Support NeoGAF

[Jhoan]

The dreaded myspace angles.

Damn son, I can't say I don't blame you for falling for it. I'm usually wary of that before even messaging. No pics of the body in an regular angle=no go. BTW, you need to pop into the NYC GAF Discord. Your presence is required.

OkCupid has officially rolled out being able to message users on a pic that stands out:

It’s awesome, and it’s easy to use. In fact, one reason it’s awesome is because it’s easy to use. When you’re on someone’s profile and you see a photo you like that you want to say something about — like “I love tiramisu, too!” or “Which one of the 20 people in this pic are you?” — you just click on the message blurb in the bottom righthand corner and *viola* you‘re sending them a message about that exact photo.

So allowing members to comment on photos makes perfect sense. We get it — coming up with something to say to someone you haven’t met yet in person can be tough. Photo commenting provides the layup: you see something you like about someone. They like it about themselves too, because they posted a photo of it.

https://theblog.okcupid.com/photo-commenting-is-brand-new-on-okcupid-and-its-awesome-ddf8570069bf

As someone who's gotten dates just by asking women about a particular pic, this is a welcome addition. So yeah folks go crazy taking pics with peacocks, eating strange things, and do cool stuff that warrants a pic.

Tomorrow's park plans are set in stone. The Brooklyn Museum is free as well as a back up plan in case of rain but I prefer enjoying museums alone.

I got another match that clearly states must love dogs and shamelessly promoted her dog's instagram. However, she's 6ft and she's an artist so will message her. I had another girl that I got matched up with message me but I don't really find her attractive and she listed that she's quiet which is a deal breaker for me so will ignore it.

Also this girl's answer stood out to me in my feed:

It’s your first date. Do you split the bill, pay the whole bill, have them pay the whole bill

A: Have them pay the whole bill
“Message me about this - if we split the bill doesn't it mean one or both of us aren't interested in dating?”

I disagree with that because I've had dates that have gone well where we split. Even then, picking up the bill doesn't always equate to interest. Then again, this woman who answered it is 36 so she's of that age/opinion where guys should pay for the whole thing.

 

[TimeEffect]

Talked to someone who Im pretty sure was a catfish because they suddenly wanted to delete the app and wanted my name and number

A little uncomfortable having told them my job and showing them my pics because Im unsure if it will be used in any negative way. Am I overreacting?

 

[True Savior]

Talked to someone who Im pretty sure was a catfish because they suddenly wanted to delete the app and wanted my name and number

A little uncomfortable having told them my job and showing them my pics because Im unsure if it will be used in any negative way. Am I overreacting?

Yes.

It's just pics.

 

[Shanlei91]

Talked to someone who Im pretty sure was a catfish because they suddenly wanted to delete the app and wanted my name and number

A little uncomfortable having told them my job and showing them my pics because Im unsure if it will be used in any negative way. Am I overreacting?

Normally I would say that's catfish material but this happened about two months ago where after I gave my number the girl deleted the app. I tried to get a date the next day in case it was BS, I didn't want to prolong it. We met, she was real, I asked her about it and she said I was the only reason she kept the account open.

Give out a google voice number and don't give out your last name.

 

[Jhoan]

In one of the rare occasions I was asked for my surname, it was because the girl was originally from the south. She said that it was for people to give their first and last name. I was hesitant, but I ended up giving it to her because she gave me hers.

It didn't go anywhere because we never met; she ended up messaging me on another platform about two years later or so only for it to fizzle because I wasn't into it. If Dale Gribble from King of the Hill taught me anything, it's to always have a back up pseudonym/fake name in case the person might steal a kidney. I notice that many teachers often use a pseudonym on dating platforms so that their students won't find them.

Speaking of Tinder, it's been quite dry for me lately. All the girls I've gotten matched up with don't anything for me. One of them is bisexual, in a relationship with a woman, and mentioned bringing a second dude along; another is 2000+ miles away in Iceland. I think the last date I had off of Tinder back in March burned me out because I haven't any luck.

 

[Servbot24]

Knowing when to ask to meet up seems so luck-based most of the time. Wait too long, you might stop getting replies, ask too early you might not get a reply. Maybe I would have gotten no's regardless I suppose.

 

[GK86]

I ask within 10-15 messages. If they say, let's talk so more first, I move on. I'm not on those sites/apps to make penpals.

 

[Jhoan]

I swear even though it's been YMMV for me (I don't look like Brad Pitt), asking girls out from the first message has been working for me. I copied and pasted the line "I'm not much of a texter. So would you like to go to the park to chat?" I copied and pasted it to about 6 girls I got matched up with, one responded with interest telling me she's free tomorrow and Thursday; one responded last week, met up last Thursday. 1>0 so I'll take it. Will keep swiping away.

 

[perfectchaos007]

For the past 2 days now CMB has given me 1 daily bagel. Thats it.
May as well delete the app at this point.

 

[Jhoan]

For the past 2 days now CMB has given me 1 daily bagel. Thats it.
May as well delete the app at this point.

Ouch! For me it's dwindled from 21 to 18 but then again, I'm in NYC. Before I deleted it and remade my account, I actually did run of matches and had 1 a day. I haven't had a date from there in over a month because it's been quite dry. I got matched up with a chick a few days ago but I wasn't really interested. I might delete it. Tinder has been dry for me too so I'll probably delete it and/or change pics.

So whenever I get inebriated, I have a tendency to swipe right to a billion girls on OKC. Women have a tendency to sometimes message me after getting matched up with them but sometimes it doesn't lead anywhere.

In my last inebriated swipe, I got a couple of interesting matches and now have a date with a 37 year old who messaged me first for Friday night. She kept replying instantly so that was too easy. We did some video messaging last night but Google Hangouts sucks and she kept teasing me about not having an iPhone for Face Time.

