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Dating Age |OT$6| Just ask her out already

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Dating-GAF,

If majority of the time when you meet up with your other half (in person) doing whatever activities, and the conversation is mainly about your other half venting about work (90%) - what would you do if you were me?
Steer the conversation towards something she likes. No, don't bother trying it with something you like.

Hey guys im 26 and a girl im dating is 19, turning 20 new few months. Do you guys feel thats weird? I dont know the way she talks etc doesnt seem like 19 to me but Im afraid people around us will say its weird, too big of a gap however I often read about couples who are like 8 or 20 years apart.

What do you guys think? (We live in Europe)
If you're more concerned with how other people view you than with how you two gel together, it's going to be a problem eventually.
 

Kyne

Member
Hey guys im 26 and a girl im dating is 19, turning 20 new few months. Do you guys feel thats weird? I dont know the way she talks etc doesnt seem like 19 to me but Im afraid people around us will say its weird, too big of a gap however I often read about couples who are like 8 or 20 years apart.

What do you guys think? (We live in Europe)

in 10 years if you're still together do you think you'll have this problem when she's 29 and your 36?
 

Liquid_015

Gold Member
Steer the conversation towards something she likes. No, don't bother trying it with something you like.

I would try to steer the conversation in other directions. If the other person doesn't take the hint it shows that they are pretty inconsiderate.

How long have you been in a relationship with this person? If it's been a long time, you should feel comfortable bringing it up.

Yeah I've tried numerous times, but as always it will go back to work. And yet, when I ask why or what's wrong she will fail to disclose unless I push/force it out of her. And even then, it's very on the surface details. I would say about a month, but I can guarantee it will only get worse with time. Although she makes time over the weekend, and occasionally on the weekdays to get lunch and etc, I still believe I'm just an "accessory" to her as work is clearly her priority.

GAF, am I being unreasonable?
 
This is me reading your post: :mad: But, your takeaway was the correct one, so hooray "I guess."
Also, the appropriate recovery was "I just need to make more time for it. What do you recommend?"

I did ask that later on, unfortunately it was all pretty boys baking cakes or swimming lmao. All good though, asking her out would've been a mistake.
 
Yeah I've tried numerous times, but as always it will go back to work. And yet, when I ask why or what's wrong she will fail to disclose unless I push/force it out of her. And even then, it's very on the surface details. I would say about a month, but I can guarantee it will only get worse with time. Although she makes time over the weekend, and occasionally on the weekdays to get lunch and etc, I still believe I'm just an "accessory" to her as work is clearly her priority.

GAF, am I being unreasonable?
Nah. I'm with Wolfetone. She's being inconsiderate. If you haven't done so, try telling her outright that you enjoy her company a lot more when she's not complaining about her job and talking about stuff she likes. Use a more sympathetic, less confrontational tone. Give her a little bit of time, maybe 2 or 3 more meetups?, to course-correct. After that, though? Call it.

I did ask that later on, unfortunately it was all pretty boys baking cakes or swimming lmao. All good though, asking her out would've been a mistake.
Wait, is there some sort of pretty boys baking/swimming anime I'm missing out on? Why, yes, I've already seen Ouran High School Host Club, thanks for asking.
 

Peltz

Member
Hey guys im 26 and a girl im dating is 19, turning 20 new few months. Do you guys feel thats weird? I dont know the way she talks etc doesnt seem like 19 to me but Im afraid people around us will say its weird, too big of a gap however I often read about couples who are like 8 or 20 years apart.

What do you guys think? (We live in Europe)

Sounds like you're living most dude's fantasy. I don't see an issue if you're feeling it.

Yeah I've tried numerous times, but as always it will go back to work. And yet, when I ask why or what's wrong she will fail to disclose unless I push/force it out of her. And even then, it's very on the surface details. I would say about a month, but I can guarantee it will only get worse with time. Although she makes time over the weekend, and occasionally on the weekdays to get lunch and etc, I still believe I'm just an "accessory" to her as work is clearly her priority.

GAF, am I being unreasonable?

