It happens. Just tell her you usually just have to know the person a little more before you're comfortable with the sex part. Most girls will not only be accepting of this, they'll usually prefer a guy like that, who takes their time getting to know them as a person before getting in their pants.
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Dating-Age |OT5| Halp me pls. In the bathroom.
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It happens. Just tell her you usually just have to know the person a little more before you're comfortable with the sex part. Most girls will not only be accepting of this, they'll usually prefer a guy like that, who takes their time getting to know them as a person before getting in their pants.
Nope, there was plenty of that.
26
Thanks for the advice Jokab. It was very reassuring. I'm going to ask her tomorrow if she'd still like to see me after what happened. Still though, I'm concerned it's too big a problem to happen so soon in a new relationship.
SmackDaddy
Member
lol, plz don;'t think of it like that. I couldnt get it up with the only girl ive been in love with for a few months because I was so nervous about performing.
It's very mental. You were in your head at that moment. Just think about her and how you're about to wreck that ass. Stop focusing on yourself.
As for the fallout from what happened... Basically just be up front, don't be too apologetic. Just tell her the truth. "Honestly I like you and want to take this further. My dick just responded to feeling super awesome about this whole thing." and set up round 2. Most girls will take this very personally and think it's their fault. As with EVERY aspect of starting to date, you need to make her feel comfortable about this. double down on taking the blame and moving forward. Make her laugh in the process.
SmackDaddy
Member
Also this. If she wasn't joking, she sounds like kind of an idiot.
My story time!
So my dating life consists of 2 kinds of women. Those I'm EXTREMELY turned on by and attracted to, and women I can take or leave.
The former is usually super energetic, full of life, exhibits love for their passions and surroundings. The latter is everything else. Whenever I talk to the latter type, I'm extremely smooth and calm in my position, and text the bare minimum, relax on dates, and be comfortable in my skin. When I'm with the former, I'm like a goddamn school girl. I text them whenever they get at me with long responses, idiosyncratic language, and can't stop thinking about them. I'm nervous about what I say, how I'm looking, and everything else. Honestly, this is me being me -- excitable and not holding anything back... even though I know this isn't the most attractive way to be.
Anyone have experiences or advice with being ultra smitten and how to dial it back?
Thanks in advance.
....she asked if you were gay...
wtf.
This thread is mostly guys so we get around to things you just don't say around girls. And for good too, after reading some of these stories.
but eff, she needs a thread about things you just don't say to a guy. Especially in that moment?
Even if it's the most nonchalant, nonreactive, non-hypermasculine guy in the world, you don't attack their manhood or masculinity like that.
wtf.
This thread is mostly guys so we get around to things you just don't say around girls. And for good too, after reading some of these stories.
but eff, she needs a thread about things you just don't say to a guy. Especially in that moment?
Even if it's the most nonchalant, nonreactive, non-hypermasculine guy in the world, you don't attack their manhood or masculinity like that.
OK. I need to know if I am unreasonable. So been seeing a guy for a couple of months (i'm also a guy) and I really like him but I have some issues with him messaging other guys that he's slept with previously, he says they're just friends but for me, sex isn't something I do unless I like someone, it has an emotional side to it. So I am struggling with this and I really would prefer he doesn't do it but is this unrealistic?
Projecting your thoughts and emotions onto others is dangerous, but let's get to the crux of the matter: do you trust your boyfriend to not cheat on you?
Bruce Springsteen
Member
At that age you should be jumping out the pants, definitely some major psychological issue there unless you truly had zero attraction to her
I do. I'm 99.9% sure he's not going to. But I still feel uncomfortable.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
I'm glad she apologized of her own accord. If she didn't, you should cut her loose immediately for her behavior.
Yeah, no. You're just making him feel worse. It doesn't have to be a "major psychological issue," and it's not dependent upon attraction. There's such a thing as first-time anxiety: I have it, and so do others. It clears up without issue.
As Jokab says, it's best to address the possibility beforehand.
Bruce Springsteen
Member
I didn't realize he was a virgin, then that changes things I supposed
Well, why are you uncomfortable?
I think he means that sometimes, the first time a guy is having sex with a girl (any girl, not the first-time ever), he's so anxious and worried about his performance that his performance is "hindered".
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
No. First time with a new girl. And it doesn't change things. Your viewpoint is still biased, I think. Let me be perfectly clear, since I feel zero shame: I've had problems maintaining an erection with girls that I cared about when it was our first time. Zero problems on tries 2, 3, and so on.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
Could be worse. Could leave your clothes on when a woman asks you to get comfortable. 
