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Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy

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B

Bam Bam Baklava

Member
Guys I'm screwed. A girl is asking me what I'm doing over the weekend and the truth is I'm not doing a damn thing. What can I possibly say? I can't lie and say I'm doing something interesting because then if she wants to tag along it won't work. If I tell the truth I look like a total loser. I can ignore the message but then that's not helping anything either.

It never ends.
 
Z

zethren

Banned
You can totally say you're free.

People overthink this kind of thing, big time. She's not testing you to see if you're a loser for not having plans.
 
E

enzo_gt

tagged by Blackace
MiDNiGHTS said:
Guys I'm screwed. A girl is asking me what I'm doing over the weekend and the truth is I'm not doing a damn thing. What can I possibly say? I can't lie and say I'm doing something interesting because then if she wants to tag along it won't work. If I tell the truth I look like a total loser. I can ignore the message but then that's not helping anything either.

It never ends.
Click to expand...
You don't like your a loser if your not doing anything right now. Believe it or not, it's completely normal not to have a packed schedule at all times, and acts to your advantage in this case, because if you lied or had something to do, chances are she might politely back off and try some other time, or not at all. zethren is right, your overanalyzing this, and inferring more than someone can reasonably assume.

Just say something to the effect of "nothing at the moment".
 
S

shintoki

sparkle this bitch
MiDNiGHTS said:
Guys I'm screwed. A girl is asking me what I'm doing over the weekend and the truth is I'm not doing a damn thing. What can I possibly say? I can't lie and say I'm doing something interesting because then if she wants to tag along it won't work. If I tell the truth I look like a total loser. I can ignore the message but then that's not helping anything either.

It never ends.
Click to expand...

What am I doing this weekend? Going out with you!
 
B

Bam Bam Baklava

Member
enzo_gt said:
You don't like your a loser if your not doing anything right now. Believe it or not, it's completely normal not to have a packed schedule at all times, and acts to your advantage in this case, because if you lied or had something to do, chances are she might politely back off and try some other time, or not at all. zethren is right, your overanalyzing this, and inferring more than someone can reasonably assume.

Just say something to the effect of "nothing at the moment".
Click to expand...

Went with this. Fuck it not like I have high expectations going into these things anyways. Nothing to lose.

shintoki said:
What am I doing this weekend? Going out with you!
Click to expand...

If only I had this kind of game.
 
M

mooooose

Member
BlackJace said:
What's done is done, I'm afraid. You have new prospects (the girl you seem to like "A LOT", and that other one), and dwelling on your ex is just going to impede the progress you seem to be making. Your ex seems happy enough, and it sounds like she wants you to be happy as well.
You say the two new girls aren't as special, but you'll never find out if you keep dwelling on this. Good luck.
Click to expand...
Five years is hard to get over and I know she has feelings even if she won't act on them, so it sucks.
 
B

Bam Bam Baklava

Member
Well I'm not dead in the water yet but it seems like she wants me to take charge somehow and invite her to do something either this week or the next. I just don't know if that's gonna be possible, I've seen the lifestyle she leads and some of the guys she knows and I simply cannot match that right now.
 
R

Resilient

Member
MiDNiGHTS said:
Well I'm not dead in the water yet but it seems like she wants me to take charge somehow and invite her to do something either this week or the next. I just don't know if that's gonna be possible, I've seen the lifestyle she leads and some of the guys she knows and I simply cannot match that right now.
Click to expand...

I lurk this thread something fierce cause I'm interested in the stories people tell. Out of all the posters I remember, you've gone backwards since I've started lurking. This is a bad attitude. Fuck those other dudes, you don't need to match it. If she is keen enough to want to hang out, then you've already got one over them. Take her out or forget about her.
 
B

Bam Bam Baklava

Member
bluebird said:
I lurk this thread something fierce cause I'm interested in the stories people tell. Out of all the posters I remember, you've gone backwards since I've started lurking. This is a bad attitude. Fuck those other dudes, you don't need to match it. If she is keen enough to want to hang out, then you've already got one over them. Take her out or forget about her.
Click to expand...

