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[Jedeye Sniv]

I turned 20 last month and I've never even took a lesson. If it's not a priority, don't worry about it. If it is, you'll get there, don't worry.

I turn 30 next year and I don't give two fucks about driving.

Slightly related embarrassing confession - I've recently started to read erotica on the bus. It's awesome. I feel bad now.

edit: oh great and now I'm at the top of the page...

 

[Baconsaurus Rex]

I always pee sitting down.

I only pee standing up when I'm in the shower, otherwise I always pee sitting down.

 

[Phantast2k]

I was involved in a mass-masturbation ritual(?) at a summer camp at the age of 13/14. We just started masturbating/playing with our penises for some reason. One kid came on someone else (not his face).

In kindergarten I liked to sit down and play close to seated kindergarten teachers so that the angle would allow me to look up their skirts. I think they knew and did nothing to prevent it.

Also in kindergarten I was able to stay overnight sometimes (slumber parties I guess), but once I had to pee and was afraid to go to the toilet at night, so I quietly climbed out of my sleeping bag, rolled over to someone else and peed on him.
In the morning everyone blamed the kid for wetting himself.

I was exposed to horror movies and porn (anal & doggy style) at a very young age, so I kinda thought sex = anal until 12 or so and because of the horror movies (cheap, disgusting shit where women would give birth to aliens and such) I was afraid to stay alone at home and was afraid to expose my back at most times, so I just walked around while rubbing my back on walls at home.

At the age of 5 or so I think I had a penis in my mouth and remember some other kid having my penis in his mouth.

/I pee sitting down too

 

[GungHo]

I turn 20 this month and still don't have my driver's license.

I would love to live somewhere where I didn't need a driver's license. This isn't embarassing. Not by a long shot.

 

[Wubby]

I like Madonna. But only the old stuff up to the Ray of Light album. Everything she's done after that has been utter crap.

 

[Jackben]

Never passed my driving test but I have an official license.

Took the test once and failed, drove a bunch on my permit and then before my permit expired went into the DMV and told a worker that my wallet was stolen so I needed a new driver's license. They took my permit picture, printed it onto an official state driver's license and charged me $15.

That was three years ago. Been driving fine ever since.

 

[sixteen-bit]

Nobody will be able to top that.

I unironically enjoy extra terrestrial by katy perry

 

[MYE]

I once masturbated in a van full of family members on a long vacation trip. I pretended I was sleeping and ever so gently rubbed one out, but I hadn't thought far enough ahead to think about what to do with the jizz. It was all over my shirt and the van didn't have any windows down so I could smell it. It permeated the air around me and I was sure other people could smell it so my mind was frantically coming up with excuses once the inevitable "WTF is that smell?" happened. I pretended I had to piss and when we stopped at the next rest stop I cleaned up as best I could and we resumed the trip...nobody said a word.

I sure as fuck hope my parents didn't smell my jizz.

HAHAHAhahaha

 

[AdventureRacing]

Sometimes I don't wash for a few days so that my dick cheese accumulates. Then I gather it all up at once under my nail and give it a good sniff. Like farts and your own body odor, there is something satisfying about your own brand.

I know this is probably made up but it still slayed me. Then again it doesn't really sound like something which is made up so i don't know.

 

[Jackben]

I know this is probably made up but it still slayed me. Then again it doesn't really sound like something which is made up so i don't know.

He always busts into these kinds of threads and types up the most disgusting thing possible so I've come to believe most of these stories are made up.

 

[Air]

So many jizz stories.

 

[coldvein]

So many jizz stories.

its what makes the world go round

 

[besada]

When I was 12 I ran up an $800 bill talking on 976 porn lines. My entire family still teases me about it thirty years later.

 

[Gabotron ES]

Does jizz actually smell? this is new to me, do you guys smell your hand when you're done or something...

 

[Az987]

I once masturbated in a van full of family members on a long vacation trip. I pretended I was sleeping and ever so gently rubbed one out, but I hadn't thought far enough ahead to think about what to do with the jizz. It was all over my shirt and the van didn't have any windows down so I could smell it. It permeated the air around me and I was sure other people could smell it so my mind was frantically coming up with excuses once the inevitable "WTF is that smell?" happened. I pretended I had to piss and when we stopped at the next rest stop I cleaned up as best I could and we resumed the trip...nobody said a word.

I sure as fuck hope my parents didn't smell my jizz.

Damn, your cum smells that strong? Eat some fruits and veggies man!

