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So uhm
- Thread starter Amir0x
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It's funny, I had to deal with something...kinda...similar.
A few years ago, my sister out of the blue had her boyfriend (who she met on the internet and never met in person before) live with us. I was PISSED, I didn't want to feel uncomfortable in my own house with a creepy stranger who could do no better than my monstrosity of a sister. Being sensible, I went to my Mother and explained how messed up this situation was, and that if nothing else the place was crowded enough as is and that it violated the lease and we'd be screwed if the landlord found out. She, being a pushover however, took my sisters side over mine. Ugh. Crap like this (and there's a lot of it) is why I don't really associate with my family anymore.
A few years ago, my sister out of the blue had her boyfriend (who she met on the internet and never met in person before) live with us. I was PISSED, I didn't want to feel uncomfortable in my own house with a creepy stranger who could do no better than my monstrosity of a sister. Being sensible, I went to my Mother and explained how messed up this situation was, and that if nothing else the place was crowded enough as is and that it violated the lease and we'd be screwed if the landlord found out. She, being a pushover however, took my sisters side over mine. Ugh. Crap like this (and there's a lot of it) is why I don't really associate with my family anymore.
iapetus said:
No, she did not previously say that. And it was not over missing South Park, it was over the lie. If there was no lie, and she would have just said "come up stairs, they're watching it and you'll just have to catch it some other time" there wouldn't have been anything other than me being a bit annoyed and sitting around waiting for dinner. It is, once more, the lie that caused the problem. Yes, a lie is a serious thing. It doesn't matter if you're a child, or you're an adult, if you lie you lose certain respect privileges. That's how it works. You earn respect in the real world, and one of the ways you do that is by being a trustworthy individuals. All my friends know I am loyal, and that I stick up for them when they need me. And for their return, I get respect. And that's the end of that angle, because I'm bored of people still so shallow that they think it has shit to to do with missing 10 minutes of an episode of South Park I already seen. The bottom line was, I don't like liars.
The intelligent response is not "shrug it off", "people lie all the time", "in the real world you better get used to liars", "but she's just a poor crippled mother in her own house - she should be allowed to lie!" The correct response is a lie is wrong in most any scenario, and is an appropriate point for which to lose respect for someone and set those boundaries I've talked about. Unless, as seems to be the prudent response around here, you enjoy getting pissed on throughout your life.
iapetus said:
Yes, like that one time she called me over from my house at 2 o'clock am in the morning to try to help her use the printer, because she couldn't figure out how to print out directions. When I informed her she could have called me at a more reasonable time, like say 2 o'clock in the afternoon, not only did she not listen to my reasonable advice (calling me lazy among other things) but she gave me a huge gash on my arm. That actually bled for a very long time. My poor cripple mother with lupus. My poor steroid-injected testosterone overflowing arm. And that time, I DID walk away.
That is my mother. That's how she deals with "petulant children who don't listen to her." I love my mom, but she has always had a problem with dealing with situations in the correct way. The correct way here was to tell the truth, and not use violence. And that's the end of that story, and that's the adult way to deal with the situation.
iapateus said:
Everything was fine until she lied to me. I followed her rules and caused no argument at all. Then she lost her right to get that respect from me when she turned into a lie. And I did not insult my family at all verbally, unless you consider my fiancee my family, which I don't. I went upstairs, I said my piece after she lied, and I was leaving. She then hit me with a ****ing purse. Yes, we've been over this before. Then I restrained her so she could not cause further injury. So let's break this down...
1.) She decided upon a lie before anyone was being irate at all. When she told me I could watch it upstairs, that was precisely what I did. I was annoyed, but it's trivial shit. I didn't say anything but march my ass upstairs.
2.) When the lie occurred, we got into an argument. Many families get into arguments. That is neither immature, or unusual. Some even say mean things during these trysts. Most don't break into a fit of violence wherein people slam objects across your face and melodramatic family members call the police. Most. But perhaps you're better off thinking one acted like a 12 year old then facing the fact that setting boundaries is a better idea.