I've procrastinated on responding to some other girls but I might have 1-2 more dates lined up either for this week or next week.

 

[TimeEffect]

Is putting my education and career on tinder going to help? I dont have either listed as I dont want to attract attention to my career

 

[Jhoan]

Is putting my education and career on tinder going to help? I dont have either listed as I dont want to attract attention to my career

Selective information: don't put anything you don't want to put out of choice. Girls won't notice nor car because it's a half-truth. It's deliberate. I use selective information because the truth will only make girls look down at at me. What that is will have to be PM'ed to ask.

 

[TimeEffect]

Selective information: don't put anything you don't want to put out of choice. Girls won't notice nor car because it's a half-truth. It's deliberate. I use selective information because the truth will only make girls look down at at me. What that is will have to be PM'ed to ask.

Thanks.

Also, should i put my 5'7-5'8 height?

Seems like info women care to know.

 

[Jhoan]

Thanks.

Also, should i put my 5'7-5'8 height?

Seems like info women care to know.

Height is whatever. Some women will care about it, others won't. May as well leave it out. It's YMMV; some choose to list it, others don't. It's up to you. As a 6'2 `` guy I'm honest on OKC and don't list it on Tinder. It's weird because you'll find girls that like dating guys taller than them. Kanik's brother is married to girl taller than him. If you feel you should list it, then do it to weed out girls. Otherwise, don't list it.

 

[Shanlei91]

Girl I went on an OkCupid date with years ago matched on Tinder and started a conversation, flirting, etc.

Wonder if she remembers that we've met. 🤔

 

[TimeEffect]

Height is whatever. Some women will care about it, others won't. May as well leave it out. It's YMMV; some choose to list it, others don't. It's up to you. As a 6'2 `` guy I'm honest on OKC and don't list it on Tinder. It's weird because you'll find girls that like dating guys taller than them. Kanik's brother is married to girl taller than him. If you feel you should list it, then do it to weed out girls. Otherwise, don't list it.

You're a tall guy and people can probably tell from your pics. I have to assume you don't need to list it

I think I may remove it.

Its been a while since I used tinder, but Ive swiped like 4 full times in the month, and never once matched with anyone.

Recently tried my hand at bumble, and I must have swiped a good number of people. No matches.

Maybe my age is too old now (26) as most my age are in the "long term" phase. My pics are definitely not interesting and I think many people are used to taking very nice pics of interesting things now.

I always turn off my discovery after I finish swiping, but Idk if that affects my listing that much.

I used to get some consistent matches before so I don't know whats different lol

 

[Jhoan]

Girl I went on an OkCupid date with years ago matched on Tinder and started a conversation, flirting, etc.

Wonder if she remembers that we've met. 🤔

I know I've told this story before but there was a chick I spoke to on OKC way back when I was starting out there. She told me how she knew a friend named Joao because my name has a similar spelling. She wound up deactivating her account before I could ask her out. Fast forward a couple of years later and last summer I got matched up with her on Tinder. Guess what conversation she brought up again? That's right, her friend Joao; it was deja vu but she was oblivious to it and didn't remember me. We never met up because she was flaky and was looking for attention while she was away in Pennsylvania.

You're a tall guy and people can probably tell from your pics. I have to assume you don't need to list it

I think I may remove it.

Its been a while since I used tinder, but Ive swiped like 4 full times in the month, and never once matched with anyone.

Recently tried my hand at bumble, and I must have swiped a good number of people. No matches.

Maybe my age is too old now (26) as most my age are in the "long term" phase. My pics are definitely not interesting and I think many people are used to taking very nice pics of interesting things now.

I always turn off my discovery after I finish swiping, but Idk if that affects my listing that much.

I used to get some consistent matches before so I don't know whats different lol

I go back and forth about it. Sometimes I list it, sometimes I don't. Lately I haven't but I might list it if I delete and reboot it again. As a tall guy, sometimes I'll strike out with a shorter girl who has a thing for tall, dark guys even though I have a slight preference for taller women.

As for the bolded, that's probably because you need to update your Tinder pics. I haven't gotten any matches at all lately myself despite having a beach pic that I took last summer as my main pic at the suggestion of a friend. As for Bumble, the algorithm shows you super attractive women first before it eventually shows you average looking women. It's like OKC's algorithm where it shows "attractive" users and hides the less attractive ones. You'll be swiping right for an eternity before you get a match. It's one of the reasons why I deleted my account and uninstalled it.

Hahaha, 26 is not "old" and I'm 3 years older than you but I agree for the most part. Although I will say that it's YMMV and that it might be best to list what you're looking for right off the bat on Tinder and Bumble. Girls I've gone out with this year have were definitely looking for something serious and most of them were in their mid to late twenties as well as mid 30s.

A 37 year old I'm meeting up with on Friday night lists on her profile that she is open to a relationship if she meets the "right" guy. She goes on to say that she has no expectations because mutual chemistry is a "rare and special thing." Compare that to the 24 year law student I met yesterday who's solely looking to hook up because she's going away to South Africa for a year next month. I'm okay with both cases,

As always, if you're out at a event, the golden rule is either to take pictures of yourself or have someone take pictures of you. The best way to take interesting pics is to do interesting things that warrant pics. The aforementioned 37 year old finds me interesting because I have pics at various events versus her mundane life comprised of working a 9-5 and going to class in the evening.

For example, I was volunteering at a hotel with an amazing view of the city last night. I had my friend take a couple of pictures of me with his phone and sent them to me. Whenever I voluntter at an event with him, I usually have him take pictures of me. When I was in Chicago earlier this year, I did some touristy stuff and had people take pictures of me.

