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[Scotch]

Hey gaf, I'd like your thoughts in how to proceed in a couple of situations I'm in..

Bear in mind I've never been one to deal with girls who are already in realtionships.

Girl 1: Really cute japanese girl whose in the area for a contract job for 2 years.
We met on tinder and while still in the texting stages I asked if she was single, she told me she had a boyfriend and from that point onward that was the only time she has mentioned him. Regardless, we've gone out twice. I thought whatever.. we hit it off great and we have a lot in common, it'd be great to make a new friend and so because of that i kept my distance a bit. The thing is.. she is really into me, all the classic signs are there. Should I just keep going out with her? start physical contact and escalate and not worry about it?

Girl 2: Girl I met a few days ago at a mutual friends' dinner party. We hit it off great, I found it weird that she was asking me a lot of personal questions.. but lots of flirting between the two of us. All the other guests started joking saying that we made a great couple. But at one point when we were alone talking, she takes out her phone to call her boyfriend in front of me to ask how he was doing, then she goes right back to flirting like nothing happened. Before that i had no idea she was seeing anybody.. she gives me her number anyway and suggests that we go out and celebrate about a recent work promotion that I told her about. We haven't chatted since then and I have no problem asking her out, but I don't know if I should go through with it..

On a side note about the "calling the boyfriend in front of you" thing. This has been done by quite a few women who have been interested in me. Is this just them overplaying their taken status to seem more desirable? trying to provoke jealousy? or just a way for them to say "you know i have a boyfriend, so if anything happens between us you're responsible.."

Don't encourage their cheating asses, it makes you an asshole as well. Besides, these girls will do the same to you once you're in a relationship.

 

[always crazy bacon]

Besides, these girls will do the same to you once you're in a relationship.

I don't believe in this line of thinking and just comes across as insecure every time I hear it.

 

[Ogodei]

She's probably already forgotten about you. You'd best do the same.

Why is it a problem if she's a fellow alumni?

She's a link to the local alumni community, basically. A few of my closer grad school friends moved to DC, but not a lot of them, so i don't have too many strong links to the rest of the network. She's one of those people who likes to do stuff (part of our text conversation about a week ago was the possibility of her organizing a brunch for a bunch of us). Valuable to have on-side because a friendship with her leads to friendships with others.

It's kind of baffling. Because yeah i'm attracted to her but I don't think i was throwing out any signals to that effect, just wanted to get together with her and other alums for drinks last night.

Almost wondering if she didn't delete her account for some other reason. I'll have to ask a friend.

 

[LucidMomentum]

Yesterday's movie night was nice. She came to my place, and brought my favourite chips and dip with her.
I very briefly mentioned them in a conversation so that impressed me big time.

We watched a horror movie, then talked, cuddled and made out for a couple hours. No sex tho, she had work in the morning so she had to leave. I said she could stay the night and she hesitated a bit but decided to leave after all.

She was more relaxed now but still seems kind of shy / reserved and doesn't show her excitement that much, I don't know what to make out of it.
Maybe she's just slow to warm up, dunno? She's not active, but isn't pushing back either and agrees to pretty much anything I suggest. We'll be seeing each other again in a few days.

She's attentive enough to remember something you mentioned in passing, she's being physical but keeping it at a slower buildup for now, and she's showing you that she's autonomous enough that she can decide if she's down for more or not when you ask her.

Also she's more than willing to keep seeing you.

I think you're fine, you just might have to initiate / talk to her about what you want when the mood's right.

 

[The Power Of Snap]

Okay, long story short, i got frienzoned (because of me) months ago by this girl and went no contact for a while. Yesterday i had a date with her and all was super well. I know that i need to escalate things physically to "escape" the zone, but i wanted yesterday to start fresh on the first date. She bumped into me, stuff like that and we exchanged kisses on the cheeks at the end. Before i got friendzone, i dated her for a while and had lots of make-out sessions etc...

