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[Carlisle]

It's kinda selfish but when I'm having a shitty day I like to remind myself that someone out there is having a far worse day. Maybe I got pulled over, ticketed, late for work, and spilled coffee on my new blazer... But someone else just buried a loved one or lost their home or got a terminal diagnosis.

And if I'm the one who lost his home, I remind myself that someone else never had one or can't feed themselves.

Even when we have bad days or bad weeks, most if us are still a lot more fortunate than a lot of other people in the world. And when you think of that it makes it really hard to complain about much.

 

[BocoDragon]

I like and I agree with your post but, wasn't that the description of Generation X?

Ok, here's Generation Y for you:

Tyler Durden
Man, I see in GAF the strongest and smartest men who've ever lived. I see all this potential, and I see squandering. God damn it, an entire generation pumping gas, waiting tables; slaves with white collars. Advertising has us chasing cars and clothes, working jobs we hate so we can buy shit we don't need. We're the middle children of history, man. No purpose or place. We have no Great War. No Great Depression. Our Great War's a spiritual war... our Great Depression is our lives. We've all been raised on television to believe that one day we'd all be millionaires, and movie gods, and rock stars. But we won't. And we're slowly learning that fact. And we're very, very pissed off.


14 minutes ago via iPhone · Like · Comment

 

[The Take Out Bandit]

Unfortunately, around October last year (I only know this because of e-mail exchanges with friends) I started suffering from some pretty acute depression.

I'll get to spots where I'll question the purpose of living out my remaining years versus just picking a good time to end it. I've got a spinal injury that causes some serious pain (some times incapable of bending over to tie my shoes without an intense stabbing in the lower back) at 35, and it's only going to get worse with age.

I'm on nexium for GERD which is unpleasant, I've tried changing diet and exercising and nothing seems to help as in addition to all that, stress continues to pile up in my life. All my friends have married off, are crapping out kids, and generally since they've got pussy they don't need the old friends.

Or they can be killjoys that are unwilling to try different things (TV shows, movies, games, etc.) so it's really not enjoyable to hang out even if I have the opportunity.

Living in the same place I grew up isn't helping. The place keeps getting worse and worse. The hospital I was crapped out in was torn down years ago, the grade school I went to shuttered, the high school shuttered. The recession hit the area hard and folks that could got out and what's left are true believers and scum bags. Every day there's some new affront, siding stolen off of houses, vacant homes broken into to steal the copper, new graffiti, and just angry faces everywhere.

Four years ago I gave up on going outside of the house. It just wasn't worth it anymore after being accosted by a gang of punks with golf clubs. So now I go to work, come home and lock the doors.

This has all been building to a head since 2002 when I was first laid off, unemployed for a year, unable to find work in my field, and had to haul my ass back up by the boot straps over the next couple years.

Now due to a tax filing snafu I'm being audited by the city - because I'm so wealthy.

Life feels pretty shit at times, and back in October I had a massive freak out. Came home from work and just laid on the floor in the hallway crying for quite some time.

Last week I had a similar freak out at home due to all the stress piling up with no outlet.

It's just a bummer and while I've been searching for five years worth of tax information I found old high school transcripts and reflected on what a total fuck up I've been pretty much all my life, if I applied myself I could have gotten some scholarships, if my parents gave a shit they would have noticed the awards I was receiving in art classes and maybe encouraged me to go to the Art Institute instead of mollycoddling me like some faberge egg.

Now I'm 35, if I'm lucky I've got another 37 years in me, and it feels like I've pissed away 26 of those years after my grandfather died. I attribute what little good there is in me to his guidance, and after he passed nobody really paid attention to things I was good at and encouraged me to pursue them.

Not to pass the buck on my folks. You need to have a good big pair of balls too, and unfortunately I was so full of fear as a child those big balls never manifested until later in life; but that was a reaction to just not giving a damn anymore.

I think back on my grandmother and how she fell apart after my grandfather died, how my family wasn't there enough for her, and how she eventually took her own life. When I was younger I thought it was because part of her mental faculties were damaged when my grandfather died, but now it just seems to me she may have so loved my grandfather that the void left by his passing could only be filled by taking those pills.

Apologies if that strikes anybody as whining. I've just been desperate to vent lately.

 

[clav]

Sigh.

