soundahfekz
Member
Only try to get laid if you're strong enough not to get sucked in by the power of the pussy. Hit it once or twice, then GTFO.
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Dating-Age |OT3| Positivity, Confidence, and Not Being a "Nice" Guy
- Thread starter soultron
- Start date
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Only try to get laid if you're strong enough not to get sucked in by the power of the pussy. Hit it once or twice, then GTFO.
Time to change subscriptions then! 
The last thread lasted 14 months and that's basically the same amount of time I have left in basic education. This past 1,5 year have truly and utterly changed my life completely a few times over actually. I hope it'll happen again a few more times. That's the plan at least.
The last thread lasted 14 months and that's basically the same amount of time I have left in basic education. This past 1,5 year have truly and utterly changed my life completely a few times over actually. I hope it'll happen again a few more times. That's the plan at least.RelentlessRolento
Member
onto more success stories!
Haha, nice edit.
Omegasquash
Member
Oh, how true this is, especially since her fuck buddy is a known player. Ain't no wrapper gonna take care of that mess.
Great date yesterday. we had a picnic at this park, my girl brought some food, and we pretty much got naked on the ground and mauled each other (still no intercourse, she's a virgin). she texted me last night saying she couldn't stop thinking about me. Things are going pretty good even though I thought everything was over last week.
Gonna make dinner for her next week, and it will be glorious.
Gonna make dinner for her next week, and it will be glorious.
Run. Or bang her, then run. Why did you say you would date her knowing her volatile history, when in reality you want to bail the fuck out? She is some dude's bangpiece, and she secretly wants it to be something else, but that didn't make you GTFO out?
On second thought, don't bang her. Her man might be packing something fierce.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
You call your penis "her?"
Glad to see this thread didn't get put into Community.
Someone was asking me at the end of last thread when I got back. Well, last year. Though I'm afraid there is not much else I can say. At least, nothing that anyone would want to hear, since we're trying to build success stories now.
Someone was asking me at the end of last thread when I got back. Well, last year. Though I'm afraid there is not much else I can say. At least, nothing that anyone would want to hear, since we're trying to build success stories now.
Great to see a new thread up, the last one was great!
Figured i might "contribute" somewhat to this one. Had a good long conversation a few days ago with my best friend that left me feeling like a dysfunctional human being after she revealed to me why she would get sick of me from time to time. Eye opening stuff that made me rethink my insecurities that I didn't think I had and left me with a new approach to interacting with other people. Fixing yourself first as the thread so often suggests.
That said received some interest from a girl I thought would be way out of my league when I went to a bar with some friends so that felt great. Didn't really know how to act though so I don't know if I made my own interest clear. Hopefully we will meet again this weekend through some friends we have in common so I can try to make something happen.
Hoping to see more success stories!
Figured i might "contribute" somewhat to this one. Had a good long conversation a few days ago with my best friend that left me feeling like a dysfunctional human being after she revealed to me why she would get sick of me from time to time. Eye opening stuff that made me rethink my insecurities that I didn't think I had and left me with a new approach to interacting with other people. Fixing yourself first as the thread so often suggests.
That said received some interest from a girl I thought would be way out of my league when I went to a bar with some friends so that felt great. Didn't really know how to act though so I don't know if I made my own interest clear. Hopefully we will meet again this weekend through some friends we have in common so I can try to make something happen.
Hoping to see more success stories!
The Elite
BOSS
I find it's often a bad idea to solicit advice/information from female friends about flaws that you may have. I'd rather just not hear that shit and focus on my strengths. If something is glaringly bad, then I can understand but I don't want someone to nitpick me about things that really don't make a damn bit of difference in the long run.
Good luck with this girl you've met.
You know I've realized something. I'm fine around women, I can go up to them, joke around, act pretty normal around them but I can't think of a single fucking think to talk about in an actual conversation. And that turns into dreadful small talk which I hate. Going up to a girl? Easy. Chatting about interesting stuff beyond small talk? Hard as fuck. Maybe I should try a dating site at least then the first contact is via PM's or chat and you can pick out stuff to chat about "Oh, you like traveling? Where have you been?" ect. But like at work or a bar? I got jack shit and it's annoying.
