I'm happy for you mate!
Things are looking up for me too. I have kinda stumbled into a sorta relationship with someone I never expected to. It's very, very early days but I'm happy. She's fucking awesome.
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Online Dating |OT| Please Respond
- Thread starter Jhoan
- Start date
I'm happy for you mate!
Things are looking up for me too. I have kinda stumbled into a sorta relationship with someone I never expected to. It's very, very early days but I'm happy. She's fucking awesome.
jadedm17
Member
Yea, this is my roommate and its hard to get him to understand you may need some failures before anything worthwhile and gaining experience and insight into dating is key.
Online dating is a numbers game so dont judge people through a window and send a lot more messages.
Edit : Vega nails it. Focus on yourself first.
Yeah I agree with the above. Your first dating experiences will not necessarily be disasters, but I promise you that when you after a year of dating look back at your early dating days, you'll be embarrased of yourself. Especially if you have little to no experience with your preferred sex since before. I would cringe so hard reading my earliest posts in this thread when I didn't make a move until on date six (!!!) on the first girl I dated, and then I was sad when she rejected me shortly after. We shared a kiss, but after the next date I asked her how she thought things were going and she said she just wanted to be friends. She went on frickin six dates with some dude from Tinder, she was obviously interested. But by date six with no move, the interest had faded from anything romantic to just friendship.
Making a move.
Fucking or kissing?
Same thing happened to me on 3 dates, went on more after that and we kissed.
I guess you have to be more physical.
TimeEffect
Member
Fucking hell. I deleted a convo because I guess she didnt reply in a while, and she messages me today, and I try to reintegrate myself, but after a while it becomes obvious that I forgot the convo. So I apologize and she hasnt messaged since.
Im sure it wasnt a huge convo, but it's just the smallest thing and I lose the hook lol
Im sure it wasnt a huge convo, but it's just the smallest thing and I lose the hook lol
TimeEffect
Member
Wrong thread 
I barely touched her until the kiss which happened on date six. Then for some reason she agreed to another date on which she told me she didn't want anything romantic; one would think she would have told me that before date seven, but I guess she was the kind of person that didn't like having those discussions, so she avoided it.
I've grown out of that too-scared-to-physical nonsense though.
ZackieChan
Member
Yep. Never again.
jadedm17
Member
It's a strange dynamic how much work men put into profiles and yet how little work women have to put forth : Most of the profiles in my area don't even use pictures on them smiling in their main picture, so many angry looking women in Florida.
Damn, Tinder has just reached a new low in terms of bugginess. When it finds a new match nearby, it literally makes the card disappear before I even have a chance to swipe - and then it's stuck on telling me that there's no one new in a metro area of millions. Time to restart my profile again, I guess.
ZeronosVega
Member
Yeah, the app has gotten annoying to use because of that glitch.
Meanwhile, I have managed to land a date with a cute girl this next Saturday through Coffee Meets Bagel. Should be exciting, as it's the first date I've been on in a while.
TimeEffect
Member
Why is tinder so broken
Matched with 3 girls I like, none of them saved. So infuriating
Matched with 3 girls I like, none of them saved. So infuriating
True Savior
Member
This last few weeks I had this "idea" of changing my range from 21+ to 18+ and after matching with a few 18-19 years old and talking with them, I felt old as fuck. Also some of this girls are direct, holy shit. I felt uncomfortable. Back to +21.
It's not tinder that is broken. It's either spam or they just mistakenly matched you (if it's 3 though, it's obviously spam accounts )
It's not tinder that is broken. It's either spam or they just mistakenly matched you (if it's 3 though, it's obviously spam accounts )
18-21 is the best though. They don't want anything serious.
ZackieChan
Member
How old are you?
True Savior
Member
30.
I usually ask after 5-10 messages. If she "freaks" out then either this is the first time someone on a dating site/app has asked her out, she has no intent on ever meeting anyone and is using it for boredom, fake profile, is just very old fashioned, is off her rocker.
Not on there for a penpal.
Last time a girl freaked out was years ago - she asked to exchange messages a bit longer to feel comfortable. Finally she said okay. Then the day before the date she messaged me saying her parents don't approve (she was 26) and she shut down her account. Other time that happened, the girl asked to be FB friends first, canceled the date then was never available. Now she's likes my FB statuses every few weeks.
True Savior
Member
95% of my dates come from talking in tinder-whatsapp-ask. And it's usually on the other day. Some of my past experiences of askin girls out after very little time weren't very successful, and I was called by it. But it was also girls that had very little time on tinder and were still trying to see whats up in there (and probably weren't staying there very long considering how they looked). I still think lots of girls here are very defensive about meeting people online. Surely it must be different in other countries. I feel that's a huge factor.
Tourists on the other hand it's always just a dozen messages.
Tourists on the other hand it's always just a dozen messages.
Seems like you guys are of a similar mindset to me.
She was sending a lot of messages so I just went for it on the same day.
"Wow, you don't waste time do you?!
" was her response, and then she just went quiet.We're of the same mindset because it's true. If that person went silent after sending lots of messages, chances are all they wanted was a chat buddy. If you're going in with the mindset of having to win someone over or looking for just the right time to ask them out, you're setting yourself up for failure, or at least a lot of wasted time and effort.
So I'm doing pretty well on OkCupid lately with a few dates a week, but the one demographic I can't seem to get any traction with is single moms. I write them a nice message, they check out my profile and never reply. Maybe it's just a coincidence, but someone like to check out my profile and see if there's anything that might scare off a single mom? I don't really need more dates, but it annoys me to think I'm missing something obvious.
https://www.okcupid.com/profile/aarondrw
https://www.okcupid.com/profile/aarondrw
It just doesn't seem like you're interested in getting married (or serious relationship) or having kids. Nothing wrong with that but I think moms might be put off by that especially given your age. Why start up something with someone that is going to go to Asia? is what they might be thinking. But TBH I met just as many single moms that were just looking for a good time so it might just be the ones you've messaged.
