it unladylike, but it shows she doesn't respect you anymore
I've said that to women before in my younger more immature days after I had already mentally checked out of a relationship and had little to no respect for them left, and the only thing I could ever really use them for was sex, but just hadn't found my next girlfriend.
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
The fuck? Get stood up, abandon dating.
WascallyWabbit
Member
Thanks!
Don't get too excited
been a 13 hour day and work and I'm tired a shit, but this made me bust out laughing
Oh wow, just noticed that. Thank you for making me wake up my roommate with laughter lol.
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
I hope the next OP is good.
TheSchwab_7
Member
inb4 next thread.
So I'm thinking about breaking up with my girlfriend. Last weekend was her 21st birthday party, and we threw it at my apartment. Mostly randoms showed up, so I didn't know that many people except a few.
Before I go any further let me say that my dad is an alcoholic. My girlfriend knows that I think drinking to get drunk is stupid and that it can ruin families like it did mine. My dad cheated on my mom several times and has done much worse throughout the years.
After the party at my apartment we all go downtown for some drinks. We go to a bar, and there's a small dance floor upstairs and they start dancing. I should also note that I'm DD. So everyone is dancing and I notice my girlfriend say something. Next thing I know she pushes this black guy and he pushes her back. She hits the floor, so naturally I shove him and he punches me in the face. He runs off with his group and I'm left alone with a hole in my lip bleeding everywhere. Idk what my girlfriend or everyone else was doing, so I left the bar with some napkins and sat on some bench a block away.
My girlfriend and co. comes out and says that the guy touched her butt or something. She then starts screaming that she's gonna find him and beat his ass. I tell her that's not gonna happen and she gets all pissed off at me. We get back to the car and she has a panic attack for what seems forever and throws up several times. Then we get home and she bitches out my roommates and calls their gfs fat and ugly etc etc. They end up leaving and sleeping somewhere else it was so bad.
I'll skip the other stuff but in short she was insane. I had to get 6 stitches in my mouth since there was a hole in my lip after getting hit.
So we talked this week about stuff and her friend was having her 21st birthday party tonight. My girlfriend told me she wasn't going cause of what happened etc. etc. She's like I'm not gonna go out for awhile since all that stuff went down. After I get off work, I text her and she tells me she's out with her friend. I'm like what? It's like she didn't even listen to anything or follow through with what she said.
I guess I'm just disappointed beyond belief since she lied and pull this shit after everything that happened last weekend.
So I'm thinking about breaking up with my girlfriend. Last weekend was her 21st birthday party, and we threw it at my apartment. Mostly randoms showed up, so I didn't know that many people except a few.
Before I go any further let me say that my dad is an alcoholic. My girlfriend knows that I think drinking to get drunk is stupid and that it can ruin families like it did mine. My dad cheated on my mom several times and has done much worse throughout the years.
After the party at my apartment we all go downtown for some drinks. We go to a bar, and there's a small dance floor upstairs and they start dancing. I should also note that I'm DD. So everyone is dancing and I notice my girlfriend say something. Next thing I know she pushes this black guy and he pushes her back. She hits the floor, so naturally I shove him and he punches me in the face. He runs off with his group and I'm left alone with a hole in my lip bleeding everywhere. Idk what my girlfriend or everyone else was doing, so I left the bar with some napkins and sat on some bench a block away.
My girlfriend and co. comes out and says that the guy touched her butt or something. She then starts screaming that she's gonna find him and beat his ass. I tell her that's not gonna happen and she gets all pissed off at me. We get back to the car and she has a panic attack for what seems forever and throws up several times. Then we get home and she bitches out my roommates and calls their gfs fat and ugly etc etc. They end up leaving and sleeping somewhere else it was so bad.
I'll skip the other stuff but in short she was insane. I had to get 6 stitches in my mouth since there was a hole in my lip after getting hit.