3.) She was shouting and saying insulting things to me as well, and I didn't even insult her. It was a normal argument, until she changed the parameters.
iapateus said:
Restraining someone from hitting you again is not violence. THAT was me showing any respect that she had left deserved, after bullshitting to me. And the LAN story was when I was 16, told only in response to another similar high school story. It is hardly representative of how I deal with modern day problems.
But while we're there, how many people do you know in real life that would say they would probably get into a fight if someone called out a member of their family? I want to say "a lot", since I've seen such things too many times to count, and I also don't see these people losing respect. Standing up for things that are important, sometimes you go too far, sometimes you don't go far enough. There's a balance, admittedly. But when my mom lies to me (no matter what it's about), hits me with a purse and then calls the police who immediately tell me I'm going to be arrested regardless of what I say, the bets are as they say "off." And I then feel justified that my response was entirely appropriate, which speaks just enough because even the state making the judgment felt her story was bullshit in the end at the hospital, which is why I was discharged.
But like I said, I respect your and other GAFers disagreement. It's hard to see the other point of view when you're sitting on the sidelines, and don't know the complexities of the various relationships. But we will indeed have to disagree.
snaildog said:
The fiancee is over the house more than I am now, twice a week in fact. He has been made to feel plenty welcome. But this has almost nothing to do with him, and everything to do with the lie my mom felt it prudent to start. I insulted him only because it was his prodding over his apparent inability to wait ten ****ing minutes for a show to end so he could watch Battlestar Galactica or whatever other sci-fi bullshit he enjoys whenever he comes over that caused the lie to occur.
My mom made up a lie because she's a ****ing liar. We've established that. When you resort to lying about something as insignificant as that, chances are you lie about things much larger as well. And she has. So that's also another story.
And as for your last role of judgment, EVERYONE in my family does something else when we visit. It's an odd family. We all go our own way until dinner comes, and then we end up talking and maybe playing board games. Until then we sit around on the computer, or watching tv. We're not the brady bunch.
snaildog said:
An argument. People have that all the time. And that's beside the fact that I was right about her lie being bullshit, and also besides the fact that she turned it into something violent.
snaildog said:
I didn't catch the first slap, and I was sober as day. So I took it to the face. She DID go for a second hit. THAT is when I grabbed her wrists (yes, it was done lightly, those of you in fear of my poor crippled mother being manhandled by the brutish me), she dropped her purse, and I simply placed her down on the bed behind her. Then I informed her she is not to hit me again and use violence when we are arguing like this, both being the adults we are.
Then I was going to walk away, but she said "this is the last straw yadda yadda I'm calling the police, I never want to see you again, blah blah blah". We've been over this part of the story.
The majority of this thread amounts to: Amirox's attitude was bad, so clearly he lost the right to defend himself and deserved to go to jail.
Sorry, no.
In a pure courtroom drama sense, there's a lot of contextual information that goes to character, but that's all it is, contextual.
If I am an asshole, that doesn't give you a right to smack me in the face. If you smack me in the face, I do have the right to stop you. The legal system should not then punish me and not you. This is the polar opposite of justice.
Sorry, no.
In a pure courtroom drama sense, there's a lot of contextual information that goes to character, but that's all it is, contextual.
If I am an asshole, that doesn't give you a right to smack me in the face. If you smack me in the face, I do have the right to stop you. The legal system should not then punish me and not you. This is the polar opposite of justice.
open_mouth_
insert_foot_
whatever you do, DON'T REACH FOR THE SOAP!
PjotrStroganov
Member
JayDubya said:
In the end, the situation wouldn't have happened if Amir0x's family situation was completely normal. I suspect some underlying tensions where part of the cause of this whole ordeal.
Tathanen
Get Inside Her!
Six pages was my limit, so forgive me if this was already said. But I think the number one thing that needs noting here is the glossing over of the "restraining" bit.
She was your mother. A woman. An older and ILL woman. And you grabbed her by the wrists and forced her down onto a bed. You cheerfully write it off as "restraining", but the actual actions therein are truly not that far from assault.