It's not about being reasonable/unreasonable. It's about whether this relationship is working for you. Can you guys communicate openly about stuff that is important to both of you on a regular basis? If the answer isn't a resounding "yes" then it's a "fuck no" and not a true match.

Relationships sometimes entail doing things you don't want to do. Hearing your partner vent about work certainly may be one of them. But it's another thing if that subject dominates your conversations and her entire world. That isn't someone who is in a proper mental state to forge a new connection with someone such as yourself.

1 month isn't very long, so you may want to wait and see if she can pull herself out of this funk. But if she's bitching about work for weeks on end, it's possible that this is just who she is. And if that's the case, you can either accept her for who she is, or move on.
 
Hey guys im 26 and a girl im dating is 19, turning 20 new few months. Do you guys feel thats weird? I dont know the way she talks etc doesnt seem like 19 to me but Im afraid people around us will say its weird, too big of a gap however I often read about couples who are like 8 or 20 years apart.

What do you guys think? (We live in Europe)

Its not weird at all and your overthinking it. When I was 21 I was dating a girl who was 17. In England nobody said anything. We went on vacation together to the USA, nobody said anything there either. My wife is ten years younger than me, its fine if you are happy. Stop overthinking things. You like her, she likes you. Thats it.
 
Dating-GAF,

If majority of the time when you meet up with your other half (in person) doing whatever activities, and the conversation is mainly about your other half venting about work (90%) - what would you do if you were me?

Are these dates or just meetups in restaurants or bars? Gove her somthing else to think about, take her on activity dates so you guys can talk about that instead. She's talking about work because theres nothing else in her life to talk about. Help her change that.
 

Liquid_015

Gold Member
It's not about being reasonable/unreasonable. It's about whether this relationship is working for you. Can you guys communicate openly about stuff that is important to both of you on a regular basis? If the answer isn't a resounding "yes" then it's a "fuck no" and not a true match.

Relationships sometimes entail doing things you don't want to do. Hearing your partner vent about work certainly may be one of them. But it's another thing if that subject dominates your conversations and her entire world. That isn't someone who is in a proper mental state to forge a new connection with someone such as yourself.

1 month isn't very long, so you may want to wait and see if she can pull herself out of this funk. But if she's bitching about work for weeks on end, it's possible that this is just who she is. And if that's the case, you can either accept her for who she is, or move on.

To be honest, I'm usually not that open but I've been trying on my end to be more open. With that said, I don't think I'm asking a lot for her to do the same. The only thing that's important to her is work, as for me work isn't that high of a priority. I suppose you're right, maybe she's not looking for anything at this point and I should cut my losses before things go any further. I'm just tired of always trying to distract her, and even if I'm successful at it - it's only temporary before she reverts back to her work state. I can confirm with absolute confidence that going forward that she will remain the same, and nothing will change in fact would be far worse. Thanks for listening and allowing me to vent.


Are these dates or just meetups in restaurants or bars? Gove her somthing else to think about, take her on activity dates so you guys can talk about that instead. She's talking about work because theres nothing else in her life to talk about. Help her change that.

Oh we go on dates and yeah that's what I've been doing. I tell her everything is ok, everything will be ok, take it slow, I let her know that she can share with me (still not sharing), I tell her how can I help (and all she tells me is as long as you're here or by her side), I try to show her a different perspective (and etc). You're right, there's nothing else except work in her world. I told her there's more things to life than work such as friends, family, me, and hobbies (oh wait her response would be "no time").

What the fuck am I doing wrong? How come it's like this?
 

Peltz

Member
What the fuck am I doing wrong? How come it's like this?

Honestly, you're just dating the wrong girl. That's all. Don't blame yourself.

There's not much you can do to change someone you're dating and you shouldn't try. Dating is more about accepting someone for who they are and not for who you hope they will be. That's why it's so important for the connection to be natural and for you to have overlapping values/lifestyles before coming together to start dating.

You need less of a work-a-holic. And she probably would be better with someone who is 100% career-only focused (and equally obnoxious to her from the sound of it).
 