So we talked this week about stuff and her friend was having her 21st birthday party tonight. My girlfriend told me she wasn't going cause of what happened etc. etc. She's like I'm not gonna go out for awhile since all that stuff went down. After I get off work, I text her and she tells me she's out with her friend. I'm like what? It's like she didn't even listen to anything or follow through with what she said.
I guess I'm just disappointed beyond belief since she lied and pull this shit after everything that happened last weekend.
Devolution
Member
Sounds like a bunch of unnecessary drama. I wouldn't need that shit for sure.
NeOak
Member
bailout.gif
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
One more post to help close the doors on this thread.
My 4th semester of school will be ending in a few days and I've learned a lot even though there have been no "breakthroughs" or whatever. Progress has been glacial but still something. I feel like a lot guys in here like Izick are complaining about their looks but for me it's all about dealing with my personality. I'm not sure exactly what it is exactly but it feels like there's something missing. Maybe OT4 is what's missing, we will see.
My 4th semester of school will be ending in a few days and I've learned a lot even though there have been no "breakthroughs" or whatever. Progress has been glacial but still something. I feel like a lot guys in here like Izick are complaining about their looks but for me it's all about dealing with my personality. I'm not sure exactly what it is exactly but it feels like there's something missing. Maybe OT4 is what's missing, we will see.
You're in luck man, you just have to work on your personality and you'll be golden. I honestly think I have a great personality, I have a lot of cool stuff going on in my life and I always have interesting conversations with girls, however my looks aren't up to par so I'm kinda fucked. I take care of my body and my appearance, I have a nice haircut and I dress nicely but my looks aren't gonna attract any women.
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
For me it's been a very difficult process that involves a lot painful soul searching and acceptance. There are daily setbacks and it's a very up and down process and there's no telling when it will be enough.
I saw your picture, I think you have an overly negative view of your looks.
This girl texts me back initially pretty quickly, but then after like the second reply she stops and doesn't reply for hours, sometimes even responding the next day. She told me she was asleep basically the entire day, so maybe she's like incredibly sleep deprived? The weird thing is that she still replied to me and asked me how I was and stuff, rather than acting completely uninterested.
It's really grating on me because I was planning on asking her out this week (we met for coffee once already), but considering how long she's taking to get back to me I'm starting to feel a bit annoyed. I feel like I've barely gotten to know her, so I don't really want to throw in the towel so soon.
Any thoughts guys?
It's really grating on me because I was planning on asking her out this week (we met for coffee once already), but considering how long she's taking to get back to me I'm starting to feel a bit annoyed. I feel like I've barely gotten to know her, so I don't really want to throw in the towel so soon.
Any thoughts guys?
It's ready, just need to time its release with time zones. It will be different, that's for sure. If I need to change or add anything, even grammatical errors, feel free to say so! I probably won't add any errors though
My neighbor is a damn stud. He had sex for an hour between 3-4am this morning... When I opened my door, I could hear the girl moaning all over the corridor xD And now they're at it again.
Doctor West
Member
How did the first date go? Other than the response time, do you have any red flags?
I haven't been following your dating thread posts so this might be old news, but: What kind of stuff are you interested in? Personality comes from doing things. Examine yourself, ask yourself how you could be more awesome. Maybe that means learning an instrument, learning a foreign language, getting in good shape, etc. Something you have control over and can set measurable goals for. Become the kind of person you think is awesome and you'll attract people who feel the same way. Not only that but you'll feel better about yourself and boost your confidence and therefore your social skills.
Pumpkin, don't read into it. Everyone has different texting habits, doesn't mean anything. Ask that babe out.
From what I've gathered, a lot of people seem to think midnights is an ugly person, and say it straight to his face, and it's bringing him down, which I can understand. No gaffer seems to agree with those rude statements though. I'd personally love to hang out as it seems like he does have a personality (and I want to meet these weird people).I haven't been following your dating thread posts so this might be old news, but: What kind of stuff are you interested in? Personality comes from doing things. Examine yourself, ask yourself how you could be more awesome. Maybe that means learning an instrument, learning a foreign language, getting in good shape, etc. Something you have control over and can set measurable goals for. Become the kind of person you think is awesome and you'll attract people who feel the same way. Not only that but you'll feel better about yourself and boost your confidence and therefore your social skills.
