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Halo 5: Bombadil crushes the character limit
- Thread starter Bombadil
- Start date
GotchaForce
Member
wat
XANDER CAGE
Member
EagleBurnn
Banned
wrong thread
Do you even read?
MagicWithEarvin
Member
This thread is great.
ThatObviousUser
ὠαἴÏÏιÏÏÎ¿Ï Ïαá¿Ï εἶ
I have to admit it's not to my taste but keep writing. Keep practicing. Don't let others discourage you. It's easier to stand on the sidelines and laugh at others, then to actually try something...
bobs...onGaf
Member
This is miles better than the Karen Traviss or Greg Bear Halo novels. Bravo.
No joke, the newer real Halo novels suck
This was the point where my laughter woke up the missus.
partyphone
Banned
the next Halo game only needs as much story as is required to set up a whole new batch of enemies. it doesn't need more story.
XANDER CAGE
Member
Halo 5 trailer
Although joking aside, if you enjoy writing this much you should definitely brush up and produce something original rather than devoting all this time to Halo speculation (or heck, devote it to that, whatever floats your boat). Not everyone can sit down and crank out that many words.
Although joking aside, if you enjoy writing this much you should definitely brush up and produce something original rather than devoting all this time to Halo speculation (or heck, devote it to that, whatever floats your boat). Not everyone can sit down and crank out that many words.
Well, thanks. Maybe you guys will like my Kotor 3 treatment.
XANDER CAGE
Member
I'm sure it'd be better than TOR, at least!
I was serious about checking out the writing challenge. Join us!
I did one of those. I poured my heart into it. Not only did I not win, I didn't even get an honorable mention. Why bother?
XANDER CAGE
Member
Try, try again. It's how we learn to write!
ahaha
Blue Ninja
Member
I see that and raise you a:
Pardon me if I appear rude, but this sounds incredibly tedious nonetheless.
Well, that's not really a Halo game, is it? I wouldn't mind the Chief getting some Nanosuit-like moves in Halo 5 (grabbing onto ledges and sliding into cover, for instance), but adding in the stuff you mentioned could work for an RPG, but not for a sandbox shooter like Halo.
Regardless, you've made me realize that I need to start writing again. Though I seem to realize that every week and then nothing comes of it.
Technosteve
Banned
can you put it in to a pdf or google doc? i would like to read it at my leisure
oversitting
Banned
This thread is just pure gold. And I didn't even read the OP.
Jake Tower
Banned
Oh, damn. You were right, I apologize. I don't even remember writing that. That would suck. I played MGS4 and hated the parts where I had to monitor Old Snake's stress levels. I guess instead of having that there should be mini-games to help Chief get acclimated to the new features of his armor. I know you probably don't like that, but in my experience, straight-up shooter games are more tedious and monotonous than ones with little breaks like these.
The best way to keep these minigames interesting is to have original ideas. I don't have those thought out. Also, I think the future of shooter games is incorporating RPG elements. The standard FPS cannot survive on its own, anymore. At least not for me.
Ha. Great stuff.
UltimaPooh
Member
I fucking loved that video. Brilliant.
Hot Coldman
Banned
Needs more angst.
FUBAR McDangles
Member
I'd like to quote your story and answer it piece by piece but since you have so many characters...no dice. Anyway, here we go:
Right off the bat, you seem to be having Rio as a high-level guy who was not only able to somehow duck out of the shithole he dug himself into at the end of Halo 4, but has also been somehow allowed to get his own battle group and task force of private Spartans. I mean, I could see it I suppose if they had to go that route, but I really doubt it. If you have read the Traviss novels, it seems that nobody really likes the guy aside from Hood, who seemed to have owed the dude a favor if I am remembering right. ONI doesn't like him. Other Naval officers don't like him. His crew doesn't like him. If Hood is the only one who could vouch for John yet doesn't, then why would he vouch for Del Rio? And then you say Hood is dead. There is no evidence in any books or games that the guy is gone. Unless you decide to have him killed off and written off in the first few minutes.
Anyway, I can ignore that, as it seems like your entire first paragraph would be explained in some 1-3 minute long cutscene montage. Not very central to your story, IMO. Just back story stuff that can be gutted and rearranged if needed.