Oh we go on dates and yeah that's what I've been doing. I tell her everything is ok, everything will be ok, take it slow, I let her know that she can share with me (still not sharing), I tell her how can I help (and all she tells me is as long as you're here or by her side), I try to show her a different perspective (and etc). You're right, there's nothing else except work in her world. I told her there's more things to life than work such as friends, family, me, and hobbies (oh wait her response would be "no time").

What the fuck am I doing wrong? How come it's like this?

She sounds like one of those people who just like to complain about everything and act like a martyer without doing anything to change or improve the situation. You can only be supportive for so long with people like that until you realise they are just not listening to you and you're enabling that behaviour by being supportive. You might need to consider cutting your losses with her and find someone more positive in your life. At least hat will give her something else for her to complain about to the other people around her!
 
Oh we go on dates and yeah that's what I've been doing. I tell her everything is ok, everything will be ok, take it slow, I let her know that she can share with me (still not sharing), I tell her how can I help (and all she tells me is as long as you're here or by her side), I try to show her a different perspective (and etc). You're right, there's nothing else except work in her world. I told her there's more things to life than work such as friends, family, me, and hobbies (oh wait her response would be "no time").

What the fuck am I doing wrong? How come it's like this?

Some people use that work thing as a way to hide anxiety or something. How does she act when you're on dates and what kind of stuff do you all do? What's her friends situation like?

And maybe I missed it but what does she do? I mean is it something that is reasonably demanding enough after hours to be associated with being a workaholic?
 

gaiages

Banned
Liquid, it just seems the two of you mismatch on a fundamental level. Nothing wrong with that, but it's about time to cut your losses and move on.
 
Why not just say "Do you want to go on a date to the dodgers game?". If she wants to go out she won't flip at The mention of the word date.
Yeah, when people reply "it's a date", that doesn't necessarily mean "date." It's just an expression. Again, why fuck around when you can just be straightforward?
I walked past an anime DVD poster a couple months ago with a cute German girl I was meeting and she asked if I watched anime.

Me: "Oh, not very often at all"

Her: "Aww, well that's a shame, I watch it like... most nights to be honest haha"

:| Fuck. Couldn't really change my answer after that.

.
Meh, just say "Actually, I lied, because most people would look down on someone who is into anime! I like this, that, and another series - how about you?"
I love how you then believe she's undateable because she likes a different kind of anime than you.

Yeah. She does have a busy job (finance stuff and she travels a lot) and needs to see her friends too, I understand that, but the fact is that things can never really develop if it continues like this.

If the other girl does actually want to get serious at one point I'm going to go ahead and cut this one off without much thought.
Rich girl sounds like such a drag.

Dating-GAF,

If majority of the time when you meet up with your other half (in person) doing whatever activities, and the conversation is mainly about your other half venting about work (90%) - what would you do if you were me?

One month and she's your "other half"? Sounds like you don't even like her all that much.
 
Whats with girls on Tinder that if I dont respond for a bit they unmatch? Like I'll say Im going to bed soon and they respond like an hour later when I'm sleeping then when I get home from work the next day I see the match is gone. Happened like 3 times now. Lol oh well.

A few months ago a really cute girl moved in across the hall from me. I see her at the pub downstairs sometimes and we always say hi and she seems really friendly and she is damn cute as hell. Think I'm going to ask her out for a pint downstairs next time I see her. Ive been wanting to for a while now but all that drama with the ex has hindered me. I just went downstairs to get some pizza and she was standing out there looking fine and we said hi. I think its time.

I know it could be a bit awkward that we live right beside each other but IDGAF. I'm guna ask her anyway.

I woulda even asked her tonight but I was in my jammies and need a hair cut and beard trim.
 
Been sending lame as fuck messages and cheesy pickup lines on tinder today and girls are eating it right up.

Beats sending a meaningful message from looking at their pics and bios.
 
I love how you then believe she's undateable because she likes a different kind of anime than you.

I never said that at all. When I said "all good though", I mean I don't care about what I could have said or should have said or whatever and wanted to divert the flow of conversation, because dating her wouldn't have been a good idea for a myriad of other reasons. Please ask for clarification before portraying me in a poor light, I don't feel that any of my previous posts here insinuate that I would act that way :/

Been sending lame as fuck messages and cheesy pickup lines on tinder today and girls are eating it right up.