 

[TimeEffect]

Thanks dude. Honestly, Im just really out of touch with the whole culture of taking pics and looking like a model on IG. I just don't do social media, and I hate it because it makes me feel old and prudish.

Ill never get my friends to take pics for me unfortunately. I feel like I can meet different people in real life, but just don't know what to do in my community short of going to a club alone. My friends just aren't the picture taking/club going type.

I just feel like the whole tinder scene is tough because Im not doing much to play along as far as pictures go.

Whats weird is that I don't always have a problem finding a few conversations but this past month, I have absolutely nothing. Im swiping away 3 days in a row now, and Im getting zero. Admittedly, swiping on people I know won't swipe back so maybe I need to consider that haha.

 

[Jhoan]

Thanks dude. Honestly, Im just really out of touch with the whole culture of taking pics and looking like a model on IG. I just don't do social media, and I hate it because it makes me feel old and prudish.

Ill never get my friends to take pics for me unfortunately. I feel like I can meet different people in real life, but just don't know what to do in my community short of going to a club alone. My friends just aren't the picture taking/club going type.

I just feel like the whole tinder scene is tough because Im not doing much to play along as far as pictures go.

Whats weird is that I don't always have a problem finding a few conversations but this past month, I have absolutely nothing. Im swiping away 3 days in a row now, and Im getting zero. Admittedly, swiping on people I know won't swipe back so maybe I need to consider that haha.

I'm quite private on social media for the most part and have an IG that I update once in a while with art. There's nothing that says you should do it to get the approval of friends; do it for yourself to have interesting stories to tell when you look back at it. All the people you see on your Facebook feed having fun is a bit of an illusion because everyone has problems in the end of the day.

The bolded sounds a bit defeatist man. You should find new friends that will take pics of you. That being said, I'm a firm believer of living in the moment. That's all you can do. It's so funny that a similar discussion is happening in the Dating-Age thread with Mediking. I volunteer at many different events as a way to meet new people and see new things so I always suggest doing that. There was a book/website called docoolshit.org that has a list of stuff you can do.

I also work at conventions for fun and have met loads of people that way. Basically anything that you like doing can be developed into a social activity. I was just out last night volunteering at an event and the Volunteer coordinator asked to take a group pic with a bunch of us so I obliged.

And online dating comes in waves; sometimes you won't have anything for weeks; other times you'll be juggling multiple conversations and scheduling a bunch of dates. Summer is usually a bit harder to get dates because people are in and out of town.

 

[Mediking]

Online Dating.... OT...

Hmmm...

 

[Jhoan]

Online Dating.... OT...

Hmmm...

Welcome to the jungle, we've got ghosting and flakes. It's not quite as busy or as circus-like as the Dating-Age thread but a small handful of regulars are still here.

If Dating-Age is a group therapy session where people echo the same advice, then this thread is the low-key bar that not too many people know of where you can have a drink. A lot of the advice/thoughts in the OP still holds up.

 

[Mediking]

Welcome to the jungle, we've got ghosting and flakes. It's not quite as busy or as circus-like as the Dating-Age thread but a small handful of regulars are still here.

If Dating-Age is a group therapy session where people echo the same advice, then this thread is the low-key bar that not too many people know of where you can have a drink. A lot of the advice/thoughts in the OP still holds up.

Hahahahaha interesting.

Reading the OP now.

 

[Jhoan]

I didn't add to this to the OP but for a couple of solid dating/dating advice podcasts, I would recommend Paging Dr. Nerdlove and Why Oh Why. The former released an episode on online dating advice recently; the latter is a single 20 something host that explores the online dating realm and how it relates to her. They're both good.

 

[CarbonatedFalcon]

Apparently Tinder needs a Facebook account to login?

Not sure how comfortable I am with that, seeing as I haven't actually updated or used my Facebook much anywhere from 3 to 7 years...

Last photo was from slightly over 3 years ago.

Was thinking about trying that or Bumble when I go back to college in a few weeks. Not sure how awkward the whole thing would be though seeing as:

a) I've never really dated/hooked up/etc. with anyone before

b) I'm an older student (mid 20s) still working on undergraduate degree (been out of school for an extended period of time due to circumstances outside my control).

I don't know how comfortable I'd be if one of these apps just matched me with 18/19/20 year olds or whatever, or if it would match me with the older graduate students instead?

Any advice/recommendations?

 

[GK86]

The age thing seems like a weird thing to get hung up on. Also, those apps aren't strictly hookup apps anymore (especially Bumble). And if you are worried about it, you could always go OkCupid route.

As for the photos, you will need to take new ones because photos are the main draw. And create a dummy facebook account if you don't want to use your real one.

Advice, just dive in.

 

[Jhoan]

Apparently Tinder needs a Facebook account to login?

Not sure how comfortable I am with that, seeing as I haven't actually updated or used my Facebook much anywhere from 3 to 7 years...

Last photo was from slightly over 3 years ago.

Was thinking about trying that or Bumble when I go back to college in a few weeks. Not sure how awkward the whole thing would be though seeing as:

a) I've never really dated/hooked up/etc. with anyone before

b) I'm an older student (mid 20s) still working on undergraduate degree (been out of school for an extended period of time due to circumstances outside my control).

I don't know how comfortable I'd be if one of these apps just matched me with 18/19/20 year olds or whatever, or if it would match me with the older graduate students instead?

Any advice/recommendations?

It seems like both you and Mediking are in the same boat. One of my closest friends is 29,has never dated/kissed a girl, and is going for his bachelor's degree as well. That being said:

1. If you don't feel comfortable using your personal Facebook account then either make a dummy account with modern pics or make a private album that only you can see dedicated to Tinder/Bumble/Coffee Meets Bagel. I personally have the latter and I haven't updated my profile pic in over a year.

