-
Hey, guest user. Hope you're enjoying NeoGAF! Have you considered registering for an account? Come join us and add your take to the daily discourse.
Victim-blaming someone who was cheated on
- Thread starter soleil
- Start date
- Status
……forgetit
Member
What? Does this happen often?
FriedConsole
Banned
Dumb. Usually because "you weren't satisying their needs" bullshit. Sex is like #2046 on the list of important things in a relationship and it goes dowm the list as you get older.
In general, when cheating is discussed, I often hear "maybe there's something in the relationship" as a deflection from the fact that someone did a terrible thing.
And what criteria do you use to determine that?
John Kowalski
Banned
Nothing. I let them explain themselves before thinking about it.
Ray Wonder
Founder of the Wounded Tagless Children
Not any of my business anyhow. But I can see how this can be justified. For example, abusive relationships. It's easy to say that they should've just left, but that's a lot harder to do for some people compared to the surreptitious activity of cheating. I don't blame them as much as feel pity for them to be in such a situation.
But again, not my business.
But again, not my business.
Pinko Marx
Banned
Who is going to say "they're cool peeps"? Its like asking "Who is ok with people who stab others and then blame the victim for being stabbed?"
ElectricBlanketFire
Member
This happened to my brother-in-law.
My wife's sister cheated on him and her parents blamed it on his laziness and being overweight (both of which are true, but he's otherwise a good guy).
It was ridiculous.
My wife's sister cheated on him and her parents blamed it on his laziness and being overweight (both of which are true, but he's otherwise a good guy).
It was ridiculous.
PorygonVandal
Member
My ex wife did this lol
Blamed me for her cheating
Blamed me for her cheating
Vincent Grayson
Member
Given that cheating can happen simply because one person is an asshole, or because the relationship is totally failing due to actions on the part of both, or any number of other reasons, I'd say the answer is "it depends".
What the fuck. This is what I mean, people. This or the "You neglected her emotional or physical needs" type excuses that could have been solved by talking to your partner.
Yup. There's a very real idea among people that if someone cheats on you, it's because you did something wrong in the relationship.
It's a crock of shit, of course, but that's how some people think.
Sex is actually very important to a healthy relationship - definitely not #2046. Sexual compatibility needs to exist.
Not interested in supporting their attempts at relieving cognitive dissonance with justifications and rationalizations. I don't condemn people for their mistakes, but it is highly important that they own their actions and not shrink from their responsibility in making whatever choices they do.
Ivan Amiibo
Banned
Depends. Some guys missed all the other cues up to (and including) the cheating, until it's practically designed for the cheater to be caught.
TheGreatDirector
Banned
It wasn't me.
it's a disease!
backflip10019
Member
Unless the person has done something very bad to ostracize the person who cheated (e.g. murdered someone), I'm strongly against it.
LegendofLex
Member
The only real scenarios I can imagine are abusive relationships, where someone finds refuge in another relationship but doesn't feel safe exiting their current one.
In every other scenario, there's ample opportunity to dissolve or attempt to fix the relationship first.
In every other scenario, there's ample opportunity to dissolve or attempt to fix the relationship first.
Not sure how "missing cues" would justify cheating? And why even give "cues" instead of talking directly with your partner? And if talking doesn't work, you can just leave the relationship.
One and done.
Hero_of_the_Day
Member
I have seen some shit.
Gotdatmoney
Member
"Shut the fuck up and accept responsibility for your actions" is basically my thought on it. Every reason you list that says I pushed you to cheating is a reason you should have broken up with me. The only thing that makes you cheat is because you're being a shitty person and I can't be blamed for you being a shitty person.
Ooooof.
Mauricio_Magus
Banned
I need to know more about this story.
It's pretty common that men get victim-blamed in American society for wives or girlfriends that cheat. Look at the start of that whole Gamergate thing where dude got cheated on (though he chose an extremely petty and chickenshit way to deal with that).
I've heard in other cultures that wives are blamed for their husband's cheating. I had an Indian girlfriend years ago whose dad was a serial philanderer. Her mom knew but didn't divorce him because the community would reject her and say that she didn't keep things right at home.
Any scenario where someone gets cheated on and then get blamed for it is wrong, period. Doesn't matter what the backstory is. It's wrong and the cheater is garbage.
I've heard in other cultures that wives are blamed for their husband's cheating. I had an Indian girlfriend years ago whose dad was a serial philanderer. Her mom knew but didn't divorce him because the community would reject her and say that she didn't keep things right at home.
Any scenario where someone gets cheated on and then get blamed for it is wrong, period. Doesn't matter what the backstory is. It's wrong and the cheater is garbage.
Ryouji Gunblade
Member
Without context, probably not for victim-blaming.
Hero_of_the_Day
Member
Shit.
crimzonflame
Member
What about the wife?
Quite.
"If only my ____ did _____ I wouldn't have to cheat."
Other people actually defend cheaters that way a lot- like "His wife probably wasn't putting out so he had to go somewhere else." For example.
There's always two sides however, but a cheater automatically stacks the deck against themselves in my eyes. As was said earlier- actions have consequences and you need to accept responsibility for your own choices.
LiveFromKyoto
Member
There's a reason it isn't called 'fairing.'
Hero_of_the_Day
Member
What about her?
IDKAboutThat
Member
There's a whole conversation they invented specifically to work through this. It's the "I'm no longer sexually attracted to you" conversation, and it's awkward and terrible and always better than cheating.
Sometimes people will proclaim that they got cheated on when they were either
forcing a relationship to begin with
barely in a 'relationship' at all
or wouldn't hear a break-up convo so they had to be presented with the action since they weren't trying to talk
ways that one can be fairly victim-blamed for being cheated on
forcing a relationship to begin with
barely in a 'relationship' at all
or wouldn't hear a break-up convo so they had to be presented with the action since they weren't trying to talk
ways that one can be fairly victim-blamed for being cheated on
old manatee
Banned
But what if you really want to fuck someone else?
People with diseases shouldn't be allowed to have secks
- Status