What did I learn? well for one, I don't think I spent enough time crystallizing my initial thoughts as it was obviously confusing to most people (and I see now how it was misconstrued, I don't often type posts of this nature).
Second, I learned that a lot more people care about style/tone than they do substance, which is kind of weird and different from how I grew up - especially so for military folk, etc. I think I might be in the minority/disconnected from most by having this opinion.
People care about both style and substance in communications, because if one is poor both get disregarded. I'm just as likely to completely disregard advice that is polite yet useless as I am advice that is rude but might have stumbled upon a valid point, but the difference is one of those people is a poor player but at least a well-meaning one. The other is no more likely to be a better player, but their lack of social skills is probably making the whole experience outside of that exchange unpleasant for everyone without even realising it if they are getting that angry about losing a computer game.
People not being willing to put up with others being dicks in exchange for whatever meagre improvements in their gameplay they can glean between the insults does not make them an impractical carebear for not wanting to filter out all the bullshit to try and understand what some rando with no social skills or self-awareness (because they've certainly been on the opposite end themself) is trying to get at.
Communication matters, we are social creatures. If succeeding at online gaming with random people is very important to a player, it's probably worth them learning how to offer constructive advice and accept that others might not care quite as much, might ignore it or that they might not have all the relevant information, rather than putting the onus on the receiving player to decipher all the bullshit and insults and then take a load more when they've decided the advice was crap and can be safely ignored.
Regarding environment outside of the game, I suppose I work in a team in an office, and having someone with no authority or particular insight screaming 'do your job' during a debrief is unlikely to get any results other than others desperate not to work with them again. Drama isn't a reason anyone is there and there are far better ways to communicate the same information if frustrated and sure that you've identified the problem.
