-
Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.
Dating Age |OT7| Tough Love
- Thread starter Advocatus Diaboli
- Start date
So Okc has finally done it and destroyed the site...
Only being able to write after liking is insane for that site. There are so little women in my area that actively like people, it's insane. They are written to and then decide if they want to put in the time to read a profile and write back.
It's not an ideal situation, but I would have met almost no women on that site if I didn't write first, even with no liking.
Only being able to write after liking is insane for that site. There are so little women in my area that actively like people, it's insane. They are written to and then decide if they want to put in the time to read a profile and write back.
It's not an ideal situation, but I would have met almost no women on that site if I didn't write first, even with no liking.
Really?
When did they implement this (idiotic) change?
I disabled my profile a couple weeks ago, and yeah, I agree with you, it's just an extra unnecessary step that will cut down on communication.
If they don't change it back, I may not use the site again.
Jawmuncher
Member
Geez and I thought not being able to see new users was bad (Came to terms with that by just using who's online). Liking only for text is an odd change. Let me guess though. If you pay you can message anyone regardless of likes?
Jzero
Member
Pretty much, I've been on it for three years and it's been nose diving since then. I'm not going to be on it as actively anymore but I won't delete it since I still like the ego boost.
SuperEpicMan
Banned
I went on a date yesterday with a guy, and whilst its still pretty early since breaking up with my ex gf, I felt it went really well. For context he is the 3rd person I had met up with, but I kinda felt pretty comfortable with him, whereas the other couple of dates I felt like I wasnt quite able to be myself. Also worth mentioning, I am kinda bi and he is trans, and I got the vibe that we were both able to be pretty open to each other, compared to other dates. It kinda made me feel a bit emboldened to tell my family about orientation which I may do next time I see them in person. Anyway, he seems pretty keen to come to mine this weekend which Im looking forward to.
Also never quite had sex like that before haha, makes me realise what I have been missing lol.
Had a great wee date the other day.
I needed to get a new pair of shoes and she needed to refill her perfume bottle so we decided to make a date of it.
Had a wander around some shops, got my new shoes which she helped me pick out, got her perfume refilled, we then grabbed a mug of tea in a cafe. We were chatting about films and I told her I haven't seen Moana so she was saying she'll have to get me round so we can watch it together so I said I'd message her later and organise something which she seemed happy with. Got a hug and a quick peck from her before I left so I'm happy with how it turned out.
Messaged her today and I'm really busy this weekend but we're gonna organise something for the weekend after.
I needed to get a new pair of shoes and she needed to refill her perfume bottle so we decided to make a date of it.
Had a wander around some shops, got my new shoes which she helped me pick out, got her perfume refilled, we then grabbed a mug of tea in a cafe. We were chatting about films and I told her I haven't seen Moana so she was saying she'll have to get me round so we can watch it together so I said I'd message her later and organise something which she seemed happy with. Got a hug and a quick peck from her before I left so I'm happy with how it turned out.
Messaged her today and I'm really busy this weekend but we're gonna organise something for the weekend after.
Yea, they've done a lot to kinda funnel you into paying for a sub. I used to use the mobile app like tinder and get a ton of likes that way. They caught on I guess and got rid of that and I mean it just got worse now it's wayyyy to restrictive.
Tinder is the same way and I see in their most recent update you can't delete your profile anymore. No way to reset, you can only freeze the account.
artsi
Member
I just deleted mine yesterday, it just offers you the option to freeze it first.
Unless something changed after that.
Things are going well with the singer girl. Except the dog is still a wild card.
Zeus The Dino
Member
Also got banned in that thread 😂
It's been in the past week.
To be clear, you don't need a mutual match to send a message, you just have to like first. It's a transparent attempt to increase the number of people using OKC's Like feature, though in practice it only clogs up women's inboxes more.
True Savior
Member
If you click the pause option in the main settings it will ask you why you want to delete it.
Well I think it's finally time to pull the plug on this one. 1,5 good years but now I think I'm past it. If only I could just break up over text or something and be done with it, but obviously I know I need to see her in person. Gonna be really tough since she's going to cry, no idea when I'm going to do it. Can't wait too long tho since we're not really speaking right now (neither of us) and she's kind of left hanging. Man this sucks.
Any tips?
Any tips?
