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[-OGz-GLUTEUS_MAXIMUS]

I saw this in a porn once but the cum was grape coloured...

Name? Link?

 

[hadareud]

I still think this is fake

 

[Count Dookkake]

Name? Link?

The Grape Gape

 

[fse]

I let the folks know I pissed blood. Can't tell 'em I jacked. They're both conservative christians. Set up an appointment with the doctor.

they wont care if ya jacked

 

[ForzaItalia]

Saw the porn ages ago...late 1980's and it was in Bulgarian. A friend translated to me that the women in question would fantasize about flavoured cum. I saw the grape cum scene but apparently there were others including other fruits and colour.

 

[Ephemeris]

I remember when I had a cut on my dick that got infected. Friend's cat slashed me. No, I wasn't fucking the cat. Anyway, I went to my doctor to get it looked at because I didn't want my junk to fall off. Plus, every time I'd get aroused it'd HURT BAD.

Don't lie.

That's what you get for trying to take the pussy

Spoiler

-cat to a sensual plane.

 

[vas_a_morir]

Oh man. That's so scary.

Go to the doctor. I really really hope it's nothing.

 

[GallonOMilk]

Get thee to a nunnery!!!

Wonder how many people got that.

 

[JSnake]

I jizzed in a cup, had mom drop it off at the doc. He calls back and says "PERFECT CUM!".

 

[SexConker]

What is it with most males being afraid going to a doctor? This has to be one of the reasons we don't live as long as women.

That, and you know, having all the hazardous jobs, being sent off to die in some war, working all our lives, and being far more likely to be the victims of violent crime.

When we get to 2050 and 2060, we'll probably see that men are living longer than they used to, and women aren't living as long as they used to.

Also.
Go to a doctor.
Your parents know what you do.
You could always just ask them to make an appointment for you, and if they ask why, just say "uhhh...yeah..." and they'll know.

 

[Ferrio]

.....okay so this was a joke thread all along?

 

[Ephemeris]

I'm not an adult, though.

You shouldn't have made the appointment, though. Like Cancer, A.I.D.S and most infections, stuff like that goes away with time.

Trust me.

I jizzed in a cup, had mom drop it off at the doc. He calls back and says "PERFECT CUM!".

Was there a taste-test involved?

 

[MMaRsu]

I jizzed in a cup, had mom drop it off at the doc. He calls back and says "PERFECT CUM!".

what?

 

[JSnake]

.....okay so this was a joke thread all along?

No.

 

[Madman]

Don't they have walk-in-clinics in the USA?

They have them here.

So this was a joke thread? You could have done a better story then that.

 

[Branduil]

What did you tell your parents?

 

[levious]

or a better ending at least... lame.

 

[JSnake]

It wasn't a joke thread. Jesus.

 

[Costanza]

tell them you're an atheist.

A few years ago I told my dad I was an atheist, then like 2 weeks later he said we were going somewhere and he ended up taking me to a church. I refused, sat in the car and he came out with fucking holy water cupped in his hand and splashed it on me.

I just laughed at him and said "seriously?" and kept laughing.

Religious parents suck

 

[Gaborn]

It wasn't a joke thread. Jesus.

then what the hell was the "i jizzed in a cup" bit?

 

[lil smoke]

:lol So you're just hanging around... everything is ok. Just ol' blood clots in my semen.

 

[Skiptastic]

It wasn't a joke thread. Jesus.

You made it into one now, attention whore.

 

[Count Dookkake]

A few years ago I told my dad I was an atheist, then like 2 weeks later he said we were going somewhere and he ended up taking me to a church. I refused, sat in the car and he came out with fucking holy water cupped in his hand and splashed it on me.

I just laughed at him and said "seriously?" and kept laughing.

Religious parents suck

:lol

You should have screamed "It burns! It burns! You're killing me!"

 

[Costanza]

:lol

You should have screamed "It burns! It burns! You're killing me!"

:lol

 

[Amir0x]

While reading this thread, I became far more disturbed by the way JSnake's parents treat him than by the blood that poured out of his dick.

 

[Madman]

It wasn't a joke thread. Jesus.

Then what was up with that PERFECT CUM post?

 

[Garcia]

This flood of fake threads has turned Off-topic into a boring place.

 

[Mamesj]

Wonder how many people got that.

Dennis Miller ratio ftw

 

[Imm0rt4l]

*cues Go see the Doctor 2k7

 

[JSnake]

Then what was up with that PERFECT CUM post?

Because he said something to that effect.

 

[Madman]

While reading this thread, I became far more disturbed by the way JSnake's parents treat him than by the blood that poured out of his dick.

I have heard/witnessed worse. No, I'm not kidding.

 

[dark_chris]

:lol

You should have screamed "It burns! It burns! You're killing me!"

