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Playstation Experience 2016 Coming to Anaheim on December 3-4

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H

Hidden One

Member
GravityInsanity said:
tumblr_o8qry44M2B1u10jf6o1_500.gif


God of War and Horizon is all I need.
Click to expand...

Why has no one made a Super Saiyan gif of this yet?
 
Drac84

Drac84

Member
Whelp, 2016 has been a bit of a sh*tshow, but I think there’ll be a couple of pleasant surprises at PSX to help end the year on a positive. Here are my predictions:

World Governments are on high alert. The previous PSX showcases in 2014 and 2015 caused the net population of the world to halve, with ‘PlayStation Hype’ accounting for more deaths than Spanish Flu, both World Wars and pre-strap Wii-motes combined.

NATO, the Russian Federation and the People’s Republic of China have all scrambled jets. The WHO has stockpiled anti-hype syringes, and America is frantically building a wall encasing Anaheim to prevent any hype from illegally entering the rest of the country.

The lights dim in the theatre and humanity once more plunges itself onto the brink of hype-induced cataclysm.


  • Shawn Layden walks onto the stage wearing a Jet Motto shirt, the absolute madman. An audience member’s face melts like he’s just seen the arc of the covenant. Some people just can’t handle hype.
  • “Welcome PlayStation Nation!” Shawn beams to rapturous applause. We’ve a lot of great announcements lined up for you, so let’s get this party started.
  • The SCEA logo appears on screen, before cutting to a photo-realistic establishing shot of Prague. The detail as the camera pans down busy city streets is phenomenal. There is some radio chatter as a woman and a gruff man banter, she laying into him about being too old to be back out in the field, he joking that he’s been doing this since before she was born. The camera focuses in on a van. “Okay, target in sight” says the woman as the van’s rear doors open and a man emerges. “Are you sure you’re ready for this Gabe?” she asks as Logan turns to face the camera. “Let’s find out Lian” he says, cocking his gun as the Syphon Filter logo appears on screen.
  • The audience screams in disbelief, but there’s no time to dwell on this amazing reveal; the Naughty Dog logo appears on screen. Footage shows Chloe being sent back in time by a mystical artefact, and teaming up with swarthy young Victor ‘Godamn’ Sullivan to find a path back to the present. It’s the greatest ever combination of videogame characters, and the four solid minutes of quality arse jokes has the audience experiencing nirvana.
  • Todd Howard takes the stage. Armed Bethesda goons file down the aisles, blindfolding everyone from an accredited media source. “The public gets to experience this trailer first!” he declares menacingly. Dramatic orchestral music accompanies a sweeping montage of stunning landscapes. A voiceover mentions ‘prophecy’, ‘unfinished business’ and ‘coming home’. The landscape shows giant tree-sized mushrooms, as a character—jankily animated—walks to a precipice and surveys all before him. Oh sh*t, it’s the Nerevarine! We’re going back to Morrowind! A lady wearing a shirt that reads ‘My other car is a Silt Strider’ grabs at her heart as her pupils widen to the size of saucepans. Her mind breaks free of the shackles of linear space and time. She is everywhere and nowhere; she is simultaneously on Mars building a castle of sand and in the Anaheim Convention Centre foaming at the mouth and voiding her bowels.
  • The theatre is filled with the deafening roar of a harrier jump jet. Is a new COD about to be announced? Will we finally see Ace Combat footage? Is NATO putting a stop to the conference? No, someone has powered on a PS4 Pro as Cerny takes the stage. Yelling over the PS4 Pro’s fans Cerny talks about the power of the Scorpio, about how it leaves the Pro in the dust. The audience shifts in their seats nervously, this unexpected mea culpa catching them off guard. Cerny apologises for failing PlayStation gamers, and bows as he declares “we’re so sorry”. A second passes that feels like a lifetime, before Cerny raises his eyes and flashes his Grinch’s grin. “….or are we?” A giant switch emerges from the stage which Cerny enthusiastically pulls, sending lightning bolts flying out of the theatre and across the globe. “All PS4 Pros have now had their true power unlocked. 120 FPS, 8k resolution, 6.0GHz, 95 terabyte SSD Hardrive, and a whisper quiet fan!” A man watching the stream at home has expelled so much energy through hype that he needs to fry up some eggs to replenish enough calories to watch the rest of the stream. He plates up the eggs and reaches for the salt, but the shaker is empty. The salt is gone, as all of the world’s salt is now in Redmond Washington.
