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[zoukka]

You wouldn't rob a bank or kill someone even if you could get away with it I hope.

I'd say most people would do one of those if they had guaranteed freedom.

 

[Aurora]

It's not just men, everyone cheats.

 

[Shanadeus]

I'd say most people would do one of those if they had guaranteed freedom.

Then we disagree, I think that while people might wanna do those things in their fantasies they'd never actually kill a human being or rob a bank because it goes against everything they believe in.

Or if we're going to keep it real - most people wouldn't have the guts.

 

[Zaptruder]

I mean, she lives about 4 blocks from me. I've never run into her since we broke up.

I had a lot of regret, and still do that it went south because I couldn't prove to her that I loved her. And, I wasn't going to hit her either.

Dude. Seriously?

If my woman said that to me, you know what I'd think?

Free ticket for ass slaps for the rest of my life!

Hey bitch! How's my dinner coming along! *ass slap*

If your girl is aggressively submissive, then play up to it; you don't have to be a wife/partner beating asshole... just stimulate her needs.

Get all BDSM on her in the bedroom.

But if that didn't fly, then yeah, she'd have to go.

 

[Zaptruder]

Yes, there is a genetic urge to fuck. Except my penis doesn't dictate my behavior, my brain does. This is why I'm not an ape fucking anything that moves. Using genetics as an argument for being a weak and selfish shit head is pathetic. (not directing this toward you btw)

Understanding our genetic heritage is a way to understanding how and why we behave the way we do, and it is also important in helping us reconsider why we do things the way we do.

Are we really in an optimal situation with monogamous relationships?

Spoiler

Personally, I think a clan arrangement, where everyone in the clan intermingles is more ideal; but no interbreeding among clan children; they have to leave or bring a person from another clan in.

 

[zoukka]

Then we disagree, I think that while people might wanna do those things in their fantasies they'd never actually kill a human being or rob a bank because it goes against everything they believe in.

Or if we're going to keep it real - most people wouldn't have the guts.

Yeah I was meaning that you could kill a man just by thinking about it, not actually chopping him/her to bits with your own hands.

 

[Loki]

The other man will have cockblocked her womb

Classic. :lol

 

[Sealda]

Of course not everyone cheats, its just that some cheats and they wants to believe that everyone else cheats otherwise they look like dick-heads. Also, i am sure that people who have been cheated on say it to make it less humiliating.

 

[Brianemone]

My wife gave me the line that she didn't care as long as she never found out speech.

It's BS. She wants me inseminating other gal's as much as I want her taking man sausage when I'm not around.

 

[gkryhewy]

Friends, family members, acquaintances, friends of friends. Pretty much any man who is still found desirable by women other than his wife.

I find that hard to believe unless your entire social circle are lowlifes. Do you honestly think that only unattractive men are faithful? That's a hell of a rationalization. And do your "acquaintances" and "friends of friends" just blurt out their fidelity habits whenever they meet you? That seems a bit odd. Maybe you're just projecting.

Anecdotally, in my social circle I'm not aware of any cheating at all (and they're all young, presentable people), but I'm sure there's been some just based on the odds.

 

[DeaconKnowledge]

My wife gave me the line that she didn't care as long as she never found out speech.

It's BS. She wants me inseminating other gal's as much as I want her taking man sausage when I'm not around.

Yeah. I wouldn't for one second think I could go out and do it and come home and shrug it off.

 

[Prine]

When i was in Dubai, i visited a few exclusive bars, it was full of expats with young women, my friend said he works for the company that employs most of the guys there, they're all in relationships. They didnt care, it was like they were acting on aa accepted fact.

Then my friend got with a hot girl there, who was also in a relationship. Took her home with him.

I was like damn. No self control when your left on your own it seems. What was obvious is that these people had little honor or respect for their partners, an obvious deterrent imo.

 

[jorma]

My wife gave me the line that she didn't care as long as she never found out speech.

The only difference i can see is that she will be all "i cant believe that you let me find out that you cheated on me, how could you do this to me?" when you get caught

 

[Always-honest]

It's not just men, everyone cheats.

Nope. But many many people do. Makes sense if you see how stupid people are in their relationships.

 

[The Elite]

Not all men cheat, and not all women cheat. But a lot do. Far more than most people seem to realize. I would say without hesitation that every person in this thread who has been in more than 3 relationships has been cheated on whether they know it or not.