War Peaceman
You're a big guy.
Maybe you just don't have that dad quality?
If you already have the date scheduled and aren't planning on backing out if her body is fugly then no point in asking now.
Lesson learned
Troubled Bat
Member
Anybody here experienced in BDSM?
ZackieChan
Member
Sometimes these dating threads seem like S&M
Troubled Bat
Member
I don't doubt it all. Lmao
I'm only asking because there's this girl who likes me, she's really damn attractive, and she happens to be into that stuff.
I need to know what I'm getting into. :x
I'm only asking because there's this girl who likes me, she's really damn attractive, and she happens to be into that stuff.
I need to know what I'm getting into. :x
Really a wide range depending on what she's into and if she likes being submissive or dominant. It might be a little slap and tickle or you might end up dressed like the gimp from Pulp Fiction. Some people into the scene keep that aspect of their life separate from their relationship (more of a stress release than anything sexual) so you may never really encounter anything. Just discuss it with her and (importantly) be really honest about what you're into or not.
Troubled Bat
Member
From what she told me, I think submissive. She specifically loves ropes and being tied up and whatnot. I think it's all sexual to be honest. But yeah, I should talk to her about it, although I just feel awkward bringing it out.
I'm the third person she's ever told.
I mean, I'm completely fine with it, it's a kink. The thing I want to know is experiences, what's the appropriate thing to do, how to go at it, etc.
If I pursue this, wish me luck. Lol
True Savior
Member
Jump and try to have fun. If you don't like it, bail.
Just read 50 Shades of Grey, everything will work itself out from there.
Actually don't do this at all. I think there's an actual thread around on GAF on the subject though
Right, so, let's talk BDSM. The most important thing is safety. If I was writing a book on BDSM, the first chapter would just be the word "safety" typed hundreds of times. It's that damn important. You never want to have to call 911 because your girl is unconscious with a belt around her neck, "Stupidface" written across her chest (keeping it PG here), and a ping-pong paddle in her wherever.
Yes, I have seen someone pass out before. They recovered quickly, thank god
Being safe is easier with the proper prep work. You should always have a pair of trauma shears on hand. They can cut through just about anything you'll need 'em to - leather, clothes, rope, tape, etc. Get good ones. If there's an emergency, you won't mind that you spent the extra $5. Hygiene also comes into play here. If you use anything, clean it thoroughly.
The other key is communication. When you're starting off, don't use ball gags or anything like that. If something is wrong, you want her to be able to tell you. And encourage honesty. If there's abnormal feelings, address them before continuing play. Remember, safety! Whatever the sub says is law. If she uses the safeword, end play.
Ropes in general are a bitch to use. They get tangled easy and are prone to mistakes. When I say mistakes, I mean you could kill someone if you don't know what you're doing. The big risk is bloodflow. You can't tie anything too tight or keep anything anyplace that's hard to pump blood to for too long. For a beginner, I would not recommend using rope. An under-the-bed restraint system, built around metal clasps and velcro will restrain someone just as well with less risk. To bond someone separately, you can still use wristbands + clasps, or bondage tape. Bondage tape is quite awesome...it only sticks to itself, not to hair or skin. Gives you the same flexibility of rope, and is much quicker to use and remove.
It's also handy for wrapping up playing cards for board games, since there's no tension to bend or warp the cards.
And for all that is holy, never let someone be tied up alone. They shouldn't start it themselves, nor should you tie them up and leave. That is a bad idea on dozens of levels.
That covers about 1% of BDSM. A good BDSM session should end with both parties thinking "We could've gone further". Go forth, be safe!
TimeEffect
Member
How useful is having mutual friends on tinder? Does it guarantee more right swipes?
I use an alternate facebook account so I never show up as having mutual friends
I use an alternate facebook account so I never show up as having mutual friends
It doesn't matter in the slightest since girls don't care. Even then, it doesn't mean a thing having common interests/friends since everyone gets 100 swipes for free.
But look how happy she is!
TimeEffect
Member
Help! I may meet someone but we havent disclosed our heights
Im 5'7" I dont want an awkward time if Im shorter than her...should I just throw my height out there at her?
I have to be honest, I don't see anyone from these apps and Im probably nervous about running out of something to say. Any quick tips?
Im 5'7" I dont want an awkward time if Im shorter than her...should I just throw my height out there at her?
I have to be honest, I don't see anyone from these apps and Im probably nervous about running out of something to say. Any quick tips?
No bigger turn off for me than a self-important profile like that. I can deal with the generic "love to laugh" lines and stupid yoga poses I see in every other one but when someone goes overboard with their own sense of self worth its a quick pass.
Just today I saw a profile with a list of "Dos and Donts" and another that literally had a link to a personality test she wants dudes to take before contacting her and I'm like...."man....I bet you're all just a joy at parties."
War Peaceman
You're a big guy.
Hey mouth is smiling but her eyes are dying lol
It's only awkward if you make it awkward for yourself. Don't bring it up. Who cares if she ends up being taller? In the end of the day, if it goes well then she'll be willing to overlook the height issue. Then again, I'm saying this as a 6''3' guy.
As for conversation, just keep texting to a minimum and save it for in person, ask open ended questions, don't go to a place where you sit across from each other and yak for an hour before one of you calls it a night, and have fun with it.
Give that woman a juicy christian steak!
TimeEffect
Member
The first girl i met was an inch taller than me. Im sure she was disappointed.
Oh man, sitting across from each other was my plan over coffee. Dont do this? What about a board game cafe? What other options are out there for a first date?