Obviously she's keen enough to want to hang out I'm not denying that but I have to be able to at least deliver a good time and that's where things get difficult.
 
R

Resilient

Member
MiDNiGHTS said:
Obviously she's keen enough to want to hang out I'm not denying that but I have to be able to at least deliver a good time and that's where things get difficult.
Click to expand...

It's not about delivering a good time. She isn't sitting there saying "I want to be given a good time", she is probably just thinking "I want to hang out with MiDNIGHTS", simple as that. So give her that, and while doing so do something kinda fun. Things you find fun and think she will too, introduce them to her. Keep it simple. If she has shown enough interest to want to hang out then the hardest part is already done. IMO you're building this up too much, it's just catching up. This post I have made now is too much. You are the good time, so just go deliver yourself.
 
L

Loona

Member
MiDNiGHTS said:
Guys I'm screwed. A girl is asking me what I'm doing over the weekend and the truth is I'm not doing a damn thing. What can I possibly say? I can't lie and say I'm doing something interesting because then if she wants to tag along it won't work. If I tell the truth I look like a total loser. I can ignore the message but then that's not helping anything either.

It never ends.
Click to expand...

"This weekend I'm free, wanna go somewhere?"
She doesn't have to know about your typical weekends, and if she feels like spending time with you in the future, your typical weekend might change anyway.
 
Z

zethren

Banned
MiDNiGHTS said:
Obviously she's keen enough to want to hang out I'm not denying that but I have to be able to at least deliver a good time and that's where things get difficult.
Click to expand...

MiDNiGHTS, you're over thinking this BIG TIME. Stop!

Just take her out for some lunch, or a drink (would help you loosen up a bit). Just go out and spend an afternoon/night together. Talk, tell eachother about yourselves.

If there is a connection there, you'll feel it and the date will go smoothly and you'll both enjoy yourselves. If there is no connection there, then that's just the way it is. It's hard to proceed further in that instance.

Basically, just go out with her and focus on having a good time. Don't boggle yourself down with the worries of trying to impress her, trying hard to make sure she has a good time, etc. If you're having a good time, chances are she is too.
 
R

RedNalgene

Member
TheSchwab_7 said:
Thanks for the advice. I don't think that she understands that I can't be going out all the time and starting fights or whatever happens when she goes out. I'm going to be 23 soon and in charge of 20+ little kids for the rest of my life. I can't be doing crazy shit when I'm going to be a member of the community and parents are trusting me with their kids. Let alone if I ever get in trouble with the authorities I'm fucked for life.
Click to expand...

The hard truth is that if she wants to be with you she NEEDS to understand your position. If she's unwilling to do that, then there's no way the relationship will work. Your head is on straight and you're thinking the right way. To me it sounds like you're at different stages of your life. Sorry man.
 
D

Danielsan

Member
RedNalgene said:
So you can get to the point of making out in a private place - that's the hardest step. As you're making out, start caressing her back, her hair, her butt, her waist, her breasts. First over the clothes, then under them. The key is to slowly escalate to the point where you both know the next step is to get naked. After you've done a bit of the caressing, start taking her shirt off. If she's ready, she'll raise her arms. Then more and more clothes come off. Hopefully she starts taking yours off too. Before you're totally naked, grab her hand and start moving her towards the bedroom.

It's all about the slow escalation, where you're getting more and more intimate with her, step by step.
Click to expand...
This seems like solid advice. Thanks. Really need to work on the escalation part. Ooh well, another fuck-up to add to my list. Looking back I can see the exact moments where I messed up. Time to move forward though.
 
V

Vermillion

Banned
Don't even know how to find people I'd think are interesting. Onwards, I guess.

Clubs don't helps as much as you think they do, GAF!

I'm not depressed or anything right now, though, so that's a plus.
 
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