Also, even though the games seem to emphasize the idea that John can't live without Cortana, he really only spent a grand total of, like, two months with her in real time. He got her on Reach, left the planet immediately afterward, and landed on the first discovered Halo. Halo CE took about 2-3 days in real time, IIRC. Then the travel back, which took about a month or so. Halo 2 was only a few days. Halo 3 happened almost immediately after Halo 2 ended, and lasted only a week or two at most. And he only had her for the latter half. Then they were technically separated while John hibernated, and were reunited in Halo 4 for a week or two, if you want to stretch it. I mean, John is basically 50 years old. Living with an AI for 2-3 months and then losing it won't mentally cripple him. I am sorry, but that plot point seems like it's...bad. Maybe have him depressed about losing her. Just hardcore depression.
The plot point of high charity and having spartans go there...I could see something like it, to be honest, but meh. By all accounts, the thing is pretty much burned out. Move the artifacts angle to some type of new found installation, and you'd be golden. Crazy flood thing could replace the prophet. Most wouldn't recognize the prophet anyway. Then you have Del Rio demoted, that should have already happened anyway.
The whole Halsey/John conversation seems a bit odd to have, but I'll roll with it. Could be some characterization needed. But seriously, don't have him be mentally deficient or anything. Depression is probably the key here.
Going to the arbiter is smart. But meh, his ascendancy to command is explained in the Traviss books. It's not heralded by everyone. It creates a huge civil war. Because of the time gap, I guess the Covenant could be united around him, but I would doubt it. In order to streamline the game, I'd skip over the playable Spartan-IV going to High Charity stuff and start the game and main story with John going to the Arbiter. Have it be that with the peace agreement, some sections of space are off-limits to one side or the other. Halsey's forerunner place(not high charity) is in Sanghieli space.
The first level of the game being them going through the cave stuff you mention. The books have slipspace facilities that can transport people between planets. Having promethean knights and all that in such places would not be out of the realm of possibility. The logic puzzle could be cool. They get your little key thing and then leave. I don't like the idea of an organized Jiralhanae fleet invasion, seeing as how they are disorganized throughout the events of the Traviss books. But, hey, have it be Sangheili that don't like the Arbiter, and you're good to go. It looks like in Spartan Ops you're going to kill the leader of the reglious Elites, but if not, have it be Jul Mdama. A little line about "Doing his will", meaning the Didact, and then the Chief and Arbiter are captured and taken away. Level over.
I don't like the idea of Apollo, so I'm going to disregard that. Third level is taking over the ship and seeing where it goes. At this point, I have to say that bringing in the Gravemind is a bad idea. This trilogy seems to be about fighting the Didact, not bringing back the flood. I could be wrong, but eh. Didact sent religious Elites to capture Chief, Arbiter was brought along as well because elites didn't know what to do with him. Didact brings in the ship to Installation 03, where he now resides. Arbiter and Chief ditch ship and they are randomly teleported before falling to their deaths. That is your in for bringing back Cortana. She somehow snuck herself into Forerunner systems and migrated to 03 along with the Didact.
You have a lot of POV character vs nature, which I think could honestly all be cut out in favor of a 10-12 hour game. Yours, like others have said, would be more than 2-3 times as long as the other Halo games.
Arbiter and Chief can have a level or two of battling Knights and other artificial enemies when trying to work their way to the Didact, with Cortana helping them. Your twelve flood-spartans could instead be re-worked into advanced Knights the Didact uses.
They manage to call in help from the Infinity, and then move on to going after the didact. Have the cutscene allude to the fact that the transmission was picked up by someone else. The Flood Gravemind, I guess.
Another level or two of going after the Didact with some story cutscenes, and then you fight him. You finally actually fight him and not put a grenade on his chest, but before you finish the final blow, you get emergency evac'd via the Infinity. You haul the Didact with you as a POW, and then leave Installation 03 for earth.
Boom, you've got your invasion headed by the Gravemind going after Earth, and the game ends with the Chief looking toward the Didact for help fighting against the Gravemind and Flood. Game ends there.
I mean, a lot of your ideas are okay, but you also show your inexperience with the knowledge of Forerunner and Human history according to the books. The war between them is quite a bit different than what you have pictured in your story, so I'd recommend you read the synopsis of what has actually been published
Good job overall man. It took a lot of effort and I commend you on it. But you've gotta take some time to immerse yourself into what has already been established and fleshed out, in order to not contradict things and make it all end up weird.
Right off the bat, you seem to be having Rio as a high-level guy who was not only able to somehow duck out of the shithole he dug himself into at the end of Halo 4, but has also been somehow allowed to get his own battle group and task force of private Spartans. I mean, I could see it I suppose if they had to go that route, but I really doubt it. If you have read the Traviss novels, it seems that nobody really likes the guy aside from Hood, who seemed to have owed the dude a favor if I am remembering right. ONI doesn't like him. Other Naval officers don't like him. His crew doesn't like him. If Hood is the only one who could vouch for John yet doesn't, then why would he vouch for Del Rio? And then you say Hood is dead. There is no evidence in any books or games that the guy is gone. Unless you decide to have him killed off and written off in the first few minutes.
