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NeoGAF General Poetry Thread #3: Interior

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H

hey_monkey

Banned
Main Poetry Topic: Interior
Because sometimes the greatest moments happen inside.

Optional Secondary Objective: From one form to another! Somewhere in your poem, incorporate a song or album title. You can let the music itself influence you, or simply the words in the title. For extra credit, post a link to the song or album!

Why? Because music can be so very influential. Let it take you somewhere.

Rules version 1.1:

1. Now that we're out of the interim period, we will have a full deadline period for your poem(s).
2. This thread is not merely for winning or losing, but for critiquing and improving your own craft.
3. This poetry thread 'contest' will end on a Friday, and voting will last until Sunday at midnight. You cannot win unless you vote. Although you don't have to submit a piece to vote.
4. The winner must then provide the next challenge theme for the following normal two week period.
5. There are no word count limits, make it as long or as short as you want. Yes, even haikus are fine.
6. Optional secondary aims are not mandatory, you can include them or not.
7. Further addition to rule one and six. You can also try the secondary aim as a secondary piece. Just make sure you label it as such. (This may work as an added incentive to try the secondary aim I guess, as people might vote for either of your pieces).
8. Vote for your favourite poems.
9. Voters should award first, second and third places to their favourite three poems. First place is allocated three points. Second place is allocated two points. And third place is allocated one point.
10. In the event of a tie, the tally will be counted again with first place being allocated three and half points. If it isn't resolved then, it will be up to the OP (most likely the previous winner) to decide.
11. Winner gets a round of applause and will have the records stating it as such.

Deadline: Friday, May 28th, 2010 at 11:59pm, Pacific.
Voting will then begin.
You should get your votes in by: Sunday May 30th, 2010 at 11:59pm, Pacific.
Credit to Zephyr for the first poetry thread, here.

The entries! Thanks to Ashes-Ashes-Ashes for putting the list together.

Mudkips: Interior
ULTROS!: Room
Bootaaay: November Rain
Plywood: The Masochist
Tim the Wiz: All We Humans
Timedog:Waves Hitting Rocks (Godfuck)
umop_3pisdn: a scratch in the cork...
Dresden: It's always within you.
kid ness: The Angry Man
Dartastic: This is the insect...
hey_monkey: In Summer
Irish: Down the Street
Irish: Journeyman *
PolarBearsClub: Forgetting Birthdays
ronito: Vespers
MaxSteel: interior
Ashes1396: The brain, the heart, the kidneys
Alfarif: Light Blue Reminds Her
AnkitT: Internal Conflict
Ashes1396: Mary Poppins vs. other classic musical sing-a-longs *

*(Secondary Objective)
Voting ends: Sunday May 30th, 2010 at 11:59pm, PST
Good luck to one and all!
 
I

Irish

Member
Congratulations on the win, hey_monkey (again)!

I'd like to say I'm thinking of something for this, but that would be a lie. It'll flow from me eventually (hopefully).
 
M

Mudkips

Banned
Main Poetry Topic: Interior
Because sometimes the greatest moments happen inside.

It began with a rumbling,
A groaning and grumbling.
The hot churning was frightening.
That bloating and tightening.
My very core in a fit
O'er this epic, epic shit.

As I squirmed and I writhed.
The dark drek festered inside.
'Twas just one hour left
'Fore I could release the heft.
I simply had to hold.
Shit at work? I'm not that bold.

When the time came, I took flight,
Cursing every red light.
Zipped through the door, to the throne
I was finally home.
Drop the cabbage, drop the beef.
Relief, relief, relief.
 
C

Cyan

Banned
Is there an invisible rule that there must be at least one poem in each challenge about taking a shit?
 
A

Ashes

Banned
hey hey_monkey, you should probably let us know in the threads that you keep winning that you've created a new thread. :lol
@Cyan above: :lol :lol
 
H

hey_monkey

Banned
Irish said:
Congratulations on the win, hey_monkey (again)!

I'd like to say I'm thinking of something for this, but that would be a lie. It'll flow from me eventually (hopefully).
Click to expand...

Thank you, Irish! :) Makes me feel two inches more confident about my poetry class this fall, which is nice, because I was freaking all the way out over it.

As for ideas... you have some time! I'm gonna hang around and look at lists of song titles and see if anything strikes me.

And thanks for linking this thread in the new one. I r fail at linking new threads. I'm not used to winning!
 
H

hey_monkey

Banned
I am probably going to write something hell of experimental for the fiction thread, if my idea pans out, so I doubt my wins will continue. :lol I'm just glad we're keeping the challenge going and finally adding the poetry one. When I have the time to participate, I really find these threads stimulating. Usually, I don't like prompts, but something about the energy of the community works for me.
 