Could be worse. Could leave your clothes on when a woman asks you to get comfortable.
If I recall correctly you did remove your shoes at least.
Bruce Springsteen
Member
Could be worse. Could leave your clothes on when a woman asks you to get comfortable.
If you walk into their place and they say get comfortable, not stripping naked isn't a bad thing
Will the Thrill
Banned
Well I have two dates for this week now! Wednesday with one girl and Friday with another, pretty excited for both. Both from Tinder too.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
Doesn't make it any better. I really did have. George Costanza moment.
And Bruce, good point, lol. A bit vague, but I meant getting in bed.
That guy I met back in June (met, lost my virginity to, and left states all within 3 days lol) and I are still dating (gay/bi man here). It's still going well. My only complaint is he can be too sugary-sweet/lovey-dovey. I haven't made up my mind on telling him that yet, because part of me thinks "shut up Lamp, it's nice to have someone say sweet things to you." But honestly if that's the worst thing I can say, things must be pretty good. This week will be our 1 month and I see him in San Fran next week for 4 days. He keeps saying I'm an amazing boyfriend which is nice to hear. I always thought I would be but no one ever gave me the chance to be theirs lol
Oh the other small issue is sex. He says it doesn't bother him but I don't last as long as he does (he can jack off furiously for over 10-15 minutes alone and not finish and I'm like wtf). Maybe it's because he's cut and I'm not but I can't last that long. He's worried I am gonna be bored waiting for him to finish. Any advice on how to synchronize that better...lol
lolOh the other small issue is sex. He says it doesn't bother him but I don't last as long as he does (he can jack off furiously for over 10-15 minutes alone and not finish and I'm like wtf). Maybe it's because he's cut and I'm not but I can't last that long. He's worried I am gonna be bored waiting for him to finish. Any advice on how to synchronize that better...lol
But you didn't kiss her? Nothing else happened? It's noble and all not to kiss someone who has a boyfriend. But when she just confessed she wants to break up with the guy, and you're in bed together fondling her and she's into it, it's perfectly warranted to kiss her.
My honest take. She didn't want gifts or a handwritten card, she wanted you to kiss her. She was waiting for you to take action before dumping her boyfriend. I don't know her, maybe she liked the handwritten card, but generally that stuff only works in the movies.
Why do you feel used? What does she need to apologise for? Did she promise she was gonna break up with the boyfriend? Maybe she led you on a bit, but you were along for the ride. You have yourself to blame as much as her.
Sorry if I sound a bit harsh in this post but that's only because I've been where you are so it feels like I'm talking to a younger 'me'.
Forget about her. Being friends with her won't do you any good. It hurts right now, then it's gonna hurt some more, then you'll be fine.For real, that comment is rude as fuck.
"Are you secretly gay?"
"Oh yes I just got you here in this bed naked so I can make you feel inadequate about yourself"
EDIT oh whoops I didn't realize there was another page
That guy I met back in June (met, lost my virginity to, and left states all within 3 days lol) and I are still dating (gay/bi man here). It's still going well. My only complaint is he can be too sugary-sweet/lovey-dovey. I haven't made up my mind on telling him that yet, because part of me thinks "shut up Lamp, it's nice to have someone say sweet things to you." But honestly if that's the worst thing I can say, things must be pretty good. This week will be our 1 month and I see him in San Fran next week for 4 days. He keeps saying I'm an amazing boyfriend which is nice to hear. I always thought I would be but no one ever gave me the chance to be theirs
Oh the other small issue is sex. He says it doesn't bother him but I don't last as long as he does (he can jack off furiously for over 10-15 minutes alone and not finish and I'm like wtf). Maybe it's because he's cut and I'm not but I can't last that long. He's worried I am gonna be bored waiting for him to finish. Any advice on how to synchronize that better...lol
Are you doing this over Skype or something? TBH this whole sort of thing always made me feel weird so I cold never finish either. He might also be masturbating and/or looking at porn a lot in general so he's kinda numb to the whole act. You are less experienced so things are more exciting to you. Some guys just take longer. Just a laundry list of reasons really.
It's kind of a myth from movies/porn that partners will orgasm at the same time. I wouldn't worry too much about it. You will most likely start lasting longer the more you do it and the excitement of that new dick wears off a bit.
Sounds like someone watches a lot of porn.
