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Ben Affleck debuts new face

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Mediking

Mediking

Member
Leona Lewis said:
The Farmer’s Market on Fairfax and 3rd is a Los Angeles landmark, attracting tourists and everyday Angelinos alike, as well as many famous faces. Among the celebrities I have seen there are Muhammad Ali, Terri Garr, Tyra Banks, Laura Linney, Keenan Ivory Wayans, the guitarist for The Cult, Lawrence Hilton-Jacobs, and Weird Al Yankovic.

But Ann Coulter is the only celebrity I’ve ever spotted at Farmer’s Market that I wound up fucking in the ass, hard.

It would be fair to observe that my feeling obligated to present the list of celebrities above in roughly Black-White-Black-White order is indicative of my own carefully Liberal sensibilities. And that this sort of conscientiousness is more than a little ridiculous, on examination. But what I notice about myself only on reflection, Ann Coulter seemed to recognize and respond to in an instant, like a puma recognizes an injured giselle. For Ann Coulter is a predator. A predator with a hungry asshole.

I first spotted her sitting at a table in front of The Gumbo Pot with another woman who looked not unlike her, but a generation older (I neglected to ask her at any point subsequently whether this had in fact been her mother). I vaguely recognized her—there’s always a lag time placing faces you know from cable when unconfined to a telescreen—and began to notice, stealing furtive glances up from the copy of Steinbeck I was reading, that she was eyeing me with unsettling scrutiny.

The next thing I knew, her companion (mother?) had left and Coulter was standing over me, looking skeptically at my reading material.

‘The Grapes of Wrath, huh?’

‘Yes’ I said, faking composure. ‘It’s fantastic.’

‘It’s a fantastic primer for vacuous proto-Communists everywhere,’ she said dismissively.

‘I don’t know about that..’

She sighed. ‘I don’t have enough ink in my pen to keep a running list of what you don’t know. May I?’

She motioned to the empty chair next to me.

‘Of course.’ It would be fair to say my voice trembled a little.

She sat and said nothing. Ann Coulter evidently takes an unappreciative view of small talk. That she was eager to continue antagonizing me became evident when I re-opened my recently-insulted book to resume reading. A young man passed in a t-shirt proclaiming ‘Iraq Nam’. She stopped him.

‘1. Haircut. 2. Shower. 3. Get a job, you sniveling hippy,’ she glowered. ‘You’re probably too high to remember that, so write it down--if you can write.’

He looked at her with dismay and scampered away like a kicked cat. She turned to me with bloodlust.

‘What do you think of the war: complete success, or very nearly complete success?’ she asked.

‘Well, in no time—barring the strong possibility of Civil War--we’ll have a democratically-elected anti-US Islamicist government in charge of the world’s second-largest oil reserves, so I’d have to say only very-nearly, on the complete success scale, at a hysterically distorted best.’

She showed her teeth. ‘It sounds to me like you don’t support our troops.’

‘I think that ‘Support Our Troops’ business is the most crass, craven cowardice ever to go unquestioned by the allegedly Liberal media.’

‘Yes? Yes?’ There was oddly growing excitement in her voice.

‘It allows the Administration to absolve itself of responsibility for its own flawed policy. It’s no different than if you sent a classroom of 2nd graders into a burning building, and when anyone objects you throw in their face that they "don’t support our 2nd graders"’

‘Where do you live?’

‘A few blocks away.’

‘Take me there.’

When we got to my apartment, she looked around glumly.

‘I was thinking you’d have half-burned American flags up on the wall,’ she said, disappointed.

‘That’s ridiculous. I love my country.’

‘Whatever you think that means,’ she said, rolling her eyes. ‘Don’t you have anything nasty to say about the President?’

‘Like what?’

‘Like he’s an imbecile, or corrupt, or a corrupt imbecile—the usual sore-loser bitter chatter.’

‘To be honest, I didn’t like the nasty things that were said about Clinton, and I’ve decided to have respect for the Office, no matter who holds it. I don’t think President Bush is corrupt or an imbecile anyway. Would you like something to drink?’

‘I think maybe this was a mistake,’ she said, starting to go.

‘That’s not to say I don’t disagree strongly with many of his policies and objectives.’

She seemed to reconsider. ‘Like what?’

‘I don’t know. Name one.’

‘Get me a drink first.’

With every point I expressed that ran counter to a view she held, she removed one article of clothing. Soon she sat on my couch naked, gently pulling at her untrimmed pubic hair, staring intently but not quite invitingly at me. The growing hard lump in my throat was just outpaced by the one in my pants. I was a little nervous because we had agreed on the last two points—the need to reconsider the option of nuclear energy, and drilling in the Arctic—and I noticed her oversized nipples were no longer hard.

