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GAF Book Club (June 2011) - "The Happiness Project" by Gretchen Rubin

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Cyan

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Life, liberty, and the pursuit of a book deal.


The Happiness Project, by Gretchen Rubin

Rubin is not an unhappy woman: she has a loving husband, two great kids and a writing career in New York City. Still, she could-and, arguably, should-be happier. Thus, her methodical (and bizarre) happiness project: spend one year achieving careful, measurable goals in different areas of life (marriage, work, parenting, self-fulfillment) and build on them cumulatively, using concrete steps. By December, she's striving bemusedly to keep increasing happiness in every aspect of her life.

Amazon Paperback
Kindle Ebook


Let’s read!


Guidelines*:
-If you read ahead, use spoiler tags! [spoiler]text goes here[/spoiler]
-When using spoiler tags, please mark them--put a page or chapter number, or otherwise indicate just how far ahead you are.
-Unspoilered discussion of anything through the latest milestone is allowed and encouraged. If you’re not caught up, read the thread at your own risk!
-Suggestions for the next book club selection are welcome at any time. We'll vote on the next book once we're finished with this one.


Reading Milestones:
Thu 6/2 - January
Sat 6/4 - February
Mon 6/6 - March
Wed 6/8 - April
Fri 6/10 - May
Sun 6/12 - June
Tue 6/14 - July
Thu 6/16 - August
Sat 6/18 - September
Mon 6/20 - October
Wed 6/22 - November
Fri 6/24 - December

The chapters aren't too long, but I thought it'd be more interesting to take each on one at a time.

As usual, each milestone evening I’ll make a post noting how far we are, and bring up some points of discussion.


Future Book Club Possibilities:
The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexander Dumas
A Game of Thrones by George R. R. Martin
The Possessed: Adventures with Russian Books and the People Who Read Them by Elif Bautman
Master & Commander by Patrick O'Brian
The Shadow of the Wind by Carlos Ruiz Zafón
Franny & Zooey by J.D. Salinger
[your recommendation here!]


Previous Book Club Threads:
A Visit from the Goon Squad, by Jennifer Egan (May 2011)
The Afghan Campaign, by Steven Pressfield (Apr 2011)
Stranger in a Strange Land, by Robert A. Heinlein (Mar 2011)
Flashman, by George MacDonald Fraser (Feb 2011)

*I'm leaving in the spoiler guidelines for consistency's sake, but since this is non-fiction, I don't think they really apply. If you read ahead, as far as I'm concerned you should feel free to discuss whatever you want.
 
Forgot to order it. Ordering now.

And for those that care, didn't see the other thread, and don't mind purchasing a physical copy .. Amazon has the hard copy for $1 less than the Kindle version.
 
alex chilton said:
This kind of book seems like the complete antithesis of what GAF would read and enjoy.
Click to expand...
Are you extrapolating from yourself to all of GAF? :P

I mean, sure, you're probably right. But then again, the point isn't to get all of GAF to read, or we'd just do George R. R. Martin or something.

Also, feel free to make suggestions for next month's book!
 
Straight off, Rubin takes the bull by the horns and admits that a) she's not going to have any spectacular new insights about happiness and b) her personal happiness project won't apply to everyone else. And c) Elizabeth Gilbert inspired her (hmm).

Ok, we can work with that. She's got a clean, readable style.

So, January. The main focus was energy, with several associated subtasks:

-Go to bed earlier. Man, great for your energy levels, but surprisingly hard to do. I've tried this before, and it turns out to be difficult to change a habit like this. Part of the problem is that you can't just decide to go to sleep--your sleep cycle will fight back if you screw with it. Great advice, if you can pull it off. I'd love to be more rested at work.

-Get more exercise. Ha! I wondered if this would be in the book somewhere. I'm actually a very happy person, and when people ask why, I cite regular exercise as one of the key reasons. *shrug* For whatever reason, my general happiness settled at a much higher level after I took up running on a regular basis. Good advice that I fully support.

-Get organized. Ugh. I mean, good advice, but the (way over-long) segment in the book focused on clutter. My mom reads books and watches TV shows focused on clutter, but man, I just don't give a damn. I'm a tidy person, and I don't buy a whole bunch of shit, so I find this stuff totally useless. "Throw away half the clothes in your closet!" I mean, I could, but I wouldn't have anything left to wear.

-Tackle nagging tasks. Not sure how much this has to do with energy, but sure. Choosing random tasks that have been nagging at you yet don't take all that much effort, and then actually doing them, can be rewarding.

-Act more energetic. Please don't. I mean, maybe it'll help, but people acting artificially chirpy is annoying as hell.

Interesting so far. The mix of second-hand advice and personal anecdote is holding up fine.
 