  • Back at the theatre ‘Secret Agent man’ plays over the PA as Phil Harrison emerges from behind the curtain. He’s replacing Adam Boyes as head of Publisher and Developer Relations, and has a special treat for PlayStation fans. A trailer begins to play of a sun-drenched neon city. The music, the clothes, the style; they’re all more out of date than Nintendo Switch 3rd party support. A cigar boat races into view being driven by Tommy Vercetti. Holy Hell, it’s GTA Vice City 2! Exclusive to PS4 and available for download right now!
  • Phil shows off footage of Mass Effect Andromeder, Destiny 2, For Honour and Red Dead Redemption, all of which are now PS4 exclusive, and all available for download RIGHT NOW!
  • The stage begins to shake violently from hype tremors. Engineers attempt to download a stability update, but using the PSN it has an ETA of 17 hours. The show presses on without it.
  • A circle of flames appears on stage, slowly widening to reveal a portal to another dimension. A cloak-wrapped being steps through the portal onto the stage. Stunned silence grips the theatre before the figure throws off their cloak and greets the audience; Oh snap; it’s Shuhei time. Yoshida starts off proceedings with blistering footage of a new Wipeout game, so fast that only players with precognition will be able to master cornering. Every single audience member gasps in unison, filling their lungs and completely emptying the room of breathable air. As they exhale and release a mass of carbon dioxide, oxygen masks descend from the ceiling and the theatre’s pilot turns on the seatbelt sign. Strap yourselves in folks; sh*t just got real.
  • Shuhei mentions a game very close to his heart, with the Last Guardian’s symbol displaying on screen. The audience is hyperventilating at the prospect of another delay. “I understand your frustration with the various delays to this game, but we had very good reasons. I can confirm that The Last Guardian will indeed release on Tuesday the 6th of December 2016” Shuhei declares proudly to the delight and screams of the crowd. “And I’m pleased to announce that the Last Guardian 2 will release one day later on Wednesday the 7th of December 2016”. Three people in the front row die instantly. Later autopsies will suggest that all three died of massive heroin overdoses, with investigators baffled by the complete lack of injection marks or any trace of heroin in the bloodstream.
  • Shuhei shows of new footage of Horizon, Days Gone, Detroit, GT Sport and God of War. Kevin Feige joins Shuhei to talk about the upcoming Spiderman movie. They show some impressive clips from the film tha-…….hang on…….no, they couldn’t have….oh my GLOB it’s in-game footage of Insomniac’s Spiderman game! Indistinguishable from actual film footage, the game is smooth as silk and a visual tour de force, and it’s available for download RIGHT NOW! The audience’s pants tingle with spidey senses, and large swaths of men and women prematurely fire off their web shooters so to speak.
  • A marching band plays Hail to the Chief as President-elect Donald Trump takes the stage. “I have a confession to make to you PlayStation Nation” he begins amid a hail of boos, “I have not been entirely honest with you”. He dramatically tears off his orange mask to reveal a grinning Kaz Hirai. The boos instantly transform into shrill screams of joy. “Let’s make gaming great again! Forget the Playstation Nation, it’s time for us to create Planet PlayStation!”
  • Around the world heads of state tear off their masks to reveal that they too are Kaz Hirai. The members of the audience follow suit, as do the viewers at home; we are all Kaz, and Kaz is us. There is no more division, no left or right, no gender, no sexuality, no race, no religion. There is no hatred; there is only love; only Kaz.
  • Kaz addresses the other Kazes present. “Before you leave to embark upon this glorious new world order, we have one last announcement to make!” Someone in the audience screams out "oh God, here it comes; Devil May Cry 5!!!" Kaz scoffs, tells them to stop being utterly ridiculous, before tearing off his mask to reveal he was Gaben all along! Half Life 3 is PS4 exclusive, VR compatible and available for download RIGHT NOW!
The first post on Neogaf after the show derails the thread by whining about the ludo-narrative-dissonance of having Logan bantering before undertaking a mission to kill people.
 