I can only imagine that you let yourself get hit by the purse in the face because you were surprised by it, yes? When gauging the abilities of your "opponent", I think it might be fair to say that you could successfully evade or block further attacks? You are pitted up against and elderly and likely enfeebled woman here. You might as well be facing a child in the midst of a tantrum.
Some guy hits you in the face with a purse? Fine, restrain him, attack back, do what you will. But your MOTHER does it? You severely underestimate the severity of grabbing a woman by the wrists and forcing her down. That crosses a line into "strong man domineering over weak woman" territory, and would EASILY flick the "I am being assaulted" switch in her head. I don't fault her for a SECOND for becoming afraid after that, and seeking legal recourse. And that's what it was. Fear. The same kind of fear a battered spouse feels when confronted by her abusive husband.
You say she "forced" you to restrain her. That's a boldfaced lie. A woman hitting you with a purse does not need to be RESTRAINED. Evade the hits, or knock them out of the way with piddling blocks. The idea that you need to forcibly hold her down is ludicrous. It illustrates an utter lack of being able to evaluate the situation, and what degree of force is necessary to contain it.
You ****ed up. Just admit it. I disagree with every other iota of what you did in your story, but I'm not going to get into it. Just don't keep trying to say that you were in the right when it comes to physically restraining your mother. You are an adult. Don't act like a child.
She was your mother. A woman. An older and ILL woman. And you grabbed her by the wrists and forced her down onto a bed. You cheerfully write it off as "restraining", but the actual actions therein are truly not that far from assault.
I can only imagine that you let yourself get hit by the purse in the face because you were surprised by it, yes? When gauging the abilities of your "opponent", I think it might be fair to say that you could successfully evade or block further attacks? You are pitted up against and elderly and likely enfeebled woman here. You might as well be facing a child in the midst of a tantrum.
Some guy hits you in the face with a purse? Fine, restrain him, attack back, do what you will. But your MOTHER does it? You severely underestimate the severity of grabbing a woman by the wrists and forcing her down. That crosses a line into "strong man domineering over weak woman" territory, and would EASILY flick the "I am being assaulted" switch in her head. I don't fault her for a SECOND for becoming afraid after that, and seeking legal recourse. And that's what it was. Fear. The same kind of fear a battered spouse feels when confronted by her abusive husband.
You say she "forced" you to restrain her. That's a boldfaced lie. A woman hitting you with a purse does not need to be RESTRAINED. Evade the hits, or knock them out of the way with piddling blocks. The idea that you need to forcibly hold her down is ludicrous. It illustrates an utter lack of being able to evaluate the situation, and what degree of force is necessary to contain it.
You ****ed up. Just admit it. I disagree with every other iota of what you did in your story, but I'm not going to get into it. Just don't keep trying to say that you were in the right when it comes to physically restraining your mother. You are an adult. Don't act like a child.
teacupcopter
Banned
JayDubya said:
No, wrong, wrong, wrong.
The majority of the thread amounts to: People calling out someone who accidentally typed in www.neogaf.com/forum instead of www.emoprincessblog.com/newpost to talk about him acting in this way because of an episode of south park, and BEING LIED TO. Being lied to doesn't mean you swear at your mother. Well being lied to about say, a fatal heart condition, or being adopted maybe. But about watching TV? Please. It only gets better when he feels proud at mouthing off at a random cop.
The self defense thing? Maybe he shouldn't have knocked her down on the bed. Whatever. But the other stuff? Pure, 100% immaturity from a child.
...y'all are brutalizing meeee.....Drinky Crow said:
But yeah, totally. Since I'm not really going to say anything that hasn't been said already and probably better than I could put it about this situation, let me just add that I think the attitudes espoused in this thread should result in amirox losing his modship, and mike works and drinky crow regaining theirs.
Amir0x said:
Oh, shut up. Since a lie is so serious to you, maybe you should have just slaughtered your mother? I mean, she LIED after all. If you had an ounce of self-respect, and an ounce of perspective you wouldnt have acted the way you did. You self-righteousness and indignation is so pathetically lame. You're trying to make it sound as if you stopped a rape or saved someone's life and now have the possibility of going to jail over it. Get over yourself.