I liked the first chapter being energy because that is one of my major problems too. I feel exhausted all the time to the point that I've gotten my blood tested to see what's wrong with me. Unfortunately I do everything she suggests except for a) exercise ... which I've been meaning to start doing (and I'm aware is probably the biggest game changer) and b) acting energetic. I'm sure if I started doing that people in my life would ask wtf is wrong with me and send me off to get drug tested. I'm just too laid back for that.
 
And so we move from broad and generally applicable to a subject aimed at a narrower group. Given that I'm not married (or even dating anyone atm), this chapter didn't have a lot to offer me.

Main focus: love. Subtasks:

-Quit nagging. K. Not... really a problem for me. But that must have been restful for her family.

-Don't expect praise or admiration. All right, this one is general enough to apply to me. The "gold star" thing she goes on about definitely hit home for me. When I do something nice for someone, I damn well want acknowledgment! Which, as Rubin points out, really ought to be beside the point. Ok, at least there was something for me in this chapter.

-Fight right. Single, no roommates, don't do a lot of fighting.

-No dumping. See above.

-Give proofs of love. See above.

I suppose these last can be applied to family as well, but I get along pretty well with my family. Not something I'm too worried about. Maybe I should have lunch with my dad more often or something. ;)

The last segment of the chapter was more interesting. I definitely hear what she's saying on "feeling right" as opposed to just "feeling good" or "feeling bad." That's an excellent way of expressing it. Man... I really need to get into a new career.
 
I feel like the fact that Rubin was a lawyer explains a lot about her approach to happiness. Anyway, far more interesting chapter than the last.

The main focus here was work.

-Write a blog (challenge and novelty). Right on. I'm convinced that the right mix of challenge and novelty is hugely important to individual happiness. One of the reasons I think people are somewhat averse to Matrix futures or even post-scarcity futures is the idea that challenge and novelty will go out the window. I don't think that's necessarily the case, but it's interesting to think about.

Incidentally, Rubin's description of how she knew it was time to change careers fits my job to a tee. :/

-Enjoy failure. Hoo boy, there's a tough one. Don't avoid failure, sure. Seek out failure, even. But enjoy it? Tall order.

-Ask for help. Word. It can be hard, as a so-called grown-up, to ever admit you don't know how to do something and/or need help. But asking for help is an important skill. I'm not sure how crucial it is to happiness, but it's definitely important for personal growth.

-Work smart. Wee bit platitudinous. What she really means is work more efficiently, by figuring out what schedule/way of doing things works best for you.

-Enjoy now. Very Zen. Hop off the hedonic treadmill and enjoy where you're at. It wouldn't do to ditch all your plans and ambitions, of course... but it's great to find a balance.
 
Interesting concept. I don't have time to read it this month but I will put it on my list.

Re: regular exercise, I agree 100%. Although I would apply it only to exercise outside in the fresh air. The people hunched over stairmasters watching Oprah at the gym don't seem to be happy.

I have a nomination for the future:

The Possessed: Adventures with Russian Books and the People Who Read Them by Elif Bautman

Possibly the best thing to come out of a graduate program in recent years (Dallas Morning News), Batuman's intriguing blend of travelogue, autobiography, and literary criticism offers a fresh perspective on some of Russia's greatest authors. Despite its challenging subject matter, The Possessed is accessible and entertaining, written with sly humor and a keen eye for absurdity. Some critics considered its essays uneven, but they still praised Batuman's infectious delight in literature and her examination of the many ways we can live lives more attuned to our favorite books. Perhaps the New York Times said it best: "She's the kind of reader who sends you back to your bookshelves with a sublime buzz in your head."
 
So I totally forgot about the April milestone, but a) it was a chapter on parenting so I have nothing to say and b) I'm pretty sure I'm the only one reading this anyway. So whatevs. :P

The main subject for May is fun/leisure. Right on!

-Find more fun. Figure out what you find fun... which may or may not be the same as what other people find fun. Sounds obvious, but it's a good point. For example, I love running, whereas some of my friends think it's a sign of insanity.

-Take time to be silly. Ha! Don't have to tell me twice. If anything, I have a hard time being serious. It's definitely true that a light-hearted attitude towards things makes a big difference in your general happiness level.

-Go off the path. Try new things. Well sure... once in a while. ;)

-Start a collection. Bit random, eh? Seems like Rubin should've stuck to figuring out what she found fun and not copying others.

A lot of snippets in this chapter where she quoted other people who replied to her blog... meh.
 
In our next episode of "Cyan Talks To Himself" we tackle June, with the main subject of Friendship.

Oh the ironies.