It's a tough pill to swallow but probably true. It's the reason I don't see myself getting married.

 

[norinrad]

I was talking to the wife before going to sleep last night, and she said something to me that really threw me for a loop.

We were talking about cheating in general, and we asked each other the default questions, have you ever thought about it (we both have) and why not (Love, and laziness on both parts), then she turned to me and said she's surprised I haven't cheated on her yet. I gave her a funny look and asked why, and she said "All men cheat. All men." I refute her by asking why I haven't yet, and she said "I think you're tying really hard not to".

Now I figure she said that because she's been cheated on before, but what really got me about the entire conversation is that she didn't seem overly concerned about the thought of me cheating.

I went to work and talked to some of my co-workers (male and female alike) and the younger women seemed all up in arms about it, but the older ones shrugged it off. One even said "I don't care as long as I don't find out". The guys (that didn't rib me and tell me to do it) said that their wives don't really care what they do.

Has anybody else experienced this? Please, i'm not asking for advice on whether or not I should cheat on my wife. I just think the entire idea is interesting and worth discussion.

Boys boys boys, the only lesson to be learned here is above. I have bolded it for your reading pleasure and something to remember as you get older and the wife isn't into sex anymore as much as she used to when you two were young.

 

[Belfast]

Always felt that having sex, especially a one-off, with another person didn't exactly constitute cheating. Especially if it's for the physical pleasure and there's no emotional connection. You aren't going behind their back and dating, buy gifts for this other person, or whatever, and like Liu Kang said earlier in the thread, I think it's some silly emotional shit that's probably outlived its usefulness.

I mean, thinking about it, even the one-off, I would feel kind of bad about it, but only because other people tell me it's wrong, and my girlfriend would probably think the same. But logically, I can't see what the beef is.

 

[besada]

That's quite the contradiction to the tone of this thread.

"Not all men cheat"

"She talked about you cheating bro she's totally going behind your back".

Consider that you're in a thread full of people with a limited idea of what marriage entails. While they think your conversation is strange and aberrant, I know that once you've been together for a while, married couples have conversations like these. While my wife didn't assume I'd cheat, we've certainly had conversations about cheating and the temptations involved in long term monogamy.

 

[SmokyDave]

Consider that you're in a thread full of people with a limited idea of what marriage entails. While they think your conversation is strange and aberrant, I know that once you've been together for a while, married couples have conversations like these. While my wife didn't assume I'd cheat, we've certainly had conversations about cheating and the temptations involved in long term monogamy.

I dunno man, I've never been married but I've been in two relationships that each lasted 8+ years, at no time during those relationships would I have been comfortable with a conversation such as that in the OP. It just smacks of a guilty conscience. Talking about cheating? fine. Assuming I am doing so or constantly fighting the temptation? Not fine.

 

[demosthenes]

I think she's saying it b/c she's been cheated on.

I think it's bull, trust is basically one of the cornerstones that I use to define myself. Haven't cheated and will never cheat. I don't care if it's a situation that "nobody could know about" b/c I would know.

 

[Tristam]

Always felt that having sex, especially a one-off, with another person didn't exactly constitute cheating. Especially if it's for the physical pleasure and there's no emotional connection. You aren't going behind their back and dating, buy gifts for this other person, or whatever, and like Liu Kang said earlier in the thread, I think it's some silly emotional shit that's probably outlived its usefulness.

I mean, thinking about it, even the one-off, I would feel kind of bad about it, but only because other people tell me it's wrong, and my girlfriend would probably think the same. But logically, I can't see what the beef is.

Really? You can't see it from an emotional POV? Of course it's hurtful to your partner that you were more interested in sleeping with another woman than her that night.

Unrestricted by any sort of conscience? Yeah of course I'd go to town, too--because we're ALL occasionally more interested in sleeping with another woman--but consideration for my own partner's feelings is more important than a one-off with some stranger.

 

[The Shadow]

Consider that you're in a thread full of people with a limited idea of what marriage entails. While they think your conversation is strange and aberrant, I know that once you've been together for a while, married couples have conversations like these. While my wife didn't assume I'd cheat, we've certainly had conversations about cheating and the temptations involved in long term monogamy.

