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NGSB (No Girlfriend Since Birth)

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liliththepale said:
"Standard" means something is normal. When we say someone has high standards, we mean they consider normal what others consider better than normal. For example, I live in a fairly wealthy neighborhood and it's not uncommon for me to see Audis and Ferraris being driven around. That's my standard, and it's a high standard because in most places you don't see an abundance of luxury vehicles.

So if you have high standards but virtually no one has ever met those standards, then those aren't actually standards. They're expectations, and they're false. "Change your standards" means recognize what's actually standard and realistic for you.
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So are you rich yourself? Do you drive a Ferrari yourself? And yet you would only date a guy who owns a Ferrari because you live in a rich neighbourhood?

So what if I live in a town with hot girls. Does that mean an extremely hot girl should also be my standard?
 
Gurthang said:
So are you rich yourself? Do you drive a Ferrari yourself? And yet you would only date a guy who owns a Ferrari because you live in a rich neighbourhood?

So what if I live in a town with hot girls. Does that mean an extremely hot girl should also be my standard?
Click to expand...

Of course if there are plenty of attractive people in your area then your standards will rise. But you have to realize that when your standards go up, it's in your best interest to personally meet that level of standards as well.

Lucky for you, whether you'll believe it or not, women tend to care about more than just a guy's looks. So it's a solvable problem. I can tell you what though, throwing a pity party for yourself is never a good look. Being "alpha" isn't what's attractive. Being confident is.
 
liliththepale said:
"Standard" means something is normal. When we say someone has high standards, we mean they consider normal what others consider better than normal. For example, I live in a fairly wealthy neighborhood and it's not uncommon for me to see Audis and Ferraris being driven around. That's my standard, and it's a high standard because in most places you don't see an abundance of luxury vehicles.

So if you have high standards but virtually no one has ever met those standards, then those aren't actually standards. They're expectations, and they're false. "Change your standards" means recognize what's actually standard and realistic for you.
Click to expand...

You want a rich partner because you have rich parents? That seems pretty shallow.
 
zaldrizes said:
You want a rich partner because you have rich parents? That seems pretty shallow.
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No, that's completely backwards. I don't want a rich partner because I have rich parents. However, most of the people I come into contact with are at least upper middle class because of where I live and the types of activities I enjoy, so that becomes my standard. I'm not above dating someone who's not rich, but I would have to go out of my way to do so.
 
inked_illusion said:
I'm turning 24 tomorrow and yeah, part of me wants a girlfriend but part of me is just happy being single (albeit for a pretty longtime). Like I'm 6 years to becoming a wizard.
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Hello OP. I guess you are a Mirror's Edge fan? That is cool.

Let me tell you something: Don't worry. I had my first girlfriend with 24. I enjoyed being single, being on my own. And in addition I just had a strange attitude about having a girlfriend. I always wanted it, but never was convinced about the opportunities I had. I guess I just wanted to be too cool about girls.

Bun when I turned 24, I decided that I needed at least try it out. I went out there and had several dates, I learnt a lot, but the most important thing was, that you really need to want it and it is not that difficult as it sounds.

I am in a relationship since 3 years now and I would say, that it is highly enjoyable.
 
Gurthang said:
That's what I'm saying. If a girl can easily have sex with an alpha guy who is fucking loads of other women too then there is no need for her to lower her standards and fuck short men.
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and as we all know, it's all about fucking.
pretty girls do not have nor care about personalities.

God, you're such a cynic and, in addition to that, completely and utterly wrong.

But sure, go ahead, have people blame
* women
* alpha males
* the male / female ratio on the planet
* fishermen and fishes
and everything but themselves for their lack of romantic success.

You're literally going for the "women dig assholes and i'm just too much of a nice guy™ " explanation.
Also, the fact that there is some sort of linear order of quality of a partner (alpha > beta > ... ) is telling about your simple world view. It's like saying "why should someone who could have steak whenever they want even ORDER cake?"

Also, Lilith is free to prefer to get involved with whomever she wants.
Widely differing economic backgrounds are often bound to be the cause of conflict further down the road. (when one partner initially covers all the costs to maintain a certain standard of living, maybe holding that against the 'poorer' partner during a fight) ... Or, the 'poor' partner becoming more and more insecure that they're unable to provide their upper class partner with the standard of living that they feel they deserve.
In real life, the kind of "My Fair Lady" / "Pretty Woman" shit wouldn't fly.


Edit: Also, happy birthday to everyone!
edit 2: ontopic. (this is not tailored specifically towards the OP, but in general)
If you want to find someone who wants to be with you, you first need to become the type of person you'd want to be with. Don't make having a partner a requirement for being a complete person, for having goals in life or for having a positive outlook towards the future. It's the other way around.
 