-Remember birthdays. Good notion--this is pretty easy but can definitely strengthen friendships. I've got a small group of buddies from my Toastmasters club, and we always go out for a group dinner whenever someone has a birthday. It really made the group tight, even though not all of us even attend Toastmasters any more. Or you could always say happy birthday on their Facebook page. I guess that might work.

-Be generous. Point of this one is the principle of reciprocity--you become happier when you make other people happy. And vice versa! I like this one, it's like an echo chamber of happiness. A virtuous circle. This is kind of the whole point of the chapter; not sure why it wasn't first up.

-Show up. A big part of friendship is... just being there. I wonder if that's why internet-friendships seem so much less real than actual friendships.

-Don't gossip. Gossiping is bad for your friendships and your mental health blah blah. *sigh* Yeah, I know. But I just can't help it. I gossip like a... something that gossips a lot.

-Make three new friends. I like this one. I'm not sure if it should literally be three, i.e. an exact numerical goal, but I do like the notion of going into situations with the intent of making friends.

Ok, that's all for this episode.

Next up: money buys happiness!
 
Sorry Cyan I'm way behind right now. I have only made it to the first milestone so far. I'll try to catch back up so there'll at least be two of us. :b
 
And finally, we get to money!

-Indulge in a modest splurge. Well, sure. Once in a while, it's nice. But it's wise to always remember the hedonic treadmill--once something becomes habitual, it no longer affects your happiness level.

-Buy needful things. Don't be afraid to spend money on something you need. I bought a new bike recently. Set me back about $700. Totally worth it, though--I'd been riding an old mountain bike before, and the switch to a decent road bike has been amazing. Makes riding so much more fun.

-Spend out. Use the nice things you have! This is really hard for me. I'm one of those people who plays old-school RPGs and never uses the fancy rare items, always "saving them for later." Then usually by the time I get to the final boss I've either forgotten about them, or they've been made redundant. And yet still I persist! Oh SNES Final Fantasies, I still love you.

-Give something up. Not really sure how this relates. And I've not usually found giving things up to increase happiness. Maybe in the long term...

Interesting chapter. The upshot seems to be that while money can't buy you happiness directly, when applied correctly, using it can in fact make you happier.
 
Spirituality. Well, I guess this was inevitable.

-Read memoirs of catastrophe. This is Rubin's answer to death meditation or contemplation of mortality. Personally I hate that shit, but I guess someone has to buy em.

-Keep a gratitude notebook. I tried this one time. Lasted about a week before I got fed up with it, and distinctly ungrateful. Funny that she had the same experience.

-Imitate a spiritual master. What would Cthulhu do? Lie dreaming in his house at R'lyeh, presumably. Maybe I should go to sleep.
 
Cyan said:
Spirituality. Well, I guess this was inevitable.

-Read memoirs of catastrophe. This is Rubin's answer to death meditation or contemplation of mortality. Personally I hate that shit, but I guess someone has to buy em.

-Keep a gratitude notebook. I tried this one time. Lasted about a week before I got fed up with it, and distinctly ungrateful. Funny that she had the same experience.

-Imitate a spiritual master. What would Cthulhu do? Lie dreaming in his house at R'lyeh, presumably. Maybe I should go to sleep.
Click to expand...


You know, people always recommend memoirs featuring tragedy or catastrophe as something uplifting. I don't think that's my style. I guess some people would get inspired by it, but I think it would just make me feel worse.

Gratitude notebook --- I tried that once too. Every day, write down 3 things you're grateful for or made you happy. I just got lazy and stopped.

I'm glad you're reading this book and giving us a summary =)
 
A day late; I was tired yesterday after getting up at an absurd hour for my tri.

September! Pursue a Passion. I get the feeling this is the one she shoehorned in after realizing she was out of ideas and still had more months to write about.

-Write a novel. Hey, this should've been November! Especially since she explicitly borrowed the NaNoWriMo methodology. Anyway, I definitely support NaNo, so go team. Everyone should do this. Well, everyone who actually has the inclination. :)

-Make time. Yes! Prioritize the stuff you want to do, then do it. Easier said than done with TV and the internet and whatnot, but hey. No one said this would be easy. Now... what to prioritize?

-Forget about results. Don't worry too much about outcomes. Dovetails nicely with the NaNoWriMo subgoal. On the other hand, this isn't always the answer. I cared a lot about my tri results, which helped me make time for it.

-Master a new technology. Sort of random one here. Also book-related, as she learns about Lulu and cheap self-pubbing. Felt kind of like an ad for the site.

I liked this chapter since I'm into writing and so on, but it didn't really feel cohesive like the others have. No real central theme.

nakedsushi said:
You know, people always recommend memoirs featuring tragedy or catastrophe as something uplifting. I don't think that's my style. I guess some people would get inspired by it, but I think it would just make me feel worse.
Click to expand...
Word. I don't mind sad stuff sometimes, but it doesn't exactly make me feel good.