There are some days I feel like a man, and there are other days that I compare myself to a tissue: useful when needed and useless when used to be thrown away.

I'm sick of being alone. I haven't been employed for almost two years now, and it sickens me at job interview stages that they think I'm not a right fit because I don't have xyz qualification even though I'm willing to learn. I'm tired of this stupid requires leadership bullshit as that's totally not true. My friends don't care as they don't talk to me any more, and I think they silently disapprove my situation, but don't want to help me at all.

I also feel like people don't really care for my well being as if I were to post suicide notes anywhere, no one would essentially care until it's too late. People just want to care about happy people or people who don't have problems. When it comes to someone needing help, most do not return the favor, and I feel like all do not to the ones connected to me.

Sometimes I wish I had a gun and I could just end it all. It's tough for the mind to cope with little social contact and tough attitudes with people. If a disaster were to happen, people would save themselves. Fuck saving other people. Why should they when there are so many others to save? I'm just another person who can be replaced.

The stuff that people say in things like sports games wishing other people to lose. People are just inherently bad as they don't care about other people. As I said before, in a disaster, people will just save themselves.

No one seems to care. Everyone wishes I could get a job in an engineering field, but no one wants to hire me anyway given how many times I've been spat in my face.

I feel people are biased against short guys. I'm only 5'4", and I feel the same prejudices that I've read what fat people describe. It's not fair at all. Somehow it's become a body count that matters more than what a person can deliver.

I've tried killing myself multiple times, but in the end, I'm just too scared to do the deed. I guess I'm just stuck here forever.

No one loves me nor do they care for me.

-_-

As what gets me through the days, if I can help someone on GAF or IRL with a computer problem or other tasks, I'm happy. At least I feel useful.

I'll go ahead and cry myself to sleep tonight.

Just like a tissue, useful when needed. When used, thrown away.

 

[weekend_warrior]

Man that's some harsh stuff Bandit.

Go ahead and vent all you need guys, the internet's not gonna run out of space.

 

[The Take Out Bandit]

I'm sick of being alone. I haven't been employed for almost two years now, and it sickens me at job interview stages that they think I'm not a right fit because I don't have xyz qualification even though I'm willing to learn. I'm tired of this stupid requires leadership bullshit as that's totally not true. My friends don't care as they don't talk to me any more, and I think they silently disapprove my situation, but don't want to help me at all.

This is a total Catch-22.

It's similar to what I went through with my unemployment. Nobody is hiring in the area for a year, and all the positions you apply for go to overqualified applications, 4-6 months later that position is back in the paper (yeah I still looked in newspapers back then) and you're thinking to yourself - "If they would have hired me, they'd have a reliable employee and I'd have a decent wage."

You can keep throwing your resume at the problem and eventually you'll find an in. You'll most likely have to eat shit there, but the bottom line is what you'll be doing looks good on a resume and you can spin that into a better job at another employer.

I worked for a petulant child at this one company. Guy was a total trust fund brat, had no social skills, treated everybody like shit, and paid you shit. I had to put up with his tantrums and bullshit for a year and a half before I got out of there.

Just be willing to take work that looks good on the resume when you can find it, regardless of the pay (assuming it's paying slightly better than retail) and go with it. Granted I was making less at this place than I was making as the receiving clerk at Target, but Target didn't look good on my resume for the field I'm in.

Don't discount real world networking as well. Once I got my foot in the door at that one place, I made friends, and we've since helped each other score new and lucrative job opportunities. Some folks call it the "good ol' boy" system, but unfortunately that's the way it works. Folks that are vastly under qualified end up with high ranking jobs because of the people they know, not because of their skill set. Even better in some instances a position will be made up just for them! </bullshit>

I'll go ahead and cry myself to sleep tonight.

You can still beat off through the tears. I learned that last week. D:

 

[enzo_gt]

Holy shit TTOB. Double holy shit claviertekky. I don't know what to say.

I agree with Weekend Warrior, by all means, vent people, this is the place to do it. GAF is a place that will listen if you have no other outlet.

 

[Trent Strong]

The internet is going to make my job obsolete soon. I'll probably have my job for a couple of more years at the most before they close the center where I work. Since I have no skills and my psychology degree is useless, I don't know where I'll be able to get a job. I could go back to college, but by the time I graduate, I'll be nearly 40. Who's going to hire a fourty year old who is new to a field? I'm 36 and I have no wife or girlfriend. I live alone. There are only two guys who I would consider to be real friends, and they both moved to new cities years ago. They both have new circles of friends now, but I don't. I cannot fall asleep without taking a milligram of Xanax. If I run out of Xanax without getting it refilled, I cannot sleep.

