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Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already

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A

always crazy bacon

Banned
Peltz said:
You didn't. I'll chime in with the others: it happens. Especially if you're not used to those things you mentioned.
Click to expand...

Cosigned. Happens to all of us sometimes.

If it makes you feel any better that its not a onesided thing. Vaginas can clamp up even if the girl wants it. Nerves for both genders have an effect.
 
K

Krauser Kat

Member
Neoweee said:
Damn, dude. I'm also in Chicago. Nowhere near that level of success, though. Most first dates I've gone on in a week is 3. Scheduling gets way, way too hard beyond that. How old are you? How many months/years-long relationships have you been in? Are most of these internet dating, or people you meet through your social life? How long have you lived in Chicago

With internet dates, I tend to go only for ~hour long coffees, etc. I'm kind of a mellow guy, and there's often not a huge amount of chemistry; dates are nice, but kind of neutral. I'm also kind of new to the city, so I don't have anything resembling a regular repertoire of date ideas and locations in all of the possible neighborhoods I may end up.



Not everybody is cut out to dating that much with so many different people. I never thought I'd be able to get dates at that kind of rate, and it can actually kind of suck. It takes a whole lot of commitment to not only schedule the dates, but also keep up with the texting. When I try to schedule more than 2~3 first dates per week, I end up dropping the ball and do a poor job texting, leading to an increase in my fizzle rate.
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I am 31.
In a relationship from 2005-2013 (married/divorced) in a relationship from 2013-2015. 3-4 month or 2 month long things since then that didnt work for some reason or another.
Almost all of that is from online dating. Most of my friends are married so no one really goes out to place to meet new people.
Moved to chicago in 2013.
Most of my first dates are getting drinks or some food or going to an art related event. I try to change it up as much as i can. I almost always pick a new to me place to go. If they have a dog, we go to the dog park, or go to the art institute to see the new exhibit.

As soon as the date is planned, i usually stop texting unless i have something really great to say. Then i confirm as soon as i am about to get ready for the date. If i dont hear back then the date is off.
 
M

Messofanego

Banned
Krauser Kat said:
chicago. Within in those numbers i have had a couple exclusive gf for more then a month or so.

This weekend i went on 5 dates.

Thursday i went to a concert and just shot the shit with her all night, it ended really well. She was out of town for the weekend.

Friday. I got dinner with my friend then went out for drinks with a new girl. I might see her again she is up for a 2nd date.

Saturday morning. i got a spontaneous brunch date with a really cute yoga teacher and non profit worker. Kissed at the end, getting pizza with her on tuesday.

Sunday morning i got brunch, i thought the date would go bad but i guess im just her type and she got into it.

Sunday night I got drinks at an outdoor patio place and drew for awhile before the girl showed up and then we talked from 8 until midnight before going out separate ways. I will see her again.
Click to expand...

That's the most prolific level of dating I've seen on here, Krauser Kat, good on you XD
 
K

Kyne

Member
as of yesterday I have officially joined the ranks of dating GAF.

I set up an online profile on OkCupid so let's see how this pans out. I have a hard time with the "numbers" and "dating multiple people" mindset but I'm going to step outside of my comfort zone and be a little more realistic about the whole thing.

Wish me luck GAF! I'll report in with any relevant updates.
 
V

vern

Member
Messofanego said:
That's the most prolific level of dating I've seen on here, Krauser Kat, good on you XD
Click to expand...

Ask zackie, I "dated" pretty heavily before lol.

As of now things are still good for me and my girl. Spent a weekend in beijing with her... back alone in shanghai now :( feels bad. But I posted her on my social media (and she posted me on hers) so I guess that makes things extra official. Nervous🙈
 
M

Messofanego

Banned
vern said:
Ask zackie, I "dated" pretty heavily before lol.

As of now things are still good for me and my girl. Spent a weekend in beijing with her... back alone in shanghai now :( feels bad. But I posted her on my social media (and she posted me on hers) so I guess that makes things extra official. Nervous🙈
Click to expand...

Oooh official! Was it instagram?
 
N

Neoweee

Member
Krauser Kat said:
I am 31.
In a relationship from 2005-2013 (married/divorced) in a relationship from 2013-2015. 3-4 month or 2 month long things since then that didnt work for some reason or another.
Almost all of that is from online dating. Most of my friends are married so no one really goes out to place to meet new people.
Moved to chicago in 2013.
Most of my first dates are getting drinks or some food or going to an art related event. I try to change it up as much as i can. I almost always pick a new to me place to go. If they have a dog, we go to the dog park, or go to the art institute to see the new exhibit.

