Yeah, I feel that way. I'm in my mid-30's, and the description someone used earlier is accurate - I am minimizing failure. I'm single, no desire for a wife and kids (I would worry too much and it would rattle my comfy world of complacency). Big decisions scare me to death, so I don't make any. I'm not depressed, nor do I even feel unhappy. I'm just kind of...sleepwalking. I have no burning passion for anything, though I dabble in most everything here and there. I get paid pretty well, do the minimum amount of work to sustain said job, and just save money living in an apartment I'm not exactly proud of, because the rent is low and the location is absolutely perfect when it comes to being near work transportation, friends and family. I go look at places all the time, but I know that's in vain - it will take the hand of God to move me out of here as rent is nearly double everywhere else I've looked. I'm faking the desire to better myself in this way, and I'm also scared to "stir the pot" by making a bad financial investment. I'm sitting on savings that I have no idea what to do with, nor any desire to do anything it.
My friendships are pretty genuine however, minus one of my close friends that I kind of have an on the surface relationship with that I believe he perceives to be deeper, but that's another story. I do have a handful of close friends that I hang out with a few times a week, and have a blast with. Their company and conversation is something I genuinely enjoy, albeit it is usually in a context I like (some dive bar playing darts/pool, or playing video games having a few beers).
My romantic life is bit of a farce. My looks are going to shit, and clearly I'm dying inside a bit, but I guess I have some appeal since I'm doing better than I ever have with women. Go figure. I'm in my ideal romantic situation at the moment- it's a pseudo-relationship that allows me to do what I want most of the time, since that's all I'm offering. There's a false sense of the possibility of developing something with substance. We both know it's going nowhere, but like each other, so we keep it going. It's all a lie, and I'm OK with it.
My past long term (i.e. meaningful) relationships had all lost their luster after a short time, so I faked interest in being there...years later, she will have caught on and wanted to end things, much to my relief. I'm not looking to repeat that. Quite frankly, I can't see myself in a full-time "meaningful" romantic relationship ever again. I can't fake that much any more.
Everyone who knows me (mostly) sees me as this happy-go-lucky guy with his shit together, but I do feel stuck in the mud about it all. I don't know what the end game is....I suppose I just feel like the mud isn't so bad.
