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[hey_monkey]

GAF paranoid as hell. My guess is she likes OP and can guess how that child might turn out, things you can't guarantee from donor sperm (or from real people, but she knows him).

That said, if she's single, she does not need to have a child while working and getting a masters. No way. I am in a PhD program and have a wonderful partner and my two kids are still mega hard. She may be underestimating that. But after, there's nothing wrong with her having a child on her own. Your role however is to decide how you might want to be involved. Do you? If you have any doubts, say no, help her solve it as a good friend, but say no. If you are thinking you'd like to have a child with this woman, then consider it, but not out of guilt. You are not her only option in the world.

 

[Nakazato]

You need to get something in writing that you have no responsibilities for this child. Should you do this

 

[greepoman]

You need to get something in writing that you have no responsibilities for this child. Should you do this

To reiterate:

A few courts have found that as a policy matter, a biological father should never be able to contract out of his financial obligation to the child, as this only harms the child in the long run.

Basically the contract can be determined to be invalid since the child isn't able to agree to it.

 

[ClosingADoor]

You need to get something in writing that you have no responsibilities for this child. Should you do this

You can't just sign a document getting rid of all the responsibilities. Allowing that would also create so much abuse of people pressuring the other into signing such a thing.

 

[Nakazato]

To reiterate:




Basically the contract can be invalid since the child isn't able to agree to it.

You can't just sign a document getting rid of all the responsibilities. Allowing that would also create so much abuse of people pressuring the other into signing such a thing.

Welp OP don't do it

 

[Imm0rt4l]

Nah

 

[Future PhaZe]

Only way you should even consider it is if you're single at 40 with no prospects and you're both extremely well off and she's in a place where if she doesn't have a child now she'll soon never be able to have one.

At 32 this simply isn't the case, and you're both still growing into your careers.

Don't do it. It's not crucial.

 

[pompidu]

Subscribing to this thread.

You will be back a year from now telling us all how stupid you were to do this and it was such a mistake. The fact that you even entertained the notion tells me you're gonna do this.

Incase you are a reasonable and intelligent human being, please don't do this.

 

[reallyfull]

If she asked you this she's not your friend. Don't do it. Loose her number.

 

[InfiniteBento]

fuck no

this is why sperm donors exist

 

[Tigress]

Only way you should even consider it is if you're single at 40 with no prospects and you're both extremely well off and she's in a place where if she doesn't have a child now she'll soon never be able to have one.

No, this still isn't a good reason to do it. No one is gaurenteed a child in life and you shouldn't just have a child cause you may never have one. You should have one if you are ready to take care of one and can provide it a good and healthy (including mental) childhood. If you can't do that, well life sux sometimes and you can't get everything you want. It's really unfair to have a kid for your own selfish wants.

(I want a Lamborghini. I will probably never have one unless some one donates it to me. Poor me, some one give me a Lamborghini cause otherwise I'll never have one. Except in this case it's a living being and the person isn't ready to take care of it properly).

 

[bengraven]

Please don't do this unless you can actually be a large part of your child's life. Living in the same city, etc.

It's so much easier when you actually love the mother of the child and the kid benefits from this tight knit family.

 

[Keri]

And if she doesn't have time to date now how does she have the time to have a kid now? Not to mention she should find some one she wants to live forever with and raise a kid with. It is unfair to purposely bring in a kid to this world with just one parent nevermind one that didn't even have the time to try to find a sig other to raise the kid with. Dating is less effort and time than raising a kid. And she can't be bothered to take the time to do that.

LOL. It's weird that this is so misunderstood AND that I feel compelled to explain, but she's not asking for a child, right now. She's asking for help having one, after she finishes with her Masters. So, the point is, she doesn't have time to date now (pre-Masters) to find someone to have a child with and she doesn't think she'll have time to meet someone and still have children, after she graduates. She wants a child after she graduates, when she would have more free time, but still (in her mind) not enough time to date and find someone before her biological clock runs out. Get it?

That's why I'm saying the OP should just tell her that he doesn't feel comfortable with this and he can tell her that she likely still has a few years to look for someone she loves. She's underestimating how much time she has.

 

[Tigress]

Come on. Everyone's priorities get altered once a kid enters into their equation. She's not going to be neglectful of him or her. The more pressing question is how much the OP wants to be financially responsible because if he doesn't then this idea is bad.