ConradCervantes
Banned
One of my co-workers met her husband through a dating website, and by sheer coincidence the husband was a friend of my older brother from way back, so I already knew the dude was good people. She's been trying to get me to go the same route, telling me that drunken hookups will only get me so far.
I don't know, I consider myself pretty old-fashioned, and I enjoy getting to know people in person rather than typing a biography. But I know the main pro of a dating website is being able to get the dumb trivial info out of the way so people can chill and enjoy themselves on dates.
Hmm. Very split on this at the moment.
Edit: and I'm sorry to hear about your situation, Danielsan. I can't tell you how many times I've been there. Don't even bother hitting it, just drop her slag ass and bail.
I don't know, I consider myself pretty old-fashioned, and I enjoy getting to know people in person rather than typing a biography. But I know the main pro of a dating website is being able to get the dumb trivial info out of the way so people can chill and enjoy themselves on dates.
Hmm. Very split on this at the moment.
Edit: and I'm sorry to hear about your situation, Danielsan. I can't tell you how many times I've been there. Don't even bother hitting it, just drop her slag ass and bail.
ConradCervantes
Banned
Good man. Shit sucks, and you're probably feeling bitter, but it won't do you well to dwell, so just focus on the road ahead.
Hahahaha this made me laugh out loud!
Anyway, Valentine is coming up and we're going to Sweden, I'm excited.
did you talk to her, or are you ignoring her?
Boozeroony
Member
What's her number?
edit: I've had 5 dates with a girl, slept with her each of those occasions. Now a very hot ex-girlfriend texted me to come over to watch 'a movie'. I do not think the former girl will evolve into something serious. It is called cheating nonetheless, right?
Ehh I actually flipped at something I interpreted the wrong way and said my entire piece as a result. So I kinda fucked up on that account. But I also feel somewhat relieved. Her final response was "You certainly fight for what you want... I know enough". Pretty definite talk right there. She's pissed as fuck.
It's not technically cheating since you're not exclusive/in a relationship with this girl. Still, it's a bad look for you and she will be upset if she finds out.
Think about what we'd tell you if the roles were reversed, "Man, I just found out that this girl I'm seeing just slept with her ex over the weekend!" We'd all tell you to bail.
You need to decide what you want to do. I'd end whatever it is you have with this girl if you have any sort of respect for her. Especially since you don't think it's going anywhere.
Also, don't sleep with your Ex unless you know for sure that you won't regret it after you've blown your load.
Drealmcc0y
Banned
OK guys as others have said, before you can think about getting a girl you have to sort yourself out.
Ive made big progress compared to 4 months ago, of which I am very proud. The problem is, ive made so much progress that I cant really keep myself satisfied.
Ive taken up several hobbies, but two of them(Tennis and Badminton) only really involve ages 40+. I am 21.
I need to get more contact with people my age, but im not really sure what thats gonna be.
Ive made big progress compared to 4 months ago, of which I am very proud. The problem is, ive made so much progress that I cant really keep myself satisfied.
Ive taken up several hobbies, but two of them(Tennis and Badminton) only really involve ages 40+. I am 21.
I need to get more contact with people my age, but im not really sure what thats gonna be.
I would say "Stop making female friends when it's obvious that you have motives other than friendship." That's always transparent. It makes you look like a puppy dog. And it's insulting to the female in that it's obvious that you're not really interested in the friendship.
Well shit. Just ended up in a long winded convo with the girl in question. She certainly was none too pleased. Sadly she also made some extremely valid points about me. Most of all pointing out my fear of taking risks, making mistakes and taking on challenges. Ooh well. I at least made one mistake tonight, so that's progress by that account right? :lol
I do have to thank her for that reality check though. Taking more risks and stop being so damn afraid to fail will be my primary goal this year.
I do have to thank her for that reality check though. Taking more risks and stop being so damn afraid to fail will be my primary goal this year.