Anyway, I can ignore that, as it seems like your entire first paragraph would be explained in some 1-3 minute long cutscene montage. Not very central to your story, IMO. Just back story stuff that can be gutted and rearranged if needed.
Also, even though the games seem to emphasize the idea that John can't live without Cortana, he really only spent a grand total of, like, two months with her in real time. He got her on Reach, left the planet immediately afterward, and landed on the first discovered Halo. Halo CE took about 2-3 days in real time, IIRC. Then the travel back, which took about a month or so. Halo 2 was only a few days. Halo 3 happened almost immediately after Halo 2 ended, and lasted only a week or two at most. And he only had her for the latter half. Then they were technically separated while John hibernated, and were reunited in Halo 4 for a week or two, if you want to stretch it. I mean, John is basically 50 years old. Living with an AI for 2-3 months and then losing it won't mentally cripple him. I am sorry, but that plot point seems like it's...bad. Maybe have him depressed about losing her. Just hardcore depression.
The plot point of high charity and having spartans go there...I could see something like it, to be honest, but meh. By all accounts, the thing is pretty much burned out. Move the artifacts angle to some type of new found installation, and you'd be golden. Crazy flood thing could replace the prophet. Most wouldn't recognize the prophet anyway. Then you have Del Rio demoted, that should have already happened anyway.
The whole Halsey/John conversation seems a bit odd to have, but I'll roll with it. Could be some characterization needed. But seriously, don't have him be mentally deficient or anything. Depression is probably the key here.
Going to the arbiter is smart. But meh, his ascendancy to command is explained in the Traviss books. It's not heralded by everyone. It creates a huge civil war. Because of the time gap, I guess the Covenant could be united around him, but I would doubt it. In order to streamline the game, I'd skip over the playable Spartan-IV going to High Charity stuff and start the game and main story with John going to the Arbiter. Have it be that with the peace agreement, some sections of space are off-limits to one side or the other. Halsey's forerunner place(not high charity) is in Sanghieli space.
The first level of the game being them going through the cave stuff you mention. The books have slipspace facilities that can transport people between planets. Having promethean knights and all that in such places would not be out of the realm of possibility. The logic puzzle could be cool. They get your little key thing and then leave. I don't like the idea of an organized Jiralhanae fleet invasion, seeing as how they are disorganized throughout the events of the Traviss books. But, hey, have it be Sangheili that don't like the Arbiter, and you're good to go. It looks like in Spartan Ops you're going to kill the leader of the reglious Elites, but if not, have it be Jul Mdama. A little line about "Doing his will", meaning the Didact, and then the Chief and Arbiter are captured and taken away. Level over.
I don't like the idea of Apollo, so I'm going to disregard that. Third level is taking over the ship and seeing where it goes. At this point, I have to say that bringing in the Gravemind is a bad idea. This trilogy seems to be about fighting the Didact, not bringing back the flood. I could be wrong, but eh. Didact sent religious Elites to capture Chief, Arbiter was brought along as well because elites didn't know what to do with him. Didact brings in the ship to Installation 03, where he now resides. Arbiter and Chief ditch ship and they are randomly teleported before falling to their deaths. That is your in for bringing back Cortana. She somehow snuck herself into Forerunner systems and migrated to 03 along with the Didact.
You have a lot of POV character vs nature, which I think could honestly all be cut out in favor of a 10-12 hour game. Yours, like others have said, would be more than 2-3 times as long as the other Halo games.
Arbiter and Chief can have a level or two of battling Knights and other artificial enemies when trying to work their way to the Didact, with Cortana helping them. Your twelve flood-spartans could instead be re-worked into advanced Knights the Didact uses.
They manage to call in help from the Infinity, and then move on to going after the didact. Have the cutscene allude to the fact that the transmission was picked up by someone else. The Flood Gravemind, I guess.
Another level or two of going after the Didact with some story cutscenes, and then you fight him. You finally actually fight him and not put a grenade on his chest, but before you finish the final blow, you get emergency evac'd via the Infinity. You haul the Didact with you as a POW, and then leave Installation 03 for earth.
Boom, you've got your invasion headed by the Gravemind going after Earth, and the game ends with the Chief looking toward the Didact for help fighting against the Gravemind and Flood. Game ends there.
