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[Bullet Club]

San Francisco police interrupts sex party involving midgets, emus and a fountain of sperm, 71 arrests

The San Francisco Police Department (SFPD) interrupted an extremely lewd party early this morning in a luxurious residence of the Presidio Heights neighborhood, arresting 71 people and seizing two boars and eight emus.

According to SFPD spokesman, Lieutenant Doug Haroldson, officers were dispatched on the site around 4 AM this morning after some neighbors complained about loud music and “wild animals running on their yard”.

Lt Haroldson says the first policemen who arrived described the scene as “a mix between an orgy and a circus freak show” and immediately called for backup.

“It seems it was a thematic sex party for people with strange fetishes. They had midgets, bearded women, wild animals and a large outdoor fountain filled with 50 gaalons of semen.”

Dozens of SFPD officers were called on the site to put an end and to the party and regain control of the total of over 500 guests and catch the wild animals.

“It was an extremely delicate operation. Hundreds of naked people trying to flee with emus and boars with ball gags in their mouths running around. It was a very chaotic scene.”

It took hours for the police to sort things outs and identify everyone, and a total of 71 people were arrested on various charges.

31 of those arrests are minors simply charged with underage drinking, but some accusees face more serious accusations.

17 people are accused of bestiality and animal cruelty after the police found a video showing them having sex with the animals and all face up to 15 years in jail.

According to the SFPD, dozens of other guests could possibly be accused over the next few days.

Source: World News Daily

 

[brap]

Of course it's in san francisco

 

[WhiskeyDiver]

All i can do is laugh. Fuck sakes. Emus, boars, midgets and a fucking sperm fountain. This is one of those one in a near infinity occurrences.

 

[Ivory Blood]

I can imagine the reaction of the police officers when they arrived on the scene.

 

[Prison Mike]

Someone's going to get boared...... Doing bird.... In this sticky situation

 

[StreetsofBeige]

Of course it's in san francisco

My thoughts too. Something stupid like this had to come from California or Florida.

There's no way this would come from any other large states like Texas, NY, or any rust belt state.

 

[Soltype]

 

[StreetsofBeige]

Someone's going to get boared...... Doing bird.... In this sticky situation

Midgets, wild animals, circus freaks, gimps and a big fountain of cum.

Have fun figuring out the sequence of debauchery.

 

[Ivory Blood]

I think it's not that far from the truth probably.

"Praise be Slaanesh! Death the false President!"

 

[Prison Mike]

Midgets, wild animals, circus freaks, gimps and a big fountain of cum.

Have fun figuring out the sequence of debauchery.

I wanna know who is the brains behind this fucked up spunkathon

 

[StreetsofBeige]

I wanna know who is the brains behind this fucked up spunkathon

My bet is whichever guy is wearing a plaid shirt, a straw hat, and has a piece of wheat sticking out of his mouth. His name tag says Farmer Brown.

How else can you get jugs of cum? The guy stroked pig and cow balls all day squirting jiz by the gallon.

 

[Prison Mike]

Hahaha also cut off jeans

 

[StreetsofBeige]

Hahaha also cut off jeans

For sure.

Jeans would get in the way of feeling emu feathers.

 

[GymWolf]

Sound like an episode of blue mountain state...

Is thad castle involved?

 

[RAL1992]

Jesus christ... 50 gallons of semen in a fountain is not what I needed to read whilst hungover, where do you even source that I can't imagine the initial reaction of the police first on site

 

[Macapala]

What in the fucking fuck is up with these fuckers that want to have sex with fucking animals? Fucking fuckers are fucked in the fucking head!

 

[Schrödinger's cat]

You know when you're playing a videogame and you think you're pretty good. Getting high-scores. Killing bosses taking no damage. Mastering that risk/reward stuff.
Then you stumble onto YouTube and watch experts play. Forcing you to realise you're just a scrub after all and that you'll likely never never reach the effortless mastery you've just witnessed.


That's how this thread makes me feel.

 

[KorbinDallas]

Is this, is this it? Peak debauchery?

 

[StreetsofBeige]

Jesus christ... 50 gallons of semen in a fountain is not what I needed to read whilst hungover, where do you even source that I can't imagine the initial reaction of the police first on site

Be thankful the cops showed up at 4 am to shut it down.

