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Would You Date Someone Who Is HIV Positive?

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M

Mercury Fred

Banned
All right, GAF. My dating life has kind of sucked over the last couple years. I rarely meet guys that I click with, so I've either casually dated or settled for just getting laid. I recently met an awesome guy and we had our first date last night. We have so much in common, totally geeked out on music and film and basically just had a great time. The chemistry and common interests were so intense that I think we were both almost weirded out. So toward the end of the night, he mentioned that he's HIV+. I know a few people who are positive, but I've never been confronted with it inside a dating situation. I really, really like this guy, but the thought of worrying about contracting HIV all the time or about him getting sick freaks me out. I dreamed about him last night and woke up this morning damn confused.

So, GAF, what would you do? Anyone ever been in this situation?
 
E

echoshifting

Banned
Couldn't handle it, personally.

I would learn to deal with a disease like this if it came up a few years into a committed relationship, though.
 
RubxQub

RubxQub

φίλω ἐξεχέγλουτον καί ψευδολόγον οὖκ εἰπόν
I know I'm going to sound like an ass...but I wouldn't ever date someone (if I was single) who had HIV.

I fear death too much to put myself at such great risk, and if you get very personally attached you'll want to take the relationship further.

I don't know, dude.
 
S

Solideliquid

Member
I probably wouldn't do it, but I've also never been in this situation.

However if you, for example are looking for a long term relationship or "life partner", then perhaps he may be the person for you.
 
D

demon

I don't mean to alarm you but you have dogs on your face
If I really liked the person.....and there was a cure......sure why not.
 
G

Gaborn

Member
I'd be EXTREMELY reluctant to do it. I'd probably at least consider it though, however briefly. It's just not typically worth the potential risk though.
 
C

CharlieDigital

Banned
In a gay couple? Me personally? I don't think I would worry (if I were gay) if I really like the other qualities about the guy.

In a straight relationship? I'd have to give it more thought because it brings up big issues with having kids.
 
M

Mercury Fred

Banned
demon said:
If I really liked the person.....and there was a cure......sure why not.
Click to expand...
If only :p

Part of my sequence of dreams last night was searching for an HIV vaccine. What the fuck is taking so long with that anyway?
 
M

Mau ®

Member
Ugh I hate dreaming about people I like. Makes me fall even harder.

Then again, I've been completely in love with someone, went to sleep, and when I woke up I felt nothing anymore. Has happened more times than I wish it would and its really sad.
 
J

JBuccCP

Member
Sure. We could just never have sex, kiss, touch, use the same kitchen utensils, bathroom, bed, car, house, make eye contact, or breath when the other is in the room. I think it could work.
 
N

nyong

Banned
Not a chance.

There are dating sites out there for people who are HIV positive. Really, it's the only solution for them.
 
N

nyong

Banned
EmCeeGramr said:
HIV mutates rapidly.
Click to expand...

Rapidly enough to where one person's medication may stop working if they contract a different strain from another infected individual. Even two HIV positive people can't have unprotected sex with each other.
 
S

Snaku

Banned
If I was deeply in love with her, been with her for many years, engaged or married to her, and she contracted it in the middle of the relationship through no fault of her own (blood transfusion fuck up, etc.), then I might stay with her.

A person I just recently hooked up with? No.
 
G

Gaborn

Member
Mercury Fred said:
Sigh, I shouldn't have asked. This thread is depressing the fuck out of me :(
Click to expand...

Not to get all psychological on you, but you probably pretty much knew what people were going to say. There are significant risks associated with HIV status, and for most people it's not worthwhile. I know how it is to have strong feelings for someone, and I understand it must be a difficult thing, but no one can ultimately make the decision for you. You have to decide if it's worth the risk to you, or if it is not. My guess is you wouldn't have made the thread if you didn't kind of already know the answer to that.
 
G

gofreak

GAF's Bob Woodward
Uff..that's a really tough question.

If I were already in love with someone, and they contracted HIV, I would still remain with them (however..issues re. sex would need addressing). At least, when I consider the people I've loved and love, and thinking 'what if' they had HIV, I'd still love them all the same.

However, knowing 'ahead of time'..I don't know...
 
S

starchild excalibur

Member
ImperialConquest said:
???
Click to expand...

What? I can understand that perspective. If you're with someone for a long period of time and have fallen in love with them, you're more likely to be able to handle even the most intense situations. If you're just entering a relationship, this is less likely to be the case.

gofreak said:
Uff..that's a really tough question.

If I were already in love with someone, and they contracted HIV, I would still remain with them (however..issues re. sex would need addressing). At least, when I consider the people I've loved and love, and thinking 'what if' they had HIV, I'd still love them all the same.