I don't know how far this thread's gone along, but you can never repay your mom, ever, the least you can do is atleast respect her. So what if she hit you on the face with a purse, you were disrespecting her guests, it wouldn't mean much to you but if you were in my house and you started disrespecting my guests loud enough so that they can hear because of South Park, I'd probably give you a nice punch in the face too, because ultimately it would be me looking bad to my guests.
The lie excuse is terrible as well, what if she didn't know the TV upstairs was being used? Even if she did, it wasn't a huge lie and it was definitely not enough to start getting pissy at her, because ultimately she's right, it's not your TV, you're 26, independent and you don't live in the house anymore.
The lie excuse is terrible as well, what if she didn't know the TV upstairs was being used? Even if she did, it wasn't a huge lie and it was definitely not enough to start getting pissy at her, because ultimately she's right, it's not your TV, you're 26, independent and you don't live in the house anymore.
teacupcopter said:
Doesn't matter. She hit him. She's the one that escalated this to a legal matter. She's the one that took the situation out of normalcy and out of control.
People fight. People get involved in soap opera style drama over the damndest little things. People yell and say things they don't mean. All of this is normal, and all of this is acceptable. Once you get to the initiation of physical violence however, the line is drawn very clearly.
If anyone should have been arrested, it was her. I don't care if his angry pouting makes you sympathize with her, sympathy does not make hitting him okay. You also always have a right to self-defense.
Amirox's bad attitude caused a lot of the later shit to happen, like with his dealings with the police, but that does not mean he is responsible for her hitting him.
Also, I have a sneaking suspicion this is all just an early April Fools, but I'll treat it like it's totally real.
Tommie Hu$tle
Member
shuri said:
Agreed, without all the facts I couldn't make a valid decision. Outside of the fact that it is incrediblely stupid to go to jail for any reason.
Me personally, I'd take the hint and get the **** out of dodge.
Drinky Crow
Banned
can we also agree that south park is a totally shit show?
Wow, are you people ever quick to judge. No rest for the high and mighty, eh?
I'm surprised at the fact that so many are just immediately dismissing it as childish behaviour, without thinking that maybe, just maaaybe there's a little bit more to this. I'm beginning to wonder if your families are even human, or if that maybe my family was more ****ed up than I thought it was. I never would have intentionally done what Ami had done, but as a human being, with years of family tension built up, I could see it happening.
No. It doesn't make any of this right, but I think it's grounds for just a little bit of understanding.
Like I said earlier, this shit does happen and it's usually because of things that were never dealt with. Nobody was really acting with any logic or reason, and it just took one person to do something stupid for it to escalate and boil over.shuri said:
I'm surprised at the fact that so many are just immediately dismissing it as childish behaviour, without thinking that maybe, just maaaybe there's a little bit more to this. I'm beginning to wonder if your families are even human, or if that maybe my family was more ****ed up than I thought it was. I never would have intentionally done what Ami had done, but as a human being, with years of family tension built up, I could see it happening.
No. It doesn't make any of this right, but I think it's grounds for just a little bit of understanding.
platypotamus
Member
I said "wow" on at least 15 separate ocassions in this thread.
Slurpy said:
Hey, if you enjoy being lied to - for whatever reason it may be - by my guest and get over in your own personal scenarios in life. I, on the other hand, decide to take it more seriously. And it has worked so far, until it stops, I'll continue. Everyone knows precisely where I stand at all times, and very few cross that boundaries. And "boundaries" do not mean violence - it merely means something as simple as a loss of respect or friendship.
You can act as if I'm trying to make it seem like I fought off the holy armies of Satan, but I'm merely establishing how important something as simple as being a liar is to me. It's something I hate. Everyone has their pet peeves - for things far, far, far, FAR more trivial than being lied to - so I feel no guilt. My life has worked out pretty damn well considering what has gone on in my life, my drug use and my abusive brother. I even have a great relationship with my sisters. It's always just been my parents and my brother, and the reasons have always been the same. Lies, violence, and bullshit. And there's no hidden agenda or bias behind it.