I'm glad you're reading this book and giving us a summary =)
Click to expand...
I read so you guys don't have to!
 
And at last we come to mindfulness. Living in the moment! Paying attention to the now!

Betcha didn't see that coming.

-Meditate on koans. Interesting. Except Rubin doesn't mean actual Zen koans, but little snippets of quotations that she thinks about frequently. Ok, I guess.

-Examine True Rules. Hey, she goes cog sci again, talking about heuristics. Sweet! Except her True Rules aren't really heuristics, as she acknowledges. Ah well.

-Stimulate the mind in new ways. Man, I talked about doing the exercises from Drawing on the Right Side of the Brain over in the Summer Goals thread. And Rubin beat me to it! *fist shake*

-Keep a food diary. It's funny how some of these subgoals are so broad and vague and then some are knife-edge thin in their specificity. I suppose this goal is great if you're trying to lose weight? I dunno.

This chapter was a bit disappointing. Mindfulness and being in the moment is one of those topics I'm really interested in, and Rubin gave it a pretty superficial look. *shrug*
 
November is all about the 'tude!

nIZdF.png


Ok, except more like overall demeanor. Acting happy. You know?

wHhga.jpg


Close enough.

-Laugh out loud. Shit, I don't need any help here. I laugh a lot, and smile like all the time. Sometimes people actually get annoyed at how much I smile. It's funny to sometimes pass people on the street I don't know, and meet them later and they're like "You're the smiling guy!" Anyway, the point is you should smile more. :)

-Use good manners. Basically, be nice to people and help them be happier. Happiness feedback loop! Eventual massive happiness cataclysm!

-Give positive reviews. Basically, act like things are awesome and you're enjoying them, even if you don't. Rubin actually went an entire week acting like Pollyanna, as a sort of experiment. Which is an awesome idea! I love it! Rubin is pretty much super brilliant! What a joy this book is to read.

-Find an area of refuge. Sometimes you can't just pretend to be happy. Sometimes it just ain't there, and you start brooding. That's when you find something happier to think about, to at least keep yourself from a sadosity feedback loop.

Act happy, be happy! Right on.

Next: putting it all together. With duct tape and gluesticks.

Maklershed said:
So August = Dance with Dragons? Or can we start that in July already?
Click to expand...
... we'll see. ;)
 
The final chapter is basically a microcosm of the book as a whole, so I'll skip straight to the... Final Review!

Somebody said last month that this looked like a gimmick book. There's some truth to that. Rubin leans heavily on personal anecdote, and oftentimes the things she talks about just won't apply to most people. She gets very specific when she might be better served being general, and she doesn't always stay on point. And the whole "do this for a year, then write a book about it!" is pretty gimmicky.

On the other hand, there's something to be said for the book. Rubin's got a breezy, readable style, and if she dips often into personal anecdote, it lends some character to the book. She touches enough on good, general advice that I think there are things to learn here.

As an overall package, then, I think the value this book holds for any given person depends largely on how they find Rubin. If they find her irritating, the good stuff will be outweighed by everything else. If they enjoy her style, they might find that the personal stuff brings useful information into sharper focus.

And if the reader is inspired to think a little more about what really makes them happy, then so much the better.


That's all for the book. A few thoughts on the book club:
-I'd really like to get more participation. Clearly this book was not ideal in that regard.
-That said, participation is not the highest or only goal here, as I've said before.
-I'd like to continue reading a wide variety of books that appeal to our core group, but I see no problem with choosing something more widely enjoyable, either. As long as it's not every time.

So for next month, let's pick something fun!
 
nakedsushi said:
My nomination for next month:


The Count of Monte Cristo by Alexandre Dumas

I'll probably start it anyway. Hopefully I'll be done with it before Dance with Dragons woohoo!
Click to expand...
Oh snap, good one!

I was thinking of maybe Master & Commander by whatshisname O'Brien, but I think I might rather reread the Count.

Also thought it might be fun to do Game of Thrones, since people have just finished with the TV show and since the latest one is coming out so soon.
 
Ooh Master & Commander is a good one too. I'm up for that. I've been meaning to read it, but was scared of getting sucked into another series.
 
Cool! In that case, I'll rescind my other nominations and vote for that one as well.

And since we're near the end of the month, and it doesn't look like we'll be getting too many votes this time around, I think it's safe to go ahead and call it.

Next month's book club selection:
Master and Commander by Patrick O'Brian

Amazon Paperback
No Kindle edition, unfortunately

New thread will go up in the next few days.
 
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