Stealth brag / real brag - Its amazing though. My last sexual partner could orgasm at the drop of a hat. She would cum several times, and me cumming would set her off again. Like that, I thought the simultaneous orgasm was a myth but holy shit when it happens it's awesome. Pity we had very little outside of sex though.
For sure, it's the best thing.
Those gifts were for her birthday. Sorry I didn't mention that. We talked for about 2 hours on the phone that night she received them. She loved the card, and I definitely knew she would, as it had a lot of humor in it (we have many in-jokes). Besides that I did write her a meaningful message which brought her to tears apparently, but the phone convo that night didn't really differ from the ones we always had back in uni. Lighthearted and fun catching up. Note that after that night in the study lounge she never really brought up her bf again in conversation.
A couple of days after she got the gifts I decided to cut contact. I thought the card would make her say something substantial at least, but nope. I couldn't take it anymore and I knew it was the best for both of us. Also we got tickets to see James Blake in September a month ago but I just can't see myself going out with her like that again. Thinking of taking another girl but I honestly wouldn't mind going alone, I'd kill to see him live.
True. I've felt like I made myself too vulnerable since she's the first girl to give me a lot of attention. I fell for the trap and I got played because I didn't even look out for myself, lol. I've definitely learned a lot from this.
Thanks again everyone - my mind's been clearing up these past few days. To those saying I should cut her off completely, how exactly can I do that if she's in my friend circle?
Clark W Grizwald
Banned
This is going to sound insane but next time you visit a doctor get some Viagra in case this happens again. Viagra helps with "performance anxiety" even though thats not what it is advertised for.
Soooooo I found out my Ex that I wrote about, last year, is now seeing one of my friends.
I wrote this msg, I was wondering if I should send it at all... or if i should spice it up some more.... what do you think gaf.
Im thinking it doesn't have enough prickles... help me gaf!!
I wrote this msg, I was wondering if I should send it at all... or if i should spice it up some more.... what do you think gaf.
Im thinking it doesn't have enough prickles... help me gaf!!
....
Um, they can date whoever the hell they want. He shouldn't need your permission. The fuck is this shit I'm reading? I can see why he didn't tell you.
So just a quick update - I got talking to that girl and we agreed to put that problem behind us. We had a cinema date planned but she never showed up, so I guess the issue was just too big for her. It sucks because I felt I really had a connection with her, and now I'll never know the reason why it happened. Or if it'll happen again. My head is kind of a mess right now.
So someone you consider your brother, dating your long term girlfriend behind your back.... is hunky dory to you?
Its not about permission, its about respect. She me the respect, show me that decency so that I dont need to hear it from other people first.
Especially since I straight up ASKED him about it first. So what kind of friend dates your ex, and lies to your face about it. How in the world is that ok to you?
Blitzrules240
Banned
I think I'm losing interest in dating, but maybe it's because I'm just stuck in a rut :/
I guess I'll do what I can and that's "try".
I guess I'll do what I can and that's "try".
Dude....she's been your EX for FIVE YEARS. So what if he's seeing her? If you're still hung up over who she's banging you really need to take a look at yourself, even if it is your friend.
Yes it's fine, unless she was cheating on me with him lol. He probably didn't tell you since this guy you knew so long knew you'd react so shitty to it.
It's okay in my world because I'm not possessive of people. That woman isn't tainted or off limits because you dated her, it's a shitty mentality to have. If your friendship of 30 years is so fragile that a woman can break it down, that's a problem with you, not the person you call a friend.
Can you give us a quick recap of how the relationship ended? I'm not going to search through your post history to dig it up.
If she really hurt you, I can understand you not wanting her in your life ever again (and if she dates your friend, she will be)
I'm missing something here. Back in September when they first got together i asked them about it and they lied. Then in December I asked them about it and they lied.
Now everyone one in my world is telling me they are together, and this guy who i used to see multiple times a week, who's been lying to me for months about seeing my ex... Now 7 months down i finally get the truth... and the problem here is with me?
Again, how is it my problem, that my friend lied to me for months.
Am I so out of touch with reality that I think if someone was truly a friend they would have told me?
Just yesterday a girl I dated for 2 weeks came and told me that she wanted to date a friend of mine. And the following is my response:
How is it possible random hookup girls from Tinder think to let me know they wanna date a random friend. But you guys think meh no big deal for a guy who litterally lived with me.
Found out she was cheating, she begged to work it out, i agreed... but she never stopped the cheating so i dropped her.