2. Start getting your toes wet by talking to girls and get experience under your belt. The first dates I ever had were awkward as fuck for me because I was very nervous but I learned a lot from them as I began to go on more dates and became more experienced. Each date that you go on will lead to learning something new about yourself even if it was a failure. Tinder is not just a hookup app because people have found serious relationships out of it. Don't worry about not having any experience because even the most famous people had to start somewhere.

3. You can set age parameters to whatever age group you want if you don't want to date girls 18-20 years old. Personally I like to date all over the place including younger women, women my age, and older women so I don't care about age. I find that older women are more serious/experienced and know what they want whereas younger women are in that figure it out phase and going with the flow. At the same time, I've met some really mature 18/19 year olds through the website I write for.

Ask yourself: what are you looking to get out of dating? For me, I'm not looking to meet my future wife because I'm a late bloomer so I'm just going with the flow. I used to have an irrational fear of dating older women but one day I decided to take a chance on them and they're human. I would suggest experimenting and keep dates cheap.

4. Pssh, my oldest brother is 32 and he's going for his second bachelor's degree. I've met much older women as old as their late 60s going for their college degrees. 26 is nothing! Life isn't a race so don't feel sorry for yourself because you never graduated "on time." Everyone else can take the fast lane; you drive on your lane at your own pace.

I would suggest joining clubs in college to meet new people and possibly look into getting involved with student government. I did both in undergrad and met loads of people that way. If you want to learn how to dance salsa, check if there's a salsa club, the meeting times, and go. Maybe you want to get involved with the college's publications; whatever it is, look into it. Being in college is all about time management though so you have to be organized to keep up with studies, while juggling time to socialize, and date.

5. I've echoed this before but do interesting stuff and take new pics. If you need any profile advice, I'd be happy to look at your pictures. A bulk of my dating successes have come primarily from OkCupid.

 

[Mediking]

It seems like both you and Mediking are in the same boat. One of my closest friends is 29,has never dated/kissed a girl, and is going for his bachelor's degree as well. That being said:

1. If you don't feel comfortable using your personal Facebook account then either make a dummy account with modern pics or make a private album that only you can see dedicated to Tinder/Bumble/Coffee Meets Bagel. I personally have the latter and I haven't updated my profile pic in over a year.

2. Start getting your toes wet by talking to girls and get experience under your belt. The first dates I ever had were awkward as fuck for me because I was very nervous but I learned a lot from them as I began to go on more dates and became more experienced. Each date that you go on will lead to learning something new about yourself even if it was a failure. Tinder is not just a hookup app because people have found serious relationships out of it. Don't worry about not having any experience because even the most famous people had to start somewhere.

3. You can set age parameters to whatever age group you want if you don't want to date girls 18-20 years old. Personally I like to date all over the place including younger women, women my age, and older women so I don't care about age. I find that older women are more serious/experienced and know what they want whereas younger women are in that figure it out phase and going with the flow. At the same time, I've met some really mature 18/19 year olds through the website I write for.

Ask yourself: what are you looking to get out of dating? For me, I'm not looking to meet my future wife because I'm a late bloomer so I'm just going with the flow. I used to have an irrational fear of dating older women but one day I decided to take a chance on them and they're human. I would suggest experimenting and keep dates cheap.

4. Pssh, my oldest brother is 32 and he's going for his second bachelor's degree. I've met much older women as old as their late 60s going for their college degrees. 26 is nothing! Life isn't a race so don't feel sorry for yourself because you never graduated "on time." Everyone else can take the fast lane; you drive on your lane at your own pace.

I would suggest joining clubs in college to meet new people and possibly look into getting involved with student government. I did both in undergrad and met loads of people that way. If you want to learn how to dance salsa, check if there's a salsa club, the meeting times, and go. Maybe you want to get involved with the college's publications; whatever it is, look into it. Being in college is all about time management though so you have to be organized to keep up with studies, while juggling time to socialize, and date.

5. I've echoed this before but do interesting stuff and take new pics. If you need any profile advice, I'd be happy to look at your pictures. A bulk of my dating successes have come primarily from OkCupid.

Wait... a Facebook account is REQUIRED to use Tinder? -_-

And if you've seen how I am in Dating OT... then that means others have... lol

 

[TimeEffect]

The bolded sounds a bit defeatist man. You should find new friends that will take pics of you. That being said, I'm a firm believer of living in the moment. That's all you can do. It's so funny that a similar discussion is happening in the Dating-Age thread with Mediking. I volunteer at many different events as a way to meet new people and see new things so I always suggest doing that. There was a book/website called docoolshit.org that has a list of stuff you can do.

I also work at conventions for fun and have met loads of people that way. Basically anything that you like doing can be developed into a social activity. I was just out last night volunteering at an event and the Volunteer coordinator asked to take a group pic with a bunch of us so I obliged.

And online dating comes in waves; sometimes you won't have anything for weeks; other times you'll be juggling multiple conversations and scheduling a bunch of dates. Summer is usually a bit harder to get dates because people are in and out of town.

I hear you dude, thanks. I hate the pessimism Im bringing, but it's been a struggle as my social friends from university mostly just disappeared after graduation... It's been hard trying to stay in touch and I regret it deeply. I can't do much about that, and it really hurts because I loved spending time with them.

Volunteering is definitely something Ill look into, especially for the summer. I don't want to waste away.

 

[TimeEffect]

Alright getting some good activity on Bumble thanks to the infinite swiping.

Idk if my profile should be so detailed and Im having a hard time determining how serious this app is. In general, is listing something political a no-no?

I generally list my job, my likes, and then some of my dislikes and something somewhat funny to not have such a dry profile. I try to also set up a description that can give women something to open up with, but most just say "hi" or "hows your day going" which is of course really boring and puts the onus on me to pick up the convo lol.