 

[weekend_warrior]

Job searching is enough to put anyone over the edge. You spend all that time looking, finally get an interview, get all dollied-up and put your best self out there, just to get spit in the face.

 

[slidewinder]

Living in the same place I grew up isn't helping. The place keeps getting worse and worse. The hospital I was crapped out in was torn down years ago, the grade school I went to shuttered, the high school shuttered. The recession hit the area hard and folks that could got out and what's left are true believers and scum bags. Every day there's some new affront, siding stolen off of houses, vacant homes broken into to steal the copper, new graffiti, and just angry faces everywhere.

Four years ago I gave up on going outside of the house. It just wasn't worth it anymore after being accosted by a gang of punks with golf clubs. So now I go to work, come home and lock the doors.

So move somewhere else entirely. It's not hard and, given what you're saying, it seems awfully unlikely that you'll look back upon any such change of scenery with more regret than you would compared to staying in the same shitty, soul-crushing situation until you get old and die. Just move and see what happens.

Who's going to hire a fourty year old who is new to a field? I'm 36 and I have no wife or girlfriend. I live alone. There are only two guys who I would consider to be real friends, and they both moved to new cities years ago.

You'll be fine. You're smart and therefore potentially adaptable, and you mostly just need to get over the whole incessant worrying phase of things and jump into something. Things would be a lot more difficult if you did have a wife and kids and such, but you don't, and so you can be a lot more flexible.

 

[Freshmaker]

that's just not true. some people have shit lives from beginning to end. just look at Africa. shit does not always pass.

They should man up and exercise more. Things get perfect once you do that.

 

[hateradio]

Obviously the struggles faced by human beings across the globe are different. Depression is one of the "modern" world's issues.

I get depressed on occasion; I've suffered with it since my early teens but has now ceased to be as grave. It lasts a few days but lingers for a while. The symptoms are always the same: superficial introspection, suicidal thoughts, and hopelessness. I try not to let it get to me during those periods and move forward as best I can. By that I mean I try to modify my days so that I don't get too down.

 

[Trent Strong]

.

You'll be fine. You're smart and therefore potentially adaptable, and you mostly just need to get over the whole incessant worrying phase of things and jump into something. Things would be a lot more difficult if you did have a wife and kids and such, but you don't, and so you can be a lot more flexible.

You're right, the job situation probably would be a lot harder with a wife and kids, I never thought of it that way. Thanks.

 

[Future]

I understand being lonely. Ive never gotten clinically depressed, but there was a time a felt very alone. Which was very strange because looking back i was around tons of people. In those college years, i was around more people than i ever will be again. I shut myself off. Rationalized it by thinking friends were abandoning me and that I just had a crappy personality.

The reality was I was abandoning everyone else. Most of my friends had moved away and I lost contact with the rest in frustration. Thinking myself not worthy I removed myself from society. When I tried to reenter, by making new friends or going on interviews no doubt this bitterness shined through and so I failed. I looked at those failures as proof that i was just a loser. I just stayed at my parents house 90% of the time. Parents didn't even know since they were at work most the day anyway. Social skills got worse and worse.

Looking back what probably helped snap me out of it was this cute girl at one of my jobs. I had a temp job in a factory plant, and most people there spoke other languages or were much older. She was a new hire in the lab, and forced me to open up a bit cuz she was goin nuts being around no one her age. Through talking to her I realized how pathetic I was becoming. I had no knowledge of current music or social events, had no stories to tell after weekends, no upcoming plans, etc. I was able to manufacture comical reasons for this when we talked, but I knew the truth of why this was. Meanwhile she was telling me about all the fun shut she was doing. She tried to invite me but I made excuses to avoid. I really did have no life

But why didn't I? There was really no reason for it. Nothing was chaining me to my house. I was broke but that wasn't stopping me from headin to the park or doing nothing remotely interesting. It's like I was trying to be miserable. I made some attempts to change my life up, and finally got a seed of success near graduation for a better job. It wasn't makin much more, but at least Id be around more people my age

When I quit, the girl made a move and asked me to call her, but me still stuck in my rut ignored her, thinking of course I had nothing to offer. What a stupid mistake looking back. As active as this girl was, even though you'd think shed have tons of dudes after her, she was available and potentially just as lonely. And I avoided her as if wanting to continue being lonely. She told me to call her, I said I would, and then flat out didn't cuz of whatever bullshit I was feeling

Thankfully things got better relatively quickly. I moved out into a house with a bunch of people cuz that was the only way I could afford it. But through those people I got my social skills back, actually started going out slowly, and got to the point where I wondered why I was going through so many problems.

