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Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets Review Thread

Krev

Unconfirmed Member
Saw it.

The movie, at least starting from the arrival to the station follows the comics. Only big addition is the extreme relationship between both heroes
What is their relationship like in the comics?
 

wazoo

Member
What is their relationship like in the comics?

More subtle. Their relation is more the french guy/girl dating relation, where everything is behind the words and not said, just meant. And of course, it lasts 25 books.

In the movie, it is so explicit, it is embarassing.

The relation between Han Solo and Leia in the first Star Wars is more fitting to the original valerian, not exactly, but more fitting that what is now in the Valerian movie.

The last sequence of the movie is so out of context with the original material.
 
So I didn't miss anything? They aren't dating right in the beginning of the movie?

and he asked her to marry him out of nowhere

I found this confusing too, but as the movie progressed I think I started to understand.

Valerian doesn't really understand marriage. Remember his confusion about the honeymoon concept? So I think we're supposed to assume that marriage is maybe even a little out-of-date or old fashioned during that period of time. He might have intended it as a romantic gesture he barely understood.

It still doesn't work even then -- this movie's introduction to a character we are supposed to like is almost legendarily bad -- but at least this way it becomes a little funny and not 100% stupid.

Film wasn't terrible, but I can't say it was good either. Pretty damn disappointing. Biggest surprise was the extremely sleepy action sequences. I figured if there was one thing Besson would deliver on it would have been that, but nope.
 

Cnoodles

Neo Member
Saw it the other week and thought it was a gorgeous movie, with a decent story, and awful acting. The main actor Valarian looked like he was 12 years old and sounded like a pot head or granola type and the girl could not act to safe her life. All she did the whole movie was look pretty and smirk at the camera.

Don't get me started with that Bubble sequence, it was awful filler. Lets just say Bubble turns into rubble.
 

Alx

Member
More subtle. Their relation is more the french guy/girl dating relation, where everything is behind the words and not said, just meant. And of course, it lasts 25 books.

I always thought their relationship was ambiguous in the books, sometimes they act like an old couple, sometimes more like intimate friends. I can only remember them kissing once (at the end of Ambassador of Shadows actually), the other times it's more Laureline being jealous when Valerian gets to sleep with other women (end of "Héros de l'équinoxe" or in "Métro Châtelet"). Although she doesn't act like she's been betrayed, more like she disapproves of that behaviour.
In the end I don't think it's supposed to be a romantic couple by today's standards (especially considering it started in the late 60s), those characters live together and are fond of each other, but they're not "married". Maybe they're closer to Han & Chewie than Han & Leia. :p
 

wazoo

Member
It is also not a couple supposed to get married. As a comics started in the 70s this kind of stupid convention was completely out of context. The fact that Besson reintroduced is so bad. In fact any deviation from the comics is badly handled.

Funny part, the original comics (at least this episode) was purely Laureline centered with Valerian abducted from the start. It has been changed to be more balanced, but I find weird that this episode was so feminist that the change is hardly a positive thing.
 

border

Member
I think there is. The reported runtime is around 137 mins, while the version I watched is around 100 mins at best not counting the credit.

Good lord, the movie already seems like it is quite padded with unessential plot threads. I have no idea what they possibly needed another 30 minutes for, since the film already feels like it is treading water for long sections.
 

Apdiddy

Member
Saw the movie today. It wasn't too bad and the first hour with the heist was the best part of the whole thing. The rest of the movie felt like bad video game storytelling but towards the end had some genuinely exciting moments.

The only problem I had was I wish that the actor and actress playing Valerian and Laureline were older -- I could see Chris Pratt and Amy Adams easily playing them and capturing what they were trying to go for here.

I will say I got a bit of motion sickness though -- the camera was too jerky and erratic at times.
 

Big Nikus

Member
I could have loved this movie and I hoped I would love it but damn...
I swear it's not hyperbole, it really is the worst romance I have ever seen in a movie. I read a bit of the comics a long time ago, and their relationship was so much better.
Everything else was fine for me, well except the filler. Oh and I don't think Dan Deehan is a bad actor but his voice is annoying.
Also, if Laureline played Mass Effect she would definitely be a Renegade. Damn, stop shooting and yelling at aliens that have done nothing wrong.
 

Mr. Sam

Member
Holy Christ, the writing in this film was shocking.

Early on in the film:

FIVE STAR GENERAL: May I please have a glass of water?