And as far as "in my life goes" His Mom consider's me her son, his brother is my best friend, his sister calls me her brother, her sisters daughter calls me her uncle. We are really fkin close.
Ahhhhh, that's different. The wording is poor from an outside view, although he'd know what you meant.
Understand why you're so pissed now.
So your only problem is the lying? Not who he's dating, at all? If so, it's understandable to be upset, though your initial message (the one you were going to send to said friend) does not paint that same picture.
My recommendation is to calm down a bit, then rewrite your message to reflect what you really want to address.
My recommendation is to calm down a bit, then rewrite your message to reflect what you really want to address.
ZackieChan
Member
I'm missing something here. Back in September when they first got together i asked them about it and they lied. Then in December I asked them about it and they lied.
Now everyone one in my world is telling me they are together, and this guy who i used to see multiple times a week, who's been lying to me for months about seeing my ex... Now 7 months down i finally get the truth... and the problem here is with me?
Again, how is it my problem, that my friend lied to me for months.
Am I so out of touch with reality that I think if someone was truly a friend they would have told me?
Just yesterday a girl I dated for 2 weeks came and told me that she wanted to date a friend of mine. And the following is my response:
How is it possible random hookup girls from Tinder think to let me know they wanna date a random friend. But you guys think meh no big deal for a guy who litterally lived with me.
Found out she was cheating, she begged to work it out, i agreed... but she never stopped the cheating so i dropped her.
And as far as "in my life goes" His Mom consider's me her son, his brother is my best friend, his sister calls me her brother, her sisters daughter calls me her uncle. We are really fkin close.
Given your overreaction, it's no wonder he would keep it from you. I suggest you step back and try to calm down. She's his problem now.
And who cares what the random tinder girl says. Has no bearing on this situation.
Edit: I wouldn't send that message, nor any message at all. Continue with your life.
n64coder
Member
My recommendation is to have a chat with your friend over the phone or face-to-face rather than send a text/email/letter.
I'm still having trouble with the timeline. When did you break up with your ex? How long before they started getting together?
Well, yeah, but since the initial message was written... *Shrug* The whole thing is weird.
I feel like i have to say something. And if he's unwilling to say anything about it at this point I feel its not worth it to have a face to face.
We broke up in August, according to my "feeling" they got together in september.
Anyways based on this thread so far. i feel like my msg would be too much.
So I'll still go ahead and send him something... much simpler.
"Yo, You didn't need to ask for permission, but I feel extremely disrespected that you didn't tell me the truth about you and [my ex] before, especially considering our long friendship. I would have preferred to hear it from you, rather than 100 other people. I thought we were better friends than this.
Take care
Peace"
Hows that gaf
We broke up in August, according to my "feeling" they got together in september.
Anyways based on this thread so far. i feel like my msg would be too much.
So I'll still go ahead and send him something... much simpler.
"Yo, You didn't need to ask for permission, but I feel extremely disrespected that you didn't tell me the truth about you and [my ex] before, especially considering our long friendship. I would have preferred to hear it from you, rather than 100 other people. I thought we were better friends than this.
Take care
Peace"
Hows that gaf
So she's a known cheater...
And when confronted she cheated again eventually...
you broke up in Aug
They got together in Sept...
And they lied about the relationship twice?
Um, did she cheat on you with him? It kind of sounds like it to me.
Is that the underlying reason why you're mad?
don't send that message btw.
I'm not sure what to do though, cause if you and the guy are that close, it's going to be hard to hang out with both of them...especially if they cheated...
And when confronted she cheated again eventually...
you broke up in Aug
They got together in Sept...
And they lied about the relationship twice?
Um, did she cheat on you with him? It kind of sounds like it to me.
Is that the underlying reason why you're mad?
don't send that message btw.
I'm not sure what to do though, cause if you and the guy are that close, it's going to be hard to hang out with both of them...especially if they cheated...
Gotdatmoney
Member
i feel like you should not send that text. I feel like you should just not talk to your friend anymore.
ZackieChan
Member
I don't really see what they did wrong. I do think it's funny that your first sentence says that you're not saying they needed your permission, but going off of your words here, it sounds like he did.
I'm a little late to all this but that first message was embarrassing, and this also shouldn't be sent. The "yo" and the "peace" especially, not sure if that's how you usually would talk to him but I'm assuming it's not. Sounds fake and passive aggressive. And like others I'm not surprised why he didn't tell you about their relationship.
What you should do is
bang one of his exes
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