And knowing lots of people now I quickly realize everyone has a lot of crazy stresses. Whether it's taking care of a sick family member, drug addiction, chronic pain, unemployed, victim of a theft or crime, etc. Fuck through this forum I learned there are diseases that might make you addicted to eating fucking soap. WTF is that shit.

Long story short don't give into your hardships. Its easy to do, and someone nearby is doing the same thing about something else. We are social people, don't lock yourself away cuz that won't ever end in success

 

[JB1981]

Bails out of thread, already depressed as fuck.

 

[Ovid]

I understand being lonely. Ive never gotten clinically depressed, but there was a time a felt very alone. Which was very strange because looking back i was around tons of people. In those college years, i was around more people than i ever will be again. I shut myself off. Rationalized it by thinking friends were abandoning me and that I just had a crappy personality.

The reality was I was abandoning everyone else. Most of my friends had moved away and I lost contact with the rest in frustration. Thinking myself not worthy I removed myself from society. When I tried to reenter, by making new friends or going on interviews no doubt this bitterness shined through and so I failed. I looked at those failures as proof that i was just a loser. I just stayed at my parents house 90% of the time. Parents didn't even know since they were at work most the day anyway. Social skills got worse and worse.

Looking back what probably helped snap me out of it was this cute girl at one of my jobs. I had a temp job in a factory plant, and most people there spoke other languages or were much older. She was a new hire in the lab, and forced me to open up a bit cuz she was goin nuts being around no one her age. Through talking to her I realized how pathetic I was becoming. I had no knowledge of current music or social events, had no stories to tell after weekends, no upcoming plans, etc. I was able to manufacture comical reasons for this when we talked, but I knew the truth of why this was. Meanwhile she was telling me about all the fun shut she was doing. She tried to invite me but I made excuses to avoid. I really did have no life

But why didn't I? There was really no reason for it. Nothing was chaining me to my house. I was broke but that wasn't stopping me from headin to the park or doing nothing remotely interesting. It's like I was trying to be miserable. I made some attempts to change my life up, and finally got a seed of success near graduation for a better job. It wasn't makin much more, but at least Id be around more people my age

When I quit, the girl made a move and asked me to call her, but me still stuck in my rut ignored her, thinking of course I had nothing to offer. What a stupid mistake looking back. As active as this girl was, even though you'd think shed have tons of dudes after her, she was available and potentially just as lonely. And I avoided her as if wanting to continue being lonely. She told me to call her, I said I would, and then flat out didn't cuz of whatever bullshit I was feeling

Thankfully things got better relatively quickly. I moved out into a house with a bunch of people cuz that was the only way I could afford it. But through those people I got my social skills back, actually started going out slowly, and got to the point where I wondered why I was going through so many problems.

And knowing lots of people now I quickly realize everyone has a lot of crazy stresses. Whether it's taking care of a sick family member, drug addiction, chronic pain, unemployed, victim of a theft or crime, etc. Fuck through this forum I learned there are diseases that might make you addicted to eating fucking soap. WTF is that shit.

Long story short don't give into your hardships. Its easy to do, and someone nearby is doing the same thing about something else. We are social people, don't lock yourself away cuz that won't ever end in success

Good shit dude.

 

[Ovid]

I met this girl today, for the second time, never thought i would see her again at work. i was going to actually try to talk to her, but i saw she was texting on a nice phone and she pulled pulled out her wallet stuffed with a bunch of credit cards. she looked well off. she works for this tutoring company, telling from her sweater. might have just been a sweater she owned. in that moment i just have up. i felt like she was better off and just wouldn't even give me much though. i pretty much have nothing. working at a shit store. i gave it some though and realized that it just wouldn't work. i mean she probably likes having fun, going out, and enjoys things. what would we even talk about? that what i've been thinking for the last few hours since i got off work. i just wouldn't work with any girl. i'm not even sad, just kinda weirded out. i think i just gave up on girls. i want a gf, but i don't think, or sure, i'll ever be in that place.