J

Javin98

Banned
Hey, man, I'm a big fan of these way over the top "predictions" with massive overreactions from the audiences, but this post kinda feels poorly phrased and just doesn't make much sense with how impossibly unrealistic some of the statements are. The best ones are usually those that are meant to be overly ridiculous from the start, but at least still remain somewhat believable. Not to take away from your time and effort, though, you clearly spent a lot of time on it.
 
L

lolosgolos

Banned
Drac84 said:
Whelp, 2016 has been a bit of a sh*tshow, but I think there’ll be a couple of pleasant surprises at PSX to help end the year on a positive. Here are my predictions:

World Governments are on high alert. The previous PSX showcases in 2014 and 2015 caused the net population of the world to halve, with ‘PlayStation Hype’ accounting for more deaths than Spanish Flu, both World Wars and pre-strap Wii-motes combined.

NATO, the Russian Federation and the People’s Republic of China have all scrambled jets. The WHO has stockpiled anti-hype syringes, and America is frantically building a wall encasing Anaheim to prevent any hype from illegally entering the rest of the country.

The lights dim in the theatre and humanity once more plunges itself onto the brink of hype-induced cataclysm.


  • Shawn Layden walks onto the stage wearing a Jet Motto shirt, the absolute madman. An audience member’s face melts like he’s just seen the arc of the covenant. Some people just can’t handle hype.
  • “Welcome PlayStation Nation!” Shawn beams to rapturous applause. We’ve a lot of great announcements lined up for you, so let’s get this party started.
  • The SCEA logo appears on screen, before cutting to a photo-realistic establishing shot of Prague. The detail as the camera pans down busy city streets is phenomenal. There is some radio chatter as a woman and a gruff man banter, she laying into him about being too old to be back out in the field, he joking that he’s been doing this since before she was born. The camera focuses in on a van. “Okay, target in sight” says the woman as the van’s rear doors open and a man emerges. “Are you sure you’re ready for this Gabe?” she asks as Logan turns to face the camera. “Let’s find out Lian” he says, cocking his gun as the Syphon Filter logo appears on screen.
  • The audience screams in disbelief, but there’s no time to dwell on this amazing reveal; the Naught Dog logo appears on screen. Footage shows Chloe being sent back in time by a mystical artefact, and teaming up with swarthy young Victor ‘Godamn’ Sullivan to find a path back to the present. It’s the greatest ever combination of videogame characters, and the four solid minutes of quality arse jokes has the audience experiencing nirvana.
  • Todd Howard takes the stage. Armed Bethesda goons file down the aisles, blindfolding everyone from an accredited media source. “The public gets to experience this trailer first!” he declares menacingly. Dramatic orchestral music accompanies a sweeping montage of stunning landscapes. A voiceover mentions ‘prophecy’, ‘unfinished business’ and ‘coming home’. The landscape shows giant tree-sized mushrooms, as a character—jankily animated—walks to a precipice and surveys all before him. Oh sh*t, it’s the Nerevarine! We’re going back to Morrowind! A lady wearing a shirt that reads ‘My other car is a Silt Strider’ grabs at her heart as her pupils widen to the size of saucepans. Her mind breaks free of the shackles of linear space and time. She is everywhere and nowhere; she is simultaneously on Mars building a castle of sand and in the Anaheim Convention Centre foaming at the mouth and voiding her bowels.
  • The theatre is filled with the deafening roar of a harrier jump jet. Is a new COD about to be announced? Will we finally see Ace Combat footage? Is NATO putting a stop to the conference? No, someone has powered on a PS4 Pro as Cerny takes the stage. Yelling over the PS4 Pro’s fans Cerny talks about the power of the Scorpio, about how it leaves the Pro in the dust. The audience shifts in their seats nervously, this unexpected mea culpa catching them off guard. Cerny apologises for failing PlayStation gamers, and bows as he declares “we’re so sorry”. A second passes that feels like a lifetime, before Cerny raises his eyes and flashes his Grinch’s grin. “….or are we?” A giant switch emerges from the stage which Cerny enthusiastically pulls, sending lightning bolts flying out of the theatre and across the globe. “All PS4 Pros have now had their true power unlocked. 120 FPS, 8k resolution, 6.0GHz, 95 terabyte SSD Hardrive, and a whisper quiet fan!” A man watching the stream at home has expelled so much energy through hype that he needs to fry up some eggs to replenish enough calories to watch the rest of the stream. As he plates up the eggs he reaches for the salt, but the shaker is empty. The salt is gone, as all of the world’s salt is now in Redmond Washington.