Luckily, she was, by this point, determined.

‘What do you think,’ she began provocatively, ‘of the President’s plan to privatize Social Security?’

I sighed with relief; this was as sure a promise to seal the deal as her asking if I had a condom.

‘I think it’s a payoff to the Americans the President has always been most intent on pleasing: the richest 1%.’

‘What do you mean?’ she cooed. I noticed her nipples hardening once more. She dropped to her knees in front of me. She pushed me backwards and positioned my legs up in the air.

‘A stock’s value is even now only partially tied to the actual value of any publicly traded company.
But who’s going to profit from inflated valuations when stock prices swell irrationally from the forced, artificial injection of capital?

Her breath was hot on my ‘taint as she lifted my scrotum. ‘Yes? Yes?’

‘You might as well shoehorn billions of dollars into the Baseball Card market. The price of a Derek Jeter rookie will be driven up to hundreds of thousands of dollars—before the bubble bursts and the whole market crashes massively.’ It was getting hard to stay on point as she tongue-fucked my shitter vigorously.

‘Don’t..Stop!!’ her contorted mouth pled from my butthole.

‘The top 1% will sell stocks at the inflated valuations to the novice investors-by-necessity, the market will swell and crash, and the same 1% will come back and re-purchase their holdings at pennies on the dollar. Meanwhile, Social Security will go bankrupt and all the novice investors will be eating catfood for the duration of their "golden years,'’ barring a massive Federal bailout several hundred times in excess of what the Savings & Loan scandal cost us.’

She sprung up on the couch on all fours and looked over her shoulder at me. She pointed to her twitching, puckered anus. ‘See this?’

I nodded eagerly.

‘I want you to wreck it.’

I spit on my skeezer-pleaser and, prying her ass cheeks apart like a hot dinner roll, drove it home, into the biggest browneye I had ever seen. She gurgled contentedly. Every thrust of my babymaker was met with a wrenched squeal as I grabbed her by the hips and began really leaning into it.

‘Harder!’ she begged, ‘Harder!! Tell me what you think of Chomsky!’

‘I..think..he’s..brill..iant..but..I..don’t really agree with much of his stance on Israel, and--’

‘You’re slowing down!’ she snapped. ‘DON’T SLOW DOWN!’

I went back to punishing her asshole, giving no thought whatsoever to compassionate conservatism as her chocolate socket gnawed on my pork pipe. She was babbling now, as out of a delirious reverie.

‘Feed it,' Ann Coulter rasped. 'Feed my hungry asshole!'

I buried her face in a throw pillow and she swiveled her hips back on my fuckstick with obvious appreciation. My pace quickened as my man-magma built towards eruption.

‘Wait!’ she gasped, sensing the fuse on my yogurt cannon was burning quick. ‘I want to take you ass-to-mouth!’

I withdrew from her puckerhole with an audible ‘pop’ and she scrambled around, gulping at my wang-dang-doodle as though the lives of all her loved ones hinged on her marks for enthusiasm. Her eyes rolled up pleadingly as she threw her head down again and again on my magic johnson. I knew what she wanted.

‘There is a specter haunting Europe,’ I began, and she started to convulse spasmodically with her own thrashing orgasm, her head now dribbling in a blur against my groin. I repeated every Karl Marx quote I could think of until I reached my own ‘historic inevitability’ and launched surge after surge from my hairy boda bag. I ejaculated with what seemed like enough force to blow out the back of her head--but her head was made of stronger stuff. She sputtered, gobbled and gulped what I’d have to call a very liberal, even radically so, quantity of hot splooey.

Once she caught her breath, she wiped her mouth, stood, and took me by the hand.

‘Let’s go to the bathroom.’

‘Why?’

She seemed surprised I had to ask. Her tone was that of someone reminding another of something too obvious to need mention.

‘Uh, so I can get in the tub and you can piss all over me?’

I sat in a robe and watched her as she dressed.

‘Will I see you again?’ I asked tentatively.

‘Sure,’ she said, pointing to the TV. ‘On that.’

Some moments passed. I tried to dispel the awkward silence.

‘Well, nice meeting you,’ I offered.

‘You’ve really got a gift for tedious small talk,’ she shot back.

I was a little hurt and, recognizing this, she softened just a shade as she reached for her purse to leave.

‘Hey.’

‘Yes?’ I asked.

‘Thanks for not staring at my adam’s apple.’

‘No problem.’

She let herself out without another word, and I sat in the late afternoon silence alone. I considered how it felt to be a disposable instrument in someone’s personal debasement fantasy.