Pumpkin, don't read into it. Everyone has different texting habits, doesn't mean anything. Ask that babe out.
It went really well from what I could tell. Basically my whole mentality was just to have a super light, but fun/positive conversation. I felt really relaxed. The conversation also felt very balanced, it wasn't one-sided at all. There weren't any awkward silences. We had a couple laughs, and I can honestly say I showed her my best. Afterwards, I felt like we had both enjoyed each others company, and she was actually the one to suggest meeting up again.
As for red flags... Not particularly. She's foreign so sometimes the language barrier gets in the way. I also noticed she was sometimes a little bit negative about herself, but I think it might be because of her upbringing/culture? It's almost like a sense of modesty, maybe? Her parents sounded a bit... Strict, possibly emotionally abusive too? :| There's a lot of unknowns still, at this point.
Doctor West
Member
It sounds fine then. Maybe she's waiting for you to ask her on the second date since she suggested it in the first place. You have nothing to lose, so go for it.
I will. Thanks for the feedback.
I severely suck at "closing the deal". Went for a drink last night with a girl whom I had dated briefly earlier this year (things didn't work out back then for several dumb reasons). We hadn't seen each other since February so this week I randomly send her a text if she wanted to get a drink and catch up. We had a great time and the cafe we were in was closing down so we headed to my place. We talked, made out, talked and made out, and then she went home... This isn't the first time I screw up my chances when I have a girl in my apartment.
I kinda doubt I will have another shot with this girl. That said, any tips on how to move the make out session to the next level so that I may prevent future fuck-ups?
I kinda doubt I will have another shot with this girl. That said, any tips on how to move the make out session to the next level so that I may prevent future fuck-ups?
So I recently rejoined single-gaf, after my wife admitted to having cheated several years ago in the beginning of our marriage. I tried to get over it, couldn't, so best thing to do was split. We're young and don't own much so the divorce stuff was pretty simple and civil. Anyways, it'll be final in the next week or so.
Background info out of the way, last night at my job this girl that comes in regularly with her family just starts talking to me. I manage a local theater so the fact that she missed about 5-10 mins of the hobbit was pretty telling that she was interested. Long story short I got her number and man did it feel good.
I'm 22 and haven't been single for over five years. My ex and I started dating in high school when we were both 17. I almost felt guilty at first but then reality set in that this was okay to do. I'm not looking for anything serious but still felt awesome after she finally walked back into the theater.
Btw, I got her number, she didn't get mine. When should I text her?
Background info out of the way, last night at my job this girl that comes in regularly with her family just starts talking to me. I manage a local theater so the fact that she missed about 5-10 mins of the hobbit was pretty telling that she was interested. Long story short I got her number and man did it feel good.
I'm 22 and haven't been single for over five years. My ex and I started dating in high school when we were both 17. I almost felt guilty at first but then reality set in that this was okay to do. I'm not looking for anything serious but still felt awesome after she finally walked back into the theater.
Btw, I got her number, she didn't get mine. When should I text her?
How heavy are your make out sessions? I've never found it difficult to transition.
At least she didn't hold her palm over her drink :lol (meta thread reference joke) Was there anything sexual going on except for kissing? Tugging at clothes? Why not just say "let's continue this elsewhere".
Sorry to hear about that, but good story too
There are no rules about the texting. When do you want to text her? Do it then. Normally I'd advice against reaching out but you're gonna have to in this case.Hey guys,
Simple problem, met a girl recently and have been out on a couple of dates (about 4-5) but haven't been able to escalate to a kiss or anything. I thought she didn't want anything to do with me, but it turns out she's incredibly love shy. She has said she likes me, in a somewhat contrived way but still can't seal in the kiss. I know she's love shy for a few reasons, she's 25 and hasn't had sex in over 4 years. She's only ever had one boyfriend which lasted for 6 months when she was younger (19) and I gather from her friends that she doesn't really like hugs. I can literally feel her shaking a bit when I hug her. It's really odd.
