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"My exhaust pipe DOES NOT have sharp knees"

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G

Google

Member
Like many men, Jordan Witham is obsessed with his car. But while most boy racers would draw the line at a wax and polish, his obsession has gone into overdrive.

The 20 year old is in love with his Volkswagen Beetle – and has been having sex with it for four years.

Despite never having kissed a girl before, virgin Jordan has become an experienced lover, covering his car with kisses and caresses before having penetrative sex with the exhaust pipe.

“I don’t fancy people,” says Jordan. “It’s cars that do it for me – I don’t want to marry or have kids.”

Jordan’s mum, Debbie, 53, doesn’t know about her son’s habit but his dad, David, 50, a door installer, does – and amazingly hasn’t tried to put the brakes on his relationship.

Jordan says: “When I told my dad I was sexually attracted to my car, he just said that there are lots of different people out there who are attracted to lots of different things.

“I’m not ready to tell Mum, though. She sees the world in a different way and is always asking me if I’ve found a nice girl.”

Jordan is one of just a handful of extreme car lovers in the world known as mechaphiles, and says his obsession was fuelled as a child.

He says: “I had hundreds of toy cars as a kid and often played in my dad’s Beetle. I used to talk to it, but I didn’t think it was odd as all my mates had imaginary friends.”

After Jordan passed his driving test at 16, he spent his £750 savings on his first car, a 1967 VW Beetle.

Jordan says: “I just knew she was a ‘girl’ car and I named her Ingo. She hadn’t worked in years, but as soon as I saw her, I had to have her.”

It was only while restoring Ingo that Jordan, who has never been attracted to women, realised his feelings were sexual.

“I could feel myself falling in love while I worked on Ingo,” he says. “I once became so aroused, I started rubbing her bodywork and masturbating. It didn’t feel strange, just really exciting.

“After a few minutes, I felt a desire to connect with her further, so I had penetrative sex with the exhaust pipe.”
Jordan began making love to his car a couple of times a week, while his parents were out. He recently moved out of their home to make it easier to carry on his relationship.

“I don’t always have sex with the car,” he explains. “Sometimes I stroke and kiss her bodywork, or rub myself up against her. If I’ve just been driving her, I have to wait for the exhaust pipe to cool down before I have sex. And I always use a condom because of all the dirt and dust inside.”

Jordan, who also masturbates while reading car magazines, has spent over £2,500 refurbishing Ingo. Most of Jordan’s earnings from his job stacking shelves at a supermarket are spent on her.

Now he has spent a further £200 on a “boy” car, a Trans Am he calls Todd, and is experimenting with a “gay” relationship.

Jordan says: “He’s very masculine. When I first bought him, I felt like I was cheating on Ingo, but now we all work well together.

“I have sex with Ingo more than Todd because Todd is kept in the driveway, not in the garage,” he explains. “I have to sneak outside in the middle of the night to have sex with him.”

Unsurprisingly, Jordan from Missouri, USA, describes himself as a bit of a loner – though he has now made friends with another mechaphile over the internet.

Jordan says: “I enjoy my life. If I end up an old man, living on my own with just my cars, I’ll be happy.”
Click to expand...

080519_sexwithcar_lead.jpg


http://www.closeronline.co.uk/RealLife/Reallifestories/sex-with-car.aspx?dateonline=Friday+23+May+2008
 
Grizzlyjin

Grizzlyjin

Supersonic, idiotic, disconnecting, not respecting, who would really ever wanna go and top that
That car looks sad in the pic.

Also, is this guy really from Missouri? People in the US don't say "fancy" to express a like for something.
 