  • Back at the theatre ‘Secret Agent man’ plays over the PA as Phil Harrison emerges from behind the curtain. He’s replacing Adam Boyes as head of Publisher and Developer Relations, and has a special treat for PlayStation fans. A trailer begins to play of a sun-drenched neon city. The music, the clothes, the style; they’re all more out of date than Nintendo Switch 3rd party support. A cigar boat races into view being driven by Tommy Vercetti. Holy Hell, it’s GTA Vice City 2! Exclusive to PS4 and available for download right now!
  • Phil shows off footage of Mass Effect Andromeder, Destiny 2, For Honour and Red Dead Redemption, all of which are now PS4 exclusive, and all available for download RIGHT NOW!
  • The stage begins to shake violently from hype tremors. Engineers attempt to download a stability update, but using the PSN it has an ETA of 17 hours. The show presses on without it.
  • A circle of flames appears on stage, slowly widening to reveal a portal to another dimension. A cloak-wrapped being steps through the portal onto the stage. Stunned silence grips the theatre before the figure throws off their cloak and greets the audience; Oh snap; it’s Shuhei time. Yoshida starts off proceedings with blistering footage of a new Wipeout game, so fast that only players with precognition will be able to master cornering. Every single audience member gasps in unison, filling their lungs and completely emptying the room of breathable air. As they exhale and release a mass of carbon dioxide, oxygen masks descend from the ceiling and the theatre’s pilot turns on the seatbelt sign. Strap yourselves in folks; sh*t just got real.
  • Shuhei mentions a game very close to his heart, with the Last Guardian’s symbol displaying on screen. The audience is hyperventilating at the prospect of another delay. “I understand your frustration with the various delays to this game, but we had very good reasons. I can confirm that The Last Guardian will indeed release on Tuesday the 6th of December 2016” Shuhei declares proudly to the delight and screams of the crowd. “And I’m pleased to announce that the Last Guardian 2 will release one day later on Wednesday the 7th of December 2016”. Three people in the front row die instantly. Later autopsies will suggest that all three died of massive heroin overdoses, with investigators baffled by the complete lack of injection marks or any trace of heroin in the bloodstream.
  • Shuhei shows of new footage of Horizon, Days Gone, Detroit, GT Sport and God of War. Kevin Feige joins Shuhei to talk about the upcoming Spiderman movie. They show some impressive clips from the film tha-…….hang on…….no, they couldn’t have….oh my GLOB it’s in-game footage of Insomniac’s Spiderman game! Indistinguishable from actual film footage, the game is smooth as silk and a visual tour de force, and it’s available for download RIGHT NOW! The audience’s pants tingle with spidey senses, and large swaths of men and women prematurely fire off their web shooters so to speak.
  • A marching band plays Hail to the Chief as President-elect Donald Trump takes the stage. “I have a confession to make to you PlayStation Nation” he begins amid a hail of boos, “I have not been entirely honest with you”. He dramatically tears off his orange mask to reveal a grinning Kaz Hirai. The boos instantly transform into shrill screams of joy. “Let’s make gaming great again! Forget the Playstation Nation, it’s time for us to create Planet PlayStation!”
  • Around the world heads of state tear off their masks to reveal that they too are Kaz Hirai. The members of the audience follow suit, as do the viewers at home; we are all Kaz, and Kaz is us. There is no more division, no left or right, no gender, no sexuality, no race, no religion. There is no hatred; there is only love; only Kaz.
  • Kaz addresses the other Kazes present. “Before you leave to embark upon this glorious new world order, we have one last announcement to make!” Kaz tears off his mask to reveal he was Gaben all along! Half Life 3 is PS4 exlusive, VR compatible and available for download RIGHT NOW!
The first post on Neogaf after the show derails the thread by whining about the ludo-narrative-dissonance of having Logan bantering before undertaking a mission to kill people.
Click to expand...