I mean, a lot of your ideas are okay, but you also show your inexperience with the knowledge of Forerunner and Human history according to the books. The war between them is quite a bit different than what you have pictured in your story, so I'd recommend you read the synopsis of what has actually been published
Good job overall man. It took a lot of effort and I commend you on it. But you've gotta take some time to immerse yourself into what has already been established and fleshed out, in order to not contradict things and make it all end up weird.
GillianSeed79
Member
I actually read all of that, and it's not that bad. In fact, it's actually pretty good. It's just, you know, it's Halo. There was appropriate exposition in that story and a logical plot, so it'd probably be relegated to the EU, a comic book series or some animated film on Waypoint. I'd wager a guess 25 percent of that would actually get into the game with the other 75 percent existing in some expanded fiction form. The Halsey stealth sequence would probably be relegated to a 30-second cutscene too. I'm all for the introduction of puzzles into Halo, but I doubt it would happen.
But really, that actually wasn't that bad and I'm not picking on Halo (I love the series), but it's not exactly known for compelling, narrative-filled epic stories (even though I liked Halo 4).
Definitely keep up the writing, you seem to like it and have a knack for it. The best way to become a better writer is to just keep writing. I'd love to read an original story, short or otherwise by you. Dialogue is the toughest part IMO.
But really, that actually wasn't that bad and I'm not picking on Halo (I love the series), but it's not exactly known for compelling, narrative-filled epic stories (even though I liked Halo 4).
Definitely keep up the writing, you seem to like it and have a knack for it. The best way to become a better writer is to just keep writing. I'd love to read an original story, short or otherwise by you. Dialogue is the toughest part IMO.
AlimNassor
Banned
SSj Hitler? My god.
If you think your work deserves recognition simply because you gave it your all, I agree that you shouldn't bother entering writing competitions.
Pop-O-Matic
Banned
Don't worry. It's a troll fic. Hitler quoting M. Bison from the live action Street Fighter movie gives it away.
Thanks for your comment.
I think our opinions differ in regards to which enemies are more interesting for the game. You seem to not like the flood and Gravemind. I absolutely hate the Prometheans. I remember the first time I saw them, I audibly yelled, "What the hell? Bionicle?" I chose to make my concept of Halo 5 heavy on the Flood and Gravemind because it allowed me to resurrect characters that I think were really interesting but were killed off prematurely. The Prophet of Mercy and Tartarus had more potential but Bungie did away with them too quickly.
You're right that most of my ideas disregard important details of the Halo books. I read the first three books, written by Nylund and Deitz. Then I stopped.
My details about Captain Del Rio were totally wrong, but as I see it that can easily be adjusted to omit him. Chief can still exhibit strange symptoms that prevent him from continuing service and he can be discharged. I also killed Lord Hood. I thought it would be fitting for him to have died within the four years following the end of the Human-Covenant War. That part doesn't matter, either. Those little details can be changed to set up the same situation. I prefer the Didact and Prometheans to take a back seat in Halo 5 because 343's introduction of them to the series was extremely poor. Fighting machines is just not as interesting as fighting aliens that have culture and feelings and motives. The Didact is presented to us as a generic megalomaniac. His history, from what little I read on the Halo wikia, is far more interesting. But at the end of the day he's just a generic bad guy. I've always thought of Gravemind as being a singular godlike entity. Some other poster on here said there can be several graveminds. I didn't know that, and I think it's a bad idea that such a thing was written in the novels. Gravemind was unique. He spoke poetically. I've always thought of him as a god.
I drew my influences from Greek mythology, specifically Hesiods Works and Days and the Myth of Five Ages.
The Myth of Five Ages and the Halo series are very similar. I think the creator of the original story used the same material.
The First Age of Man was the Golden Age. The gods created them to be their equals. The Golden race lived without any of the troubles men faced later on. They did not have to work for food or shelter or clothing. They did not die as we do, but faded peacefully into the lands of immortality. I figured that Gravemind was like a Greek god who created the Precursors, the Golden Race. They loved in peace together and assimilated back into the Gravemind when they died.
The Second Age of Man was the Silver Age. They refused to worship the gods and were very arrogant and sinful in their ways. So, Zeus decided to destroy them with a flood. This story is very similar to the Sumerian flood myths and the story of Noah in the Old Testatment. So, I figured The Second Race were the Forerunners. They refused to worship Gravemind so he decided to destroy them outright through forced assimilation via the Flood. The Didact is a lot like Prometheus from the Greek myths. In the story, Prometheus doesn't want humanity to be destroyed. His son Deucalion and wife Pyrrha survived the flood and repopulate the Earth with the Greek race. So I made Didact the Prometheus of the story. The Didact wished to contain the Flood, but in order to do that he decide to fire the rings and destroy all sentient life. From this point I don't know much about the lore, but I guess the Didact transformed himself into a machine and tried to do the same to other Forerunners.