As soon as the date is planned, i usually stop texting unless i have something really great to say. Then i confirm as soon as i am about to get ready for the date. If i dont hear back then the date is off.
Click to expand...

Thanks for the advice and overview!

My view for internet dates seems like it follows a few trends.

0th: Coffee
1st: Dinner & Walk
2nd: More activity-ish?

It seems like a good middle-ground way to tackle things. I really like museums, but it is hard to schedule dates for them due to their shitty hours (not open on weeknights, etc.).
 
K

Krauser Kat

Member
Neoweee said:
Thanks for the advice and overview!

My view for internet dates seems like it follows a few trends.

0th: Coffee
1st: Dinner & Walk
2nd: More activity-ish?

It seems like a good middle-ground way to tackle things. I really like museums, but it is hard to schedule dates for them due to their shitty hours (not open on weeknights, etc.).
Click to expand...

2nd. dates to see improv at IO is a great place. They have 2 bars, its pretty cheap, you usually see some great improv/comedy.

3rd. dates are almost always, me cooking for them. I love to cook for people and its a reason to get them to come over and drink wine and chat. I live alone so its easier to manage.
 
V

vern

Member
Messofanego said:
Oooh official! Was it instagram?
Click to expand...

Nope. On my Wechat moments. That's the most important one out here... that will allow all the other Chinese girls I've dated to see that I'm now taken. It's probably for the best, will destroy any chance of being tempted I might otherwise have had.

I'll put something up on the fb and the insta at some point... but then I'll have to answer to friends and family back home. I hate that shit.

JadedWriter said:
I think it's a specific pic on his Flickr. I just never opted to ask him about it.
Click to expand...

Ah yea I posted on Flickr but that wasn't "us"... just a tasteful nude 😉
 
N

Neoweee

Member
Krauser Kat said:
2nd. dates to see improv at IO is a great place. They have 2 bars, its pretty cheap, you usually see some great improv/comedy.

3rd. dates are almost always, me cooking for them. I love to cook for people and its a reason to get them to come over and drink wine and chat. I live alone so its easier to manage.
Click to expand...

I'm a good cook and a great baker, so that is probably something that works well for me. Just chill after, makeout, and hope to escalate?

How often do your first meetings or first followup date get substantially physical?

My feeling is that in the burbs, "first dates" were more substantial, and more likely/easier to head somewhere because they require a larger time commitment.

Sorry if these are a bit too personal, but that's been a stumbling block for me. Wildly, absurdly more dates than at any point in my life, but they're often more casual starting off.

Krauser Kat said:
HAHAHA. This spring is making me stir crazy. As long as i am still having fun, i will keep doing it.
Click to expand...

I played so, so many videogames this Spring. I definitely needed to get out, too.
 
K

Krauser Kat

Member
Neoweee said:
I'm a good cook and a great baker, so that is probably something that works well for me. Just chill after, makeout, and hope to escalate?

How often do your first meetings or first followup date get substantially physical?

My feeling is that in the burbs, "first dates" were more substantial, and more likely/easier to head somewhere because they require a larger time commitment.

Sorry if these are a bit too personal, but that's been a stumbling block for me. Wildly, absurdly more dates than at any point in my life, but they're often more casual starting off.



I played so, so many videogames this Spring. I definitely needed to get out, too.
Click to expand...

Of the 93 first dates i have logged. i slept with 38 of them. First night goes are maybe a half of that.

You should definitely cook and bake for them.

Unless the first date is feeling awkward. I ask to kiss them before we say good bye. Like you do your hug. Then come back and be like "hey, can i kiss you" or "i have been wanting to kiss you all night"

If i am getting really great vibes while texting i see if they are up to going to a place within walking distance of my home and as the night goes on be like... hey i have some wine at my place and you get to see my adorable dog.

That works so often its scary but my dog is a corgi and hilarious so he likes the extra pets he gets.

When i cook for people i usually have 2 bottles of trader joes wine on hand and i make something relatively easy to eat but tasty. If its warm i take it out to my stoop and have a glass of wine and the food while we chat.
 
N

Neoweee

Member
Krauser Kat said:
Of the 93 first dates i have logged. i slept with 38 of them. First night goes are maybe a half of that.

You should definitely cook and bake for them.