Okay, maybe I overreacted there. This is how I read it from their blog, but I was able to write somone who didn't like me back yet just fine.
Maybe it's just you who has to like someone? One little extra step to have a tiny little step extra if you were to harass someone?
Subpar Scrub
Banned
Same. It asks the reason, I select one of many different reasons, then it asks if I want to freeze for 1 day, 1 week, 1 month or until I log in again. No option to delete.
Reactivated one of my old accounts to prove it:
True Savior
Member
Just make a facebook account.
Tinder's algorithm is so idiotic you really need to delete it from time to time.
Tinder's algorithm is so idiotic you really need to delete it from time to time.
Instagram is the same thing, you can only delete an account through a web browser.
LordKasual
Banned
damn...ACB seems like the kind of poster who's inevitably going to catch a perma ban because of the way moderation seems to go down. The dating thread is one of the few places people seem to get away with just being fully candid. He seems like a straightforward poster.
That said, i'm sure my days are numbered, because i can't imagine what Gaia would have done to earn a perma.
Anyone can catch it i guess :/
Anyway, has anyone ever tried out Photofeeler? Interesting site...i can imagine it's either a massive ego booster, or fatal ego destroyer. Seems like a neat profile enhancement tool though
I'm not sure what she did but it could just be her number of bans. I believe if you get enough small bans that eventually it becomes permanent. The number required for permaban might be lower if you get the bans in a quick enough period.
LucidMomentum
Member
Eh, I've been here a few years now with no issues.
I do end up not posting a lot of my posts that I type up, though.
Alright, new topic for y'all:
How do you avoid burnout in relation to dating?
I'm pretty sure the reason I don't get a lot of second dates is my appearance. I dress decently, I have a lot of fun hobbies and date ideas, but when it comes down to it I'm average height and above average weight, so getting matches isn't super easy for me.
But that doesn't stop me from working on it while I look for dates, because you never know when you'll find the right person for you so why wait?
However, as the holidays roll around it's always a bit disappointing being single. This holiday season marks two years of not having a steady relationship and if I take the time to think about it, it gets me down a bit.
I'd like to know this as well...
For me, if I don't get a 2nd or 3rd date, it's mostly because I didn't want one, or felt that she didn't, so I wasn't jazzed about perusing it further. Once or twice, the woman has found someone "better" than me - online dating definitely has a "the grass is greener" mentality that isn't nearly as prevalent in the off-line dating world. Getting back to the question, going through this so many times makes you numb and want to quit. It's not the "failure rate", or maybe it is, but you just get despondent and can fail to be as engaging as you would if you weren't constantly let down. I mean, I try to be optimistic, but I also try to be realistic, and it's a tough balancing act; trying to be honest with yourself, without becoming cynical.
Guess that's why I'm taking a break until the new year, at least from online dating - got a few matches from mutual friends to work through still.
SuperEpicMan
Banned
So my date from Sunday is coming over to mine at the weekend, and I said I would cook. But I am kinda stumped on what to cook. For context I am a pretty good cook, but I feel out of ideas.
Pasta?
LucidMomentum
Member
I had a similar situation come up when I was asked to a potluck a couple weeks ago.
What I did was took this super simple recipe:
https://therecipecritic.com/2016/07/grilled-asian-garlic-steak-skewers/
But since I only had a couple hours of prep I figured I would just hope that was enough.
It totally was, and it turned out great.
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
Couldnt find a good place to put this but Im like halfway through Mark Mansons book and Im just not feeling. It feels like its trying too hard to be edgy. I used to enjoy his articles but I just cant relate much anymore.
Jawmuncher
Member
Yep. You get so low on the pool if you try and leave it at active and don't buy boosts.
Thanks! Luckily, the second date was a success as well! Spent about four hours talking/walking. When we said goodbye, I asked if she would like to meet again: she said yes!
Sadly, I did not kiss her (I chickened out), even though, looking back at the situation now, I know I should have. Already planned the next date (eating and going to watch a movie in the cinema), so will try to rectify it! 
Porcile
Member
I went out last week with someone I've known for about a year now. Had a pretty fab time but since then, like zero interest in any meaningful conversation communication from her. We did arrange to meet this week, she said she'd let me know when she is free (unemployed until later this year so actually she's free all the time) but slowly the days drift away with no contact. Messaging up to that point had been pretty scattered too, like replying two days after I sent a message on LINE or Facebook. Been a bit frustrating especially as we hit it off.