While that conversation doesn't sound strange to YOU, it would sound strange to a lot of other people. I've never been married, but I've been in enough ltr to know what is and isn't an odd topic to bring up.

And although I hate to bring them up, if you look up "relationship manuals" and things of the like, they always point out topics like this as a red flag.

 

[J-Rod]

My brother says that everyone cheats, just some haven't encountered the right circumstance yet, and may not ever.

 

[besada]

While that conversation doesn't sound strange to YOU, it would sound strange to a lot of other people. I've never been married, but I've been in enough ltr to know what is and isn't an odd topic to bring up.

And although I hate to bring them up, if you look up "relationship manuals" and things of the like, they always point out topics like this as a red flag.

Yeah, and I know a bunch of old married couples who've all had conversations similar to this. That the wife says she doesn't mind about cheating is unusual (but certainly not unheard of), but a frank discussion about cheating and individual consequences is common as the rain.

 

[AlphaSnake]

:lol and you'll regret this like a MF'er if your GF ever cheats on you. Kidding, I'm only poking fun at myself b/c I've (regretfully) passed up other girls while being faithful to a cheater. You did the right thing.

I know what you mean, but I'm not worried about that at all. She was brought up in a pretty solid family with some really great morals. I'm also with her at all times when she isn't at work. And often times, even when she is at work I'll go visit and hang out. I know where she is and what she's doing all the time, since we speak numerous times a day.

 

[The Shadow]

Yeah, and I know a bunch of old married couples who've all had conversations similar to this. That the wife says she doesn't mind about cheating is unusual (but certainly not unheard of), but a frank discussion about cheating and individual consequences is common as the rain.

You can have casual, frank discussions about the subject too and that doesn't mean anything.

Context is everything. I've had that conversation myself where it was more or less, "Have you ever cheated on anyone? Have you? Any temptations?" It wasn't exactly threatening or eye raising.

But the conversation as stated in the OP sounds really, really, weird to me. Just saying.

 

[Staccat0]

This is a good thread. I'll come back to it when I have some more time.
I will say that I've been frustrated by this statement in the past.

 

[besada]

You can have casual, frank discussions about the subject too and that doesn't mean anything.

Context is everything. I've had that conversation myself where it was more or less, "Have you ever cheated on anyone? Have you? Any temptations?" It wasn't exactly threatening or eye raising.

But the conversation as stated in the OP sounds really, really, weird to me. Just saying.

I don't know what to tell you other than, in my experience, married couples have conversations all the time where the level of honesty can be worrisome and painful. I'd guess Deacon's wife was cheated on in the past, and that's where her idea that all men cheat come from. Like many women who've been hurt that way, she's decided the safest emotional course is to accept that all men cheat, so that if hers does she doesn't have to flush away everything else in the marriage. She's explicitly softening her future response if Deacon decides to step out (which doesn't mean he won't get his ass kicked if it happens).

Since I know married couples who've not only had this conversation prior to cheating, but actually moved on past episodes of cheating (and one couple where the husband is allowed to "cheat"), I don't find it particularly weird or threatening.

Just for general information purposes, I've never cheated on my wife, and I'm as sure as one can be that she's never cheated on me.

 

[The Technomancer]

Nope. But many many people do. Makes sense if you see how stupid people are in their relationships.

Came in to say pretty much this.

Not all men cheat, and not all women cheat. But a lot do. Far more than most people seem to realize. I would say without hesitation that every person in this thread who has been in more than 3 relationships has been cheated on whether they know it or not.

Physically? I know I haven't been cheated on, if only because things never lasted long enough with the only girl who would have for her to have a chance. Emotionally....? Yeaaaaaah....

 

[DeaconKnowledge]

While that conversation doesn't sound strange to YOU, it would sound strange to a lot of other people. I've never been married, but I've been in enough ltr to know what is and isn't an odd topic to bring up.

And although I hate to bring them up, if you look up "relationship manuals" and things of the like, they always point out topics like this as a red flag.

The "red flag" you mentioned is pretty simple in explanation - she's been cheated on before (which I described in the OP).