The Third Age of Man was the Bronze Age. Men from this Age were warlike. They lived to fight and kill. For me, the Covenant are the Bronze race of the story. In the Greek myth, the gods didn't necessarily create the Bronze race. The Bronze race sprung from Deucalion and Pyrrha. In any case, the Bronze race was progressively less honorable than its predecessors.
The Fourth Race that Followed was the Age of Heroes. Here's where the humans come in. Although in the Halo stories the humans were around 100,000 years ago, I decided to disregard that detail because it's kind of unnecessary to the plot of the Halo universe in my opinion. The Master Chief and the Arbiter are the heroes of their respective races. The heroes of Greek myth were demi-gods who possessed abilities beyond that of normal men. In similar fashion, John 117 and the Arbiter are unlike their peers in battle.
The rest of the humans and Covenant creatures represent the Age of Iron. They are weak and ineffective. They are almost wholly without honor in comparison to their predecessors.
Once the Flood is released from it's containment, Gravemind returns to finish what he started eons ago. He wishes to forcefully assimilate all life to his will the same way the Greek gods demanded worship from the Greeks. The Didact, just like Prometheus, considers himself to be the caretaker of humanity and life in general and wishes to defeat Gravemind.
In my opinion, this is how the story should have been.
No, I just honestly thought it was better than the other submissions. I don't really want to talk about that, anymore. The problem with those challenges is that the winners are not really based on objective, fair readings since many of the members don't have time to read them all and won't see later submissions.
This is wrong approach to take. The Flood already have an established mysterious element to them, which was recently stripped from the Forerunners. Halo lore needs to have something that remains extremely alien and unknown because, really, no writer alive can give them a backstory that is satisfying as what we can imagine.
Right now, they exist as an all-consuming biological force that is nebulously interconnected with the Precursors, and personally, that's all I want them to be. I wouldn't mind if they were exterminated without ever having learned of their origins - in fact, if they were to end the Reclaimer trilogy on that front, I would perfectly satisfied. Having Gravemind be God would be inherently upsetting for me.
If you don't like the Prometheans, that's cool (they were kinda lame in 4), but that's no reason to exclude them. They're still kicking around and their story arc has barely been touched upon. Instead retconning previous character deaths (Tartarus? MERCY? Really?), use the opportunity to make the Prometheans or whatever Forerunner fighting force into something that is interesting to you.
Again, up to you, but this is a bad way to get your work taken seriously. Not only are the books permanently established lore, they serve to displace these arguments:
The Didact is an extremely interesting character. He is a noble, opinionated and honorable leader who despises, but still respects his eternal enemy: humans. This gives him the opportunity to become a very interesting foil for the Chief, who is similarly noble and honorable, but ultimately deferential to authority. 343 made him difficult to appreciate in H4 but that's no reason for you to shit on him.
There is, of course, other elements of the Forerunner trilogy that has significance for the Reclaimer trilogy. The Librarian unlocking Chief's geas, for example. In fact, I found it interesting that you talk about Apollo giving the Chief more abilities, because I suspect that is exactly what the geas will end up doing.
I very much dislike the 'megalomaniac' label you've given the Didact. Truth was a megalomaniac, and he was the only interesting Prophet (which once again begs the question of why on Earth you thought Mercy was cool).
Sorry to rain on your parade. If you think of the Flood as an artificial intelligence, the Gravemind is the collective, pooling all of their intelligence. But Graveminds are created as the Flood grows, not the other way around (and certainly not applying to other races)
oversitting
Banned
IdreamofHIME
Member
This is why I'm glad Bombadil wasn't in the LOTR movies.
wsoxfan1214
Banned
Sub_Level
wants to fuck an Asian grill.
Don't feel bad OP feel proud.
I wrote an Alien 5 concept in this thread.
I wrote an Alien 5 concept in this thread.
Mikey Jr.
Member
YES!
BassForever
Member
Sounds like the plot of 3 Halo games in there jeebus O,O
LMFAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Jo-0pTQs3YY
edit: no, i'm at the end of the page noooooo lol
I like the idea of the Xenomorphs finally getting to Earth (disregarding all AVP films), but I don't like the idea of a counter. That seems too much like a zombie outbreak film. To me, the first Alien film was a survival horror film. Aliens was an action film. The following Alien films have all be popcorn slasher flicks lacking the great characterization and pacing of the original films.
aw, was your heart broken?
shaowebb
Member
That was anything but brief buddy.
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