With apps like this where you're swiping away, it feels like you need to nail a funny pick up line or punchline to keep things going. Sometimes I can get a playful convo going, but other times I have nothing because there isn't much to work with

 

[Banjoman]

So I never used Tinder or any other dating app and since I'm in Tokyo right now I said to myself why not?
People always say how it's easy to get matches in Japan but since I started using the app, so in the last 5 days or so, I got only 3 and no one was really worthwhile.
Yeah, I'm not the most beautiful man in the world but I didn't think I was THIS trash. Maybe I just have a really bad profile? I don't know, I'm just a little bit sad I guess.
Also I got super liked on the first day and that girl never showed up in my "cards".

 

[RedAssedApe]

snapchat filters are the worst

 

[Deleted member 102362]

snapchat filters are the worst

You mean that flower crown/dog nose and ears shit? Yup.

 

[always crazy bacon]

So I never used Tinder or any other dating app and since I'm in Tokyo right now I said to myself why not?
People always say how it's easy to get matches in Japan but since I started using the app, so in the last 5 days or so, I got only 3 and no one was really worthwhile.
Yeah, I'm not the most beautiful man in the world but I didn't think I was THIS trash. Maybe I just have a really bad profile? I don't know, I'm just a little bit sad I guess.
Also I got super liked on the first day and that girl never showed up in my "cards".

I your expecting to just turn up and be a white guy in Asia and have the women queuing up for you, then you set yourself up for failure before you began.

You've still got to put the effort into your profile and communication. Now you still need to have game to make progress but that game has a higher chance of paying off. People mistake easier for easy in your situation. The most tragic thing I see is people coming here and failing so hard becuse they bring all thier bad dating habits with them.

Edit: checked post history

http://m.neogaf.com/showthread.php?t=850001

 

[Shanlei91]

You mean that flower crown/dog nose and ears shit? Yup.

I don't know how anyone thinks that's attractive. It apparently slims the face but like, is that worth it for having that garbage on your photo?

 

[RedAssedApe]

I don't know how anyone thinks that's attractive. It apparently slims the face but like, is that worth it for having that garbage on your photo?

you often can't even tell what a girl actually looks like because of it. but i'm thinking that's probably the point though. trying to get the curious to look at their profile.

i dunno about others but for me it has started to have the opposite effect. almost always an automatic swipe left.

 

[CarbonatedFalcon]

It seems like both you and Mediking are in the same boat. One of my closest friends is 29,has never dated/kissed a girl, and is going for his bachelor's degree as well. That being said:

1. If you don't feel comfortable using your personal Facebook account then either make a dummy account with modern pics or make a private album that only you can see dedicated to Tinder/Bumble/Coffee Meets Bagel. I personally have the latter and I haven't updated my profile pic in over a year.

2. Start getting your toes wet by talking to girls and get experience under your belt. The first dates I ever had were awkward as fuck for me because I was very nervous but I learned a lot from them as I began to go on more dates and became more experienced. Each date that you go on will lead to learning something new about yourself even if it was a failure. Tinder is not just a hookup app because people have found serious relationships out of it. Don't worry about not having any experience because even the most famous people had to start somewhere.

3. You can set age parameters to whatever age group you want if you don't want to date girls 18-20 years old. Personally I like to date all over the place including younger women, women my age, and older women so I don't care about age. I find that older women are more serious/experienced and know what they want whereas younger women are in that figure it out phase and going with the flow. At the same time, I've met some really mature 18/19 year olds through the website I write for.

Ask yourself: what are you looking to get out of dating? For me, I'm not looking to meet my future wife because I'm a late bloomer so I'm just going with the flow. I used to have an irrational fear of dating older women but one day I decided to take a chance on them and they're human. I would suggest experimenting and keep dates cheap.

4. Pssh, my oldest brother is 32 and he's going for his second bachelor's degree. I've met much older women as old as their late 60s going for their college degrees. 26 is nothing! Life isn't a race so don't feel sorry for yourself because you never graduated "on time." Everyone else can take the fast lane; you drive on your lane at your own pace.

I would suggest joining clubs in college to meet new people and possibly look into getting involved with student government. I did both in undergrad and met loads of people that way. If you want to learn how to dance salsa, check if there's a salsa club, the meeting times, and go. Maybe you want to get involved with the college's publications; whatever it is, look into it. Being in college is all about time management though so you have to be organized to keep up with studies, while juggling time to socialize, and date.

5. I've echoed this before but do interesting stuff and take new pics. If you need any profile advice, I'd be happy to look at your pictures. A bulk of my dating successes have come primarily from OkCupid.

Just wanted to reply to let you know I read this, thanks for the long, thought out post. Will definitely make use of the advice once I get back to school in a couple weeks.

 

[demonkaze]

Just started using Okcupid the other day, made my profile and had a look through it. Found some that I liked but still haven't messaged anyone yet, I'm terrible when it comes to first messages, never know what to write.

 

[always crazy bacon]

Just started using Okcupid the other day, made my profile and had a look through it. Found some that I liked but still haven't messaged anyone yet, I'm terrible when it comes to first messages, never know what to write.

Hello is usually enough. It won't really make a difference how well crafted the message is, she'll either reply or not. You could also try a funny animal .gif they have good response rates.

 

[EverythingShiny]

After being single since Feb, I think I'm finally ready to start dating again after getting some of my shit together (moved across the country, started a new job, adopted a puppy, etc.) I'm a woman in my early/mid 30's and I'm looking for a serious relationship, not hookups. Is Coffee Meets Bagel going to be my best bet? I haven't done online dating in like 7 years and I used OkCupid last time around, but I've heard good things about CMB.