MAIN CHARACTER: Talk to me like that again and I'll cut your face off. I don't take orders. We'll be hanging onto this critter that you literally directly ordered me to hand over and I'm going to keep making awkward advances at my colleague.

Later in the film:

OTHER MAIN CHARACTER: Please give these guys the thing that would recreate their world, the apocalypse of which we are kind of complicit in.

MAIN CHARACTER: BUT THE RULES! MY ORDERS! I FOLLOW THEM TO THE LETTER! WE MUST GO TO THE COURTS WITH THIS!

WTF?
 

Floex

Member
That has to be one of the most bullshit films ever made with that kind of budget.

Awful.

Simply.

Awful.
 

SkylineRKR

Member
This piece of shit is an insult. The guy who insisted to go apologized afterward.

Its so bad, worst blockbuster movie of the year and I've seen Alien Covenant as well. Valerian was only chasing his boner, downright annoying. Rihanna and Hawke were beyond help. I swear that without that whole scene, it would be a tad better even. The turning point from mediocre to trash for me was the screaming during the dress up scene.

Cara probably was the best part of this movie. She was also wooden but not as bad as Dane and the rest actually. Its more like a land of the blind, one eyed man is king situation.
 

Sephzilla

Member
Saw this about a week and a half ago.

I thought the story was pretty solid, the special effects were solid, the world building was solid. The entire movie is brought down by the two most painfully wooden actors and dialogue delivery I have ever seen. The actor playing Valerian sounded like he was doing either a bad Keanu Reeves impression or was a 15 year old trying to make his voice sound lower so he could pretend he's his dad over the phone
 
Just saw it, I'm sooooooo disappointed.

First of all, The Fifth Element is my favourite movie of all time. So when I heard Luc Besson was making a new Sci-Fi movie I was insanely hyped.

But this movie is trash. Filled with dumb exposition, awful dialogue, two main characters that can't act and have zero chemistry, boring action sequences and an alien race I was supposed to care about but didn't.

The overall story also was just...boring and poorly told. Best part of the movie is the beginning were they show us how the city of a thousand planets formed. Now thát's a movie I would have wanted to see.

And Rihanna was in this movie, for some reason. Her segment was unnecessary and added nothing to the plot.

So yeah...not good :-(
 

SpaceWolf

Banned
The Fifth Element is my favourite movie all time.

I really liked the look of one of the trailers I saw for this, despite finding the leads a little off-putting.

Someone tell me whether I should go see this. Someone needs to tell me what to do.
 

Ghazi

Member
The Fifth Element is my favourite movie all time.

I really liked the look of one of the trailers I saw for this, despite finding the leads a little off-putting.

Someone tell me whether I should go see this. Someone needs to tell me what to do.
It's a really awful movie that I would recommend starting far away from, but who knows you may it like it.
 

wazoo

Member
valerian is my favorite comics.

the movie is bad, like a port of the comics made by a stupid teen with too much money and no taste, and also no idea how girl/man relation works IRL.
 
The Fifth Element is my favourite movie all time.

I really liked the look of one of the trailers I saw for this, despite finding the leads a little off-putting.

Someone tell me whether I should go see this. Someone needs to tell me what to do.
The post right above you was in your position of being a similar lover of Fifth Element and ended up regretting it.
 

Ronin Ray

Member
Saw this last night and there's a good movie in there somewhere. The main actors sucked so bad. They had the main guy doing a bad Keanu Reeves impersonation from Bill & Ted. It's pretty bad when Rihanna's more charming and charismatic then your two leads. I'm also the opposite of most people I hated the beginning and that Heist sequence. Still overall thought it was an okay at best movie. I guess I'm a sucker for the visuals and goofy parts . Also I'm ninety-nine percent sure there was a random
Jessica Rabbit Easter egg
 

SkylineRKR

Member
Even if you love 5th Element, I can't recommend Valerian to anyone. Its the worst sci-fi movie i've seen in cinema since Wild Wild West and easily the worst of 2017.

Terrible acting all around, subplots that don't make sense. Its a collection of dumpster fire.

Awful movie. And as for Besson, I think he's shit. Leon is one of my favourite movies, but what does he do nowadays? He writes a Leon for dummies and calls it Colombiana, he produces awful Taken and Transporter sequels. and Hitman.
 

Ashhong

Member
Really tempted to watch it if not just for the visuals. I love Speed Racer and regret not seeing it in IMAX. Don't want to regret not seeing Valarian....But also don't want to waste my time lol. Decisions decisions
 

xandaca

Member
I was enjoying this until it went into what felt like a final half an hour (at least) of non-stop exposition. The story was horribly told and Besson crammed most of it into that interminable last stretch. Up until then it was everything I was hoping it'd be: colourful, bonkers French sci-fi.
 
