I’ve played the Ireland tutorial three times and my dumb ass still doesn’t get it
Same. One run it all just finally started to come together for me. I would say the biggest impediment is getting out of the "Civilization/4X" mindset. You're essentially playing multiple "games" where you will inevitably get a game over, but will be able to continue the save as someone else. Accepting that it is entirely possible that all your current ruler is going to be able to do is build a few castles and not tank the economy was the first step I got into starting to think of this as a generational game. That and turning off Iron Man, lowering the difficulty to below Normal, and save scumming the hell out of things until I understand why pulling on Lever X caused Gear Y to turn.
There are still things I don't fully understand about the game (like how titles and the lines of succession explicitly work under certain governments), but enough to be able to figure out on my own now why things are working the way I want them to, and how to fix them.
. . .that said, I did watch some videos.
This one in particular is good as it is an advanced player, playing the tutorial and not only explaining what you should be doing, but WHY you should be doing them (things like making sure your ruler
always has the maximum number of holdings, constantly asking the Pope for money, cause Pope's be dying and resetting that Opinion of you, always having the maximum number of Knights, even if the Knights you get are shit, etc.). They've also got a series on "Save My Game" that's just as informative, and fun to see what long term (like 300 game years) planning can get you. . .and how fast it can all come apart.