I don't know what to tell you other than, in my experience, married couples have conversations all the time where the level of honesty can be worrisome and painful. I'd guess Deacon's wife was cheated on in the past, and that's where her idea that all men cheat come from. Like many women who've been hurt that way, she's decided the safest emotional course is to accept that all men cheat, so that if hers does she doesn't have to flush away everything else in the marriage. She's explicitly softening her future response if Deacon decides to step out (which doesn't mean he won't get his ass kicked if it happens).

Since I know married couples who've not only had this conversation prior to cheating, but actually moved on past episodes of cheating (and one couple where the husband is allowed to "cheat"), I don't find it particularly weird or threatening.

Just for general information purposes, I've never cheated on my wife, and I'm as sure as one can be that she's never cheated on me.

Pretty much. My wife and I have been together so long we took the kid gloves off a long time ago. The idea that a steady couple wouldn’t talk about things like this is a pretty shallow worldview. Similarly, my married friends often have similar conversations like this, both amongst themselves and with us.

I also find it funny that many posters completely passed on the rest of my op in which I said that the other women I spoke with backed my wife up.

 

[PhatSaqs]

I've either been on or have seen every side of the cheating fence so i'll just say this: I believe putting your full, undoubting trust in ANYONE is foolish as fuck.

 

[dreamcastmaster]

Boys boys boys, the only lesson to be learned here is above. I have bolded it for your reading pleasure and something to remember as you get older and the wife isn't into sex anymore as much as she used to when you two were young.

Long term married GAF represent.

Most posters here think long term is around 5 years. Just wait, 90% of women turn off the sex, especially after kids. Dissagree? You're young and in the 10%.

 

[demosthenes]

Long term married GAF represent.

Most posters here think long term is around 5 years. Just wait, 90% of women turn off the sex, especially after kids. Dissagree? You're young and in the 10%.

I've been told this a lot, especially from guys at work (many of the guys here are married, later 30's and have 2 or 3 kids, I'm 24, not married and no kids).

The thing is, when I've dropped out of a relationship (only get physical in relationships) I'm not desperate for a hookup or need sex or anything like that so I don't think this will be that big of a deal for me when I'm older, maybe I never hit the level of hormones as other guys :lol

 

[besada]

The "red flag" you mentioned is pretty simple in explanation - she's been cheated on before (which I described in the OP).

Do you know if her dad cheated? I have this pet theory that the women who genuinely believe all men cheat do so because their primary image of manhood, their fathers, stepped out on their mothers.

The thing is, when I've dropped out of a relationship (only get physical in relationships) I'm not desperate for a hookup or need sex or anything like that so I don't think this will be that big of a deal for me when I'm older, maybe I never hit the level of hormones as other guys

I know a married guy who hasn't had a blow job in three years. The desert can be cold and lonely sometimes.

 

[faridmon]

I can't bellieve I am in minority by saying cheating should not be a normal and acceptable thing.

I can't bellieve what a world we live in. I would never cheat on a girlfriend of mine since I have the ethics which says that it is unfair to her.

reading this thread makes me happy that many poeple don't think that cheating is ok, I am glad.

 

[DeaconKnowledge]

Do you know if her dad cheated? I have this pet theory that the women who genuinely believe all men cheat do so because their primary image of manhood, their fathers, stepped out on their mothers.

I've never heard of her speak of her father as cheating on her mother, but he's a very charismatic man and has had a lot of women (and other children) so I think it's safe to assume that he did step out on her now and then.

 

[JGS]

I can't bellieve I am in minority by saying cheating should not be a normal and acceptable thing.

I can't bellieve what a world we live in. I would never cheat on a girlfriend of mine since I have the ethics which says that it is unfair to her.

You're not alone although I think it's a different level of commitment between a wife and girlfriend.

In other words, I would understand someone more if stepping out on their girlfriend on the way to a break-up (Do people break up with their girlfriend first and then date or vice versa?), but not as a serial cheater.

Cheating on a spouse is more unforgiveable. To me the whole point of serious dating is to see if you can stay with that one person for life. Cheating just means the answer is no.

 

[faridmon]

You're not alone although I think it's a different level of commitment between a wife and girlfriend.

In other words, I would understand someone more if stepping out on their girlfriend on the way to a break-up (Do people break up with their girlfriend first and then date or vice versa?), but not as a serial cheater.