I kinda like this girl (last few girls I've dated were lame in comparison, but had no problems with physical contact) but I don't really know how to deal with it. My best guess is to tell her that I'm into her, and that I don't want to pressure her and if I'm ever going to far or fast she can just tell me to slow down, or that whenever she's ready. I'm concerned that there might be some awful history somewhere in there but I don't really want to bring it up.
Could use some help.
Simple problem, met a girl recently and have been out on a couple of dates (about 4-5) but haven't been able to escalate to a kiss or anything. I thought she didn't want anything to do with me, but it turns out she's incredibly love shy. She has said she likes me, in a somewhat contrived way but still can't seal in the kiss. I know she's love shy for a few reasons, she's 25 and hasn't had sex in over 4 years. She's only ever had one boyfriend which lasted for 6 months when she was younger (19) and I gather from her friends that she doesn't really like hugs. I can literally feel her shaking a bit when I hug her. It's really odd.
I kinda like this girl (last few girls I've dated were lame in comparison, but had no problems with physical contact) but I don't really know how to deal with it. My best guess is to tell her that I'm into her, and that I don't want to pressure her and if I'm ever going to far or fast she can just tell me to slow down, or that whenever she's ready. I'm concerned that there might be some awful history somewhere in there but I don't really want to bring it up.
Could use some help.
At least she didn't hold her palm over her drink :lol (meta thread reference joke) Was there anything sexual going on except for kissing? Tugging at clothes? Why not just say "let's continue this elsewhere".
Sorry to hear about that, but good story too
Well I'm getting a new phone plan within the next day or so, so I figured it only made sense to text her after I've gotten the new phone. That way I avoid having to send her the whole 'this is my new number scrap the old one' text. But yeah, now that I think about it, giving out my number seems like a much better idea. That way if they text or call me we can set something up, if not, then it's whatever.
"hey its john doe from the theatre" wait for response. After that only text about makIng plans, invite her to something you will be doing anyway. Dont do the one hour text conversation.
This is the only kind of situation where its not bad to reach out. After this she needs to do the initiating of contact
This is the only kind of situation where its not bad to reach out. After this she needs to do the initiating of contact
WascallyWabbit
Member
Hey guys,
Simple problem, met a girl recently and have been out on a couple of dates (about 4-5) but haven't been able to escalate to a kiss or anything. I thought she didn't want anything to do with me, but it turns out she's incredibly love shy. She has said she likes me, in a somewhat contrived way but still can't seal in the kiss. I know she's love shy for a few reasons, she's 25 and hasn't had sex in over 4 years. She's only ever had one boyfriend which lasted for 6 months when she was younger (19) and I gather from her friends that she doesn't really like hugs. I can literally feel her shaking a bit when I hug her. It's really odd.
I kinda like this girl (last few girls I've dated were lame in comparison, but had no problems with physical contact) but I don't really know how to deal with it. My best guess is to tell her that I'm into her, and that I don't want to pressure her and if I'm ever going to far or fast she can just tell me to slow down, or that whenever she's ready. I'm concerned that there might be some awful history somewhere in there but I don't really want to bring it up.
Could use some help.
I mean, your plan sounds pretty solid so far. Just make sure she knows you're being sincere, try to maintain eye contact and be relaxed about it
CommieCaptorS
Member
this one's probably better suited to the anonymous thread but i suppose it is do with a girl so i'll lay it bare here.
a little bit of backstory - i have a slight thing for one my best friend's housemates and we've made out a bit at parties over the weeks but nothing more serious that. she's a nice girl but i think we're mutually aware that we're not looking for anything proper from it. compounding that idea is the fact that we only get physical when wired and other than that i only talk to her when visiting my friend.