I don't know what confidence can have the person who is always turned down. It always seemed to me like a hollow advice. Like a "just be rich" to poor person.
 
GoodMorningPluto said:
I don't know what confidence can have the person who is always turned down. It always seemed to me like a hollow advice. Like a "just be rich" to poor person.
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Just a clarification, because I've seen this comment before:

Confidence in this context doesn't mean 'believing whoever I'm interested in will be interested in me'. That's not being confident, that's being sociopathic.

Confidence means being happy with who you are, regardless of dating status. Feeling good about your life in general, your friends, your work/studies/hobbies. Just knowing who you are and not being ashamed of it, and knowing (to a degree) what you want out of life.

Being confident at that, means that you're easy going on dates. Nervous, perhaps (almost everyone is), but at least confident in who you are - as opposed to trying to paint yourself as someone else, or trying weird seduction techniques from sketchy online books on someone, or trying to live up to people who, in your mind, get all the girls. None of that matters. It's about making connections with people. Say you have a blind date, just be yourself (as you would be among friends), and see if there is a connection. Maybe there is, which is great. Maybe there isn't. Also fine. It's all part of it and everyone goes through it. Doesn't mean the other person doesn't like you, or that the night was shitty, or that you did anything wrong. It's just about finding someone you click with.

TL;dr: Feeling confident isn't about feeling confident about what others think of you, it's about feeling confident about what you think about yourself. If you aren't there yet, there's plenty you can do about it. New look, healthier living, working out, working on your career, a good conversation with friends - whatever you need to get there. Everyone's different.
 
GoodMorningPluto said:
I don't know what confidence can have the person who is always turned down. It always seemed to me like a hollow advice. Like a "just be rich" to poor person.
Click to expand...

Confidence really matters. Both to you and her/him. Maybe what you need to is figure out why you're so down all the time, then slowly work on yourself. It can be a very simple thing or a complicated thing, you just need to do that on your own.
Perhaps write a list of what you want to do and checklist one at a time.
 
I'll probably be in the back end of 27 once I'll be in a position where I'll feel comfortable with putting myself out there, which sucks. And while I'll have probably overcome a large amount of obstacles by then, both physically as well as mentally, I'm thinking the worst part will be overcoming my crippling lack of self-confidence/worth; alongside being able to not put up with other people's bullshit without getting defensive about it, which probably requires an amount of social finesse I'll still lack at that point.

Ah well, it's either that or not try. I'll go with the former.
 
Remember that quote, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results. That's the rut people seem to get into when it comes to relationships and sex. The fact is if you have problems with these things and you're unwilling to change to address them, you may as well shut the fuck up, quit complaining and accept your lot in life, because it's not going to change unless you do.
 
Meh, don't worry dude.

I had my first gf when I was 26. Happily married for 14 years now, with three lovely (most of the time) kids.

My brother-in-law acted like the town stud and had gf after gf in his late teens and twenties, but only found his "true" love last year at 37.

There's no ideal time find someone.
 
inked_illusion said:
I'm turning 24 tomorrow and yeah, part of me wants a girlfriend but part of me is just happy being single (albeit for a pretty longtime). Like I'm 6 years to becoming a wizard.
Click to expand...

Dude.

Your fine, no need to rush. Enjoy your space, it disappears once you get seriously involved with someone. Make sure that someone is a good one. Happy birthday!
 
Eightguy said:
Happy Birthday!

My best friend didn't have a girlfriend until he was 25. He married her 6 months later. Don't do that. IMO, wait at least a year to get to know her. Don't fret about not having a girlfriend, there is no rush at all.
Click to expand...

I got a girlfriend when I was at that age too. Getting married next year and we're almost 2 years into the relationship now. Though I did know her since I was in elementary school (so friends for 17 years).
 
FunkyPajamas said:
I believe it comes from the greek word alphabet which means to read a lot. So alpha male is a man that invests most of his life reading and cultivating his intellect instead of in clubs or gyms.
Click to expand...

I am greek and no, alpha does not mean to read a lot.
It's just the first letter of the greek alphabet.
When saying alpha male it actually means the "first" male which also implies it's the dominant male.

I also feel you are being sarcastic but in any case, I think it;s good having the explanation
written :P
 
IAmAnAgnostic said:
Why do people make these claims, when they know this isn't the case for everyone?
Click to expand...

Because optimism is a good policy? "Happy Birthday, you'll never find anyone pathetic loser" doesn't sound great. The future is always uncertain - why not be optimistic about it? A little positivity can do wonders sometimes.
 