I did the same thing only at a sleep over at a friends house when I was like 16. My friend and cousin were in his bunk beds and I was on the floor. My friends older sister walked by so I decided to jerk off while thinking about her under my blanket but I always had loose paper towels in my pockets because I jerked off so much.

 

[freenudemacusers]

So many jizz stories.

someone link that hopefully fake picture on reddit of the old jizzy boxers. it's what I think about every time I enter this thread.

 

[coldvein]

Does jizz actually smell? this is new to me, do you guys smell your hand when you're done or something...

i'm guessing you're female and haven't been around much semen?

 

[endresults]

Damn, your cum smells that strong? Eat some fruits and veggies man!

I did the same thing only at a sleep over at a friends house when I was like 16. My friend and cousin were in his bunk beds and I was on the floor. My friends older sister walked by so I decided to jerk off while thinking about her under my blanket but I always had loose paper towels in my pockets because I jerked off so much.

It's crazy, isn't it? Hormones are a powerful thing.

My story was from almost 20 years ago and I can't even begin to put myself in the mindset to understand what was going through my head at the time. I know I did it, but it was basically a whole other person, like I was possessed by a pervert ghost or something.

Does jizz actually smell? this is new to me, do you guys smell your hand when you're done or something...

I know mine does when I'm not drinking enough water. It smells salty, vaguely like the air at the beach, but stronger.

 

[J-Rod]

When I was 12 I ran up an $800 bill talking on 976 porn lines. My entire family still teases me about it thirty years later.

I used to call 1-800-xxx-xxxx with the x's being "big tits", "hot fuck", "wet cunt", or any other variation of sexual words because almost all were sex hotlines, and I could listen to the dirty intro recordings before it asked for a credit card number.

I would also tell girls that they could get free cat food by calling 1-800-free-cat or something like that which was actually a sex hotline too. I used to think their reactions were hilarious.

 

[The Elite]

I was involved in a mass-masturbation ritual(?) at a summer camp at the age of 13/14. We just started masturbating/playing with our penises for some reason. One kid came on someone else (not his face).

In kindergarten I liked to sit down and play close to seated kindergarten teachers so that the angle would allow me to look up their skirts. I think they knew and did nothing to prevent it.

Also in kindergarten I was able to stay overnight sometimes (slumber parties I guess), but once I had to pee and was afraid to go to the toilet at night, so I quietly climbed out of my sleeping bag, rolled over to someone else and peed on him.
In the morning everyone blamed the kid for wetting himself.

I was exposed to horror movies and porn (anal & doggy style) at a very young age, so I kinda thought sex = anal until 12 or so and because of the horror movies (cheap, disgusting shit where women would give birth to aliens and such) I was afraid to stay alone at home and was afraid to expose my back at most times, so I just walked around while rubbing my back on walls at home.

At the age of 5 or so I think I had a penis in my mouth and remember some other kid having my penis in his mouth.

/I pee sitting down too

This is all quality stuff.

 

[Kuntz]

I turn 20 this month and still don't have my driver's license.

I got it at 26, never needed it when living in cities with a good transportation system.
But then I moved to the countryside so yeah ... had to get it.

 

[freenudemacusers]

I know mine does when I'm not drinking enough water. It smells salty, vaguely like the air at the beach, but stronger.

if you put your dick to someone's ear do they hear the ocean?

 

[Muffdraul]

Is that bad? Something similar happened to me once, only that it was because a girl fapped me, and not on purpose. The spunk decided to jump up there, just before we had to go out with some friends. And I damn sure wasn't going to change my shirt for something so small, so hopefully nobody realised that. She laughed at me a lot after that, though.

Well with him it wasn't a random accident, it was deliberate. And kinda often.

 

[Tain]

I unironically enjoy extra terrestrial by katy perry

we talking the yeezy version or no

 

[akira28]

I unironically enjoy extra terrestrial by katy perry

That's ok. I unironically enjoy Vanessa Carlton's 1000 Miles, and often daydream about making the ultimate music video for that song. (hint:it involves a space shuttle, an aircraft carrier, a company of US Marines, and JFK International Airport)


also..burning one out in the rear benchseat....in a car full of your family members, on the way to grandma's for thanksgiving? And then the further conversation beyond it? Good lord.

 

[TCKaos]

I would love to live somewhere where I didn't need a driver's license. This isn't embarassing. Not by a long shot.

Plot twist: I live in Alabama, where you need to drive to get anywhere. I happen to go to the same University as my brother, and he commutes.

 

[Clydefrog]

This thread is more disgusting than ronito's anonymous one.

 

[Gabotron ES]

i'm guessing you're female and haven't been around much semen?

But I'm a dude D:

 

[ronito]

This thread is more disgusting than ronito's anonymous one.