which brings us to yesterday night at my birthday party. again we're both fucked up and i'm feeling particularly wavy on ketamine. she takes me to her room, we sit down on her bed to continue chatting and then she starts popping some antidepressants which i take too. from that we start talking about some really raw, emotional stuff about her parents she's going back to visit over christmas - her dad was a depressive and physically abused her as kid so she grew up with her grandparents but her mum stuck with him. she's going back for the first time this christmas to meet them since her mum says he's well again but she's torn up about letting him back into her life. i listened to her and tried to relate some of my experiences coming from a failed marriage and reassured her with hugs but i felt way out of my depth. soon after my friend comes in telling me he's leaving and after that we return to the party nothing more said about it. she then start sobering up as the party winds down and lets me sleep in her bed whilst she babysits the stragglers refusing to go. i talk to her the morning after about how her night was to which she says she blacked out for some of it, which is probably true or just as likely she didn't want to talk about it in a sober state right then and there. i let her catch up on some sleep and leave the house.
haven't spoken to her since but might see her tomorrow possibly, if not it won't be until well into january or possibly february. really not sure what i should say and when i should say it, if it's worth saying anything at all
a little bit of backstory - i have a slight thing for one my best friend's housemates and we've made out a bit at parties over the weeks but nothing more serious that. she's a nice girl but i think we're mutually aware that we're not looking for anything proper from it. compounding that idea is the fact that we only get physical when wired and other than that i only talk to her when visiting my friend.
which brings us to yesterday night at my birthday party. again we're both fucked up and i'm feeling particularly wavy on ketamine. she takes me to her room, we sit down on her bed to continue chatting and then she starts popping some antidepressants which i take too. from that we start talking about some really raw, emotional stuff about her parents she's going back to visit over christmas - her dad was a depressive and physically abused her as kid so she grew up with her grandparents but her mum stuck with him. she's going back for the first time this christmas to meet them since her mum says he's well again but she's torn up about letting him back into her life. i listened to her and tried to relate some of my experiences coming from a failed marriage and reassured her with hugs but i felt way out of my depth. soon after my friend comes in telling me he's leaving and after that we return to the party nothing more said about it. she then start sobering up as the party winds down and lets me sleep in her bed whilst she babysits the stragglers refusing to go. i talk to her the morning after about how her night was to which she says she blacked out for some of it, which is probably true or just as likely she didn't want to talk about it in a sober state right then and there. i let her catch up on some sleep and leave the house.
haven't spoken to her since but might see her tomorrow possibly, if not it won't be until well into january or possibly february. really not sure what i should say and when i should say it, if it's worth saying anything at all
RedNalgene
Member
It sounds like she's just a bad/immature drunk. A buddy of mine ended up marrying someone who was like that and the only resolution was her stopping drinking completely. It was a big transition for her since she loved going out, but to save their marriage she realized she needed to stop. She tried controlling her drinking, but couldn't, so her therapist told her she had to go cold turkey. She's been sober for like 3 years now, and their marriage has been getting better. For me that would be a deal-breaker, but luckily my GF is a fun person when she's drunk.
If you want to save the relationship, tell her she needs to control her drinking better. If she is unwilling, bail.
So you can get to the point of making out in a private place - that's the hardest step. As you're making out, start caressing her back, her hair, her butt, her waist, her breasts. First over the clothes, then under them. The key is to slowly escalate to the point where you both know the next step is to get naked. After you've done a bit of the caressing, start taking her shirt off. If she's ready, she'll raise her arms. Then more and more clothes come off. Hopefully she starts taking yours off too. Before you're totally naked, grab her hand and start moving her towards the bedroom.
It's all about the slow escalation, where you're getting more and more intimate with her, step by step.
Bam Bam Baklava
Member
My interests are pretty wide and include music, sports, MMA, gym, and fashion. I'm pretty much down for doing anything active or interesting. I'm not sure what kind of person I think is awesome though or what you mean.
Some people think I'm ugly but I think the bigger thing is people think I'm a loser or somehow I don't fit in.