Lol excellent
 
PLASTICA-MAN

PLASTICA-MAN

Member
I know that Cory said he will attend PSX but won't show any trailer or material But I really hope they will surprise us and show sth, even a little teaser.
 
F

FelipeMGM

Member
Drac84 said:
Whelp, 2016 has been a bit of a sh*tshow, but I think there’ll be a couple of pleasant surprises at PSX to help end the year on a positive. Here are my predictions:

World Governments are on high alert. The previous PSX showcases in 2014 and 2015 caused the net population of the world to halve, with ‘PlayStation Hype’ accounting for more deaths than Spanish Flu, both World Wars and pre-strap Wii-motes combined.

NATO, the Russian Federation and the People’s Republic of China have all scrambled jets. The WHO has stockpiled anti-hype syringes, and America is frantically building a wall encasing Anaheim to prevent any hype from illegally entering the rest of the country.

The lights dim in the theatre and humanity once more plunges itself onto the brink of hype-induced cataclysm.


  • Shawn Layden walks onto the stage wearing a Jet Motto shirt, the absolute madman. An audience member’s face melts like he’s just seen the arc of the covenant. Some people just can’t handle hype.
  • “Welcome PlayStation Nation!” Shawn beams to rapturous applause. We’ve a lot of great announcements lined up for you, so let’s get this party started.
  • The SCEA logo appears on screen, before cutting to a photo-realistic establishing shot of Prague. The detail as the camera pans down busy city streets is phenomenal. There is some radio chatter as a woman and a gruff man banter, she laying into him about being too old to be back out in the field, he joking that he’s been doing this since before she was born. The camera focuses in on a van. “Okay, target in sight” says the woman as the van’s rear doors open and a man emerges. “Are you sure you’re ready for this Gabe?” she asks as Logan turns to face the camera. “Let’s find out Lian” he says, cocking his gun as the Syphon Filter logo appears on screen.
  • The audience screams in disbelief, but there’s no time to dwell on this amazing reveal; the Naught Dog logo appears on screen. Footage shows Chloe being sent back in time by a mystical artefact, and teaming up with swarthy young Victor ‘Godamn’ Sullivan to find a path back to the present. It’s the greatest ever combination of videogame characters, and the four solid minutes of quality arse jokes has the audience experiencing nirvana.
  • Todd Howard takes the stage. Armed Bethesda goons file down the aisles, blindfolding everyone from an accredited media source. “The public gets to experience this trailer first!” he declares menacingly. Dramatic orchestral music accompanies a sweeping montage of stunning landscapes. A voiceover mentions ‘prophecy’, ‘unfinished business’ and ‘coming home’. The landscape shows giant tree-sized mushrooms, as a character—jankily animated—walks to a precipice and surveys all before him. Oh sh*t, it’s the Nerevarine! We’re going back to Morrowind! A lady wearing a shirt that reads ‘My other car is a Silt Strider’ grabs at her heart as her pupils widen to the size of saucepans. Her mind breaks free of the shackles of linear space and time. She is everywhere and nowhere; she is simultaneously on Mars building a castle of sand and in the Anaheim Convention Centre foaming at the mouth and voiding her bowels.
  • The theatre is filled with the deafening roar of a harrier jump jet. Is a new COD about to be announced? Will we finally see Ace Combat footage? Is NATO putting a stop to the conference? No, someone has powered on a PS4 Pro as Cerny takes the stage. Yelling over the PS4 Pro’s fans Cerny talks about the power of the Scorpio, about how it leaves the Pro in the dust. The audience shifts in their seats nervously, this unexpected mea culpa catching them off guard. Cerny apologises for failing PlayStation gamers, and bows as he declares “we’re so sorry”. A second passes that feels like a lifetime, before Cerny raises his eyes and flashes his Grinch’s grin. “….or are we?” A giant switch emerges from the stage which Cerny enthusiastically pulls, sending lightning bolts flying out of the theatre and across the globe. “All PS4 Pros have now had their true power unlocked. 120 FPS, 8k resolution, 6.0GHz, 95 terabyte SSD Hardrive, and a whisper quiet fan!” A man watching the stream at home has expelled so much energy through hype that he needs to fry up some eggs to replenish enough calories to watch the rest of the stream. As he plates up the eggs he reaches for the salt, but the shaker is empty. The salt is gone, as all of the world’s salt is now in Redmond Washington.
  • Back at the theatre ‘Secret Agent man’ plays over the PA as Phil Harrison emerges from behind the curtain. He’s replacing Adam Boyes as head of Publisher and Developer Relations, and has a special treat for PlayStation fans. A trailer begins to play of a sun-drenched neon city. The music, the clothes, the style; they’re all more out of date than Nintendo Switch 3rd party support. A cigar boat races into view being driven by Tommy Vercetti. Holy Hell, it’s GTA Vice City 2! Exclusive to PS4 and available for download right now!
  • Phil shows off footage of Mass Effect Andromeder, Destiny 2, For Honour and Red Dead Redemption, all of which are now PS4 exclusive, and all available for download RIGHT NOW!
  • The stage begins to shake violently from hype tremors. Engineers attempt to download a stability update, but using the PSN it has an ETA of 17 hours. The show presses on without it.
  • A circle of flames appears on stage, slowly widening to reveal a portal to another dimension. A cloak-wrapped being steps through the portal onto the stage. Stunned silence grips the theatre before the figure throws off their cloak and greets the audience; Oh snap; it’s Shuhei time. Yoshida starts off proceedings with blistering footage of a new Wipeout game, so fast that only players with precognition will be able to master cornering. Every single audience member gasps in unison, filling their lungs and completely emptying the room of breathable air. As they exhale and release a mass of carbon dioxide, oxygen masks descend from the ceiling and the theatre’s pilot turns on the seatbelt sign. Strap yourselves in folks; sh*t just got real.
  • Shuhei mentions a game very close to his heart, with the Last Guardian’s symbol displaying on screen. The audience is hyperventilating at the prospect of another delay. “I understand your frustration with the various delays to this game, but we had very good reasons. I can confirm that The Last Guardian will indeed release on Tuesday the 6th of December 2016” Shuhei declares proudly to the delight and screams of the crowd. “And I’m pleased to announce that the Last Guardian 2 will release one day later on Wednesday the 7th of December 2016”. Three people in the front row die instantly. Later autopsies will suggest that all three died of massive heroin overdoses, with investigators baffled by the complete lack of injection marks or any trace of heroin in the bloodstream.
  • Shuhei shows of new footage of Horizon, Days Gone, Detroit, GT Sport and God of War. Kevin Feige joins Shuhei to talk about the upcoming Spiderman movie. They show some impressive clips from the film tha-…….hang on…….no, they couldn’t have….oh my GLOB it’s in-game footage of Insomniac’s Spiderman game! Indistinguishable from actual film footage, the game is smooth as silk and a visual tour de force, and it’s available for download RIGHT NOW! The audience’s pants tingle with spidey senses, and large swaths of men and women prematurely fire off their web shooters so to speak.
  • A marching band plays Hail to the Chief as President-elect Donald Trump takes the stage. “I have a confession to make to you PlayStation Nation” he begins amid a hail of boos, “I have not been entirely honest with you”. He dramatically tears off his orange mask to reveal a grinning Kaz Hirai. The boos instantly transform into shrill screams of joy. “Let’s make gaming great again! Forget the Playstation Nation, it’s time for us to create Planet PlayStation!”
  • Around the world heads of state tear off their masks to reveal that they too are Kaz Hirai. The members of the audience follow suit, as do the viewers at home; we are all Kaz, and Kaz is us. There is no more division, no left or right, no gender, no sexuality, no race, no religion. There is no hatred; there is only love; only Kaz.
  • Kaz addresses the other Kazes present. “Before you leave to embark upon this glorious new world order, we have one last announcement to make!” Kaz tears off his mask to reveal he was Gaben all along! Half Life 3 is PS4 exlusive, VR compatible and available for download RIGHT NOW!
The first post on Neogaf after the show derails the thread by whining about the ludo-narrative-dissonance of having Logan bantering before undertaking a mission to kill people.
Click to expand...