However, knowing 'ahead of time'..I don't know...
Click to expand...

Exactly. It's a lot to handle right from the get-go. I'm sure some people can role with it, but others can't.
 
D

Dali

Member
Maybe if I were like eighty years old, sex wasn't an issue, and I was past that age where I worry about living a long, fulfilling, life. Maybe even younger than eighty, like say, sixty something. Otherwise NO.

JBuccCP said:
Sure. We could just never have sex, kiss, touch, use the same kitchen utensils, bathroom, bed, car, house, make eye contact, or breath when the other is in the room. I think it could work.
Click to expand...
Don't be silly. I think eye contact is safe... maybe.
 
T

takotchi

Member
No. I couldn't date somebody I couldn't have sex with, and I couldn't have sex with an HIV+ person. No sex is 100% safe, and frankly, the thought of contracting a terminal disease like HIV is terrifying to me.

Of course, being gay, that makes me a horrible person to most gay folks, but whatever. I just keep that opinion to myself most of the time.
 
xaosslug

xaosslug

Member
depends on how good looking this peep is. ;P No, seriously. If I were attracted to this theoretical individual initially, before I knew anything about them, like REALLY attracted. And then I got to know them, and we got on really well before I found all that out, as you've so detailed... I think I could get beyond it and see the person not the disease, easily. It's a totally dif. thing knowing before hand though, because the disease can obscure... a lot.

i gather from what you've written, you're pretty hard up as far as the dating scene goes; so maybe, you should consider that? How much of your interest in this fella is due to your... lack of prospects? Do you really like him, or is it more of a circumstantial romance, and not even worth the extra effort? But with drugs as they are, as long as the guy is on top of things, and y'all are responsible/ever-vigilant, the chances of you getting it are pretty slim, right? Eh, seems like a lot of added work...
 
D

Dali

Member
takotchi said:
No. I couldn't date somebody I couldn't have sex with, and I couldn't have sex with an HIV+ person. No sex is 100% safe, and frankly, the thought of contracting a terminal disease like HIV is terrifying to me.

Of course, being gay, that makes me a horrible person to most gay folks, but whatever. I just keep that opinion to myself most of the time.
Click to expand...
Having sex with people that are HIV+ is expected of gay people? Man, that's effed-up.
 
D

daw840

Member
Just inject him with loads and loads of cash. Then he will be cured!!



On a serious note: HELL TO THE NO. ABSOLUTELY NOT. NEGATIVE. I saw a person in my GF's ward that had AIDS, it was the most frightening thing I have ever seen. I almost puked involuntarily.
 
M

Mercury Fred

Banned
Gaborn said:
Not to get all psychological on you, but you probably pretty much knew what people were going to say. There are significant risks associated with HIV status, and for most people it's not worthwhile. I know how it is to have strong feelings for someone, and I understand it must be a difficult thing, but no one can ultimately make the decision for you. You have to decide if it's worth the risk to you, or if it is not. My guess is you wouldn't have made the thread if you didn't kind of already know the answer to that.
Click to expand...
Oh yeah, I'm not surprised or upset at people for their responses. I guess I'm trying to get my head around some possibility where this could work.

xaosslug said:
i gather from what you've written, you're pretty hard up as far as the dating scene goes; so maybe, you should consider that? How much of your interest in this fella is due to your... lack of prospects? Do you really like him, or is it more of a circumstantial romance, and not even worth the extra effort? But with drugs as they are, as long as the guy is on top of things, and y'all are responsible/ever-vigilant, the chances of you getting it are pretty slim, right? Eh, seems like a lot of added work...
Click to expand...
It's not so much that it's hard getting a date, in fact I've been on a lot lately. It's that most of the guys I meet end up being boring, douchebags, have bad taste or we simply have no chemistry. There was a real spark with this guy or I wouldn't even be asking myself (and you guys) the question.
 
D

daw840

Member
Mercury Fred said:
Oh yeah, I'm not surprised or upset at people for their responses. I guess I'm trying to get my head around some possibility where this could work.


It's not so much that it's hard getting a date, in fact I've been on a lot lately. It's that most of the guys I meet end up being boring, douchebags, have bad taste or we simply have no chemistry. There was a real spark with this guy or I wouldn't even be asking myself (and you guys) the question.
Click to expand...


Look man. HIV is not something that can be livable, once it progresses it is the worst kind of death you can ever imagine. Plus, unless you have Magic Johnson style money you will never get better. Even if you don't contract it, you will have to watch a loved one die a slow and horrible death. The person I saw with aids was a chick that was about 5'10" and ~70 lbs. My GF said that she wouldn't die for at least another couple of years. I know this is cliche, but their are a lot of fish in the sea, you can find someone else that won't waste away slowly right in front of you.
 
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