Also - I keep reading mixed things about including a photo of you with an animal. Sounds like it works for dudes, but it's a turn-off when women do it? What do you guys think? It wouldn't be my primary profile photo.

 

[Shanlei91]

Just started using Okcupid the other day, made my profile and had a look through it. Found some that I liked but still haven't messaged anyone yet, I'm terrible when it comes to first messages, never know what to write.

My go-to on Okcupid has always been reading the profile, figuring out something they're passionate about or made a joke about and initiating banter with that as the topic. Numerous women on dates have shown me what their inboxes look like and sometimes they don't even read the message because they all look identical at quick glance.

After being single since Feb, I think I'm finally ready to start dating again after getting some of my shit together (moved across the country, started a new job, adopted a puppy, etc.) I'm a woman in my early/mid 30's and I'm looking for a serious relationship, not hookups. Is Coffee Meets Bagel going to be my best bet? I haven't done online dating in like 7 years and I used OkCupid last time around, but I've heard good things about CMB.

Also - I keep reading mixed things about including a photo of you with an animal. Sounds like it works for dudes, but it's a turn-off when women do it? What do you guys think? It wouldn't be my primary profile photo.

On a spectrum of serious to casual, it goes: (paid sites that I don't think statistically are worth it), Coffee Meets Bagel, OkCupid, Bumble, (random other apps), Tinder.

I don't really understand the whole animal / group shots / over thinking it when it comes to choosing photos. Instagram cartoon filters are the only pics I get turned off by. As long as you look attractive in the photo and all your photos don't look identical or you don't look miserable in the photos then it's okay. Might only turn off someone who hates that particular kind of animal or hates pets.

 

[EverythingShiny]

My go-to on Okcupid has always been reading the profile, figuring out something they're passionate about or made a joke about and initiating banter with that as the topic. Numerous women on dates have shown me what their inboxes look like and sometimes they don't even read the message because they all look identical at quick glance.



On a spectrum of serious to casual, it goes: (paid sites that I don't think statistically are worth it), Coffee Meets Bagel, OkCupid, Bumble, (random other apps), Tinder.

I don't really understand the whole animal / group shots / over thinking it when it comes to choosing photos. Instagram cartoon filters are the only pics I get turned off by. As long as you look attractive in the photo and all your photos don't look identical or you don't look miserable in the photos then it's okay. Might only turn off someone who hates that particular kind of animal or hates pets.

Thanks, I appreciate your reply. Sounds like CMB is the best fit for me. Yeah, there's a lot of shit out there about profile photos. I mean, I wouldn't want to date someone anyway who hates my puppy, so why would that be a bad thing if it turned that person off? I'm not in it to get the most responses, I'm in it to find a good match. It's mostly a hypothetical question right now, anyway, as I can't get him to sit still long enough to take a photo of us.

Also, I 100% agree with your approach to messaging. I hardly ever responded to guys who messaged me with just a "hey, what's up?" I was way more likely to respond if they asked me something about my interests or established something in common.

 

[Jhoan]

Just wanted to reply to let you know I read this, thanks for the long, thought out post. Will definitely make use of the advice once I get back to school in a couple weeks.

My pleasure! As you can probably tell I'm a writer hence the long form post. Posting in short form like many people do isn't my beat.Good luck!

Just started using Okcupid the other day, made my profile and had a look through it. Found some that I liked but still haven't messaged anyone yet, I'm terrible when it comes to first messages, never know what to write.

OkCupid rolled out an update where users can send a message commenting on a picture. It'll appear as an attachment in the message like a picture text. So if worse comes to worse then you can always ask about a picture that caught your attention and ask about it. I've done it in the past and it got me dates.

The easiest way to increase the likelihood of getting a message these days is to go on a swiping spree on DoubleTake, message any of the mutual Likes that catch your interest, hope for the best; rinse and repeat. If you have the latest version of the OKC app, you'll notice that they basically turned it into Tinder (which sucks IMHO) by putting DoubleTake front and center as opposed to being able to browse profiles.

Lately some of the messages I've sent out has included asking out women right off the bat (I list in my message me section that I'm not looking for pen pals and included a link to Elvis Presley's A Little Less Conversation, A Little More Action ). It's been YMMV but I got a few dates out of it for those who were willing to play ball. I occasionally get the reply stating to want to get to know each other first such as in the example below:

Me: know it's all of sudden but I'm not big on texting. So would like to go to a park to chat? ​

Mutual Like: Perhaps. I do like to feel a person out with some back and forth before meeting though. Communication is important, even if it happens in the form of a text!

Mutual Like: Do you like horror movies?

Have you ever traveled around another country alone?

Wouldn't it be fun to chuck it all and go live on a sailboat?

Personally I've chatted with girls that sounded super interesting/fun over text but were boring as bricks in person and vice versa. I don't get my hopes up these days which is why I try to keep texting to a minimum.

I will also occasionally send something random e.g. Who would win the battle of good and evil? Harry Potter or Godzilla? (I stopped using this line a while ago). Really all you have to do is show some kind of interest.That being said, in the end of the day, bacon is right: If you're a fairly decent looking guy with solid pictures, girls will respond to something as generic as "Hi" or "How's it going" contrary to women stating otherwise.

After being single since Feb, I think I'm finally ready to start dating again after getting some of my shit together (moved across the country, started a new job, adopted a puppy, etc.) I'm a woman in my early/mid 30's and I'm looking for a serious relationship, not hookups. Is Coffee Meets Bagel going to be my best bet? I haven't done online dating in like 7 years and I used OkCupid last time around, but I've heard good things about CMB.

Also - I keep reading mixed things about including a photo of you with an animal. Sounds like it works for dudes, but it's a turn-off when women do it? What do you guys think? It wouldn't be my primary profile photo.