H

hey_monkey

Banned
I am stumped on my own theme. Well, not precisely true. But my only real idea so far is maybe too similar in subject to my last (can I get away from writing about relationships in general? clearly, no) and also somewhat difficult. Cripes.
 
A

Alfarif

This picture? uhh I can explain really!
Oh, wow... I know exactly what I want to do, along with the song that I want to incorporate. This should be fun!
 
ULTROS!

ULTROS!

People seem to like me because I am polite and I am rarely late. I like to eat ice cream and I really enjoy a nice pair of slacks.
Room

She sits by the sill
Picturing a landscape
Of shallow swanks and black clouds
The sill so rough

Her skin so sullen
And her eyes are of the dead angels
She sits like a mannequin
Unmoving

And the door to heaven opens
And who enters is a man
Who walks past the room like a god
The furniture bow before him

And the woman
Her body is taken
by the god of the room
And brought into that heavenly door

Sounds behind the door
Beautiful agony
Scratching in harmony
And lashes of love

The cherub
So beautiful but tormented
Her dress flows
Like a vast ocean of tears

The cherub listens intently
Behind the door to heaven
And it questions the happenings
Behind the sacred door

Her heart
Contains no form of pain
And yet
Is infected with a dreaded sorrow.

The door to heaven opens
And the cherub sees the wondrous horror
Of her
like a sacred statue
Who had fallen down a stone floor
Crying to the god



just joining for fun, made this poem 5 minutes ago
 
B

British Monsoon

Member
November Rain

Rain falls in drips and drabs
An irregular tempo
Unfocused and unrestrained
Calming, nonetheless

Streaking the glass
Drop after drop descends
As the fire crackles on
Warming them against the chill

In the next room, music plays
Faint, but memorable
Stirring her in her slumber
She wriggles closer

He simply watches
Enraptured, sinking, lost
In her beauty
In this perfect moment

Abruptly, the fire chokes out
Cold air reclaims the room
She shivers and wakes
His moment cut short

The music still plays
An apt song, he reflects
"Cause nothin' lasts forever
Even cold November rain"

-

Probably going to submit another before the deadline, i'm not particularly in love with this one, but it fulfills both objectives, so what the hey :p

Incidently, the song is November Rain by Guns 'n' Roses.
 
P

Plywood

NeoGAF's smiling token!
New to this and trying something out of my spectrum, but here goes:

The Masochist

Why do I hurt me?
Constantly
Repeating the same actions
Knowing what will happen
Am I slave to myself?
Or am I giving me what I need?

Foolishly falling for temptation
My mind rots, the stagnation is obvious
But I keep coming back for more
The torturer of me is myself
Flogging myself mentally
The pain affects me physically

As I grow indifferent, day by day
Addicted to the pill, needle, powder, liquid
It doesn't matter, to me, its all the same
What I crave is a drug
Simply because its addicting
The only time it's convicting is after its done
 
T

Tim the Wiz

Banned
All We Humans

An empty vessel
Shorn like a lullaby
Gradually sinking into pits
Cruel maws of despair

This mask of air
Gradually seeping, gradually hiding
The secrets within
The joys beholden and toys stolen
From hearts of loves declared

Souls fabricated and assembled
Not only them, but me
A farce
Me, you, I, everything, all
The absurd
 
T

Timedog

good credit (by proxy)
Waves Hitting Rocks (Godfuck)

Big Hot Daddy,
Huge fuck machine,
Well oiled fucker,
Grab the big guns,
Yab Mr. Dingo, he's not afraid to fuck your brains out,
Blow the fuck away--into the gravitational pull,

Bodyblow into the energy construct confidently,
Uppercut into the megaton power anamoly,
Huge pimp forcefield,
I'll ultra grab into the foundations of the field,
Scattering whispy instances of field variables in predetermined yet seemingly random directions,
Like little electric sparks,
Disassembling the fabric of the dimensions,

Sounds and tastes collide,
Senses collide into a singular entity,
A digital painting that is strawberries,
From Pac Man,
Digital that is strawberries,
Strawberries with chromatic aberration,
Along with the resultant sag from a drop in power supply voltage,

Huge powerful monster,
The whale parts the red sea,
Effervescent penis beast,
Make genitals and eardrums rupture everywhere forever.
 
H

hey_monkey

Banned
Plywood said:
New to this and trying something out of my spectrum, but here goes:

edit: I realized you said "Main Poetry Topic: Interior
Because sometimes the greatest moments happen inside."