I want to play my cards well for the second date, do the first kiss really need to be done there or i'm already forever in friendzone and not getting a second date? I didn't yesterday because i didn't think the time was right and i didn't want to come off as needy.

I wrote her today to tell me when she's available so we can redo this next week.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

Okay, long story short, i got frienzoned (because of me) months ago by this girl and went no contact for a while. Yesterday i had a date with her and all was super well. I know that i need to escalate things physically to "escape" the zone, but i wanted yesterday to start fresh on the first date. She bumped into me, stuff like that and we exchanged kisses on the cheeks at the end. Before i got friendzone, i dated her for a while and had lots of make-out sessions etc...

I want to play my cards well for the second date, do the first kiss really need to be done there or i'm already forever in friendzone and not getting a second date? I didn't yesterday because i didn't think the time was right and i didn't want to come off as needy.

I wrote her today to tell me when she's available so we can redo this next week.

There is so much wrong with this post, I'll let others handle it... I'll leave this, though:

Did she know it was a date?

 

[names2hard4you]

No one leaves the friendzone. No one. You were there for a reason. Also, yeah I ask the same, did she know this was a "date"?

 

[The Power Of Snap]

There is so much wrong with this post, I'll let others handle it... I'll leave this, though:

Did she know it was a date?

Yes, can you help me and tell me all the wrong?

 

[GK86]

I don't get it, if you have already had "lots of make-out sessions", then why are you stressing over the first kiss? Which isn't even the first kiss anymore.

 

[The Power Of Snap]

I don't get it, if you have already had "lots of make-out sessions", then why are you stressing over the first kiss? Which isn't even the first kiss anymore.

I know, but at the same time, and i may be super wrong, i can't pretend and re-date her like nothing happened like this was my 7th date with her when i stopped talking and seeing her for 2-3 months.

 

[Count Dookkake]

I think we need the full, true story of what happened 2-3 months ago.

 

[The Power Of Snap]

I think we need the full, true story of what happened 2-3 months ago.

I asked her to be exclusive too fast, after getting warned to take things slowly and dating her for 2 months.

I just should have continue dating and shut the fuck up but i fucked up and i know it.

The doing things well and slowly is still hunting me.

 

[Ozorov]

Okay, long story short, i got frienzoned (because of me) months ago by this girl and went no contact for a while. Yesterday i had a date with her and all was super well. I know that i need to escalate things physically to "escape" the zone, but i wanted yesterday to start fresh on the first date. She bumped into me, stuff like that and we exchanged kisses on the cheeks at the end. Before i got friendzone, i dated her for a while and had lots of make-out sessions etc...

I want to play my cards well for the second date, do the first kiss really need to be done there or i'm already forever in friendzone and not getting a second date? I didn't yesterday because i didn't think the time was right and i didn't want to come off as needy.

I wrote her today to tell me when she's available so we can redo this next week.

What did she respond?

 

[The Power Of Snap]

What did she respond?

I just send it an hour ago lol, i'll let you know!

 

[Ozorov]

I just send it an hour ago lol, i'll let you know!

Nice

 

[TangerineCloud]

Argh. Was getting pretty excited about a third date tonight, but she ended up having to cancel due to a migraine. I'm not too worried about it since she was really apologetic and immediately offered to reschedule, but I guess I can't help but feel a little bit anxious. At least I have a pretty good thing going on with another woman if this one doesn't work out.

EDIT: Not gonna sit around and let myself spiral over it. We're turning up tonight.

 

[Mahonay]

Argh. Was getting pretty excited about a third date tonight, but she ended up having to cancel due to a migraine. I'm not too worried about it since she was really apologetic and immediately offered to reschedule, but I guess I can't help but feel a little bit anxious. At least I have a pretty good thing going on with another woman if this one doesn't work out.

I wouldn't sweat it. Sounds like things are going relatively well.

 

[TangerineCloud]

I wouldn't sweat it. Sounds like things are going relatively well.

Thanks, man. I always tend to see doom and gloom, even if things have been going well, heh. The alternate perspective is appreciated.