Anyway, just venting a little. Tale as old as time. Japanese people are hard to pin down and communicate with at the best of times, so dating here in Japan for me has just been a bit tiresome.
Anyway, just venting a little. Tale as old as time. Japanese people are hard to pin down and communicate with at the best of times, so dating here in Japan for me has just been a bit tiresome.
SuperEpicMan
Banned
Thanks for the ideas, those skewers I particular look great. But I ended up mentioning pizza since I can make a pretty good fresh one, and he seems to be on board 👌
LordKasual
Banned
I'm in the same situation. Shit was on fire the first two times we went out. Has sharply drifted off after that last date I cancelled. Latest meetup was relatively short-lived and the energy felt slightly odd towards the end.
I guess it's just my current financial/work/stress situation, but its really been bothering me. She mentioned wanting to go out again soon, and I might invite her somewhere later this week...but it's also kind of at the point now where I feel like if I just left her alone, there's a good chance I wouldn't hear from her again.
Oh well, fuck it. I been needing to hit the gym anyway lol.
Porcile
Member
That sounds like entirely your fault lol. I've been a bit more proactive in initiating other days to meet up and trying to start small talk.
dreamcastmaster
Banned
My friend, I don't think you hit it off as much as you thought. She probably had many chances for dating and you were just a good night out. Now she is ghosting you, you should take message. keep trying!
Widdle Puppy
Banned
I didn't know OKC still had people using it. I recall it being popular like four or five years ago but it seems like tinder came along and online dating went over to mobile phones. Also tinder seems to have implemented a number of pay features successfully. The super likes I don't think are worth paying for but the boosts are. After a boost I always end up with anywhere from 10-20+ new matches. If I just go without using any of their features it could take several days. I think they put your account in a long queue before you pop up for others.
desertsession
Member
Update on the ex situation, advice required.
Decided she needed to know how I was feeling as she's given off similar signals over the last few months so on Sunday I told her I fancied grabbing a drink, to which she agreed. It was the first time we've 'gone out' in public since the split and I didn't give off an indication of why I wanted to see her, so I was pleased that she agreed.
After a bit of chit chat I decided to get on with it. I told her that we can't be friends because I still care about her just as much as ever, and that her reaching out to me, while nice at the time, ultimately hurts. I said the last few months has been hard, but necessary and that seeing other people has been fun, but not the same. She agreed with this, and her body language suggested she agreed with the general direction of the conversation.
She said that she had thought I wasn't bothered as I've kept my distance during the 6 months. I told her that was out of respect for her and care for myself. I then said that I'm more than happy to see her so long as it's in similar situations, as in, we agree to go out together for drinks/activities 'without pressure' (though I didn't use the word 'dates'). Again this seemed to be accepted, and she agreed to stay out for more drinks. We ended up out for 3 hours or so.
Once 'the conversation' was done with, we ended up having a great time laughing and joking. Her guard seemed to come right down and it all felt just as good as ever. So at this point, I felt relieved to have told her my feelings and optimistic about where things might head.
When we went separate ways she said 'Don't try anything to make it awkward' which I took to mean 'Don't kiss me' - which was a little annoying, as I was about to try, but we had a nice long hug.
I text her the next morning to say 'I had a nice time last night'. She didn't answer that text, responding by telling me that she got to work late. The conversation didn't really escalate and she seemed slow to respond/blunt (though did say 'work is busy'). I told her to have a nice evening instead of trying to continue it.
Haven't heard from her since. I'm regretting that I didn't explicitly ask how she feels. She did seem surprised by what I told her and I'm wondering if she just needs to process things?
TLR - After months of ex (of 6.5 years) reaching out and me giving nothing away, I decided to tell her how I feel. She seemed to share my feelings but I haven't heard much since. What do I do next, give her some space or ask her to consider my feelings and let me down quick if necessary?
Decided she needed to know how I was feeling as she's given off similar signals over the last few months so on Sunday I told her I fancied grabbing a drink, to which she agreed. It was the first time we've 'gone out' in public since the split and I didn't give off an indication of why I wanted to see her, so I was pleased that she agreed.