Beats sending a meaningful message from looking at their pics and bios.

Whatever gets replies I guess ¯_(ツ)_/¯ I also noticed that making puns and using cheesy crap gets replies in messaging and social situations, even if they're "that pun hurt my soul".

Honestly a few girls I know have said that any message that's not "hey" "hi" "sup?" On Tinder is already higher quality than the majority of messages they receive, sans "wanna dick pic?"
 
I never said that at all. When I said "all good though", I mean I don't care about what I could have said or should have said or whatever and wanted to divert the flow of conversation, because dating her wouldn't have been a good idea for a myriad of other reasons. Please ask for clarification before portraying me in a poor light, I don't feel that any of my previous posts here insinuate that I would act that way :/
Sorry bro. If you haven't noticed, I'm kind of an asshole.

Whats with girls on Tinder that if I dont respond for a bit they unmatch? Like I'll say Im going to bed soon and they respond like an hour later when I'm sleeping then when I get home from work the next day I see the match is gone. Happened like 3 times now. Lol oh well.

A few months ago a really cute girl moved in across the hall from me. I see her at the pub downstairs sometimes and we always say hi and she seems really friendly and she is damn cute as hell. Think I'm going to ask her out for a pint downstairs next time I see her. Ive been wanting to for a while now but all that drama with the ex has hindered me. I just went downstairs to get some pizza and she was standing out there looking fine and we said hi. I think its time.

I know it could be a bit awkward that we live right beside each other but IDGAF. I'm guna ask her anyway.

I woulda even asked her tonight but I was in my jammies and need a hair cut and beard trim.
Seems like a possible disaster - I'd be afraid of breaking up and then living right across the hall from her forever. Plus if you want to date other people at the same time, that really makes things difficult.
 
Be assertive and direct about what you want. Never hesitate when approaching a girl. Make strong eye contact when speaking to her. Maintain proper decorum but don't feel the need to be overly polite or complimentary - hot girls can sense a bullshitter better than anyone. Take pride in your appearance. Treat everyone around you with respect. Be ready to walk away from someone respectfully when rejected.

And again, be honest. Honesty is 100% what every girl is looking for more than anything. That means being real with her no matter the context. If she asks "why do you want my number?" it means you answer truthfully "because I think you're hot and it would be cool to go on a date with you" (if that is in fact the way you feel). Being sexy basically means not giving a fuck if you get rejected. It means cutting through the bullshit and just being true to yourself and not needing to put on a show to get a girl.

Hear hear. I met a fine young woman recently and got chatting. Gorgeous, smart and incredibly polite so I asked her on a date. She said she had a boyfriend (which she actually does), but thanked me for asking. I've seen her a few mornings since then and its all waves, hellos, how are you and just very friendly. Gone back to Uni now so I'll likely not see her again - but I'm glad I made the move.

I think being up front and honest, even if it leads to rejection, can leave a girl having much more respect for you. Think how many guys think and wonder about asking that hot girl and never do, compared the to the guy who actually goes all in with sincerity and honesty... who is she going to remember more. And if you get rejected? That's okay. You took a step lots of men are too anxious to do, and that should be a boost to your confidence.
 
I like this mentality. I'll try to remember it next time I'm feeling nervous and plan to ask someone out haha

I say it as one of those anxious guys (I suffer a lot from anxiety anyway), but doing this made me feel so much better about myself. I'm sure I read somewhere that beautiful women don't get asked out as much as we think they do. So when someone has the confidence to be honest and vulnerable with them about what they want, they respect that. (Don't quote me on this, I could be bullshitting, but I'm certain I read it).
 

artsi

Member
I remember I was anxious the first times I asked a girl out but that's one thing that gets easier every time.
 
A few months ago a really cute girl moved in across the hall from me.

That's' way too close or be living near you, I'd put that in the same category as dating someone you work with. Too much risk mate, if it goes wrong you're stuck with each other until one of you moves out. She might just be friendly becuse you're a neighbour. Having a girlfriend living that close takes away your safe space.
 