 

[Ozorov]

Thanks, man. I always tend to see doom and gloom, even if things have been going well, heh. The alternate perspective is appreciated.

No problems if she rescheduled it I think

 

[ATF487]

I think I got ghosted because on Tuesday I forgot that it was St Patrick's day? She's Irish (in the kinda sorta hyphenated American way), we went on a date last Sunday.

Me: Hey how was your day?
Her: Good!
Me: Drinks on sat?
Her: It's a busy weekend, can we do it next weekend or sometime during next week?
Me: Ah yeah forgot it was St. Patrick's, could we do next Thursday or Friday? I think that'd work best for me

Then silence. I'd been working loads (lots of 11-12 hour days, sometimes more), forgot it was a holiday! She really did seem up for a second date when we were hanging out...I don't think I misread that.

I'm not REALLY that bothered with this one, she wasn't The One, but I feel like recently loads of people have been bailing on me mid conversation and the lack of resolution is frustrating. How often do others send follow up texts? I'm too stubborn to do it; always feel like if they want to make the effort they will.

 

[names2hard4you]

I think I got ghosted because on Tuesday I forgot that it was St Patrick's day? She's Irish (in the kinda sorta hyphenated American way), we went on a date last Sunday.

Me: Hey how was your day?
Her: Good!
Me: Drinks on sat?
Her: It's a busy weekend, can we do it next weekend or sometime during next week?
Me: Ah yeah forgot it was St. Patrick's, could we do next Thursday or Friday? I think that'd work best for me

Then silence. I'd been working loads (lots of 11-12 hour days, sometimes more), forgot it was a holiday! She really did seem up for a second date when we were hanging out...I don't think I misread that.

I'm not REALLY that bothered with this one, she wasn't The One, but I feel like recently loads of people have been bailing on me mid conversation and the lack of resolution is frustrating. How often do others send follow up texts? I'm too stubborn to do it; always feel like if they want to make the effort they will.

If she left you for something as pretty as that, I'm going to go out on a limb and say she just wasn't that into you and therefore not worth your time.

And to be honest, talk when you need to. Setup a date, ask them what they are up to... Basically if you have something to say, say it.

 

[ZackieChan]

I don't think it has anything to do with the holiday. Text her again j. A few days to say hi, otherwise move on

 

[bluethree]

Damn ghosting in the middle of making plans has become a huge dealbreaker for me. There are probably other things I'd give a 2nd chance for, but not that. If she doesnt get back to you I'd drop it.

 

[Ozorov]

If she left you for something as pretty as that, I'm going to go out on a limb and say she just wasn't that into you and therefore not worth your time.

And to be honest, talk when you need to. Setup a date, ask them what they are up to... Basically if you have something to say, say it.

Yeah that's something I need to work on also hah

 

[always crazy bacon]

Damn ghosting in the middle of making plans has become a huge dealbreaker for me.

You dont get to call ghosting a dealbreaker as if you are somehow rejecting them! They already rejected YOU by ghosting.

 

[Jokab]

I don't believe in this line of thinking and just comes across as insecure every time I hear it.

Why not? They are cheating now, what makes you think they would not cheat again once they start feeling just a tiny bit of insecurity in their relationships?

 

[Ozorov]

You dont get to call ghosting a dealbreaker as if you are somehow rejecting them! They already rejected YOU by ghosting.

What's ghosting now again?

 

[always crazy bacon]

What's ghosting now again?

Person you are dating stops replying or sending any messages to you, instead of saying they are no longer interested.

 

[Ozorov]

Person you are dating stops replying or sending any messages to you, instead of saying they are no longer interested.

Ah okey

 

[WhateverItTakes]

All I've gotten from this first round of Tinder is that I'm absolutely convinced the girl I accidentally swiped left on was the most perfect woman in the world. Such is life.