Okay, so here is my story.
My ex and I dated for five years, we are both 20 now. We were inseparable. We both came into the relationship with depression. In June, I called my ex something really mean while picking on her looks because I felt she didn't get dressed up enough for the date and was really insecure and assumed didn't love me anymore because she didn't get dressed up and was going to leave me.
I was a fucking mess and dragging her down too.
Her parents being upset after finding all this out, and her really opening up to me with the things I was doing that bothered her, I started therapy (and still go). It has saved my life. More on that later.
So her parents said she couldn't see me anymore. We talked for a little after that but her parents weren't happy and rather than piss them off more, I stopped talking to her. About a month after we broke up, she went on OKCupid and started dating a guy, who within a week or two into July, became her boyfriend (and still is).
During this time, she was receptive to me, still texting me, wanting to hang out, seeming sad at the end of our relationship but by late August, I knew it was done.
Then... she saw me. Bad things happened and she felt horrible about seeing me. Her depression got worse and she came home for school. When I found out what happened (despite her parents saying I shouldn't know), I talked to her. For hours. It was a serious situation and I was really concerned for her. I expressed that I still had feelings for her, and she said "She can't say the same because she had a boyfriend" but never said she didn't care the same way back, similarly, she said she would be with me if she "could". I didn't change my ground and said we couldn't talk if we couldn't work on us, and not to text me unless she was serious.
She never did text me about getting back together. But she did text me multiple times. Saying she missed me, was thinking about me, hoping I do well on finals. It was the recent text that got me to call, to see what was going on.
I told her about my life (my friends, old and new, school, concerts, activities, even the girl I'm currently interested in), and she did the same... I was happy to hear her so happy. We both said we were the happiest we've ever been ever.. but we both think about each other a lot. By the end of the 3 hour conversation (after reminding her not to text me, because it's difficult for me to deal with) I asked her what she thought about getting back together. She said she can't. She loves her boyfriend, her family will look down on her and me, and she is scared I will hurt her again. I told her I can only make one promise, not to hurt her again, and if I do I obviously don't deserve her, that I wouldn't come back in her life if I was sure I wasn't going to hurt her, and I'd do my best to regain the trust of her parents.
Though her emotions haven't changed from September to now... it's clear it will never happen again between us, despite how badly I want it to.
I'm currently seeing a girl who I really like A LOT and have another girl I am interested in, but neither are as special as this girl. I hurt her, and have been in therapy since, not because I lost her, but because she told me I hurt her. That she couldn't be herself and honest with me. It made me want to be a better person and since then I am so much happier, I am a more accepting person, and everyone (family and friends) say its like I'm a different person. Mostly everyone around ME said I needed a girl with thicker skin and I didn't need therapy, but that was definitely not the answer...
The obvious answer (and the one both of us get from everyone around us) is it will never work and you are bound to make each other miserable. I don't believe that and I never will. I miss this girl in my life.
I told her not to text me unless she wants to work on us, she said okay and bye and that was it. Somehow I doubt I'll ever hear from her again. I feel like I went back 3 months of progress but I didn't make as much of a fool out of myself.
It's whatever. I needed to post this because therapy can't come soon enough.
My ex and I dated for five years, we are both 20 now. We were inseparable. We both came into the relationship with depression. In June, I called my ex something really mean while picking on her looks because I felt she didn't get dressed up enough for the date and was really insecure and assumed didn't love me anymore because she didn't get dressed up and was going to leave me.
I was a fucking mess and dragging her down too.
Her parents being upset after finding all this out, and her really opening up to me with the things I was doing that bothered her, I started therapy (and still go). It has saved my life. More on that later.
So her parents said she couldn't see me anymore. We talked for a little after that but her parents weren't happy and rather than piss them off more, I stopped talking to her. About a month after we broke up, she went on OKCupid and started dating a guy, who within a week or two into July, became her boyfriend (and still is).
During this time, she was receptive to me, still texting me, wanting to hang out, seeming sad at the end of our relationship but by late August, I knew it was done.