Peltz

Member
Hear hear. I met a fine young woman recently and got chatting. Gorgeous, smart and incredibly polite so I asked her on a date. She said she had a boyfriend (which she actually does), but thanked me for asking. I've seen her a few mornings since then and its all waves, hellos, how are you and just very friendly. Gone back to Uni now so I'll likely not see her again - but I'm glad I made the move.

I think being up front and honest, even if it leads to rejection, can leave a girl having much more respect for you. Think how many guys think and wonder about asking that hot girl and never do, compared the to the guy who actually goes all in with sincerity and honesty... who is she going to remember more. And if you get rejected? That's okay. You took a step lots of men are too anxious to do, and that should be a boost to your confidence.

Fuck yea, man! Good job.
 
Hey guys im 26 and a girl im dating is 19, turning 20 new few months. Do you guys feel thats weird? I dont know the way she talks etc doesnt seem like 19 to me but Im afraid people around us will say its weird, too big of a gap however I often read about couples who are like 8 or 20 years apart.

What do you guys think? (We live in Europe)

Who gives a shit what other people think. Have fun.
 
Did we already talk about tinder having who has swiped on you next week.

Comedy show date on last friday.
Quick drinky date on Sunday.
Beach and booty call on Monday
Great Drink date on Wednesday
Sushi Date on friday coming up

Date with a girl i met in a bar on monday on Saturday. Im looking forward to that one. Actually i look forward to all my dates. Otherwise fuck it, why even go.
 
Did we already talk about tinder having who has swiped on you next week.

Comedy show date on last friday.
Quick drinky date on Sunday.
Beach and booty call on Monday
Great Drink date on Wednesday
Sushi Date on friday coming up

Date with a girl i met in a bar on monday on Saturday. Im looking forward to that one. Actually i look forward to all my dates. Otherwise fuck it, why even go.
Are these all first dates?
 

Raptomex

Member
Did we already talk about tinder having who has swiped on you next week.

Comedy show date on last friday.
Quick drinky date on Sunday.
Beach and booty call on Monday
Great Drink date on Wednesday
Sushi Date on friday coming up

Date with a girl i met in a bar on monday on Saturday. Im looking forward to that one. Actually i look forward to all my dates. Otherwise fuck it, why even go.

Are these all first dates?
If so, he would make a good wingman.
 

artsi

Member
When you haven't jacked off for days to be in top shape tonight for some all night action, and the girl messages you that her period started.

tenor.gif
 

gaiages

Banned
When you haven't jacked off for days to be in top shape tonight for some all night action, and the girl messages you that her period started.

tenor.gif

I seriously wish the menstruation cycle didn't exist. Before I went on birth control to regulate it, sudden periods would ruin many of plans ._. Shit sucks.
 

artsi

Member
So.. blowie time? Backdoor time? Shower sex time?

Where there's a will, there's a way.

At this point I think that an accidental touch in that general area will do the trick, lol.

But it's cool, we're going to spend the evening eating junk food and watching the most crappy horror movies we can find.
 
When you haven't jacked off for days to be in top shape tonight for some all night action, and the girl messages you that her period started.

tenor.gif

There's an app available to avoid exactly this situation. I found it very useful when dating multiple women to avoid those dates when they should have known there was nothing going to happen but you don't find out until the last minute. I knew before they did and scheduled around it.
 

Neoweee

Member
Bumble has been dumb and worthless. Most matches just never even start the chat. Come on? What are these people doing?

People have mentioned the # of bots/fakes/models that are front-loaded in the queue. It's true, and can tell with high-accuracy when somebody will have already swiped right on me based on them being a normal looking person in the sea of models that are "Program Managers" somewhere, whatever the fuck that means.

EDIT: 2 of 3 matches in the first 20 profiles of the day were the "obvious" ones. Pretty sure two more in there had already liked me, too.

Did we already talk about tinder having who has swiped on you next week.

Comedy show date on last friday.
Quick drinky date on Sunday.
Beach and booty call on Monday
Great Drink date on Wednesday
Sushi Date on friday coming up

Date with a girl i met in a bar on monday on Saturday. Im looking forward to that one. Actually i look forward to all my dates. Otherwise fuck it, why even go.