Now we could continue to go down the plethora of issues I have encounted here with my family, and ACTUALLY turn it into livejournal.com, because as some more sagely individuals have pointed out things don't turn out like this over a single incident.
But this thread's only purpose was to notify that I had a good chance of "disappearing" for 90 days, and since that is now passed for the moment, you can turn it into whatever hilariously dense judgment you feel you need to. Call it therapy.
DeathCabCute
Banned
I only have two questions.
1) How old is Amir0x?
2) What country does he live in?
1) How old is Amir0x?
2) What country does he live in?
DeathCabCute
Banned
Mute said:
It's just a question mr. sensitive.
Escape Goat
Member
I'm opening a betting pool as to what time on April 1st Amirox gets sent to jail and/or reveals this thread as a joke.
D
Deleted member 1235
Unconfirmed Member
wtf next you will be saying wii sux.Drinky Crow said:
how old is amirox anyway? I knew a kid once that said 'wtf they said I'd go to jail if I......... **** that I'm doing it and going to jail'
He went to jail, after he got out, he went to jail again.
After that he went to jail again and then he pulled a gun (in New zealand where pistols are rarer than gold) on a gas station attendant. Then he went to jail again.
Moral of the story is that some people like the idea of jail and by extension no pussy and a lot of cock.
Mr. Mister
Member
this reads like a classic futami story
Vyse The Legend
Member
Hasn't your brother been in trouble with the law countless times before too, Ami? I know you've posted about him being a loser and such.
Sounds like it runs in the family, eh?
Sounds like it runs in the family, eh?
Amir0x said:
I think you're mistaking self-restraint for a lack of self-respect. Like I said before, part of growing up is knowing what shit is worth fighting over and what isn't. 10 minutes of South Park and your ailing mother's freakout isn't worth a 90 day jail sentence.
But, considering what you've written so far in this thread, I think it's safe to assume you haven't finished growing up yet. Rational, sensible people don't overdose on testosterone to the point of being arrested over TV.
All Hail C-Webb
Hailing from the Chill-Web
I'm going to leave my feelings on the way you acted out of my post, and just try and give you some constructive criticism.
You seem like a smart guy, but you didn't act that way in this situation. I understand your desires to:
1. watch South Park
2. let your mother know that you don't appreciate being lied to
3. protect yourself from your mother
4. give the police a peace of your mind
5. retaliate against your mother, the police, and I suppose your brother in law.
The problem is, you went about every single one of these things in a way that not only wouldn't solve the problems, but would create additional problems for yourself.
I know that shit like "count to 10" sounds ****ing stupid, but the idea behind it is not. If you just take some time to think (sometimes there is not time, like your instinct to protect yourself), and the odds are you will come up with a better idea that your immediate one. There's no set way of doing it, but you know yourself, and if you take the time, I'm sure you can find a way to remind yourself of this whenever a situation that warrants it occurs.
Here are my suggestions for what I think you should have done, you might disagree with some, none, or all of them, but the important thing is that you think of other ways the situation could have been handled.
1a. You say that you are very close with your sisters. Did you try approaching either one of them to let them know how you felt? Your engaged sister could have convinced her boyfriend, or your sister upstairs might have just given up the TV if you let them know how strongly you felt. b. You could have also chalked it up as a loss and caught one of the repeatsor downloaded it.
2. You could have calmly and seriously (most effective way) told your mother that you don't appreciate being lied to. I don't know how your family works, but something along the lines of "if you can't treat me with the respect I deserve, you won't see me anymore," or "if you want to choose your son in law over your real son, then you no longer have a son" work more often than not.
3. Instincts are hard to fight, but it's possible. Mothers take children touching them back very seriously, the furthest you should have gone was to just try and grab the bag without touching her. Other options are cursing her out, or just leaving.
4. Many of us share your sentiments about the police, but your actions were retarded. You told them it was probably the highlight of their day, but you're the one who made it all possible. Had you waited your turn, they would have been forced to listen to your side, and the odds are that you wouldn't have been arrested. If your mother had no marks, or only those around her wrists (which would be a sign of self defense) they couldn't have done shit even if they wanted to, and if they did you could have taken proper legal action and ****ed them. If the bag was as hard as you claim, you would have probably had a mark on your face, that could have even got your mother arrested if you wanted it, and handled it correctly.