lol, worth the read for sure

Its not SCEA anymore tho
 
S

sora87

Member
Drac84 said:
A marching band plays Hail to the Chief as President-elect Donald Trump takes the stage. “I have a confession to make to you PlayStation Nation” he begins amid a hail of boos, “I have not been entirely honest with you”. He dramatically tears off his orange mask to reveal a grinning Kaz Hirai. The boos instantly transform into shrill screams of joy. “Let’s make gaming great again! Forget the Playstation Nation, it’s time for us to create Planet PlayStation!”

Around the world heads of state tear off their masks to reveal that they too are Kaz Hirai. The members of the audience follow suit, as do the viewers at home; we are all Kaz, and Kaz is us.
Click to expand...

I think Sony are missing a trick not handing out Kaz masks at PSX tbh.
 
S

Son Of Sparda

Member
Drac84 said:
Whelp, 2016 has been a bit of a sh*tshow, but I think there’ll be a couple of pleasant surprises at PSX to help end the year on a positive. Here are my predictions:

World Governments are on high alert. The previous PSX showcases in 2014 and 2015 caused the net population of the world to halve, with ‘PlayStation Hype’ accounting for more deaths than Spanish Flu, both World Wars and pre-strap Wii-motes combined.

NATO, the Russian Federation and the People’s Republic of China have all scrambled jets. The WHO has stockpiled anti-hype syringes, and America is frantically building a wall encasing Anaheim to prevent any hype from illegally entering the rest of the country.

The lights dim in the theatre and humanity once more plunges itself onto the brink of hype-induced cataclysm.