Fuck man, I hate hearing that shit. Why are you putting yourself down and making excuses?

 

[Spokeys]

All the time, yes. I'm sure living in the most depressing state in the US doesn't help.

(Fellow Ohioan here.)

Add another depressed Ohian to the list. I love this State but there's just something about the Winters that make me lose all hope. It doesn't help that this past summer I had a major mental breakdown and alienated myself from all my friends. I was diagnosed with shizoaffective disorder....

I need to find a job but the industry is shit and i'm having trouble..

I've been getting out of the house a little bit more which is nice. I was holing myself up at home which isn't unusual after you have a breakdown of my caliber.

I need to find some hope and willpower...I hope I find my inspiration.

 

[justjohn]

that's just not true. some people have shit lives from beginning to end. just look at Africa. shit does not always pass.

That's why Africans have the highest suicde rate out of all nations..... Oh hang on

 

[The Take Out Bandit]

So move somewhere else entirely. It's not hard and, given what you're saying, it seems awfully unlikely that you'll look back upon any such change of scenery with more regret than you would compared to staying in the same shitty, soul-crushing situation until you get old and die. Just move and see what happens.

I'm making plans to do this. I need to get a handle on my finances and see where my money is after the audit.

I'm hoping I don't owe much of anything given I've been paying city taxes every year.

I'd also like to visit some of the places I'd like to move to before I commit to moving there. Just makes sense. Though the bottom line is unless I moved to Detroit or Flint, any place is better than here.

 

[Cubsfan23]

yoga

meditation

exercise

omega 3 acids

affirmations (30 days or more)

hypnosis


depression will be gone if you do some/all of these things

 

[lunarworks]

I've been on a bit of a downward spiral the last several days.

My job sorta evaporated into nothing (no termination, just no hours), I've got no money and can't pay my bills, my social life, outside of my girlfriend, is practically nonexistent, and my girlfriend gets into moody snaps and makes me feel even worse. Plus, I've been on a regret kick recently, thinking of the shit I've screwed up on and missed out on in life, which makes it all that much better. (There's too many regret triggers.) All of this together inflames my ADD, making it difficult to get my focus together and find a new job. Or at least even do something productive.

I need to snap out of it. :/

 

[SmZA]

Obviously the struggles faced by human beings across the globe are different. Depression is one of the "modern" world's issues.

Tiberius is remembered as a dark, reclusive, and depressed ruler who never truly desired the right to rule. His reign is marked by terror and mayhem in which the Emperor exiled himself from Rome and left administration in the hands of Lucius Aelius Sejanus, who used his influence over Tiberius and his position in the Praetorian Guard to push his own political agenda and personal revenges.

http://www.crystalinks.com/tiberius.html

 

[MYE]

Is it ok to not feel like being in a relationship at all?

I sure as shit hope so.

 

[CHEEZMO™]

Lost my job, my nan had a severe stroke, and my grandad died on Chrismas morning. All in the space of 3 months.

To top it all off, two days ago I told the one person I have ever loved how I felt about them and basically got shot down.

Hold me, Gaf

 

[ianp622]

I've never been actually depressed, but I have been feeling lonely lately (I'm ok now though).

I found a girl that I can be really open with, although we can't be in a relationship since she just got out of one and I'm leaving in a couple months to go across the country.

Anyway, it caused me to reevaluate my friendships - I realized that even though there are a bunch of people I could hang out with at any moment, there are maybe 2 people I could actually talk to about something seriously bothering me. I feel like it's not enough for me to just be around people, but I need to be around people that see the world the way I do, and also actually care about me.

I'm worried how this is going to affect dating for me. I think I might have high expectations, because I'd rather be alone than with someone that I have shallow relationship with. I don't know if I feel like wading through tons of shallow dates to find someone.

I know I shouldn't even be complaining, given that many people would love to simply have somebody that simply enjoyed spending time with them.

Anyway, if anybody needs to talk about something, feel free to send me a PM. I don't have many life experiences to draw from, so I probably won't be the most helpful, but I can at least listen.

 

[speedpop]

Damn, this thread is pretty intense.