:lol :lol :lol :lol

 

[Amir0x]

I have heard/witnessed worse. No, I'm not kidding.

well so have i but i always hate to hear stories about how a kid is seemingly so worried to offend his parents that he's afraid to even tell them he wants to see a doctor alone, let alone that he jerks it from time to time

 

[Diablos]

 

[lil smoke]

well so have i but i always hate to hear stories about how a kid is seemingly so worried to offend his parents that he's afraid to even tell them he wants to see a doctor alone, let alone that he jerks it from time to time

I'm pretty sure his parents jerk and fist each other anyways. He's the only clueless one.

 

[yacobod]

i think cannibal corpse has a song called "i cum blood"

lol

 

[Madman]

Because he said something to that effect.

Your mom knows you jerk off in that case. Shouldn't you be punished? Why are you on the computer?

 

[BobLoblaw]

I don't know why people post these kinds of threads anymore. Google "blood semen" and there's your answer(s).

 

[JSnake]

Your mom knows you jerk off in that case. Shouldn't you be punished? Why are you on the computer?

Because I got the phone.

 

[NameGenerated]

Wonder how many people got that.

Hamlet!

 

[cryptic]

This happened when I was around 15.

The warmth of the blood really made the ejaculation intense.

Anyway, I never went to the doctors, and I'm fine.

 

[Christoff Yurievich]

remake that shitty Metallica album cover.

yeah, I was more than a little grossed-out when I read the liner notes. And it was #3?! ugh.

No sores. Everything looks normal.

Also going to the doctor would mean letting my parents know I j/o.

dude, they already know. seriously. just go to a doctor. it's not like they have to be in the same room as the doctor when you talk to him/her, you know.

 

[Ravidrath]

While reading this thread, I became far more disturbed by the way JSnake's parents treat him than by the blood that poured out of his dick.

Yeah, funny how that turned out to be the most fucked-up shit here.

And, man, this will teach me to come to the Off-Topic forum looking for voting discussion.

 

[JSnake]

Alright, so time for explaining. Doctor calls up, tells me to jizz in a cup AND pee in a cup and drop them both over to him. He wanted to examine them both so he can make a better diagnosis. Jizzing in a cup doesn't really let my mom know I j/o on a regular basis. After all, the doctor tells me to, so it's OK.

He calls up after testing and tells me I have "perfectly clean semen", but "PERFECT CUM" sounded funnier so there you go. He says the same thing for the piss.

 

[Pharmacy]

Alright, so time for explaining. Doctor calls up, tells me to jizz in a cup AND pee in a cup and drop them both over to him. He wanted to examine them both so he can make a better diagnosis. Jizzing in a cup doesn't really let my mom know I j/o on a regular basis. After all, the doctor tells me to, so it's OK.

He calls up after testing and tells me I have "perfectly clean semen", but "PERFECT CUM" sounded funnier so there you go. He says the same thing for the piss.

your mum has touched your cum what a dirty slut

 

[X26]

My Dad started pissing blood not long ago, ended up needing a catherter which he unfortunately showed me.

My god I'll never get the image of my dad coming into my room, dropping his pants, and excitedly pointing out the tube in his dick out of my mind.

 

[Xeke]

Alright, so time for explaining. Doctor calls up, tells me to jizz in a cup AND pee in a cup and drop them both over to him. He wanted to examine them both so he can make a better diagnosis. Jizzing in a cup doesn't really let my mom know I j/o on a regular basis. After all, the doctor tells me to, so it's OK.

He calls up after testing and tells me I have "perfectly clean semen", but "PERFECT CUM" sounded funnier so there you go. He says the same thing for the piss.

So have your parents specifically told you that they would punish you for whacking it?

 

[Xater]

My Dad started pissing blood not long ago, ended up needing a catherter which he unfortunately showed me.

My god I'll never get the image of my dad coming into my room, dropping his pants, and excitedly pointing out the tube in his dick out of my mind.

:lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol :lol

There can not be enough lol smilies.

 

[vas_a_morir]

Alright, so time for explaining. Doctor calls up, tells me to jizz in a cup AND pee in a cup and drop them both over to him. He wanted to examine them both so he can make a better diagnosis. Jizzing in a cup doesn't really let my mom know I j/o on a regular basis. After all, the doctor tells me to, so it's OK.

He calls up after testing and tells me I have "perfectly clean semen", but "PERFECT CUM" sounded funnier so there you go. He says the same thing for the piss.

Well, gud 4 UU!U!U!U!U!U!U!U!U!U!U!U!UU!U!U!U!U!U!U!U!U!!!!!I!U;a0sdufasdjiff [b0uf'aish[a8yg'epwihe

 

[JavaMava]

I was hopping for pics.