Unless the first date is feeling awkward. I ask to kiss them before we say good bye. Like you do your hug. Then come back and be like "hey, can i kiss you" or "i have been wanting to kiss you all night"

If i am getting really great vibes while texting i see if they are up to going to a place within walking distance of my home and as the night goes on be like... hey i have some wine at my place and you get to see my adorable dog.

That works so often its scary but my dog is a corgi and hilarious so he likes the extra pets he gets.

When i cook for people i usually have 2 bottles of trader joes wine on hand and i make something relatively easy to eat but tasty. If its warm i take it out to my stoop and have a glass of wine and the food while we chat.
Click to expand...

I guess my problem is not just explicitly asking for a kiss. I've been shot down a few times just going for one, but I just chalk it up to my lack of trying to escalate, or a lack of chemistry that stymies my attempts. Dating as an adult, in the city, through the internet, is so vastly different than suburban/student/college-town dating that I'm still finding my bearings, even a year into a "go wide" phase.

What neighborhood do you live in? There's not a lot within like 4 or 5 blocks of me, but a tremendous ton outside of that in any direction (Fulton River District).
 
K

Krauser Kat

Member
Neoweee said:
I guess my problem is not just explicitly asking for a kiss. I've been shot down a few times just going for one, but I just chalk it up to my lack of trying to escalate, or a lack of chemistry that stymies my attempts. Dating as an adult, in the city, through the internet, is so vastly different than suburban/student/college-town dating that I'm still finding my bearings, even a year into a "go wide" phase.

What neighborhood do you live in? There's not a lot within like 4 or 5 blocks of me, but a tremendous ton outside of that in any direction (Fulton River District).
Click to expand...

i live in between the logan square and wicker park. Kind of by the western blue line.
 
R

Ralemont

not me
Adding another to the "nerves/limpy" thing. Whenever it happens for me it's usually mental. Once it's in I stay hard but the process up until then can be an issue (doesn't help that when I don't have sex for awhile I start having dreams of getting right to the tip of insertion then waking up. Thanks brain). This weekend it was more physical as I was trying to go for round 2 too soon into the refractory period. And then you gotta deal with the physical even if the mental's been conquered. Been having too much sex/masturbating too much? You might be stuck half-mast from physical exhaustion. Cut down on masturbating and see your girl finally after a week? Might come too quickly from head/shaft being over-sensitive from under-stimulation.

Only thing that's saved me for lasting during sex has been buying thicker condoms and learning the kegel/reverse kegel trick during.

Edit: Also if you're having penetrative issues, I recommend going down on your girl first. If you can get her to orgasm it takes a lot more pressure off you to perform, because then the sex is the icing on the cake.
 
L

Llyranor

Member
Dude, you had performance anxiety. It happens to a lot of guys. It can happen to anyone. Overthinking it will only make it worse. Try to relax and enjoy yourself next time you are together, and integrate the condom as part of foreplay.
 
R

Ralemont

not me
Megalosaro said:
What if it is hormonal. I have a low sex drive
I only jerk it once or twice a week.
.
Click to expand...

Then you wouldn't have gotten hard at all. From the sound of it you were hard and then lost it when you put a condom on. This is very common. If your partner is worth a shit they will work with you through it.
 
S

Salamando

Member
Megalosaro said:
What if it is hormonal. I have a low sex drive
I only jerk it once or twice a week.
.
Click to expand...

Given your propensity for overthinking, it's more likely anxiety. If you try to talk to a doctor about it now, all they'll tell you is "come back if it happens again". They can't make decisions off of one point of data.
 
S

SmackDaddy

Member
Llyranor said:
Dude, you had performance anxiety. It happens to a lot of guys. It can happen to anyone. Overthinking it will only make it worse. Try to relax and enjoy yourself next time you are together, and integrate the condom as part of foreplay.
Click to expand...

^yup, ask her to put it on. Its fun and feels pretty great.^

I'm trying to get over my first asian lady, and all the ads im getting on imgur are hot young asian teen dating sites.

Fuck me
 
A

Astral

Member
Ralemont said:
You still have to swipe through and find who superliked you then swipe on them.
Click to expand...

Well that's annoying. I can't swipe again till midnight. Is there at least a better chance of running into this person while I'm swiping? Because if not, who knows when I'll find them.
 
R

Ralemont

not me
Astral said:
Well that's annoying. I can't swipe again till midnight. Is there at least a better chance of running into this person while I'm swiping? Because if not, who knows when I'll find them.
Click to expand...

Yes, it'll usually be in the first ten options or something like that. It'll also have a blue border around the card that says Superlike
 
K

Krauser Kat

Member
1 to 2 times a week is fine.