As long as you note the errors as valid. and make something about them... yes it should be progress
Boozeroony
Member
I'm going to bail on the girl I've been seeing past weeks. She is not my type anyway. Gonna meet with her before friday to discuss this. Me and my ex just agreed to meet friday evening.
Funny coincidence: Both girls live within a 200m radius ( in Amsterdam), but do not know each other.
Take notice, man up and move on.
Not all risks are worth taking though. Sure, it's not always obvious what the consequences are, but there's also exceptions. The opposite of being afraid of taking risks isn't being a risk taker who don't weigh his options. That'd be equally stupid and pointless. I'd say if you feel you made the right choice here, good for you
Don't beat yourself over the head with it, just take it with you and learn from it, just like you say you will from now on.....
In summation here are my questions:
1. How do you maintain an interaction with a person after you've started it?
2. Conversely, how do you appear interested or open to others so that they know its okay to talk to you?
Thanks for your time. I wish everyone who comes in here for advice the best of luck.
First off, welcome. It's always good to see some new faces in here. I'm having a hard time meeting friends too and I'm in college. Honestly man, I don't see why you have a hard time meeting new people considering the fact that you're in several clubs yourself, you do work-study and you're in the gym which is fantastic. If you know at least a couple of friends that you hang with at your clubs, then have them introduce you to people.
I know what it's like though because I only have one friend that I know after transferring to a senior college and having been there for a year. It doesn't help that I have social anxiety and anticipatory fear which keeps me from going to clubs.
That said, to answer your questions, in my experience (and I'm still learning), you just talk around random stuff; show interest in the other person. The easiest things to talk about especially within school is stuff like their what that person's major(s) is, what classes are they taking, general interests, etc. If it's a chick that you've been wanting to talking to that's in your class, you say "Hey, what did you get on your paper?" or stuff like that. Don't talk too much about yourself (everyone has a habit of doing that, myself included) or else you're gonna come off as egotistical.
As for showing interest or appearing to be open to people, honestly life doesn't work that way. You have to go out and talk to the person. Personally, on the street, I typically get approached by tourists who ask for directions. I suppose it's because I don't look intimidating. Again, keep the questions open, not just one-sided yes or no answers, elaborate more on something that catches your interest e.g. Dude says he likes making video games, ask him what types of games he makes or with a woman, if she says she's been to say Ecuador, ask her what it was like. If you feel like the people are cool and want stay in contact with them, then go for it.
Conversation comes naturally, especially if a person or the people are interested in you and you like the company. According to this book that I once read, if there's an awkward silence, then the person who breaks the silence breaks it because he or she feels insecure.
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OT3 is nice and simple Soultron, so props to you. -PXG-'s was incredibly detailed so props to him as well. You totally nailed it with the confidence stuff; I have confidence issues myself; it's something I'm gonna keep working on.
I would suggest that you add meeting GAF members to the list too because after all meeting GAFers who live in the same area as you is a great way to make new friends. Also, you could add the Lady GAF advises Man GAF thread as an alternative/supplementary thread if you want to. I'm looking forward to seeing some new faces here as well as old ones, so bring on the successes, the failures, the problems, and the lessons. I saw a ton of people grow in the last thread including Mr.Paer and myself so here's to more of that. I like to think we're all kind of like cheerleaders to each other.
Boozeroony
Member
Chloroform.
Quite a bit to respond to here. Thank for all the responses guys.
Being open is something I've always struggled with because I worry that no one really cares if I'm upset or not. However, I'll work on that because it is important.
As for not making female friends, that should be too hard. I don't go out of my way to make any. Usually, I get to know them by proxy of my other friends.
All good stuff here. I usually forget the little body language things (my eye contact really needs work). And the bolded is easily my biggest stumbling block. I just never stop thinking. lol
I've been at my job for roughly three years and doing the club thing for about two, and yeah. Usually, I find I'm more comfortable talking to someone the longer I've known them. Perhaps this is where the "standoffish" criticism stems from: I get so nervous around new people that I appear closed off and unapproachable.Couple of things. Objectively take a look back at where you were six months ago, and compare to now. If you made progress...great. Let that be an ego boost. Don't expect any changes to happen overnight, but be proud of everything you DID accomplish.