 

[FyreWulff]

All I've gotten from this first round of Tinder is that I'm absolutely convinced the girl I accidentally swiped left on was the most perfect woman in the world. Such is life.

don't treat dating as shopping

 

[WhateverItTakes]

don't treat dating as shopping

Lol, I was mostly being facetious. The left/right thing did not come naturally. The one thing I've told myself is to not take this shit seriously, otherwise it's only gonna end in tears.

 

[brawly]

All I've gotten from this first round of Tinder is that I'm absolutely convinced the girl I accidentally swiped left on was the most perfect woman in the world. Such is life.

Welcome to tinder. I would always super like the really great ones btw, otherwise you'll kick yourself ten seconds later for not doing it (I did at least).

 

[ZackieChan]

Welcome to tinder. I would always super like the really great ones btw, otherwise you'll kick yourself ten seconds later for not doing it (I did at least).

But then you find an even more perfect one just minutes later, and you're all out of super likes!

Spoiler

I've subscribed before for that. I regret everything

 

[Haloid1177]

Weird question time GAF. A good friend of mine just went through a rough breakup with an abusive ex, dude did some awful shit in response this weekend. He's stopped by her apartment before but he hasn't the last day. I slept at her place this morning cause her and her dad were worried about the guy coming back over. Is that still a legitimate concern the day after the bad shit all went down? Her sister doesn't get back in town until tomorrow and I dunno how to handle tonight basically.

 

[Gotdatmoney]

Weird question time GAF. A good friend of mine just went through a rough breakup with an abusive ex, dude did some awful shit in response this weekend. He's stopped by her apartment before but he hasn't the last day. I slept at her place this morning cause her and her dad were worried about the guy coming back over. Is that still a legitimate concern the day after the bad shit all went down? Her sister doesn't get back in town until tomorrow and I dunno how to handle tonight basically.

Can you change the locks? (Well actually do they own ot together or is it just hers? If they own it together you can't change the locks)

That or maybe just get another friend and chill there for another night tol the sister comes. Make sure you know the number for the police as well.

 

[FyreWulff]

Weird question time GAF. A good friend of mine just went through a rough breakup with an abusive ex, dude did some awful shit in response this weekend. He's stopped by her apartment before but he hasn't the last day. I slept at her place this morning cause her and her dad were worried about the guy coming back over. Is that still a legitimate concern the day after the bad shit all went down? Her sister doesn't get back in town until tomorrow and I dunno how to handle tonight basically.

change locks

if he's threatening or a potential threat contact the police

 

[Mahonay]

Yep. Change locks. Contact police if things get more intense.

 

[Ogodei]

Person you are dating stops replying or sending any messages to you, instead of saying they are no longer interested.

It's rude as shit after a first date. Any time before that I could understand (since girls on these sites are inundated by messages).

Although i tend to take particular issue with being ignored, whether in a romantic context or not. The flakiness of my generation confounds me: just fucking respond to your messages, people.

 

[Haloid1177]

It's her and her sister's apartment they've been apart for two months but she ghosted him this week and all this shit started. Cop is inside taking her statement now. Gonna file the restraining order tomorrow I think downtown. Running on four hours of sleep over the last two nights with this shit men can be the worst.

 

[Advocatus Diaboli]

It's rude as shit after a first date. Any time before that I could understand (since girls on these sites are inundated by messages).

Although i tend to take particular issue with being ignored, whether in a romantic context or not. The flakiness of my generation confounds me: just fucking respond to your messages, people.

Eh. I'm mutually ghosting someone right now. Or, I guess we've successfully mutually ghosted. It's painless and easier if both people are on the same page.

Besides, girl I'm dating (the girl Leeness ships for me) met my best friends last night for my birthday, so I guess that's going somewhere.

 

[always crazy bacon]

It's rude as shit after a first date. Any time before that I could understand (since girls on these sites are inundated by messages).

Although i tend to take particular issue with being ignored, whether in a romantic context or not. The flakiness of my generation confounds me: just fucking respond to your messages, people.

This type of response is EXACTLY why people ghost, they don't want to deal with potential butthurt partners.