After a bit of chit chat I decided to get on with it. I told her that we can't be friends because I still care about her just as much as ever, and that her reaching out to me, while nice at the time, ultimately hurts. I said the last few months has been hard, but necessary and that seeing other people has been fun, but not the same. She agreed with this, and her body language suggested she agreed with the general direction of the conversation.
She said that she had thought I wasn't bothered as I've kept my distance during the 6 months. I told her that was out of respect for her and care for myself. I then said that I'm more than happy to see her so long as it's in similar situations, as in, we agree to go out together for drinks/activities 'without pressure' (though I didn't use the word 'dates'). Again this seemed to be accepted, and she agreed to stay out for more drinks. We ended up out for 3 hours or so.
Once 'the conversation' was done with, we ended up having a great time laughing and joking. Her guard seemed to come right down and it all felt just as good as ever. So at this point, I felt relieved to have told her my feelings and optimistic about where things might head.
When we went separate ways she said 'Don't try anything to make it awkward' which I took to mean 'Don't kiss me' - which was a little annoying, as I was about to try, but we had a nice long hug.
I text her the next morning to say 'I had a nice time last night'. She didn't answer that text, responding by telling me that she got to work late. The conversation didn't really escalate and she seemed slow to respond/blunt (though did say 'work is busy'). I told her to have a nice evening instead of trying to continue it.
Haven't heard from her since. I'm regretting that I didn't explicitly ask how she feels. She did seem surprised by what I told her and I'm wondering if she just needs to process things?
TL
R - After months of ex (of 6.5 years) reaching out and me giving nothing away, I decided to tell her how I feel. She seemed to share my feelings but I haven't heard much since. What do I do next, give her some space or ask her to consider my feelings and let me down quick if necessary?dreamcastmaster
Banned
Thanks for the informed post. Would you say OKC is better than Tinder or do you use other app.
Try out both, see which is more popular in your neighborhood.
Functionally, both sides are implementing features that make them more similar to each other.
dreamcastmaster
Banned
Thank you!
Subpar Scrub
Banned
What do you mean specifically by this? I don't quite get what you're trying to say.
As Salamando said, use Tinder, OKCupid, Bumble, basically whatever. You'll see which one is more popular/useful pretty quickly.
If you want to hear some insights about the algorithms that Tinder and OKC use to match people, I recommend listening (or reading) this podcast by The Verge: Why do you Super Like people on Tinder?
Widdle Puppy
Banned
For me I feel like tinder sees the most traffic everywhere I've been and I've traveled the world quite a bit. Some countries may have their own apps but definitely in the US I feel like tinder has the most people. Especially if you're a young adult or in your twenties. There may be better apps for people depending on their age, demographics or what they're looking for. I think match.com caters more towards older people looking for marriage. Okcupid used to be popping when I was in college (it may still be?) but I think people started to expect something quick and easy on their phones. Okc was kinda late to transition well to that platform. Tinder just has so many people.
I think if you use the app for free they don't show you to as many people (less traffic for you). You can pay for boosts so more people will see you and swipe right.
So I broke up about an hour ago, been together 1,5 years. Thought I was pretty much over her before I even stepped into her apartment, but when it's all said and done I cried like a baby probably five times. She had seen it coming due to me acting distant the last month, and also agreed that this is probably for the best. No hard feelings from my end and it seems like there wasn't from her either. I asked to remain friends and she I got a cautiously optimistic response. We'll see.
Right now I'm pretty damn broken up despite knowing it's for the best. I'll just listen to some sad songs or something.
Right now I'm pretty damn broken up despite knowing it's for the best. I'll just listen to some sad songs or something.
I'd say give her space for a few days and see if she reaches out to you. Don't be quick to get clingy and don't get your hopes up too much.
It's entirely possible she's just feeling lonely but if she meets someone else she'll drop you again.
Assuming he was FtM? How exactly did that go, if you don't mind me asking?
Sectorseven
Member
Is asking if someone is single a clear enough question? Like, to me being single means you're available, but I was talking to someone today and evidently they interpreted it as literally not being married, but possibly in a relationship of some kind.
Sorry to hear that man but you done the right thing, I was in your shoes a month ago and I feel a lot better, trust me over the next few days/weeks you'll realise it was for the best.
Just try to put some distance between you and her the now, nothing wrong with being friends with your ex but not right away, no contact will help you both heal.