Some questions: How long have you been at the place where you work/clubs? Do you usually find you become more relaxed/more open the longer you've been somewhere? Do you find you have an easier time talking to some people then to others?
Sounds like you're making great progress. Just give it some time
Last summer, I kept a journal where I would write down my thoughts and record my progress on my various goals. I haven't written in it in a while, so I'll probably pick it back up.
Being open is something I've always struggled with because I worry that no one really cares if I'm upset or not. However, I'll work on that because it is important.
Ironically, it's my male friends that are giving me the bad advice. lol The aforementioned "being too nice" is one of their favorites, for example. I rarely go to my female friends for advice because it's often just as bad or even worst like you said. Not including family, I have maybe 2 people I can go to for effective advice, mainly because they're the only two who attempt to see things from my perspective. Well, 2 people and Gaf. lol
As for not making female friends, that should be too hard. I don't go out of my way to make any. Usually, I get to know them by proxy of my other friends.
SpectreFire
Member
There's a cute girl sitting at a table across from me in my class. How do I talk to her?
The class is more of a tutorial layout with all the tables facing the front instead of a lecture hall.
The class is more of a tutorial layout with all the tables facing the front instead of a lecture hall.
CherryWoodFuton
Member
"Hi" or "Hello". It shouldn't be that complicated.
Hypereides
Member
Well I have some shame to admit.
I wrote a message to Flakey girl.
Pretty much just tried to even out the power levels.
The message went some like this:
"Hey. We pretty much got on each others bad/wrong side last time. We both got drunk. I was pretty irritated, lost my temper, and got kinda infuriated because I had a very bad week. We'll just figure out something some time, when you'll be back in the city. Next time, make sure you send me a text earlier, I didnt notice your message till some hours late. But I figured you had a good evening anyway." - translation from danish in a kinda relaxed not really caring about her-way.
Its kind of an apology without being one at the same time. More sorta implied that errors were made on both ends.
She responded:
"I must admit I got pretty sick and tired of xxxx (city). So I probably wont be back in the city till I begin at the University". (She starts her first semester in february)
Since Im 27 and shes 19, I have to demonstrate I could take a shot without actually feeling it. Take leadership and responsibility.
I kinda took control on this one. Lets see how she acts on it. The ball is in her court.
There will be no contact from me to her, from now on. Going under the radar.
I wrote a message to Flakey girl.
Pretty much just tried to even out the power levels.
The message went some like this:
"Hey. We pretty much got on each others bad/wrong side last time. We both got drunk. I was pretty irritated, lost my temper, and got kinda infuriated because I had a very bad week. We'll just figure out something some time, when you'll be back in the city. Next time, make sure you send me a text earlier, I didnt notice your message till some hours late. But I figured you had a good evening anyway." - translation from danish in a kinda relaxed not really caring about her-way.
Its kind of an apology without being one at the same time. More sorta implied that errors were made on both ends.
She responded:
"I must admit I got pretty sick and tired of xxxx (city). So I probably wont be back in the city till I begin at the University". (She starts her first semester in february)
Since Im 27 and shes 19, I have to demonstrate I could take a shot without actually feeling it. Take leadership and responsibility.
I kinda took control on this one. Lets see how she acts on it. The ball is in her court.
There will be no contact from me to her, from now on. Going under the radar.
SpectreFire
Member
Well, I can't do it in class, because I don't sit next to her, which is my biggest problem right now. If I sat beside her, it'd be easy.
EDIT: All her history knowledge is weirdly turning me on.
"How about this weather, aye?"
No, I'm not joking. A mate of mine uses that as an opener ALL the time, and it almost always works. A conversation about anything is better than no conversation at all.
Here's a better idea. After class, ask her did she get the lecture notes from the previous class, make some comment or joke about the teacher, bid her adieu, and then next time you see her you can launch into a full conversation.
CherryWoodFuton
Member
Or do that.