PirateKing said:
Confidence really matters. Both to you and her/him. Maybe what you need to is figure out why you're so down all the time, then slowly work on yourself. It can be a very simple thing or a complicated thing, you just need to do that on your own.
Perhaps write a list of what you want to do and checklist one at a time.
Click to expand...
I wasn't talking about myself, just expressing my dislike for advice like this. It just reads as "git gud" of some sort. You can't magically turn into confident person overnight, if you are not one already you need to actively work for it and have a lot of willpower, which is too much for some people.
"Being yourself" for shut-ins afraid of interacting with people won't make them more desirable. That's who they are, it's just so happens that their personality isn't particularly attractive to other people.
 
LyleLanley said:
I'm still trying to find a "Happy Birthday, you'll never find love" greeting card.
Click to expand...

Got you covered:
038QWyv.png
 
inked_illusion said:
I agree, but there will be a point where the only choices are to settle down with someone who might less than your standards or just be alone.

I honestly think there's no such thing as a "soulmate" but there is a chance of finding the right person at the right time.

There's always hope but you have to let it be natural instead of just forcing it.

"Chase a butterfly and it will always fly away."
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Sorry, but that's not true. You have to put some work in. I.e. not stay at home, get out there and meet people. Either through socializing until you collapse from exhaustion or going on dates through tinder. That chance of finding the right person? It's there, but you're not going to find him or her by sitting around waiting for it to happen with a silly excuses like 'chase a butterfly, etc...'
 
I've just turned 23 and have yet to find a girlfriend.

I seem to be a likeable person as I have no trouble with getting along with colleagues and stuff, and have enough female friends. I guess I just suck at romance and probably need more confidence which will hopefully come with age.
 
Eien1no1Yami said:
I am greek and no, alpha does not mean to read a lot.
It's just the first letter of the greek alphabet.
When saying alpha male it actually means the "first" male which also implies it's the dominant male.

I also feel you are being sarcastic but in any case, I think it;s good having the explanation
written :P
Click to expand...
CFyuYKM.gif
 
"Nicest Good Son & Brother" is the same as "The First Annual Montgomery Burns Award for Outstanding Achievement in the Field of Excellence"
 
The grandchildren thing is so awkward

Like when you have sex it'll be in the back of your head like it's a chore you're fulfilling for her
 
liliththepale said:
"Standard" means something is normal. When we say someone has high standards, we mean they consider normal what others consider better than normal. For example, I live in a fairly wealthy neighborhood and it's not uncommon for me to see Audis and Ferraris being driven around. That's my standard, and it's a high standard because in most places you don't see an abundance of luxury vehicles.

So if you have high standards but virtually no one has ever met those standards, then those aren't actually standards. They're expectations, and they're false. "Change your standards" means recognize what's actually standard and realistic for you.
Click to expand...
Good post.
 
Kaizer said:
I'm in the same situation OP, currently 24, will turn 25 next March and have never had a girlfriend. I'm no longer wallowing in a pity party - I haven't been happy with my appearance in years & I've finally decided to make a permanent change about it.

Started by drastically cutting down the amount of porn I watch so I don't always wake up so tired in the morning. Also I've been hitting the gym pretty consistently (4 to 5 days out of the week) & watching my diet for the past 3 weeks. I feel SUPER TIRED lol, but I'm also happy with the fact that I feel like I'm starting to gain a little more confidence in myself. Gonna be finding a job around here pretty soon, which will force me to be more social with a lot people and I'm looking forward to growing as individual.
Click to expand...
My man good on you, I did a similar thing last year, during the summer break did some charity canvassing spoke near a hundred people per day, massively built up my confidence and communication skills started exceeding (didn't actually go to a gym) controlled my diet, within 2 to 3 months had a six pack , and have no problems starting a relationship ir having casual sex, for picked up by women a few times also. Keep on it, it's worth it.
 
That acronym is depressing as fuck. I'll be sure to drop a "since birth?" the next time I hear someone say "I've never...".

Get a girlfriend because the longer that acronym is seared into your subconscious the worst your life will get. Hurry.
 
liliththepale said:
No, that's completely backwards. I don't want a rich partner because I have rich parents. However, most of the people I come into contact with are at least upper middle class because of where I live and the types of activities I enjoy, so that becomes my standard. I'm not above dating someone who's not rich, but I would have to go out of my way to do so.
Click to expand...
damn living and interacting with only rich people sounds awesome
 
Women are like job interviews.
You gotta do it a number of times to get your confidence up and if you don't get the job you move on, plenty more jobs in the sea.

More confident guys have just been doing it longer. Gym also helps for confidence, walk tall, look girls in the eyes and if you get a smile back that is an invitation to say hello so pounce on that.
 
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