Coffee Meets Bagel is definitely more for women looking for something more substantial beyond something casual and usually are working professionals. The downside is that it's mired in micro transactions and the algorithm curates daily matches. The plus side is that app encourages users to set up a date within 7 days. I've either chatted with and/or dated a wide range of women ranging from younger college students, to grad students on the verge of graduating, to older women with a stable career and more serious. OkCupid is also a solid bet.

Lately, I've been finding that CMB isn't really for me because I'm not really looking for a long-term relationship and I'm still figuring myself out/don't have a 9-5. Ever since I listed that I'm not looking to meet my future wife, at best I get 1 match every few weeks but none that catch my eye.

As for you question, as someone who doesn't have a pic with an animal/doesn't have pets, I'm personally indifferent to women taking pictures with animals. I get it's supposed to show their softer side and that they like pets for the sake of it (I might be generalizing here) but I can take it or leave it. This is to say that I neither like it nor dislike it.

If anything, I find it more amusing when a woman takes a picture with a farm animal e.g. a llama than a sedated tiger/lion or a pic petting a dog/cat. Because you have a dog, guys who also have dogs/are pet people will gravitate towards you more easily. I'm not a fan of filter pics because it's generic and hides their face.

EDIT: I saw your reply above. If anything get a friend to take a picture of you with the dog and use a chew/squeaky toy to get the attention.

EDIT 2: @Kanik, need some dating updates stat! What became of the girl you went out with a year ago that you got matched up with and messaged again? What became of the girl who was thicker looking in person?

 

[Gizuko]

Is it a bad idea to send a follow-up message to someone who didn't reply to my first one, a week later?

I generally don't care enough to do this, but there are few OkC user's in my area and this one lass seems pretty cool. She hasn't visited my profile yet so she could very well find me physically unappealing, but I would want to give it one last try.

 

[Jhoan]

Is it a bad idea to send a follow-up message to someone who didn't reply to my first one, a week later?

I generally don't care enough to do this, but there are few OkC user's in my area and this one lass seems pretty cool. She hasn't visited my profile yet so she could very well find me physically unappealing, but I would want to give it one last try.

I don't see why not because as the saying goes, if at first you don't succeed, try again. Women get loads of messages every day so chances are that yours was lost in the sea or she wasn't interested. If you don't get a reply after a second time, then move on. But yeah, I I wouldn't hold my breath and message more people.

Also, for a look as to the kind of messages that women get on OKC check out ths Tumblr: hell-is-okcupid.tumblr.com

 

[Gizuko]

Guess I'll try to message her tonight after dinner, then.

As for that link... That's just gross. Jesus, I can't even.

 

[Shanlei91]

Is it a bad idea to send a follow-up message to someone who didn't reply to my first one, a week later?

I generally don't care enough to do this, but there are few OkC user's in my area and this one lass seems pretty cool. She hasn't visited my profile yet so she could very well find me physically unappealing, but I would want to give it one last try.

I've gotten responses on followup messages before, usually with an apology for having not seen my first message. But definitely don't send more than two. After two, they're probably never responding.

EDIT 2: @Kanik, need some dating updates stat! What became of the girl you went out with a year ago that you got matched up with and messaged again? What became of the girl who was thicker looking in person?

I kind of let that conversation die because I thought the idea of going out with her again would be silly. For the girl who didn't look like her photos but was very sweet and cool, I was going to followup this week on a second but my date on Monday was possibly my favorite in years. Better and more ridiculous banter than an improv show. Seeing her again and putting my focus on that.

Whenever my younger brother gets a Tinder match he takes a screenshot of her profile and sends it to me asking what should be his opening message. Last night he sent me a girl who not only am I also matched with, but her last message to me was asking when I'm free. haha

Edit: What ever happened to you and that girl who cancelled on the 2nd date?

 

[potatohead]

So I never used Tinder or any other dating app and since I'm in Tokyo right now I said to myself why not?
People always say how it's easy to get matches in Japan but since I started using the app, so in the last 5 days or so, I got only 3 and no one was really worthwhile.
Yeah, I'm not the most beautiful man in the world but I didn't think I was THIS trash. Maybe I just have a really bad profile? I don't know, I'm just a little bit sad I guess.
Also I got super liked on the first day and that girl never showed up in my "cards".

Get a flattering profile pic. That's really the key.

Ask if anyone you know can comment on what profile picture is a good first look.

Also if you're not Japanese I mean that might be part of it, some might just be looking for other asian people I guess in Tokyo.

If it's not through Tinder go hit up some bars or clubs on your own. Chat up some girls, build some experience doing it, see where it goes.

Just 2 cents I don't do online dating but I end up playing with other people's profiles and this is the gist I get of what is important for "success" for lack of a better term.

 

[Jhoan]

Guess I'll try to message her tonight after dinner, then.

As for that link... That's just gross. Jesus, I can't even.

If you have some money to spare, you should temporarily change your age to 18, pay for 1 month of A-List on the OKC app, then revert back to your actual age. Only premium users can see if their messages was read ala Facebook/WhatsApp so if you're really curious, then that option is available. Plus seeing what kind questions users answer privately must be entertaining.

I've gotten responses on followup messages before, usually with an apology for having not seen my first message. But definitely don't send more than two. After two, they're probably never responding.



I kind of let that conversation die because I thought the idea of going out with her again would be silly. For the girl who didn't look like her photos but was very sweet and cool, I was going to followup this week on a second but my date on Monday was possibly my favorite in years. Better and more ridiculous banter than an improv show. Seeing her again and putting my focus on that.