The Fifth Element is my favourite movie all time.

I really liked the look of one of the trailers I saw for this, despite finding the leads a little off-putting.

Someone tell me whether I should go see this. Someone needs to tell me what to do.

Doesn't have even a portion of the charm and creativity that Fifth Element had. Doesn't have a lead (or leads) even in the same ballpark as Willis, Jovovich, Tucker, or Holm. The villain is drab and toothless compared to Oldman's amazing scenery-chewing performance. No Eric Serra score. Most surprising to me: Besson/Arbogast (Luc's trusted DoP) must have been asleep behind the wheel. Movement of the camera and just overall beautiful framing from essentially every Besson film prior to this was just... absent. Baffling.

What a waste.
 

Goldrusher

Member
Really tempted to watch it if not just for the visuals. I love Speed Racer and regret not seeing it in IMAX. Don't want to regret not seeing Valarian....But also don't want to waste my time lol. Decisions decisions

The visuals are top-notch.

Story is meh. Acting is pretty good imo, but the dialogue is terrible.
 
The Fifth Element is my favourite movie all time.

I really liked the look of one of the trailers I saw for this, despite finding the leads a little off-putting.

Someone tell me whether I should go see this. Someone needs to tell me what to do.

I loved it (I'm French), my wife liked it (she's Japanese), and so did my co-worker (she's Belgian), but some posters here say it's the worst thing they've ever witnessed. It has a 51% on Rotten Tomatoes, a 6.7/10 on IMDb, a 3.1/5 from critics and 3.9/5 from viewers on Allociné. The reviews from reputable critics run the gamut from "dreadful and a slog to sit through" to "refreshing and awe-inspiring". So there's no guarantee you'll like the film, but it's far from universally disliked. Personally, I think it's worth seeing because no one can tell you how you'll feel about it. Expect some bad dialogue here and there, but the rest I think is entirely subjective.
 

Sir Doom

Member
I had low expectations because of the reviews
The movie was still able to annoy me

Watched it on 3D ($4) the 3D and visual were nice.
The main story is not bad; generic. I'm fine with that but the FUCKING filler in the middle of the movie.
This is like Kojima who has free reign with budget. No one tried to tell Luc to edit this part because it's unnecessary. He is so invested on his world building that he lose the main plot.
Learn about this Jellyfish and the under water world. Learn about this kingdom and the brothel part of the place. I'm supposed to care about Bubble dying? I'm bored and irritated by now

I'll buy a Bluray of there's a edited version
 
A bit more boring than I expected. I wanted to see it for the setting, visuals and the spectacle. It had all of those and it didn't disappoint on that front.

What did disappoint was the script. A lot of the acting was painfully mediocre as well. The chemistry between the duo was nonexistent and I didn't buy their relationship one bit. Every time the movie touched on their romance it fell apart with Twillight grade dialogue. The Rihanna portion was completely unnecessary and simply cost the film any gained momentum. (At least the laughing alien was funny)

But what this movie gave me was Mül. One of the most beautiful and picturesque settings I have ever seen in anything sci-fi. I could hardly care the Pearls were basically whiter Navi in design.

Basically, I want to see more of this setting, these worlds, these aliens and this lore. But in a better written film.
 

Weckum

Member
A bit more boring than I expected. I wanted to see it for the setting, visuals and the spectacle. It had all of those and it didn't disappoint on that front.

What did disappoint was the script. A lot of the acting was painfully mediocre as well. The chemistry between the duo was nonexistent and I didn't buy their relationship one bit. Every time the movie touched on their romance it fell apart with Twillight grade dialogue. The Rihanna portion was completely unnecessary and simply cost the film any gained momentum. (At least the laughing alien was funny)

But what this movie gave me was Mül. One of the most beautiful and picturesque settings I have ever seen in anything sci-fi. I could hardly care the Pearls were basically whiter Navi in design.

Basically, I want to see more of this setting, these worlds, these aliens and this lore. But in a better written film.

My thoughts exactly.

Also, I was pleasantly surprised by Cara Delevigne, who was definitely the highlight of the movie.
 
GAF, you were absolutely right about this one.

Valerian finally came out in Korea and I had to choose to see this or Hitman's Bodyguard tonight. Not much of a choice, but I regret it anyways.
 
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