  • Shawn Layden walks onto the stage wearing a Jet Motto shirt, the absolute madman. An audience member’s face melts like he’s just seen the arc of the covenant. Some people just can’t handle hype.
  • “Welcome PlayStation Nation!” Shawn beams to rapturous applause. We’ve a lot of great announcements lined up for you, so let’s get this party started.
  • The SCEA logo appears on screen, before cutting to a photo-realistic establishing shot of Prague. The detail as the camera pans down busy city streets is phenomenal. There is some radio chatter as a woman and a gruff man banter, she laying into him about being too old to be back out in the field, he joking that he’s been doing this since before she was born. The camera focuses in on a van. “Okay, target in sight” says the woman as the van’s rear doors open and a man emerges. “Are you sure you’re ready for this Gabe?” she asks as Logan turns to face the camera. “Let’s find out Lian” he says, cocking his gun as the Syphon Filter logo appears on screen.
  • The audience screams in disbelief, but there’s no time to dwell on this amazing reveal; the Naught Dog logo appears on screen. Footage shows Chloe being sent back in time by a mystical artefact, and teaming up with swarthy young Victor ‘Godamn’ Sullivan to find a path back to the present. It’s the greatest ever combination of videogame characters, and the four solid minutes of quality arse jokes has the audience experiencing nirvana.
  • Todd Howard takes the stage. Armed Bethesda goons file down the aisles, blindfolding everyone from an accredited media source. “The public gets to experience this trailer first!” he declares menacingly. Dramatic orchestral music accompanies a sweeping montage of stunning landscapes. A voiceover mentions ‘prophecy’, ‘unfinished business’ and ‘coming home’. The landscape shows giant tree-sized mushrooms, as a character—jankily animated—walks to a precipice and surveys all before him. Oh sh*t, it’s the Nerevarine! We’re going back to Morrowind! A lady wearing a shirt that reads ‘My other car is a Silt Strider’ grabs at her heart as her pupils widen to the size of saucepans. Her mind breaks free of the shackles of linear space and time. She is everywhere and nowhere; she is simultaneously on Mars building a castle of sand and in the Anaheim Convention Centre foaming at the mouth and voiding her bowels.
  • The theatre is filled with the deafening roar of a harrier jump jet. Is a new COD about to be announced? Will we finally see Ace Combat footage? Is NATO putting a stop to the conference? No, someone has powered on a PS4 Pro as Cerny takes the stage. Yelling over the PS4 Pro’s fans Cerny talks about the power of the Scorpio, about how it leaves the Pro in the dust. The audience shifts in their seats nervously, this unexpected mea culpa catching them off guard. Cerny apologises for failing PlayStation gamers, and bows as he declares “we’re so sorry”. A second passes that feels like a lifetime, before Cerny raises his eyes and flashes his Grinch’s grin. “….or are we?” A giant switch emerges from the stage which Cerny enthusiastically pulls, sending lightning bolts flying out of the theatre and across the globe. “All PS4 Pros have now had their true power unlocked. 120 FPS, 8k resolution, 6.0GHz, 95 terabyte SSD Hardrive, and a whisper quiet fan!” A man watching the stream at home has expelled so much energy through hype that he needs to fry up some eggs to replenish enough calories to watch the rest of the stream. As he plates up the eggs he reaches for the salt, but the shaker is empty. The salt is gone, as all of the world’s salt is now in Redmond Washington.
  • Back at the theatre ‘Secret Agent man’ plays over the PA as Phil Harrison emerges from behind the curtain. He’s replacing Adam Boyes as head of Publisher and Developer Relations, and has a special treat for PlayStation fans. A trailer begins to play of a sun-drenched neon city. The music, the clothes, the style; they’re all more out of date than Nintendo Switch 3rd party support. A cigar boat races into view being driven by Tommy Vercetti. Holy Hell, it’s GTA Vice City 2! Exclusive to PS4 and available for download right now!
  • Phil shows off footage of Mass Effect Andromeder, Destiny 2, For Honour and Red Dead Redemption, all of which are now PS4 exclusive, and all available for download RIGHT NOW!
  • The stage begins to shake violently from hype tremors. Engineers attempt to download a stability update, but using the PSN it has an ETA of 17 hours. The show presses on without it.
  • A circle of flames appears on stage, slowly widening to reveal a portal to another dimension. A cloak-wrapped being steps through the portal onto the stage. Stunned silence grips the theatre before the figure throws off their cloak and greets the audience; Oh snap; it’s Shuhei time. Yoshida starts off proceedings with blistering footage of a new Wipeout game, so fast that only players with precognition will be able to master cornering. Every single audience member gasps in unison, filling their lungs and completely emptying the room of breathable air. As they exhale and release a mass of carbon dioxide, oxygen masks descend from the ceiling and the theatre’s pilot turns on the seatbelt sign. Strap yourselves in folks; sh*t just got real.
  • Shuhei mentions a game very close to his heart, with the Last Guardian’s symbol displaying on screen. The audience is hyperventilating at the prospect of another delay. “I understand your frustration with the various delays to this game, but we had very good reasons. I can confirm that The Last Guardian will indeed release on Tuesday the 6th of December 2016” Shuhei declares proudly to the delight and screams of the crowd. “And I’m pleased to announce that the Last Guardian 2 will release one day later on Wednesday the 7th of December 2016”. Three people in the front row die instantly. Later autopsies will suggest that all three died of massive heroin overdoses, with investigators baffled by the complete lack of injection marks or any trace of heroin in the bloodstream.
  • Shuhei shows of new footage of Horizon, Days Gone, Detroit, GT Sport and God of War. Kevin Feige joins Shuhei to talk about the upcoming Spiderman movie. They show some impressive clips from the film tha-…….hang on…….no, they couldn’t have….oh my GLOB it’s in-game footage of Insomniac’s Spiderman game! Indistinguishable from actual film footage, the game is smooth as silk and a visual tour de force, and it’s available for download RIGHT NOW! The audience’s pants tingle with spidey senses, and large swaths of men and women prematurely fire off their web shooters so to speak.
  • A marching band plays Hail to the Chief as President-elect Donald Trump takes the stage. “I have a confession to make to you PlayStation Nation” he begins amid a hail of boos, “I have not been entirely honest with you”. He dramatically tears off his orange mask to reveal a grinning Kaz Hirai. The boos instantly transform into shrill screams of joy. “Let’s make gaming great again! Forget the Playstation Nation, it’s time for us to create Planet PlayStation!”
  • Around the world heads of state tear off their masks to reveal that they too are Kaz Hirai. The members of the audience follow suit, as do the viewers at home; we are all Kaz, and Kaz is us. There is no more division, no left or right, no gender, no sexuality, no race, no religion. There is no hatred; there is only love; only Kaz.
  • Kaz addresses the other Kazes present. “Before you leave to embark upon this glorious new world order, we have one last announcement to make!” Kaz tears off his mask to reveal he was Gaben all along! Half Life 3 is PS4 exlusive, VR compatible and available for download RIGHT NOW!
The first post on Neogaf after the show derails the thread by whining about the ludo-narrative-dissonance of having Logan bantering before undertaking a mission to kill people.
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LMAO.

Man your posts get more ridiculous each year and I absolutely love it. The fact that you completely ignored DMC5 is another thing that makes this so damn funny. Even in dream worlds we can't get DMC5 lol
 
V

Valkerionseven

Member
Starts too early in the morning for me. Will be either dead asleep or drinking still when this is starting lol. Will watch the replay soon as I wake up sunday... or maybe try and stream it at my friends bar.
 