Whenever my younger brother gets a Tinder match he takes a screenshot of her profile and sends it to me asking what should be his opening message. Last night he sent me a girl who not only am I also matched with, but her last message to me was asking when I'm free. haha

Edit: What ever happened to you and that girl who cancelled on the 2nd date?

Funny as hell, Salamando is asking for the same advice on the Dating-Age thread because he went out with a girl on a solid date, mutual faded, got matched up with her again, and is debating telling her that they went out last year.

A first date that rocked your socks off enough to see the girl again?! Tjere must have been some Kool-Aid in the drink or the air. What was so great about this particular date that it was better than any other past dates?

That reminds me that I sent both of my brothers a screenshot of a platonic female friend that we all know because she appeared on my Tinder rotation last week. We had a good laugh about it. I swiped left to her because it would have been awkward and I don't find her attractive at all (she's not ugly by means but I've never looked her at that way). Speaking of which, I deleted my Tinder account a few days ago because I was getting diminishing returns and none of the matches interested me.

As for your question, She basically sent me a huge block of text yesterday that read like a letter because it started out with Hello Jhoan (I knew right away from that where it was heading). The tl; dr version was it's not you, it's me; sorry for wasting your time and good luck. It sounded like she was more sad about it because it sure as hell didn't phase me. I still have the screenshot on my phone so next time there's a small meet up, remind me to show it to you.

I set up a date for Saturday night with this pansexual girl because how rare is it for a girl to want to go on date on a weekend? Life gave me lemons, so I'm making lemon beer out of it. She messaged me first asking me out for drinks right off the bat but her pictures didn't set the world on fire for me because she looks a lot older than 26.

I decided not to message her because I didn't like what I saw all that much so when she messaged me first, I figured y'know what? I'll give her the benefit of the doubt and hope that it's one of those cases where the girl looks better in person. I'm not holding my breath. I'll PM you her profile so you can see what I mean. If worse comes to worse, then I'll make up an excuse and bail out early or try to host an impromptu GAF meet up. I'm taking the Beer Book with me.

 

[Shanlei91]

A first date that rocked your socks off enough to see the girl again?! Tjere must have been some Kool-Aid in the drink or the air. What was so great about this particular date that it was better than any other past dates?

We just clicked really well. Spent the last 20 mins of the date joking about scoring heroin. Bartender must have thought we were insane. It was the perfect mix of high energy sarcasm. She warned me that she has crazy hours because she's a surgeon so that should be interesting. Plus side, she only lives a few blocks from me.

As for your question, She basically sent me a huge block of text yesterday that read like a letter because it started out with Hello Jhoan (I knew right away from that where it was heading). The tl; dr version was it's not you, it's me; sorry for wasting your time and good luck. It sounded like she was more sad about it because it sure as hell didn't phase me. I still have the screenshot on my phone so next time there's a small meet up, remind me to show it to you.

I set up a date for Saturday night with this pansexual girl because how rare is it for a girl to want to go on date on a weekend? Life gave me lemons, so I'm making lemon beer out of it. She messaged me first asking me out for drinks right off the bat but her pictures didn't set the world on fire for me because she looks a lot older than 26.

I decided not to message her because I didn't like what I saw all that much so when she messaged me first, I figured y'know what? I'll give her the benefit of the doubt and hope that it's one of those cases where the girl looks better in person. I'm not holding my breath. I'll PM you her profile so you can see what I mean. If worse comes to worse, then I'll make up an excuse and bail out early or try to host an impromptu GAF meet up. I'm taking the Beer Book with me.

Ouch, sorry you got "the letter". If you're not doing anything else that day go for the date. At the very least, women who message first are usually super chill.

 

[Jhoan]

We just clicked really well. Spent the last 20 mins of the date joking about scoring heroin. Bartender must have thought we were insane. It was the perfect mix of high energy sarcasm. She warned me that she has crazy hours because she's a surgeon so that should be interesting. Plus side, she only lives a few blocks from me.



Ouch, sorry you got "the letter". If you're not doing anything else that day go for the date. At the very least, women who message first are usually super chill.

I see, that makes sense. You gotta love it when a girl lives in the same vicinity. Hopefully she gets to do some surgery on Fruity Pebbles with whipped cream.

I think my ideal girl would be one that lives within walking distance from me because they probably appreciate some of the neighborhood gems as much as I do (unless they're the type that lives there but doesn't hang out there). The closest I got to that was with the Mexican chick I had a fling with 2 summers ago. It feels like every summer I go out with at least one girl who lives in my neighborhood for 2 dates before it fizzles out.

That was probably the best date I had this year because it was simple, the girl was into me as much as I was into her, and the conversations were intelligent in nature/fun. I told her that I was disappointed but it is what it is so c'est la vie. If anything, I learned that next time I go on a date when the girl is being touchy feely and teasing me, I should cancel my appointment and bring her back to my place or suggest going back to hers.

That being said, of course I'm going to go on it. I'm not doing anything on Saturday especially because there's no Rooftop Films scheduled for that night. Plus with it being my final weekend before my brother returns (I'm not going to miss complaining about one person lagging the Wi-Fi for the other person and having to kick him off the laptop when I need to use it), I may as well go out with a bang (pun not intended). One thing I won't be doing is pre-gaming because that sounds like a recipe for a disaster.

In my experience, I'm usually quite cynical about girls who message me first because it's never lead to a second date or the girl gets cold feet before the date. Maybe this girl will prove me wrong so we'll see. The bonus about setting the date in Williamsburg is that she lives in Brooklyn so if it goes well, I can always make up some excuse about trains being awful for me. The plan is to meet up at Brooklyn Brewery, have a few beers there, then hit up a couple of other bars that get me a free beer. At some point or another, I'd like to end up at Radegast Beer Garden, The Commodore to try out their fried chicken sober, or both.