 

[Tricky I Shadow]

I understand being lonely. Ive never gotten clinically depressed, but there was a time a felt very alone. Which was very strange because looking back i was around tons of people. In those college years, i was around more people than i ever will be again. I shut myself off. Rationalized it by thinking friends were abandoning me and that I just had a crappy personality.

The reality was I was abandoning everyone else. Most of my friends had moved away and I lost contact with the rest in frustration. Thinking myself not worthy I removed myself from society. When I tried to reenter, by making new friends or going on interviews no doubt this bitterness shined through and so I failed. I looked at those failures as proof that i was just a loser. I just stayed at my parents house 90% of the time. Parents didn't even know since they were at work most the day anyway. Social skills got worse and worse.

Looking back what probably helped snap me out of it was this cute girl at one of my jobs. I had a temp job in a factory plant, and most people there spoke other languages or were much older. She was a new hire in the lab, and forced me to open up a bit cuz she was goin nuts being around no one her age. Through talking to her I realized how pathetic I was becoming. I had no knowledge of current music or social events, had no stories to tell after weekends, no upcoming plans, etc. I was able to manufacture comical reasons for this when we talked, but I knew the truth of why this was. Meanwhile she was telling me about all the fun shut she was doing. She tried to invite me but I made excuses to avoid. I really did have no life

But why didn't I? There was really no reason for it. Nothing was chaining me to my house. I was broke but that wasn't stopping me from headin to the park or doing nothing remotely interesting. It's like I was trying to be miserable. I made some attempts to change my life up, and finally got a seed of success near graduation for a better job. It wasn't makin much more, but at least Id be around more people my age

When I quit, the girl made a move and asked me to call her, but me still stuck in my rut ignored her, thinking of course I had nothing to offer. What a stupid mistake looking back. As active as this girl was, even though you'd think shed have tons of dudes after her, she was available and potentially just as lonely. And I avoided her as if wanting to continue being lonely. She told me to call her, I said I would, and then flat out didn't cuz of whatever bullshit I was feeling

Thankfully things got better relatively quickly. I moved out into a house with a bunch of people cuz that was the only way I could afford it. But through those people I got my social skills back, actually started going out slowly, and got to the point where I wondered why I was going through so many problems.

And knowing lots of people now I quickly realize everyone has a lot of crazy stresses. Whether it's taking care of a sick family member, drug addiction, chronic pain, unemployed, victim of a theft or crime, etc. Fuck through this forum I learned there are diseases that might make you addicted to eating fucking soap. WTF is that shit.

Long story short don't give into your hardships. Its easy to do, and someone nearby is doing the same thing about something else. We are social people, don't lock yourself away cuz that won't ever end in success

Great post!

 

[HiResDes]

Every year for the past ten years I wake up on my birthday and write a poem, here is this years:

I think therefore I’m not,
Let’s make a conscious decision to rot
Why collect, accept thy down-syndrome
Like a complex beat that breaks down in rhythm.
Deny thy vanity, deafen Colmes and Hannity,
Our bodies are homes built on Amity.
United States, set on tectonic plates, just sit and wait for the collapse
Why meditate, decaffeinate, and proliferate can’t you see it’s all an act
Living in the affirmative, but
there’s nothing firm on which we live
Ashes to ashes, dust to dust
We lust to fuck, and fuck in lust
We fuck shit up, and dump the shit in trucks
…Let’s shrink until we’ve shrunk
Sink until we’ve sunk
Let’s make like a feather
Strung by a strict tether
Swaying in downward spiral forever

 

[thoughthorizon]

From a young age, you're told that believing in yourself and dreaming is corny. You're taught to submit to the system, your taught if you don't have a degree or diploma you can't be successful. You're taught if you play video games your a social outcast.

Holy crap: I don't know who was teaching you from a young age, but they were pricks.

 

[HiResDes]

I'm making plans to do this. I need to get a handle on my finances and see where my money is after the audit.

I'm hoping I don't owe much of anything given I've been paying city taxes every year.

I'd also like to visit some of the places I'd like to move to before I commit to moving there. Just makes sense. Though the bottom line is unless I moved to Detroit or Flint, any place is better than here.

Are you in Cleveland?

 

[Atramental]

Listening to my Tony Robbins CDs again.

Feeling pretty good right now.