I I feel like I don't have that type of loaded schedule in me, but I should build up more of a tolerance and be more willing and relaxed when it comes to overloading my schedule. If it is with one or two people that are part of your life, then sure, it's easy. But if each one is with a different person, from a different neighborhood, with a different schedule, and different interests, it ends up becoming a logistical challenge.

There was a point last summer where I used a Kanban app to keep track of chats and scheduling. I'm very quickly reaching that point again. I have like... 3 in flight? 4? And trying to fit it around some family obligations/events/classes? Shit.
 

gaiages

Banned
There's an app available to avoid exactly this situation. I found it very useful when dating multiple women to avoid those dates when they should have known there was nothing going to happen but you don't find out until the last minute. I knew before they did and scheduled around it.

That's... hm. Something about that feels off-putting.

But, even then, not everyone's cycle is super predictable.

Were getting there team. Getting pretty close.

Oh geez you're going to live post this aren't you :p
 
Guys I bought flowers for the first time in all my years of dating. I'm just dropping them off to her today because I got some other matters to attend to.

Should I get a vase and give it like that or just hand the flowers. I know handing them is what people traditionally do but figured a vase might be more pleasant
 
Guys I bought flowers for the first time in all my years of dating. I'm just dropping them off to her today because I got some other matters to attend to.

Should I get a vase and give it like that or just hand the flowers. I know handing them is what people traditionally do but figured a vase might be more pleasant

Flowers are fine, no need to over do it.
 
That's... hm. Something about that feels off-putting.

But, even then, not everyone's cycle is super predictable.

That will probably be because something that a woman traditionally had to manage and schedule, technology has allowed a man to expect that schedule in advance if he has the foresight to use it.
 
So this girl I've liked forever finally had the conversation of just being friends which I was weirdly okay with, and then she proceeded to hook me up with her friend who I had a great night with. No complaints. Still talking to an older woman I met at a bar last week too, so I'm feeling pretty okay right now.
 
So this girl I've liked forever finally had the conversation of just being friends which I was weirdly okay with, and then she proceeded to hook me up with her friend who I had a great night with. No complaints. Still talking to an older woman I met at a bar last week too, so I'm feeling pretty okay right now.

If you liked her forever, should have asked her out already.
 
If you liked her forever, should have asked her out already.

I'm cool with being friends. Besides when we started talking again she had just gotten out of an abusive relationship and I wasn't prepared to deal with any of that. Over it and been having decent luck on my own. Going out with her friends tonight so should be fun.
 
Sorry bro. If you haven't noticed, I'm kind of an asshole.


Seems like a possible disaster - I'd be afraid of breaking up and then living right across the hall from her forever. Plus if you want to date other people at the same time, that really makes things difficult.

That's' way too close or be living near you, I'd put that in the same category as dating someone you work with. Too much risk mate, if it goes wrong you're stuck with each other until one of you moves out. She might just be friendly becuse you're a neighbour. Having a girlfriend living that close takes away your safe space.
Maybe FWB then? If it comes down to it I can just rat her out for having a cat because there are no pets allowed in the building. She'll move. 😛

I did date a girl who lived across the hall from me once. It was actually kind of awesome. She did move before we broke up though and yeah that could have been a disaster.

I tend to make bad decisions a lot in my life so I'm still guna ask her for a pint. Having a booty call across the hall could be nice. Or we could just be friends. I'll just ask her for a pint and see where it goes. Go in with no expectations. Just have a pint and a chat and get to know her. She is really pretty and in all the months she has lived there I have only ever seen her at the pub with another girl so she might not even be into guys.
 

Raptomex

Member
There's an app available to avoid exactly this situation. I found it very useful when dating multiple women to avoid those dates when they should have known there was nothing going to happen but you don't find out until the last minute. I knew before they did and scheduled around it.

That will probably be because something that a woman traditionally had to manage and schedule, technology has allowed a man to expect that schedule in advance if he has the foresight to use it.
So it's an app that keeps track of a woman's cycles? What if something happens in the interim throwing off the schedule?
 
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