You were just nervous. Try to start thinking about sex in terms not defined by ending points (orgasms). Sex is just a hilarious fun time with a person you like. If you are having fun the whole time then its great sex.

Does having a orgasm make sex pretty fun? yeah, for sure. Is it needed to have great sex. Not necessarily.

If you go limp. Keep going at with your hands, and your lips and the rest of your body. Give massages, or find more spots that make them go wild.
 
T

True Savior

Member
I would say that's not normal at all but statistics seem to disagree with me.

chalabi-datalab-masturbation-2.png
 
J

Jhoan

Member
Believe it or not I'm in that tiny percentage of 25-29 that hasn't masturbated this year. My sex drive is average/high and I've been on a 8 month dry spell. Porn doesn't exist to me. Come at me bros.
I've tried but I couldn't bring myself to do it.
 
X

Xun

Member
Honestly I wouldn't worry about it Mega.

I'm having similar issues with one of the girls I'm seeing, but as someone who overthinks things (like yourself) I guess it's to be expected.

ZackieChan said:
I think the Internet/porn has fucked a lot of us up.
Click to expand...
It really has.
 
M

Megalosaro

Banned
I'm just worried that I'm not into her sexually now. Which is crazy because I find her dumb attractive. I am not a very sexual person in general though. I've never been driven by sex. I've only done it once before and didn't care for it. I don't ever really get horny to the point of "omg I need to fuck". When I do jo, it's more like "I guess it's been a few days... I probably should"

I don't want to break up with her, but maybe I should. This was my body's way of telling me I'm not really into her.
 
A

Advocatus Diaboli

Member
Megalosaro said:
I'm just worried that I'm not into her sexually now. Which is crazy because I find her dumb attractive. I am not a very sexual person in general though. I've never been driven by sex. I've only done it once before and didn't care for it. I don't ever really get horny to the point of "omg I need to fuck". When I do jo, it's more like "I guess it's been a few days... I probably should"

I don't want to break up with her, but maybe I should. This was my body's way of telling me I'm not really into her.
Click to expand...

You're an idiot.

And overreacting.

It was your body's way of telling you that you were nervous: nothing more, nothing less.
 
L

Lulubop

Member
Megalosaro said:
I'm just worried that I'm not into her sexually now. Which is crazy because I find her dumb attractive. I am not a very sexual person in general though. I've never been driven by sex. I've only done it once before and didn't care for it. I don't ever really get horny to the point of "omg I need to fuck". When I do jo, it's more like "I guess it's been a few days... I probably should"

I don't want to break up with her, but maybe I should. This was my body's way of telling me I'm not really into her.
Click to expand...

Everyone is telling you to relax and that it happens to everyone but here you are taking it even further
 
S

SmackDaddy

Member
Megalosaro said:
I'm just worried that I'm not into her sexually now. Which is crazy because I find her dumb attractive. I am not a very sexual person in general though. I've never been driven by sex. I've only done it once before and didn't care for it. I don't ever really get horny to the point of "omg I need to fuck". When I do jo, it's more like "I guess it's been a few days... I probably should"

I don't want to break up with her, but maybe I should. This was my body's way of telling me I'm not really into her.
Click to expand...

yiss, please stop my dude.
 
F

FloydtheFathead

Member
Megalosaro said:
I'm just worried that I'm not into her sexually now. Which is crazy because I find her dumb attractive. I am not a very sexual person in general though. I've never been driven by sex. I've only done it once before and didn't care for it. I don't ever really get horny to the point of "omg I need to fuck". When I do jo, it's more like "I guess it's been a few days... I probably should"

I don't want to break up with her, but maybe I should. This was my body's way of telling me I'm not really into her.
Click to expand...
giphy.gif


Stop it.


It's fine
 
F

FyreWulff

Member
Megalosaro said:
I'm just worried that I'm not into her sexually now. Which is crazy because I find her dumb attractive. I am not a very sexual person in general though. I've never been driven by sex. I've only done it once before and didn't care for it. I don't ever really get horny to the point of "omg I need to fuck". When I do jo, it's more like "I guess it's been a few days... I probably should"

I don't want to break up with her, but maybe I should. This was my body's way of telling me I'm not really into her.
Click to expand...

um dude almost every guy has had the boner loss when trying to put a condom on at least once. you're overthinking an action you can't even specifically control

have her put on the condom. hell most of my GFs loved doing it for me
 
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