 

[RoboPlato]

The past few days have been bad for me. My first relapse into anxiety and depression since I've been on meds. I started in October but I've been in bad shape the past few days out of the blue. They're doubling my dosage of citalopram and putting me on something else to help me sleep. Trying to see friends and do some more stuff in the clubs I'm involved in on campus to try to pass the time and get myself out of this funk.

 

[A Human Becoming]

Which begs the question, do people with depression flock to the internet or does spending too much time on the internet (and, therefore, less time physically interacting with other people) increase the incidence of depression?

Correlation does not mean causation (Psychology 101).

I stopped taking my Lamictal for a week because I have my yearbook photo on the 22nd. A side effect of Lamictal is acne. I felt so depressed I had to start taking it again. No energy to do anything and I could only think negative thoughts.

 

[VeryGooster]

I don't know if there's a new thread around or what, but where I am right now drives me crazy and if this is still the place to vent, then I'm going for it.

Today I applied for a job at MTV. It's honestly been the first real productive thing I've done in a week.

I've been feeling a bit distant from folks lately. A lot of it is me. Hell, probably all of it is me. I graduated college in late 2009 and haven't worked since January of last year although I did a short stint reviewing for a site called newgamenetwork.com. After a while, the free time I used to bitch about not having with work and school becomes wasted.

Part of me feels shame and guilt for being where I am, despite everyone telling me that the state of the economy makes job hunting hard, but when I make very rare visits to Facebook it always looks like everyone has it easy but me. When I saw a friend last week, she mentioned some of our other friends struggling too and so did she for a year. Her daily routine before she got her job was the same as mine now. I'm sick of daytime TV. I'm (mostly) sick of games at the moment; when I play anything in daylight I feel like I'm wasting my day. I honestly wouldn't give this a second thought if most of my friends weren't busy during the day and I didn't already have repressed shame and guilt from a not-so-functional childhood. I do still live with my parents, but I barely talk to them. I'm always afraid how they'll react if I ever tell them what I am really thinking or feeling, and I'd like to think that in spite of it all they raised a pretty decent son.

I don't clash with them, but regardless, being here with them still has the "three's a crowd" vibe. Then it makes me think of the main reason I feel so off:

My best friend. We live pretty far and we don't get to see each other very often. We're both in situations where we feel "stuck" and for a long time we've been talking about moving in together, which is hard to do right now and each day that goes on it makes me feel like a failure and that I can't do this for us. It's something we really want.

Lately this melancholy feeling has stung a bit more because she's swamped with school work and an internship and so we haven't gotten to talk as often as I would like. I've told her on occasion that I've been feeling down, but I'm sick of doing it for fear of overdoing it and then being just too melancholy to be around which honestly brings me here because I'm afraid to talk to anyone close about it despite having mostly good people in life. Ever had those moments where you just have nothing interesting to say, even to someone who means the world to you? That's how I feel, and yet the depths of emotions I go through when I think about her astounds the fuck out of me. For better or worse she's become my emotional crutch. Any time I talk to her I feel on top of the world and then if there are periods of just idle chatter I feel kind of empty. Every time I think about all that I feel odd, but I feel lucky to have someone in my life who makes me feel great about myself and life.

The tl;dr version is I miss my best friend like crazy. I've hung out with people I like, sure, but there's always that void I feel because she's not there with me.

Getting that out feels a little good while paralyzing me with fear. It doesn't help that I've been watching the final seasons of Scrubs on Netflix and listening to this song on repeat.

 

[Shalashaska]

I finally reached a sucky enough low point at the beginning of this year that I went to the doctor to get help. I've dealt with severe social/general anxiety for the vast majority of my life and depression crept it over the past few years. I tried 10mg of Paxil which didn't do much, but once it got kicked up to 20 the difference was amazing. Instead of being in a shell and being a social hermit, I'm on the road to changing it all around. I'm no longer the shy/anxious person who tries at all costs not to be noticed.

Been meeting more people, building relationships and am 1000x more comfortable approaching women. We moved my prescription up to 30mg to see how much a difference it makes and to try to find my comfortable spot. It's crazy to see how much a positive difference there has been since I started a couple months ago.

 

[WarMacheen]

"This too shall pass." Nothing lasts forever and that goes for the good AND bad.

/thread


Every time shit gets....well shitty, I remember this

Also every time shit is going well, I remember this