But I kinda just interpreted the main poetry topic and not the subtext. Is this fine? Or am I invalidated?
Click to expand...

That's fine! Interpret any way you want.
 
U

umop_3pisdn

Member
I rarely write poetry, but I managed to quickly scrawl something down. I resort to allegory in the feeble attempt to avoid sentimentality. There is no title. I fail hard at titles.


a scratch in the cork
a razor-lick inside a shell
coarse tendrils bore through
as a skeletal lightning, animating
timeless and paralyzing

at the centre, a drop of cast metal
weightless, yet held in by gravity
 
D

Dresden

Member
It's always within you.

Candle, wax, dripping near the homily hill
where the thoughtless deacon dwells.

He sits, stirs, then slumbers
as the candle drips away.

Wax gathers in a little mound
before he wakes, in the dark,

And in the dark near the homily hill
the thoughtless deacon prays for light.
 
A

Ashes

Banned
umop_3pisdn said:
I I resort to allegory in the feeble attempt to avoid sentimentality. There is no title. I fail hard at titles.
a scratch in the cork
Click to expand...
Another downer in our midst... hmm...
I'm no good at choosing titles either. But more than likely, I'd* just take the first line of the poem.
edit: *When I say I, I mean when I or whoever makes the final voting list, may just take the first line.
Jeez, these writers are insanely smart. They pick up on everything! :lol
 
I

Irish

Member
Ashes1396 said:
Another downer in our midst... hmm...
I'm no good at choosing titles either. But more than likely, I'd just take the first line of the poem.
Click to expand...

From now on, if anything you submit has more than one title, you'll be instantly disqualified.
 
A

Ashes

Banned
I don't know why I do it tbh. The trend seems to be that authors normally have one title. There are some that generally start off with titles. I usually get it down to three or four; and they come sporadically into my head, before, during, and after a poem or story. And I just forget about it after whittling down to the final two. For publication, I suppose I'd get it down to one title, but for practice runs here, it doesn't matter to me so much.
 
K

kid ness

Member
Hey everyone, just want to say thank you for the kind words and critiques in the last thread; I just got my computer back from the repairs so I didn't have a chance to say thanks.
 
K

kid ness

Member
The Angry Man

I walk down the street and I get some stares
I look right back and I recite some swears
For I am no different than anyone else
Except that I am a very angry man

Sometimes to get out I go for a jog
I step on feet and bark back at dogs
They don't understand me or my perceptions
Or the fact that I can't hold a long lasting erection

My fridge is empty, I go out for dinner every night
I sit alone at a restaurant, in the corner out of sight
I whistle at every girl that walks past me
But they never look back and wink

I am an angry man
I don't have a family
My neighbors talk about me
So fuck them
 
D

Dartastic

Member
There is this insect that
Climbs inside my
head
Hiding the decent from the obscene
I didn’t believe in being kind
I didn’t believe in reason
I've gotta satisfy my own
selfish desires
While
my
body drags me down
Muscles tired from
insane labor
that comes naturally
Pulling my mind
Brute strength attempting to compensate with
Which one should find though
Self-discovery.
I am thirsty.
I am thirsty.
Gimmie my money!

Song Link, for the LULZ/AWESOME: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gKw5mBh4rYs

Yeah. :lol
 
H

hey_monkey

Banned
In Summer
after The Four Seasons (Summer)

when we lie inside the seasons
are reduced to the steady beat
of the fan and the cool breath
of cotton across my naked back
and the sticky burn of your skin
and the songs we build together

then a sound
between us​
adagio e piano
when I sink into you i can feel
the splash and gurgle, the soft
vibration of everything inside you

drinks and dinner
smooth cool greens
and tender reds
in tornado swirls
and percussion bursts

and the buzz of flesh
the churning crash
of you, your guts, the
strings of your body
presto e forte

and presto
presto​
everything moves
and our limbs awaken
and between us lies
an orchestra
presto​

'tell me,' you say, breathing hard notes
'tell me what comes next.'
and with the warmth of your belly
flowing under my hands, rising,
falling, relentless as the turn of seasons,
i say: 'let's just repeat this forever.'
 
I

Irish

Member
Down the Street

There are many buried bones
beneath varied broken homes

I wish that I was lyin'
but I'm sure you've heard the sirens.

You know that something's going on
and by the sounds you hear, it's got to be wrong.

Those flowers in the garden,
they don't mean a thing.

Because from the outside,
there's no way to look within.

The strong and the weak,
the bold and the meek.

At war with the original sin.

Toss the kids to wayside,
bring the argument to the front.

Words turn to noise,
as the volume grows.

Shattered plates and flying silver,
drifting through the air.