All in all, it didn’t feel too bad.
Click to expand...

Are...you...ahh... really Leona Lewis...?
 
Rookje

Rookje

Member
Kenzodielocke said:
Seriously, what is the goddamn point of this thread?
Click to expand...
People are interested in the evolving/aging looks of celebrities.

LBR if this was Scarlet Johanson and she gained 20 lbs or had a nose job or changed her hair drastically, GAF would "get" the thread.
 
N

NealMcCauley

Member
Slaythe said:
28171717483_a16229c950_o.gif
Click to expand...

Heh, nice to see a gif I made is getting some use.
 
W

Window

Member
Stumpokapow said:
maybe if people sat and thought about things for more than 2 seconds before replying they wouldn't be so confused

the thread title suggests ben affleck has gotten plastic surgery.

the original post contains two pictures of ben affleck where his facial features look notably different, suggesting that the title matches the content of the photos

then there is a section of text which is very obviously a monologue from a film of some kind, and if you google like literally any of the text you'll find it's from gone girl, which is also thematically appropriate to the content of the post

i know comic book movies have rotted peoples capacity to reason through things and pay attention for more than 4 seconds without something exploding, but holy shit this isn't rocket science
Click to expand...

Yes maybe my brain has dissolved into ooze but how is that quote (which I don't think should be taken at face value at all and should be interpreted as establishing the new face of a character, well new persona) thematically appropriate?
 
K

KmA

Member
Lmao he's going through a divorce y'all. And that quote is from Gone Girl, a movie where he plays the lead going through a troubled marriage. Like... all the wtf's in here are alarming lmao. The entire joke is very simple to get if you know the basic premise of Gone Girl (which clearly no one has).
 
C

CloudyTuba

Member
Stumpokapow said:
maybe if people sat and thought about things for more than 2 seconds before replying they wouldn't be so confused

the thread title suggests ben affleck has gotten plastic surgery.

the original post contains two pictures of ben affleck where his facial features look notably different, suggesting that the title matches the content of the photos

then there is a section of text which is very obviously a monologue from a film of some kind, and if you google like literally any of the text you'll find it's from gone girl, which is also thematically appropriate to the content of the post

i know comic book movies have rotted peoples capacity to reason through things and pay attention for more than 4 seconds without something exploding, but holy shit this isn't rocket science
Click to expand...

Maybe people expect more content to a post than a couple random pictures of Ben Affleck, including one conveniently bad picture not actually indicative of his current appearance, and then an overly long non-attributed quote from a movie that is only tangentially related with no actual commentary from the original poster at all.

I know having to read quality gaf posts like OP's all day can rot a mod's capacity to reason but holy shit our reaction isn't rocket science.
Cuyejo said:
People get old and shit plastic surgeries the thread, also some out of context shitty quotes.


Amazing thread, would recommend to my friends.
Click to expand...

OP tested, mod approved. OT is OK for posting paparazzi photos with movie quotes.
This is a neutral ground where facts and evidence, presented within the confines of civil, inclusive discourse, prevail through careful moderation.

Inferno313 said:
Yes, holy shit. It was a wildly popular novel, and a film that grossed almost $400 Million WW.
Click to expand...

Wow, 400? That's like, Superman Returns numbers. I'm surprised not everyone in the whole world has seen it.
 
K

Kenzodielocke

Banned
Rookje said:
People are interested in the evolving/aging looks of celebrities.

LBR if this was Scarlet Johanson and she gained 20 lbs or had a nose job or changed her hair drastically, GAF would "get" the thread.
Click to expand...

Eh, I guess that is what some people are interested in. Not my cup of tea though.
 
S

Sojgat

Member
Stumpokapow said:
maybe if people sat and thought about things for more than 2 seconds before replying they wouldn't be so confused

the thread title suggests ben affleck has gotten plastic surgery.

the original post contains two pictures of ben affleck where his facial features look notably different, suggesting that the title matches the content of the photos

then there is a section of text which is very obviously a monologue from a film of some kind, and if you google like literally any of the text you'll find it's from gone girl, which is also thematically appropriate to the content of the post

i know comic book movies have rotted peoples capacity to reason through things and pay attention for more than 4 seconds without something exploding, but holy shit this isn't rocket science
Click to expand...

Yeah, definitely a clever new twist on the "So and so sure is looking good" thread. Brings new depth to the genre.
 