D

darkslayer101

Member
Drac84 said:
Kaz addresses the other Kazes present. “Before you leave to embark upon this glorious new world order, we have one last announcement to make!” Someone in the audience screams out "oh God, here it comes; Devil May Cry 5!!!" Kaz scoffs, tells them to stop being utterly ridiculous, before tearing off his mask to reveal he was Gaben all along! Half Life 3 is PS4 exclusive, VR compatible and available for download RIGHT NOW!
Click to expand...
#dead
 
S

Spine_Ripper

Member
Drac84 said:
The theatre is filled with the deafening roar of a harrier jump jet. Is a new COD about to be announced? Will we finally see Ace Combat footage? Is NATO putting a stop to the conference? No, someone has powered on a PS4 Pro as Cerny takes the stage.
Click to expand...

Fucking tears. I love your hype prediction posts. You never disappoint.
 
L

LastMinuteHero

Member
Son Of Sparda said:
LMAO.

Man your posts get more ridiculous each year and I absolutely love it. The fact that you completely ignored DMC5 is another thing that makes this so damn funny. Even in dream worlds we can't get DMC5 lol
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See even in fantasy land dmc is dead

Drac84 said:
Good point. Prediction updated.
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Goddamnit dude stick to your guns! Also been reading your yearly psx hype post since the first one, really enjoy your posts.
 
T

Tonky

Member
Alright so I understand I may be alone in this sentiment but I feel like a new Horizon trailer is unnecessary, and its time slot should rather be allotted to a game we haven't seen as much of. Between the two incredible E3 gameplay demonstrations, stunning PS4 Pro gameplay, excellent GI cover, and various hands-on impressions, I believe those interested in the game have seen enough to determine whether it's for them. I understand it's a huge new franchise for Sony, but anything more would be heading into "over-exposure" territory which is killer for a game like this. All we need is a launch trailer and we're good to go. Instead, I'd like to see more of a game that we haven't heard as much about.
 
F

FelipeMGM

Member
Tonky said:
Alright so I understand I may be alone in this sentiment but I feel like a new Horizon trailer is unnecessary, and its time slot should rather be allotted to a game we haven't seen as much of. Between the two incredible E3 gameplay demonstrations, stunning PS4 Pro gameplay, excellent GI cover, and various hands-on impressions, I believe those interested in the game have seen enough to determine whether it's for them. I understand it's a huge new franchise for Sony, but anything more would be heading into "over-exposure" territory which is killer for a game like this. All we need is a launch trailer and we're good to go. Instead, I'd like to see more of a game that we haven't heard as much about.
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Its prob gonna be a more tradional trailer, 2-3min and thats it. And my guess is that its more story focused, since thats something we just know the basics

PSX keynote is not really restricted in how many or how long the time slots are. They can do whatever they want, its not taking the place of anything really I guess
 
Z

zeromcd73

Member
I really want DMC5, but have honestly given up at this point. I don't believe Capcom currently is making it or will. Unless they of course get first party funding.
 
S

Son Of Sparda

Member
LastMinuteHero said:
With the news that I got that ps4pro will be delayed to January 2017 in my country and the possibility that horizon will get delayed again(therefore screwing withmy semester break plans), I just need someone to be miserable with :D
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*sigh*
Okay, man. I mean we've already waited for almost a decade for DMC5 so I'm sure we can wait another year. So bring on Horizon's fall 2018 delay and no DMC5 announcement, PSX.
 
L

LastMinuteHero

Member
Son Of Sparda said:
*sigh*
Okay, man. I mean we've already waited for almost a decade for DMC5 so I'm sure we can wait another year. So bring the Horizon's fall 2018 delay and no DMC5 announcement, PSX.
Click to expand...
Now we're talking! XD

But seriously it's been a decade since dmc4? Damn i feel old

In all seriousness, there has to be a reason for the tease? at the end of dmc4 remastered? So yeah I'm hoping dmc5 gets announced at psx. (figure e3 would be considered too "niche" for it)
 
S

Son Of Sparda

Member
LastMinuteHero said:
Now we're talking! XD

But seriously it's been a decade since dmc4? Damn i feel old
Click to expand...
It'll be the ninth year anniversary this January. Man, we've been waiting for this game for so damn long.

LastMinuteHero said:
In all seriousness, there has to be a reason for the tease? at the end of dmc4 remastered? So yeah I'm hoping dmc5 gets announced at psx. (figure e3 would be considered too "niche" for it)
Click to expand...
That's what I thought last year. Right now, I don't know what to believe in anymore.
 
L

LastMinuteHero

Member
Son Of Sparda said:
It'll be the ninth year anniversary this January. Man, we've been waiting for this game for so damn long.


That's what I thought last year. Right now, I don't know what to believe in anymore.
Click to expand...
We really need a character action game soon. Souls games make a nice pseudo-action but they're more to the slow and methodical spectrum.(though I have to say that gamaninja/frogboss from the latest nioh preview look rad af)
 
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