C

Count Dookkake

Member
The machine of a dream
Such a clean machine
With the pistons a pumpin
And the hub caps all gleam

When Im holdin your wheel
All I hear is your gear
When my hands on your grease gun
Oh its like a disease son

Im in love with my car
Gotta feel for my automobile
Get a grip on my boy racer rollbar
Such a thrill when your radials squeal

Told my girl Ill have to forget her
Rather buy me a new carburetor
So she made tracks sayin
This is the end now
Cars dont talk back
Theyre just four wheeled friends now

When Im holdin your wheel
All I hear is your gear
When Im cruisin in overdrive
Dont have to listen to no run of the mill talk jive

Im in love with my car
Gotta feel for my automobile
Im in love with my car
String back gloves in my automolove
 
8

8bit

Knows the Score
If you think that's bad, google image search Chris Donald cars. Right around page two there is an image of him with his cock in the exhaust pipe of his car.
 
T

Tuvoc

Member
HolyStar said:
He fucks his car in the exhaust? That is like doing a car anally.
Click to expand...

More like painally, for his cock at least. He's rubbing it on rusting metal. Condom or not that's gotta hurt.
 
Action Jackson

Action Jackson

Member
from the Article said:
Jordan says: “I just knew she was a ‘girl’ car and I named her Ingo. She hadn’t worked in years, but as soon as I saw her, I had to have her.”
Click to expand...

Uhmm, Ingo is a male first name. :lol
 
T

thomaser

Member
grandjedi6 said:
Here is a preview of the documentary: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P_KrJObpgWM
Click to expand...

You know, if you look at the links to the right there, you can see another clip... where he actually has sex with a car. Panting, grunting. It's filmed from behind, so you don't see exactly what's happening, thankfully. But the guy in those videos is different from the guy in the OP. They should meet up, bring their cars to a huge garage, and have a great big orgy.
 
S

Seth C

Member
Grizzlyjin said:
That car looks sad in the pic.

Also, is this guy really from Missouri? People in the US don't say "fancy" to express a like for something.
Click to expand...

Exactly. Unless he moved here from the UK they either they made up the quotes or they made up the whole story. Sounds like typical shit from a British rag.
 
E

Exempted

Banned
Seth C said:
Exactly. Unless he moved here from the UK they either they made up the quotes or they made up the whole story. Sounds like typical shit from a British rag.
Click to expand...
Uh, lots of people in the US use the phrase "take a fancy."
 
A

AlphaSnake

...and that, kids, was the first time I sucked a dick for crack
Beyond fake. Why would a British shit-rag be interviewing an American from the Mid-West?

-_-
 
D

djkimothy

Member
Grizzlyjin said:
Also, is this guy really from Missouri? People in the US don't say "fancy" to express a like for something.
Click to expand...

The guy fucks his car. I'm sure anything is possible, including the word "fancy" in his vocabulary.
 
T

Twig

Banned
AlphaSnake said:
Beyond fake. Why would a British shit-rag be interviewing an American from the Mid-West?

-_-
Click to expand...
Actually, not fake.

Some Brits are doing a documentary on mechaphiles.

More fun time: http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/new.../Man-admits-'having-sex'-with-1,000-cars.html

Edward Smith, who lives with his current "girlfriend" – a white Volkswagen Beetle named Vanilla, insisted that he was not "sick" and had no desire to change his ways.

"I appreciate beauty and I go a little bit beyond appreciating the beauty of a car only to the point of what I feel is an expression of love," he said.

"Maybe I'm a little bit off the wall but when I see movies like Herbie and Knight Rider, where cars become loveable, huggable characters it's just wonderful.
Click to expand...
But his wandering eye has spread beyond cars to other vehicles. He says that his most intense sexual experience was "making love" to the helicopter from 1980s TV hit Airwolf.
Click to expand...
Mr Smith is now part of a global community of more than 500 “car lovers” brought together by internet forums.
Click to expand...

It was on Bob and Tom yesterday morning. ;_;

EDIT: Needs moar pix.

car404_672768c.jpg
 
A

adamsappel

Member
I once started to write a horror story where a guy fucks a bathtub faucet in a haunted hotel room. I got as far as him sticking it in before I realized how stupid it was and abandoned it.
 
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