I normally try to go for classier posters, but I couldn't stop laughing at this one
WEEK FOUR - PAINFUL MEMORIES
October 26, part 1
Thoughts before the rewatch: You think I'd be more willing to accept another bad Texas Chainsaw Massacre film by then. One of my all-time favorite films, the original is a masterpiece of ruthless efficiency and sweltering, inhospitable atmosphere, with just enough dark touches of humor as to not be so unrelentingly bleak. Its sequels and first reboot were, well, not, focusing far more on campy humor and gory setpieces than even coming close to something that resembled the original. Perhaps subsequent filmmakers knew they couldn't hope to match the original's intensity, but it wouldn't have hurt to try. Enter Michael Bay's production company, Platinum Dunes, who embarked on a quest to bring several horror classics screaming into the 21st century, filled with production values unimagined during the 70s and 80s, and starring the hottest young stars of the time, like, umm, Eric Balfour. With the news of the first film on their slate being a remake of Texas Chainsaw Massacre, and one that promised to be more faithful to the tone of the original. Sure, it had a pressing concern in the form of its first time director, Marcus Nispel, who had up to that point been a director on music videos, but there was hope for the first time in a long time.
How foolish we were.
While it was certainly a fair deal more serious in its approach to the material, the 2003 remake kept getting bigger and bigger with its scenes, to the point where you wind up feeling exhausted at how much is crammed in there. But there was no attempt at grounding the setting or the era, and all the strange touches for establishing the who and the why of the Sawyer clan in the original were eradicated with a neverending procession of the one-dimensional members of the remake's Hewitt clan. The glossiness of the production is more of a hindrance than an aid, looking gross and disgusting without ever feeling like it's either gross or disgusting, with the Hewitt basement/furnace looking like a nice haunted house installation than a place of real horror. And despite being about 15 minutes longer than the original, it feels like a three-hour film with how overstuffed the script is, whether its for the aforementioned setpieces that come to dominate the film, or how it feels like every scene of dialogue goes on for much longer than it needed to, or the unnecessary subplot involving a hitchhiker and her baby. I could go on and on, but the best thing that I can say about the film was it made it a lot easier for me to recommend the original to others.
Years later: I wanted to approach this with a mindset that was divorced from the expectations of it being like the original, and wanted to judge it by its own merits. Unfortunately for the film, as it is taken on its own, there's really very little to crow about. Despite the presence of the original's cinematographer, Daniel C. Pearl, Nispel opts to push the camera close and uncomfortably tight, seemingly more concerned with making sure the actors' faces fill the entire frame, rather than establishing any kind of menacing tone or mood. I probably know more now about Jessica Biel's face or midriff than I think even she knows, as the camera is content to focus more on those two than anything. She is a nice-looking lady, mind you, but enough was enough with that kind of stuff five minutes in. And boy, are the setpieces dull. Getting off on a bad foot with the hitchhiker's suicide (camera through the exit wound, whoa man!), it never lets up and goes so far out of its way to throw something new at you that nothing ever sticks. It's incredible just how artificial the film feels. And when it's not failing at intensity, it's failing at making you give a shit about anyone. The actors clearly needed a better director, as they are often left to their own devices, fumbling the dialogue and botching the more emotional responses to what's going on around them. And has R. Lee Emery ever been worse than he has been in this film? He comes off as forced in every line reading, making his madness feel like the product of expectations of the role rather than that of execution of the role.
It really is hard to think of a single redeemable element that the film can boast, and as such, it's a remake that sucks as much in comparison to the original as well as being dreadful all on its own.