Talk to the many kids who do get neglected or outright abused.

You're silly if you think that some how hormones will suddenly make her a great parent. Plenty of people have shitty parents. Hormones didn't make those parents shape up.

 

[ViewtifulJC]

OP

are you stupid

 

[diaspora]

enjoy paying child support if you go through with this OP

 

[Synless]

Don't do this. You will regret this later in life.

 

[SenjutsuSage]

Run.

LOL. Edit: OP, you should probably not do this unless it's something that you yourself really want to do. Don't do it because she asked you to. Because if you do, you could really end up regretting it.

 

[Big Baybee]

Boy if you don't get...

 

[Tigress]

LOL. It's weird that this is so misunderstood AND that I feel compelled to explain, but she's not asking for a child, right now. She's asking for help having one, after she finishes with her Masters. So, the point is, she doesn't have time to date now (pre-Masters) to find someone to have a child with and she doesn't think she'll have time to meet someone and still have children, after she graduates. She wants a child after she graduates, when she would have more free time, but still (in her mind) not enough time to date and find someone before her biological clock runs out. Get it?

That's why I'm saying the OP should just tell her that he doesn't feel comfortable with this and he can tell her that she likely still has a few years to look for someone she loves. She's underestimating how much time she has.

It's still unfair to the kid. A kid should have two parents and to *purposely* bring a kid into a single parent household is ridiculous. You're going to be a lot more stressed and it will be harder not to take that out on the child. I'm glad my mom actually cared for me enough when I was 3 to realize she couldn't handle it on my own and let me live and grow up with my dad and stepmom who were in a better situation to take care of a kid.

If you can't be in a good situation for the kid when you have the kid, you shouldn't have one. It is not like we need more people in this world and it is unfair to the child. She should find some one she gets along with first. If she's too old to have a kid after that, oh well. I'm sorry, I'm not going to cry for her. Most people end up not getting something they wanted in life. You don't have to get everything you want to be happy.

 

[Diablos]

You're nuts if you go through with this.

 

[okita]

Read this:

http://edition.cnn.com/2014/01/23/justice/kansas-sperm-donation/

Think twice if you want to have a family on your own

I wouldn't do this , because it can backfire on you later , but if you want to live a solitary life it's a case to consider

 

[EmiPrime]

You love and trust her as a friend so IMO this wasn't the awful idea some make it out to be. I can understand why you have given this some serious thought.

 

[netguy503]

If you do this, and you want to be in the child's life and she is saying you have all access to the kid now. Get it in writing. A signed document. I don't care if she thinks it's silly. Tell her she wants something of you, you want something of her. A verbal agreement does not suffice. You'll appreciate this later if there's any complications.

 

[Arkeband]

The sad thing about this thread is OP is probably going to ignore GAF's advice and fuck up his life.

 

[Escape Goat]

The sad thing about this thread is OP is probably going to ignore GAF's advice and fuck up his life.

He already said he wont do it. But the fact OP even asked the internet for advice has me questioning his ability to make good decisions.

 

[Gusto]

If you were the kid and got to chose your parents, I doubt that you'd want a part time or half dad.

Definitely not.

 

[K.Jack]

He already said he wont do it. But the fact OP even asked the internet for advice has me questioning his ability to make good decisions.

Did friend see this as the best way to have a kid, or did OP see this as the best way to get some sex?

 

[HiiiLife]

Wut

"It's not like we're kids."

 

[Ajax125]

If you're ready to be a dad and be there for her whenever she calls....then do it.

But it doesn't sound like you too are that attached to each other.

 

[The Lamonster]

Do it, OP! Spread that seed!

 

[ZoddGutts]

Thought she would be in her late thirties but she's not even in her mid thirties, she can wait a few more years not sure what's the rush other than maybe just wanting to have your child and thinking this is her last chance to have one with you.

 

[GaimeGuy]

I never thought I would ever start a thread here much less about this subject but here it goes.

I'm 34 and she's 32. She dropped this bombshell on me like a few weeks ago and I rejected her at first but over time, I felt like what if she missed the opportunity in having a kid, because of me? So then I changed my mind weeks later and told her I would consider doing it. Anyway we're both college educated professionals, she's getting her masters so it's not like we're kids. I don't have any children and neither does she. She rarely dates because of how busy she is with school and work. I've also known her close to a decade now, since we both went to the same university.

