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[criesofthepast]

Toilet paper and then baby wipes. Baby wipes are gods gift to buttholes.

 

[Little Mons†er]

Damn never knew how to use or what a bidet was for before

Thanks PoopGAF!

 

[Markoman]

Hm, now what I really want to know: is there anyone using the behind the back technique to swipe towards the balls?

 

[Shadybiz]

Always been a front to back guy, myself...never really occurred to me to do it the other way.

If I'm home, I'll usually jump in the shower and do some maintenance afterwards.

Wife wants a bidet...can't say I disagree. We'll be getting one eventually, when we remodel the bathroom.

 

[MudoSkills]

My arse hair is like an efficient paper shredder, one of those ones that can mangle CDs and credit cards. I get through a lot of TP.

Just to give everyone a pleasant phrase to use, I like the description for cleaning up an absolute crime-scene of an arsehole as 'like trying to clean out a marmite pot'.

 

[Markoman]

My arse hair is like an efficient paper shredder, one of those ones that can mangle CDs and credit cards. I get through a lot of TP.

Just to give everyone a pleasant phrase to use, I like the description for cleaning up an absolute crime-scene of an arsehole as 'like trying to clean out a marmite pot'.

You should put that arse to use, man. How about working as a human document shredder in an office?

 

[MudoSkills]

You should put that arse to use, man. How about working as a human document shredder in an office?

Comes under 'any other reasonable duties' in my current role.

 

[Markoman]

Comes under 'any other reasonable duties' in my current role.

On the plus side: you would have a much easier time in jail unless inmates are allowed to carry machetes nowadays,

 

[Turnip Truck]

Yeah apparently people don't know when to stop the stroke and keep going until over their nutsack.

Works both ways. Keep going the other direction and you'll have a brown streak up your back until you reach the base of your skull.

 

[Heshinsi]

The correct way to wipe is whatever leaves the least amount of crap on or in you.

Whatever technique you happen to use is between you and God.

That's fucking gross. I was recently having a conversation with a fellow co worker of mine who's family is from the Philippines. We both bonded over our shared horror that the rest of the people we worked with, have no qualms with the fact that toilet paper alone means that you're around with poop between your ass cheeks.

He stated that he tries to avoid having to use the staff washroom, but he always has baby wipes at minimum on hand for when the occasion happens. Y'all wipe with toilet paper and stand up people are crazy. Ewww!

 

[NESpowerhouse]

As a kid, I was scared of getting shit on my clothes, so I would completely undress whenever I needed to take a shit.

 

[MilkyJoe]

Christ. Use a bidet people. It's 2017. Stop smearing shit on yourselves.

If you got shit on your arm would you just smear it off with tissue and keep on trucking? No. Should be the same all over your body.

Maybe you should change your diet. Your shits are not supposed to be like that.

 

[KSweeley]

A toilet with a bidet costs $10,200.00 here in the U.S.: http://www.totousa.com/neorest-750h-dual-flush-toilet-10-and-08-gpf-with-actilight

This intelligent toilet uses an integrated UV light and special glaze to break down dirt and grime in the bowl, and rinses it clean with ewater+. And with other features like a heated seat, deodorizer and warm water sprays, Neorest 750H delivers an unparalleled sense of relaxation to you in the most comforting and refreshing ways possible.

Features
Tornado/Siphon Jet Flushing System
Actilight UV light cleaning system built in lid
CeFiONtect™ ceramic glaze - a highly smoothed surface for easier cleaning
Dual Flush Function (1.0GPF/3.8LPF and 0.8GPF/3.0LPF)
Universal Height
Washlet® with three wash modes (front, rear, soft)
Oscillating and Pulsing Comfort Washing
Auto Lid open/close, Auto Flush
Automatic Air Purfying System
Adjustable Heated Seat
Adjustable Spray Position
Programmable Energy Saver System
Back-up Manual Flush
ewater+® - mists the bowl with Electrolyzed Water, reducing the need for harsh cleaning chemicals
Multifunctional Remote Control
ADA Compliant

 

[Jarrod38]

As a kid, I was scared of getting shit on my clothes, so I would completely undress whenever I needed to take a shit.

How and why?

 

[C4Lukins]

You wipe away from the balls. There is no other choice.

 

[Jzero]

So you've been wiping towards the balls your whole life?

Man...

Wtf op, logic says to wipe the other way dawg.

 

[NESpowerhouse]

How and why?

Somehow, I guess I was scared of getting shit on my clothes, especially my shirt. I don't know, I did some weird stuff as a kid.

 

[Bitanator]

Balls to butt man, you will get shit stained bean bag going butt to balls

 

[ModBot]

No more poop threads for awhile, okay?