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[KalBalboa]

Saw this and couldn't help but chuckle. Over at The Daily Pixel.

With the news that the Xbox One will be getting a 53MHz bump to its GPU speed having failed to impress gamers, an increasingly frantic Microsoft today revealed that the console would also feature go-faster stripes.

Speaking at a hastily arranged press conference, corporate vice-president Marc Whitten explained how the previously announced 6.62 per cent speed boost combined with the addition of go-faster stripes (available in red or navy blue) would ensure that the Xbox One remained a viable contender against the PS4.

Whitten said: “After I realised people were still worried about the capabilities of the console I called an emergency meeting of our senior engineers and demanded that they do something.

 

[The Albatross]

Wait.. what?

 

[@____@]

Wow. MS really? This is pathetic.

 

[Scooby]

wot

 

[Sub_Level]

You know what else makes it fast?

Spoiler warning

 

[KalBalboa]

Wait.. what?

Wow. MS really? This is pathetic.

Spoiler

It's a joke.

 

[Bam Bam Baklava]

The holes make the car go faster.

 

[sense]

Wow. MS really? This is pathetic.

reading is overrated i hear

 

[Courage]

lol

 

[Red Chocobo]

600% faster.

 

[BRocknRolla]

If this had been in The Onion, I would have given it a good laugh. Pretty good satire.

Edit: Looking at the website, it seems like that's mostly what they do. Not bad.

 

[waypoetic]

You know what else makes it fast?

Spoiler warning

Swing and a miss

 

[Law Abiding Stranger]

 

[Freki]

Wow. MS really? This is pathetic.

joke site...

 

[DidntKnowJack]

Come on, guys. This is obviously a joke story.

 

[Troll]

Satire articles must be marked as so - or ban. Just a warning.

 

[jediyoshi]

Wow. MS really? This is pathetic.

Hey guys, look at NeoGAF. They fell for the joke article

 

[oneida]

NeoGAF showing signs of primitive intelligence

 

[Sub_Level]

Wow. MS really? This is pathetic.

People are jumping on this guy for not realizing it's a joke but maybe he did realize and is doing some serious second tier advanced meta trolling.

 

[Oni Jazar]

What about speed holes?

edit: damn I was still beaten like a stepchild.

 

[blamite]

They still won't stand a chance when Sony puts flames on the PS4.

 

[Broken Joystick]

“It was a tense meeting. They were all shouting at me, saying I couldn’t just keep making shit up as I went along, that I lacked a clear vision and that they couldn’t work under these sort of conditions.

“Suddenly someone yelled why not just add go-faster stripes and the room collapsed into laughter, I assume because they couldn’t believe they hadn’t thought of it earlier.

“Naturally I told them to implement it immediately.”

lol

 

[Skerj]

Everyone knows it's flame and/or lightning decals that make things go faster, do you want to win this Microsoft!?

 

[Vic20]

what is...joke?

 

[TheBioLover]

Wow. MS really? This is pathetic.

@____@

 

[KalBalboa]

Hey guys, look at NeoGAF. They fell for the joke article

NeoGAF showing signs of primitive intelligence

Two people seem to have impulse-posted. Let everyone else have their fun laughing at the article.

 

[nib95]

Lol. Probably not outside the realms of possibility given Microsoft's recent antics.

 

[RubenCordeiro]

Misleading thread title from a slightly weird article. That was obviously a joke from Marc Whitten.

 

[Arklite]

Body kits confirmed!

 

[Krusenstern]

This made me smile. Thank you Microsoft.

 

[Canis lupus]

MS got jealous when people compared the PS4 vents to that of a Lambo.

 

[Sub_Level]

Lol. Probably not outside the realms of possibility given Microsoft's recent antics.

You know what would be cool?

Custom plates.

 

[Tecl0n]

The holes make the car go faster.

Should've been first answer.

 

[SneakyStephan]

Come on, guys. This is obviously a joke story.

These days you can barely tell.. Most official news reads like an onion article. Ps4 has a pc supercharger afterall...

One strip is reserved for OS use.

Nice

 

[Jedi2016]

Each sticker adds 5GHz, right? Each stripe is 2GB of extra RAM. Next-gen over, Xbone wins.

 

[BRocknRolla]

They still won't stand a chance when Sony puts flames on the PS4.

Fantastic. Should have been in the original article.

 

[funkystudent]

PS4 only has one go faster stripe.

If Xbox One has multiple its over for Sony.


I await Digital Foundry to report whatever MS tells them THE FACTS about this latest development on the xbox one.

 

[Gentleman Jack]

Each sticker adds 5GHz, right? Each stripe is 2GB of extra RAM. Next-gen over, Xbone wins.

One strip is reserved for OS use.

 

[Silky]

YOOOO VINYLS

 

[Majanew]

So that's why T10 couldn't add night racing to FM5. Busy designing Xbox One's racing stripe.

 

[Tashi]

I thought joke stories were supposed to be funny

 

[thuway]

The ES RAM will allow for 4XMSAA + DX12 exclusive features + Screen Space Ray Tracing. SHAPE will take all audio processing and give the GPU 50% more headroom. Will equal a 4.9 TF Volcanic Islands AMD Dual APU Setup. Very clever MS.

Mister C Team / MisterXmedia told me this.

 

[BRocknRolla]

One strip is reserved for OS use.

Some people in this thread really get it. Keep this up!

I thought joke stories were supposed to be funny

Ooh. Sick burn. Let's pack it up. No humor to be found here.

 

[statham]

hope its true.

 

[KalBalboa]

I thought joke stories were supposed to be funny

 

[gngf123]

The Daily Pixel is a comedy website featuring spoof & satirical news reports from the world of video games and technology.

 

[KalBalboa]

One strip is reserved for OS use.

Prepare to pay: your old stripes wont work. You'll need to get new ones.

 

[Hot Coldman]

Will it fit in my car-hole?

 

[demosthenes]

No, please. This can't be true. Something this hilarious can't be true.

 

[Wishmaster92]

interesting......