Cheating on a spouse is more unforgiveable. To me the whole point of serious dating is to see if you can stay with that one person for life. Cheating just means the answer is no.

true, glad to hear that. It seems lot of peopel are OK with it, but also it depnds on the area. I live in Birmingham but study in London. In Birmingham cheating is no-no thing, but in London where I stay while studying, it is more frequent.

 

[reddmyst]

I don't believe that all men cheat.

Although people who in their own lives have gone through a lot and outside influences can change a person's perspective.

I would never cheat on my wife physically. However, there are fantasies. I would consider that emotionally cheating though. So i guess in some way I am cheating. I'm sure she has her own fantasies.

I'm sure it happens because all that frustration with non-regular sex and having 4 kids will do that.

 

[dreamcastmaster]

true, glad to hear that. It seems lot of peopel are OK with it, but also it depnds on the area. I live in Birmingham but study in London. In Birmingham cheating is no-no thing, but in London where I stay while studying, it is more frequent.

That's an English thing, make a big noise about not doing such a thing and then do it on the quiet. London being more culturally mixed means it's not so noticable.

 

[george_us]

Lol you are completely wrong.

Care to explain?

 

[The Technomancer]

I can't bellieve I am in minority by saying cheating should not be a normal and acceptable thing.

I can't bellieve what a world we live in. I would never cheat on a girlfriend of mine since I have the ethics which says that it is unfair to her.

reading this thread makes me happy that many poeple don't think that cheating is ok, I am glad.

Dude, you missed the huge thread a month or so ago where this one guy and I kept going back and forth. "Its human nature to have multiple partners!" he'd keep saying, and I'd keep replying "yes, but that doesn't excuse lying about it"

It was kinda ridiculous.

 

[Akuun]

I've heard the "All men cheat" line at work before too and I don't buy it. A lot of people may cheat regardless of gender but it doesn't mean it's okay to do so. The notion that cheating is an inevitable and totally normal course of action is ludicrous.

 

[Guevara]

Long term married GAF represent.

Most posters here think long term is around 5 years. Just wait, 90% of women turn off the sex, especially after kids. Dissagree? You're young and in the 10%.

This is absolutely terrifying. And then YOU'RE the bad guy when you try to get some action on the side.

 

[Diatribe1974]

If your wife honestly believes that all men cheat (sooner or later), then in that area she's commenting on, she's an idiot. Oh, she very well might be a very intelligent person, but when it comes down to things like that, she has no idea what she's talking about. Look at it this way: If City A & City B are compared & you find that 100% of all men in City A cheat on their spouses over the course of their lives, then (according to your wife), then 100% of all men in City B must cheat on their spouses too, right?

 

[Sho_Nuff82]

It makes absolutely no sense to me that everyone seems to cheat but open relationships are so uncommon. What makes cheating terrible is the dishonesty, not the sex by itself, so why bullshit about being in a monogamous relationship?

I agree. I see nothing wrong with promiscuity, as long as you're honest about it.

 

[dreamcastmaster]

This is absolutely terrifying. And then YOU'RE the bad guy when you try to get some action on the side.

Worst thing is that it's so very common and men don't want to admit it in public.

 

[JGS]

I agree. I see nothing wrong with promiscuity, as long as you're honest about it.

Why only be allowed to marry one woman in the first place?

 

[Loxley]

My girlfreind is the first and only girl I've ever dated, and I couldn't imagine cheating on her; ever. I'm just not that kind of person, I can only imagine the shear amount of guilt and self worthlessness I would feel. Plus I know I'm the kind of guy who would confess almost immediately, I could never do that to her (she's had previous boyfriends cheat on her).

 

[Diatribe1974]

Essentially, it all boils down to several key things, the primary being in how you are raised. Yes, some people, no matter how they're raised will be pigs (men or women) & screw anything with a heartbeat. But for the most part, when you're raised in a home in which you can see & understand that things between your parents aren't always the best, but not only do they love each other, when they do have fights, they do this thing that is happening fewer & fewer times: Working out their problems, both the superficial & the underlying ones.

On top of it all, the one thing my dad told me when I was 1st starting to date still rings true: Marriage is the price men pay for Sex & Sex is the price women pay for Marriage. He said that when one aspect of that breaks down, the other is sure to follow & to always make sure that both are healthy. (i.e. as a man, there's certain things I must make sure I take care of to help keep her happy, even at my expense. The same would be expected of her).