Love and hate,
in heated relations.

Is it any of our business?
No one seems to know.

Some intervene,
some leave it alone.

All of us sit for a bit,
and enjoy a hell of a show.


Secondary Poem:

Journeyman

I filled my casket
with store bought bones.
They want to bury me,
but I'm not home.

I'm bound to pack it up,
and go it alone.
I just don't know
what to do with myself.

Forever for her,
is over for me.
I waited,
but my doorbell didn't ring.

I feel the air beneath my fingers
as I travel through the red rain.
Broken bricks smash into me,
and leave me moving between hospital beds.

I'm going to call it a day,
because I've seen enough.
Something is not right with me,
I'm as ugly as I seem.
 
P

PolarBearsClub

Member
Forgetting Birthdays

Friends, like bad dreams,
Wake the little kid inside of me
Leave me alone but don’t leave me all alone

Bad dreams like friends
Or else they’d make amends
I mean.
I would.
We would.
I would make them.
In the morning.

Friends, like bad dreams,
Reoccur when we need them least
And tend to fade fast in moments of clarity

Bad dreams, like friends,
Force the questions into heart
Like:
What’s the use if we’ve already drifted apart?

Friends, like bad dreams, are
Wandering and voiceless and things are done without telling
Questions rise but never settle
I wave goodbye and there’s a ringing of a bell
That salty schoolyard smell.

A familiar hand shakes me awake
Saying, always, but never meaning,
Good morning
 
H

hey_monkey

Banned
So I have a funny story about my piece, which I will spoiler for anyone who doesn't want anything at all to affect their votes. It was just somewhat hilarious when I had a conversation with my fella about it. I will recreate said conversation here for lulz.

Me: Hey, I wrote a new poem. Check it out. (explained the theme and all)
Monkey-lover: This poem is about sex.
Me: What?! No. I mean, it's about being in bed and all, but it's about comparing the gurgling sound of guts to music! Because even guts are beautiful!
Monkey-lover: This poem is about fucking. This is a porno poem.
Me: nuh-uh!
Monkey-lover: It's about buzzing flesh and in the middle, you have faster, faster, faster.
Me: That's for the music! It's... it was even in the accompanying sonnet!
Monkey-lover: Porno poet.
Me: (studying the poem) OH GOD YOU'RE RIGHT I CAN'T UNSEE IT NOW. D: D: D:

So apparently my poem is secretly about fucking.
 
T

Tim the Wiz

Banned
hey_monkey said:
So I have a funny story about my piece, which I will spoiler for anyone who doesn't want anything at all to affect their votes. It was just somewhat hilarious when I had a conversation with my fella about it. I will recreate said conversation here for lulz.

Me: Hey, I wrote a new poem. Check it out. (explained the theme and all)
Monkey-lover: This poem is about sex.
Me: What?! No. I mean, it's about being in bed and all, but it's about comparing the gurgling sound of guts to music! Because even guts are beautiful!
Monkey-lover: This poem is about fucking. This is a porno poem.
Me: nuh-uh!
Monkey-lover: It's about buzzing flesh and in the middle, you have faster, faster, faster.
Me: That's for the music! It's... it was even in the accompanying sonnet!
Monkey-lover: Porno poet.
Me: (studying the poem) OH GOD YOU'RE RIGHT I CAN'T UNSEE IT NOW. D: D: D:

So apparently my poem is secretly about fucking.
Click to expand...

I thought it was about fucking on the surface with some interesting depth beneath, but anyone courageous enough to be your lover must know what he's talking about. (Yes, I sexually discriminate when it comes to females of non-human species, including donkeys and sea-lions and arachnids and monkeys.)

Ashes1396 said:
@Tim: Just read your edit.
you want a drunk poem, I'll give you one sober in a bit!
Click to expand...

Sober? Live a little, Ashes. Pour a glass or guzzle a bottle down Christopher Hitchens-style and set to work!
 
H

hey_monkey

Banned
Tim the Wiz said:
I thought it was about fucking on the surface with some interesting depth beneath, but anyone courageous enough to be your lover must know what he's talking about. (Yes, I sexually discriminate when it comes to females of non-human species, including donkeys and sea-lions and arachnids and monkeys.)
Click to expand...

Monkeys need love too, man. Donkeys, too.
 
R

ronito

Member
Kyrie Eleison!
Lord have mercy!
Echoes from wall to wall.
Off darkened windows
with memories of color
that will resurrect in the morning light.
Off plaster and ceramic saints.
Over the lighted flames of people's desperate prayers
and desires
Making them flicker like little souls
Dancing for joy
at the sound.
 
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