TheVampire
Banned
Is it creepy that quite often I'm thinking that all I want to do with my first GF that I've been seeing for about a month and a half is just kiss and touch her all over.
(Im sure we'll get to the sex later as we both still live at home with the family)
(Im sure we'll get to the sex later as we both still live at home with the family)
canadian crowe
Member
Not at all. I wouldn't expect you to think any other way.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
Guys, remember to follow the D.E.N.N.I.S. system:
Demonstrate value
Engage physically
Nurture dependence
Neglect emotionally
Inspire hope
Separate entirely
Demonstrate value
Engage physically
Nurture dependence
Neglect emotionally
Inspire hope
Separate entirely
Hypereides
Member
I have somewhat of a dilemma. The girl I've been dating is going to hang out with my friends (although, I'm not sure yet, she jokingly said: "What if your friends don't like me?") Anyways, how the fuck do I introduce her to my friends? I was just going to say, This is (insert name) rather than say this is (insert name), my girlfriend/friend.
Jason's Ultimatum
Member
Your friends don't know you have a GF? Da fuck?
Hypereides
Member
Uh. Uhm. I dont know.... or maybe simply just introduce her?
Threenote: This is X meet my good friend/acquaintance/homie/broseph/broskin/brother-in-arms/bro/brony Y (while holding around her waist or rest your arm around her shoulder)
Oh right, was gonna ask a question when the new thread popped up.
Ok, been out of the dating game for a while, and just had a good first date with a cool girl. Went out to the pub for drinks--good conversation, she was laughing a lot, we hit it off pretty well. Walked her to her car, and just before I would've gone for a goodnight kiss, she hit me with a preemptive hug. Bad sign? I'm pretty bad at telling if girls are into me or not, but she seemed like she was having a great time. Maybe I'm just overthinking things.
Also, what's a good general way to deal with a preemptive hug? There wasn't really a moment I could've tried to kiss her beforehand, and then after it felt like it was too late.
Ok, been out of the dating game for a while, and just had a good first date with a cool girl. Went out to the pub for drinks--good conversation, she was laughing a lot, we hit it off pretty well. Walked her to her car, and just before I would've gone for a goodnight kiss, she hit me with a preemptive hug. Bad sign? I'm pretty bad at telling if girls are into me or not, but she seemed like she was having a great time. Maybe I'm just overthinking things.
Also, what's a good general way to deal with a preemptive hug? There wasn't really a moment I could've tried to kiss her beforehand, and then after it felt like it was too late.
Hypereides
Member
Oh right, was gonna ask a question when the new thread popped up.
Ok, been out of the dating game for a while, and just had a good first date with a cool girl. Went out to the pub for drinks--good conversation, she was laughing a lot, we hit it off pretty well. Walked her to her car, and just before I would've gone for a goodnight kiss, she hit me with a preemptive hug. Bad sign? I'm pretty bad at telling if girls are into me or not, but she seemed like she was having a great time. Maybe I'm just overthinking things.
Also, what's a good general way to deal with a preemptive hug? There wasn't really a moment I could've tried to kiss her beforehand, and then after it felt like it was too late.
Maybe you shouldve been more playful and asked her if thats all you get for good behaviour. And settled for a kiss on the cheek. Its at least always better than a hug.
Oh right, was gonna ask a question when the new thread popped up.
Ok, been out of the dating game for a while, and just had a good first date with a cool girl. Went out to the pub for drinks--good conversation, she was laughing a lot, we hit it off pretty well. Walked her to her car, and just before I would've gone for a goodnight kiss, she hit me with a preemptive hug. Bad sign? I'm pretty bad at telling if girls are into me or not, but she seemed like she was having a great time. Maybe I'm just overthinking things.
Also, what's a good general way to deal with a preemptive hug? There wasn't really a moment I could've tried to kiss her beforehand, and then after it felt like it was too late.
Hmm. If I were you I'd be a little more assertive physically next time you see her, to establish yourself as a sexual candidate. Just have a fair amount of physical contact, make slightly suggestive comments, and if you have a decent chance then kiss her.
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