 

[ZackieChan]

It's rude as shit after a first date. Any time before that I could understand (since girls on these sites are inundated by messages).

Although i tend to take particular issue with being ignored, whether in a romantic context or not. The flakiness of my generation confounds me: just fucking respond to your messages, people.

You just have to get over this. It's the world we live in.

And when you have a ton of messages coming in, like I'd imagine a lot of ladies do, you need to prioritize. Someone you don't have any plans to move forward with gets the boot. The reaction to negative news can be unpredictable (see crazy ex story above or any of the sites that collect the abusive texts that follow rejection).

 

[Xun]

She's a lovely girl, but since we've only had 2 dates I'm not thinking about where things are going.

Whilst I'm not against entering a relationship at the moment, I'm not looking for one as such. I'm simply dating casually and going with the flow. I'm a "late bloomer" when it comes to dating and I lack experience, so I'm making up for lost time.

I got far too invested with the American girl I was dating late last year and I got pretty damn hurt when things ended. She was was the first girl I fell for (despite being 27), so I'm still struggling to completely get over her. As a positive though my mentality has changed when it comes to dating recently, so I'm approaching things differently to how I did in the past.

Anyway I'm seeing the girl again next Tuesday (she's busy this week), I have the postponed date with the Australian girl this Thursday and there's some other girls who want to meet up at some point as well.

I've honestly never felt more comfortable and confident in myself and it feels great.

Well, things are over with the girl I was meant to meet up with on Tuesday.

I asked if it was still on and she said things have gotten more serious with another guy she was seeing, so that's that.

I feel pretty bummed, but onto the next I guess...

 

[Lulubop]

Date with this hot girl from Tinder last night, had lots of sex it was a good night the end

It's rude as shit after a first date. Any time before that I could understand (since girls on these sites are inundated by messages).

Although i tend to take particular issue with being ignored, whether in a romantic context or not. The flakiness of my generation confounds me: just fucking respond to your messages, people.

no

 

[Leeness]

Besides, girl I'm dating (the girl Leeness ships for me) met my best friends last night for my birthday, so I guess that's going somewhere.

☺️☺️☺️

 

[artsi]

She's attentive enough to remember something you mentioned in passing, she's being physical but keeping it at a slower buildup for now, and she's showing you that she's autonomous enough that she can decide if she's down for more or not when you ask her.

Also she's more than willing to keep seeing you.

I think you're fine, you just might have to initiate / talk to her about what you want when the mood's right.

Yeah it looks like I just have to lead, which is kind of interesting as she's the older and more experienced one here.
She also can't conversate by text to save her life, but is very talkative face to face.

I suggested that she should come to my place tuesday after work, and again agreed immediately.

 

[TangerineCloud]

Quick question: when is it appropriate to offer to bring someone something when they're sick? I've been on two dates with this woman who is currently sick, and I was considering just dropping a "feel free to let me know if you really need anything". I ultimately decided against it because I figured it might be a little inappropriate at this stage, especially since I've never been to her apartment before. Did I make the right call, or am I overthinking a nice a gesture?

 

[names2hard4you]

Quick question: when is it appropriate to offer to bring someone something when they're sick? I've been on two dates with this woman who is currently sick, and I was considering just dropping a "feel free to let me know if you really need anything". I ultimately decided against it because I figured it might be a little inappropriate at this stage, especially since I've never been to her apartment before. Did I make the right call, or am I overthinking a nice a gesture?

You guys went out twice? Stahp it there lol. Just keep doing what you have been doing till now, didn't she just have a migraine or something?

 

[Pancake Mix]

It's rude as shit after a first date. Any time before that I could understand (since girls on these sites are inundated by messages).

Although i tend to take particular issue with being ignored, whether in a romantic context or not. The flakiness of my generation confounds me: just fucking respond to your messages, people.

Not that you necessarily do not, but you shall have to accept ghosting, I'm afraid. It's not about to change anytime soon.