So like I said before, I originally rejected her but I changed my mind. I told her to give me until the summer, so we can think this over, to see where our lives are at that point of next year. That she needs to work on her stress from working and getting her masters, getting her career straightened out and to see how we feel about this in eight months or so. Then if we're still up for it, we can take a long vacation somewhere and do this. She also told me that I can be however much I want in the child's life.

I need your help, GAF. I feel like in my heart I want to do this for her and I really would love to be in the baby's life somehow but we don't even live in the same city either. I feel like I'm blind about the situation and would appreciate anything that opens my eyes to some things that I'm not getting right now. Thanks.

If she is too busy with school and work to date, how is she going to find the time to raise a child?

And wtf is this BS about "What if she doesn't have a kid and it's all my fault?" You don't owe her a baby. And she doesn't owe you a baby. You're not even romantically involved from the sounds of it. Having a kid isn't something you just decide to do out of pity or conveneince. It's a lifechanging event. For everyone involved.

 

[_Ryo_]

Sperm. Donor.

Though if you impregnate her I guess you'd be the sperm donor. Hmm.

Anyway, just don't do it.

 

[BillyJack]

You're both college educated professionals working at a university and you are actually considering doing this? Come on man this is a terrible idea in every conceivable(yup) way.

 

[notaskwid]

This is some aggressive friendzoning.

 

[Kaako]

Be different, be original, go against the grain. Dive in head first unprotected and impregnate this friend, OP! What's the worst that could happen?

 

[Lexad]

She rarely dates because of how busy she is with school and work.

If she is too busy to date, she probably shouldn't have a kid if there isn't someone else to consistently support raising the child

 

[Javaman]

She doesn't have time to date but wants a kid?!?

 

[ThisGuy]

She in Ohio? If so, I got you op.

 

[Rembrandt]

It's incredibly irresponsible and risky. I say do it.

 

[Saturnman]

Is she hot?

The only question that needs to be answered before making an informed decision.

 

[TunaMarshmallow]

I strongly recommend creating new human beings through sexual intercourse with non-romantic friends.

 

[Wowfunhappy]

It's still unfair to the kid. A kid should have two parents and to *purposely* bring a kid into a single parent household is ridiculous.

This seems incredibly silly to me. How do you feel about sperm banks?

Maybe in this case it doesn't make sense (it sounds like this mother is quite busy), but certainly not always.

 

[B33]

Don't do it.

Suggest that she look into artificial insemination.

 

[Patrick S.]

I need a Mandrake summary.

 

[Galactic Specter]

Don't do it, this is how people get locked up in basements.

 

[Keri]

Thought she would be in her late thirties but she's not even in her mid thirties, she can wait a few more years not sure what's the rush other than maybe just wanting to have your child and thinking this is her last chance to have one with you.

She probably wants to have a child before 35, when pregnancies become classified as "high risk." At least, that would be my guess. But the risks really aren't that great at 35 and the chances of a defect or disability are still slim through to 40. So, yeah, she probably has more time than she thinks.

 

[MegaManTrigger]

This is by far one of the most ridiculous things I've ever read. Any time that someone says what she's said, there's usually an ulterior motive behind what they're doing. Maybe she's desperate for a man/family, or maybe she wants to tie you down economically? There's really no knowing unless you know her well enough. If you're seriously considering it, for your own safety, I would suggest picking her brain out and making sure that she knows what she's doing. Otherwise, this could be a plan to screw you over like many in the thread are suggesting. Also, I'd have to ask if it's alright with you having your child be raised by someone else with little to no involvement from you. I may have missed it in the thread, but I'd imagine it could be a huge dent to your emotions to have created something and have little to no involvement whatsoever.

If she's a rational human being as you say, maybe it's time to educate her on just how much of a commitment a child requires, and that you can't just simply make that request without knowing how you're going to plan to survive financially and in general. I think she's taking an unrealistic approach in trying to get one after she graduates, because she never once references how she's going to get money/work if she has no family unit.

 

[Royal_Phalanx]

Finish in her pussy.

Spoiler

Don't do that.