If the cops showed up at 9 am, the article would have said they shut down a freak show drinking animal cum for breakfast.

 

[Papa]

Bullet Club News™

 

[CyberPanda]

Did anyone record it?

 

[triplestation]

 

[Elektro Demon]

That's some weird ass shit.

 

[Punished Miku]

Is this, is this it? Peak debauchery?

I think they need a vomitorium, and ritual sacrifices.

 

[Texas Pride]

My thoughts too. Something stupid like this had to come from California or Florida.

There's no way this would come from any other large states like Texas, NY, or any rust belt state.

I've seen and heard weird shit but this is straight up fucking bizarre. Some of it almost sounds made up.

 

[Kagey K]

How did they get that many Ree members out of their house at once? Did they call an IRL summit?

 

[Blade2.0]

I'm sad I wasn't invited

 

[DisguiseArrsick]

Is this an Onion-style site? Note the name: World News Daily. Where facts don't matter.

These made me chuckle though.

Morgue employee cremated by mistake while taking a nap

Beaumont, Texas | An employee of the Jefferson County morgue died this morning after being accidentally cremated by one of his coworkers. According to the Beaumont Police Department, 48-year old Henri Paul Johnson decided to take a nap on a stretcher after working for sixteen hours straight. Whi

worldnewsdailyreport.com

Colorado: Hunter claims he was sexually assaulted by a sasquatch

Darrel Whitaker from Glenwood Springs in Colorado claims a sasquatch attacked him and attempted to rape him while he was walking in the woods. The 57-year-old man was walking to his hunting cabin on Sunday to see if it had suffered any damage during the winter. All of a sudden, a large "gorilla-

worldnewsdailyreport.com

 

[Mato]

How does a semen fountain even work, can someone ms paint a draft please.

 

[RAL1992]

How does a semen fountain even work, can someone ms paint a draft please.

like this I suppose

 

[jonnyp]

History repeats itself. This is Caligula-esque. Civilizations fall when people devolve into complete degenerates.

 

[BWJinxing]

This site looks questionable, I think this is satire. It sounds too good to be true as well.

 

[jason10mm]

How long until beastiality gets added to the "-phobic" list and you immediately become a racist nazi just for disapproving of it?

And I'd think the presence of a single minor at something like that would get every person there labelled a sex offender at the minimum.

 

[cryptoadam]

So this is what happens at Pelosis house.

 

[Fret Runner]

Now it's just getting weirder, a renaissance fair from hell.

 

[crowbrow]

Just resetera weekly staff meeting.

 

[H4ze]

I can't even

wtf

 

[Noboru Wataya]

Come on guys, can’t believe you fell for an onion

 

[JSoup]

 

[Bullet Club]

Is this an Onion-style site? Note the name: World News Daily. Where facts don't matter.

I think it is. After posting this article, I checked some of the other articles and they looked fake so I Googled this story and nothing came up. It's still funny though.

 

[Master Of Illusion]

 

[The Pleasure]

Why wasn't i invited?

 

[Shantae]

San Francisco? Please tell me Ben Pack was one of the people arrested. Oh who am I kidding, Jeff Gerstmann would still have him on the bombcast calling from prison.

 

[Hissing Sid]

Willy Wanka and the Chocobo factory!

'Oompa Loompa, do-ba-dee-doo,
I've got a pervert puzzle for you.
Oompa Loompa, do-ba-dee-dee,
If easily grossed out don't listen to me.

What do you get if you guzzle down cum?
Eating your fill from a Chocobo's bum.
What are you at making fountains that splat?
What do you think will come, of that?

I don't like the look of it.

Oompa Loompa do-ba-dee-da......'

 

[JareBear: Remastered]

You had me at midgets....

You lost me at Emus......

You locked me down at Sperm Fountain.

 

[Shantae]

You had me at midgets....

You lost me at Emus......

You locked me down at Sperm Fountain.

Should we change your name to Chunk Loves Sperm?

 

[MetalAlien]

 

[ManaByte]

Let me guess...anime convention?

 

[desertdroog]

Degenerates.
Oh, fake news? I don't recant.

 

[Ownage]

This is the type of party where you will see some real life ass to ass Requiem for a Dream style.