5. Now for my favorite part: Retaliation
There are so many ways to get retaliation, but the most important rule is well planned actions are far more gratifying, less likely to get you in trouble, and more harmful to the other party than any form of immediate retaliation ever could be. My post is already far too long, and I could go on for pages on this subject (my ability to hurt people is at the same time my greatest and worst attribute), but I will post a few ideas if you are interested.
Note: I'm only up to page 4, so if I missed something from later in the thread, I will adjust my post accordingly when I get there. Just wanted to post before I lost the desire to.
You seem like a smart guy, but you didn't act that way in this situation. I understand your desires to:
1. watch South Park
2. let your mother know that you don't appreciate being lied to
3. protect yourself from your mother
4. give the police a peace of your mind
5. retaliate against your mother, the police, and I suppose your brother in law.
The problem is, you went about every single one of these things in a way that not only wouldn't solve the problems, but would create additional problems for yourself.
I know that shit like "count to 10" sounds ****ing stupid, but the idea behind it is not. If you just take some time to think (sometimes there is not time, like your instinct to protect yourself), and the odds are you will come up with a better idea that your immediate one. There's no set way of doing it, but you know yourself, and if you take the time, I'm sure you can find a way to remind yourself of this whenever a situation that warrants it occurs.
Here are my suggestions for what I think you should have done, you might disagree with some, none, or all of them, but the important thing is that you think of other ways the situation could have been handled.
1a. You say that you are very close with your sisters. Did you try approaching either one of them to let them know how you felt? Your engaged sister could have convinced her boyfriend, or your sister upstairs might have just given up the TV if you let them know how strongly you felt. b. You could have also chalked it up as a loss and caught one of the repeatsor downloaded it.
2. You could have calmly and seriously (most effective way) told your mother that you don't appreciate being lied to. I don't know how your family works, but something along the lines of "if you can't treat me with the respect I deserve, you won't see me anymore," or "if you want to choose your son in law over your real son, then you no longer have a son" work more often than not.
3. Instincts are hard to fight, but it's possible. Mothers take children touching them back very seriously, the furthest you should have gone was to just try and grab the bag without touching her. Other options are cursing her out, or just leaving.
4. Many of us share your sentiments about the police, but your actions were retarded. You told them it was probably the highlight of their day, but you're the one who made it all possible. Had you waited your turn, they would have been forced to listen to your side, and the odds are that you wouldn't have been arrested. If your mother had no marks, or only those around her wrists (which would be a sign of self defense) they couldn't have done shit even if they wanted to, and if they did you could have taken proper legal action and ****ed them. If the bag was as hard as you claim, you would have probably had a mark on your face, that could have even got your mother arrested if you wanted it, and handled it correctly.
5. Now for my favorite part: Retaliation
There are so many ways to get retaliation, but the most important rule is well planned actions are far more gratifying, less likely to get you in trouble, and more harmful to the other party than any form of immediate retaliation ever could be. My post is already far too long, and I could go on for pages on this subject (my ability to hurt people is at the same time my greatest and worst attribute), but I will post a few ideas if you are interested.
Note: I'm only up to page 4, so if I missed something from later in the thread, I will adjust my post accordingly when I get there. Just wanted to post before I lost the desire to.
I don't understand why you're so broken up about the lying thing.
My dad is a HUGE compulsive liar. I can't trust half the things he says. But I still love the guy, and yeah I do still respect him. Liars don't deserve to be trusted, but that doesn't mean you can't still be on good terms with them.
My dad is a HUGE compulsive liar. I can't trust half the things he says. But I still love the guy, and yeah I do still respect him. Liars don't deserve to be trusted, but that doesn't mean you can't still be on good terms with them.
Fairly Incredible
Member
It was definitely a good idea to yell at the police while they're trying to act as arbiters. You need to vehemently assert your position; otherwise how will they know who the rational one is?
Fairly Incredible
Member
So I just noticed this thread was kinda old. Was this ever resolved?
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