N

NinjaCoachZ

Member
Stumpokapow said:
maybe if people sat and thought about things for more than 2 seconds before replying they wouldn't be so confused

the thread title suggests ben affleck has gotten plastic surgery.

the original post contains two pictures of ben affleck where his facial features look notably different, suggesting that the title matches the content of the photos

then there is a section of text which is very obviously a monologue from a film of some kind, and if you google like literally any of the text you'll find it's from gone girl, which is also thematically appropriate to the content of the post

i know comic book movies have rotted peoples capacity to reason through things and pay attention for more than 4 seconds without something exploding, but holy shit this isn't rocket science
Click to expand...

I think it's pretty obvious that it's a quote. The pic and title speak for themselves.

In the context the quote is from, it's funny, but the way the OP is presented comes off as unnecessarily cryptic, especially to someone who never saw the movie.

As a first-page response to the thread, most people wouldn't think anything of it (the whole posting-whole-quotes-from-movies thing is kinda cliche, but whatever), but when it makes up virtually the whole body of the opening post, and actually-cryptic OPs have been a thing for a while now, it's not the kind of thing someone would expect so the humour comes off as unintentional.

tl;dr I get what the OP was going for but I think the delivery was misfired.
 
S

shoreu

Member
Stumpokapow said:
maybe if people sat and thought about things for more than 2 seconds before replying they wouldn't be so confused

the thread title suggests ben affleck has gotten plastic surgery.

the original post contains two pictures of ben affleck where his facial features look notably different, suggesting that the title matches the content of the photos

then there is a section of text which is very obviously a monologue from a film of some kind, and if you google like literally any of the text you'll find it's from gone girl, which is also thematically appropriate to the content of the post

i know comic book movies have rotted peoples capacity to reason through things and pay attention for more than 4 seconds without something exploding, but holy shit this isn't rocket science
Click to expand...

Nah man.

It was confusing because I saw the image and expected something in the text to reflect that, but instead I got an uppercut of confusion. And tried to find some hidden meaning in the textual assault.
 
C

CapitalismSucks DonkeyBalls

Banned
So if I asked you about art, you'd probably give me the skinny on every art book ever written. Michelangelo, you know a lot about him. Life's work, political aspirations, him and the pope, sexual orientations, the whole works, right? But I'll bet you can't tell me what it smells like in the Sistine Chapel. You've never actually stood there and looked up at that beautiful ceiling; seen that. If I ask you about women, you'd probably give me a syllabus about your personal favorites. You may have even been laid a few times. But you can't tell me what it feels like to wake up next to a woman and feel truly happy. You're a tough kid. And I'd ask you about war, you'd probably throw Shakespeare at me, right, "once more unto the breach dear friends." But you've never been near one. You've never held your best friend's head in your lap, watch him gasp his last breath looking to you for help. I'd ask you about love, you'd probably quote me a sonnet. But you've never looked at a woman and been totally vulnerable. Known someone that could level you with her eyes, feeling like God put an angel on earth just for you. Who could rescue you from the depths of hell. And you wouldn't know what it's like to be her angel, to have that love for her, be there forever, through anything, through cancer. And you wouldn't know about sleeping sitting up in the hospital room for two months, holding her hand, because the doctors could see in your eyes, that the terms "visiting hours" don't apply to you. You don't know about real loss, 'cause it only occurs when you've loved something more than you love yourself. And I doubt you've ever dared to love anybody that much. And look at you... I don't see an intelligent, confident man... I see a cocky, scared shitless kid. But you're a genius Will. No one denies that. No one could possibly understand the depths of you. But you presume to know everything about me because you saw a painting of mine, and you ripped my fucking life apart.
 
Grizzlyjin

Grizzlyjin

Supersonic, idiotic, disconnecting, not respecting, who would really ever wanna go and top that
wesleyshark said:
And a thread
Click to expand...

Gone Girl: The Movie: The Thread: The Game

I refuse to believe that so many people here didn't see or read Gone Girl. Massively popular book that came out a few years ago. Extremely popular movie directed by David Fincher.

We got 3 threads that are like 100+ pages long to discuss that turd of a movie Suicide Squad and so many people didn't read or watch Gone Girl. I can't. I just can't. Lol
 
W

wesleyshark

Banned
Grizzlyjin said:
Gone Girl: The Movie: The Thread: The Game

I refuse to believe that so many people here didn't see or read Gone Girl. Massively popular book that came out a few years ago. Extremely popular movie directed by David Fincher.

We got 3 threads that are like 100+ pages long to discuss that turd of a movie Suicide Squad and so many people didn't read or watch Gone Girl. I can't. I just can't. Lol
Click to expand...
I haven't read it or seen the film.
 
C

Cuyejo

Member
People get old and shit plastic surgeries the thread, also some out of context shitty quotes.


Amazing thread, would recommend to my friends.
 
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