Yeah, that's why I sorta think the anonymous format works better. When it's just out there, for everyone people try to one-up each other and tag fish. When it's anonymous at least they don't know in what order I'll post them, or if I will at all, so there's no feeding off each other.

 

[commedieu]

I really like the first 3 coldplay albums.

And I love Chris martins merry christmas song.

edit:

And that Kesha song.. party like we're gunna die young, or whatever..

 

[Escape Goat]

I feel awkward posting on this forum after reading just a few posts in this thread. Its too weird.

 

[Bay Maximus]

How many people have had sex in a church?

 

[ClovingWestbrook]

YOU AIN'T RONITO BRUH

Nah, we could use a more public confessions thread. Less homosexual incest, and so on.

I take what Ronito starts and I

Spoiler

ruin

perfect it.

 

[DECK'ARD]

Real talk?

I used to be able to suck my own dick in 6th grade (just the tip),prolly 12 years old.

Then one time I got really sick the day after. I was pretty religious and an altar boy at the time. I became convinced God had struck me down with illness for tasting my own man glaze. Have never tasted my penis since then.

Touching yourself is coming closer to God.

 

[i-Lo]

I have within me a very disturbing aspect that I discovered about three to four years ago. I'm so disgusted by it that sometimes I wish I could remove the responsible part of my brain or undergo lobotomy. Because I can feel empathy and guilt, I am glad that I am not a lost cause yet.

I also suffer from mild form of OCD which is getting worse (me thinks).

 

[Finaika]

I have within me a very disturbing aspect that I discovered about three to four years ago. I'm so disgusted by it that sometimes I wish I could remove the responsible part of my brain or undergo lobotomy. Because I can feel empathy and guilt, I am glad that I am not a lost cause yet.

What is it?

 

[i-Lo]

What is it?

I wish I could say it, I really do given it's a massive burden to bear. But I plan to meet up with gaffers in the future who may go through this thread. And reading my confession would definitely tarnish my reputation (from having none to rotten). All I can tell you that my issue hasn't adversely affected anyone else yet and I plan to keep it that way.

 

[disappeared]

When I was like six or seven, Bette Midler's Wind Beneath My Wings used to give me a boner.

 

[EightBitNate]

I'd fuck myself if I could.

 

[Kazerei]

For the past several years, I've watched the Sound of Music two or three times a year. The entire film through. By myself.

 

[AKingNamedPaul]

I have a face sitting fetish.

 

[commedieu]

I have a face sitting fetish.

What is that?

 

[ClovingWestbrook]

What is that?

Enjoying a woman sitting on your face? I don't see anything wrong with that.

 

[black_13]

ugh so I started going to this gym a couple months ago and after first week or so while I was walking in adjusting my music player I passed a girl and we both shared eye contact. She sorta smiled while walking but just as soon as she passed I remembered I used to work with her few years back. Thought maybe she didn't remember me and I just let it pass. Big mistake as now I see her at least couple times a week and still don't say anything. Pretty awkward and at this point its gonna be weird going up to her and saying hi. Don't think she ever liked me to begin with especially after some relationship drama I was involved with at my previous job with a different girl.

Still awkward and feel bad I didn't say anything that first day or so.

 

[NotTheGuyYouKill]

I have a face sitting fetish.

In... what way?

 

[PhoncipleBone]

I saw Vanilla Ice live in concert.

 

[Banglish]

Enjoying a woman sitting on your face? I don't see anything wrong with that.

I think he meant he enjoys sitting on their faces?

 

[soepje]

ugh so I started going to this gym a couple months ago and after first week or so while I was walking in adjusting my music player I passed a girl and we both shared eye contact. She sorta smiled while walking but just as soon as she passed I remembered I used to work with her few years back. Thought maybe she didn't remember me and I just let it pass. Big mistake as now I see her at least couple times a week and still don't say anything. Pretty awkward and at this point its gonna be weird going up to her and saying hi. Don't think she ever liked me to begin with especially after some relationship drama I was involved with at my previous job with a different girl.

Still awkward and feel bad I didn't say anything that first day or so.

She didn´t say hi either, so she´s just as guilty.

Edit: darn, new page, and i can´t think of anything. Sorry, please continue.

 

[ClovingWestbrook]

I think he meant he enjoys sitting on their faces?

Oh...

 

[AKingNamedPaul]

I think this is one of those examples of people using the word fetish wrong.

I think of fetish as something that turns me on a lot, what is the correct definition?

For the record: I no not enjoy sitting on faces but I got a pretty funny mental picture from it.