Then... she saw me. Bad things happened and she felt horrible about seeing me. Her depression got worse and she came home for school. When I found out what happened (despite her parents saying I shouldn't know), I talked to her. For hours. It was a serious situation and I was really concerned for her. I expressed that I still had feelings for her, and she said "She can't say the same because she had a boyfriend" but never said she didn't care the same way back, similarly, she said she would be with me if she "could". I didn't change my ground and said we couldn't talk if we couldn't work on us, and not to text me unless she was serious.
She never did text me about getting back together. But she did text me multiple times. Saying she missed me, was thinking about me, hoping I do well on finals. It was the recent text that got me to call, to see what was going on.
I told her about my life (my friends, old and new, school, concerts, activities, even the girl I'm currently interested in), and she did the same... I was happy to hear her so happy. We both said we were the happiest we've ever been ever.. but we both think about each other a lot. By the end of the 3 hour conversation (after reminding her not to text me, because it's difficult for me to deal with) I asked her what she thought about getting back together. She said she can't. She loves her boyfriend, her family will look down on her and me, and she is scared I will hurt her again. I told her I can only make one promise, not to hurt her again, and if I do I obviously don't deserve her, that I wouldn't come back in her life if I was sure I wasn't going to hurt her, and I'd do my best to regain the trust of her parents.
Though her emotions haven't changed from September to now... it's clear it will never happen again between us, despite how badly I want it to.
I'm currently seeing a girl who I really like A LOT and have another girl I am interested in, but neither are as special as this girl. I hurt her, and have been in therapy since, not because I lost her, but because she told me I hurt her. That she couldn't be herself and honest with me. It made me want to be a better person and since then I am so much happier, I am a more accepting person, and everyone (family and friends) say its like I'm a different person. Mostly everyone around ME said I needed a girl with thicker skin and I didn't need therapy, but that was definitely not the answer...
The obvious answer (and the one both of us get from everyone around us) is it will never work and you are bound to make each other miserable. I don't believe that and I never will. I miss this girl in my life.
I told her not to text me unless she wants to work on us, she said okay and bye and that was it. Somehow I doubt I'll ever hear from her again. I feel like I went back 3 months of progress but I didn't make as much of a fool out of myself.
It's whatever. I needed to post this because therapy can't come soon enough.
What's done is done, I'm afraid. You have new prospects (the girl you seem to like "A LOT", and that other one), and dwelling on your ex is just going to impede the progress you seem to be making. Your ex seems happy enough, and it sounds like she wants you to be happy as well.
You say the two new girls aren't as special, but you'll never find out if you keep dwelling on this. Good luck.
You say the two new girls aren't as special, but you'll never find out if you keep dwelling on this. Good luck.
TheSchwab_7
Member
Thanks for the advice. I don't think that she understands that I can't be going out all the time and starting fights or whatever happens when she goes out. I'm going to be 23 soon and in charge of 20+ little kids for the rest of my life. I can't be doing crazy shit when I'm going to be a member of the community and parents are trusting me with their kids. Let alone if I ever get in trouble with the authorities I'm fucked for life.
I know you guys might be in a discussion. But I wanted to know. What is confidence?
Because it can be many things apparently. I asked quite a few people today and some say it is a belief in yourself that you are capable of doing what you want/need to do. It is tightly tied with self-esteem and self-worth. And the easiest way to gain confidence is to get out there and take risks. With every success your confidence grows.
Is this true?
Because it can be many things apparently. I asked quite a few people today and some say it is a belief in yourself that you are capable of doing what you want/need to do. It is tightly tied with self-esteem and self-worth. And the easiest way to gain confidence is to get out there and take risks. With every success your confidence grows.
Is this true?
Agreed. We are all born confident, many are just taught out of it so to speak. Same thing with self-worth etc. When you realize that everything is inside of you and that you have just forgotten about it, it becomes easier to reach it again. But there are no real step-by-step guides on how to achieve all this.
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