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Am I the asshole for not backing up my mom?

MaestroMike

Gold Member
You are correct, but the way you talked to her is childish with that karen comment. I picture you being like "Ohhh got ya mom! hahahahaahah!" No need for that type of attitude when dealing with your parents, especially when she's obvious dealing with something.

We all are guilty of being passive aggressive or not saying what we need at times, and hoping others will figure it out. Its stupid, but its human. And I'm sure you are no exception OP.

Can make for great comedy. There was an always sunny in Philadelphia episode where the gang went to a restaurant at the same time without telling each other and it was so freaking hilarious !! 😂
 

GAMETA

Banned
You should've told her:

"Mom, let me be honest with you, a broken wrist is worse than your shitty leg, and it's the kid's birthday, you know?... Next time try asking her to help you out, I bet she will. I'd do it myself if I was there, but come'on, it's childish to be mad about that... I'll talk to her if you want, alright? but don't be grumpy"

Then I'd call my sister and say: "Hey, mom thinks you suck"
 
A pretty common female thing (in my experience) is the expectation that you read their mind and take the things they say or some look or just how things look as hints that you should ask them or that you should do something. I don't know why, whether it's just that women have a different means of communicating or if it's something that's only prevalent in certain personality types that are overrepresented amongst women. My wife is like this and it bothers her so much that I just don't "get it" or that I don't automatically go like a yes man and say "yes, honey, you're totally right" in most situations.
Some women just don't get that you have to ask directly.
EDIT: My theory is that women have evolved to be socially more developed and competent, thus trying to exercise a form of communication that just don't work for most men.



It's family vs family. So there's no win in that respect.
My experience is that women are better at reading other people and knowing what they want (motherly instincts probably) so it confuses them when other people, particularly men, don't read their body language and understand what they want. That said, verbal conversation is still the most effective way to get what you want.
 
@GobbledeeGoo Because she's acting like a middle-aged entitled white woman, i.e. the epitome of a Karen. She expects people to do things for her, without even asking. My sister doesn't live with my mom either. Somehow my mom expects my sister to just know to come over and do her laundry for her. And so that's why I called out my mom. She has a habit of acting like this. She needs to be more direct with what she wants.

Yeah, I mean fuck, how dare your mother expect her children to help her out with shit. Acting like she raised y’all and took care of y’all shit. Stupid Karen.
 
Imagine talking to the woman who held you for 9 months in her womb and took care of you for 18 years straight.

Sorry, fake news, it was his dad, Kojima.

1.1000x564.jpg


He's the Bubble Boy.

tenor.gif
 

Meowzers

Member
My mum didn't back me up once when I was 19 at 130lbs being threatened by my boxer neighbour that had at least 40lbs on me but a few years ago I was 190lbs and managed to hold my ground against him and nearly beat him when we sparred in the ring.

He's a good friend now, but underestimating people is wrong.

Edit: I didn't read the title right.
 

godhandiscen

There are millions of whiny 5-year olds on Earth, and I AM THEIR KING.
FML I switched the sentences for the OP and his mom.
Try reading the text that way. It is hilarious.

edit: you called your mom Karen...
 
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Rentahamster

Rodent Whores
She was being a little passive aggressive, but unless this is an overbearing habit of hers, it's not unreasonable for her to expect that her daughter help her out. That being said, she should have been more direct and asked if her daughter didn't get the message the first time. Your sister isn't a mind reader, but she could stand to take care of her mother a little better just as a baseline.

Don't insult your mom like that, though. You didn't need to go there. That's unproductive.

Tell her that you're sorry, you shouldn't have called her names and that you understand her situation and you didn't mean to hurt her feelings. Tell her that you don't think your sister meant anything bad by her actions - it's just that she was not paying enough attention and that you'll have a talk with her so that next time she's more attentive to your needs, but you're also going to have to promise to speak up if you need anything because there's always a chance that people are oblivious to others' needs. Tell her that you love her and that you miss her and you wish you could be there to help in person.
 

nush

Member
My mom is pissed at my now. I was texting her this morning. I'll copy and paste the texts.

Mom: "you know what is fucked up. my leg is really bothering me and very hard to walk. needed to do laundry and your sister did not even offer to help but she offered to help a friend that broke her wrist to help bake a cake for her son birthday. now i know we can not depend on her when we need her."

Me: "I dunno. Can't get mad at someone for not offering. You should ask directly and then get mad if she says no"

Mom: "should not have to ask. her friend did not ask for help she offered"

Me: " I'm gonna say something and I don't want you to get mad. That's a Karen attitude."

Mom: "should not have to ask when i made a comment about my laundry."

Me: "Sorry mom but gonna have to disagree in this one. That is both passive aggressive and indirect. People can't read your mind. You should always be direct with what you say. If you want something then say it. It's too hard otherwise"

She stopped responding after that. It's probably gonna be a bit before I hear from her.

Here's a life lesson for every guy on GAF. Learn when not to engage in discussion OVER TEXT with a woman. Saying nothing gives you plausible deniability that you could not reply becuse "Busy/no signal" rather than having to walk back anything you did text that they will NEVER EVER FUCKING FORGET even when they were the ones sending the issue to your phone while you were just minding your own business.
 

plushyp

Member
My wife is like this and it bothers her so much that I just don't "get it" or that I don't automatically go like a yes man and say "yes, honey, you're totally right" in most situations.
Cousin, what are you doing on Neogaf?? This is exactly what he tells me about his wife lol..
 
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The Cockatrice

Gold Member
Man some of the replies in this thread holy shit. You Americans and your exaggerations are ridiculous. Calling someone Karen has gone from some dumb harmless shit to legit calling someone the worst person on the planet. Calm down. You're not the asshole. You were rational.
 

Mistake

Member
You should try to change the situation in a way that she might appreciate, instead of focusing on what is right or wrong. Such as simply saying “Well if you need some help next time, you can let me know.”
 
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Kuranghi

Member
I thought the thread said "...not backing up on my mom" and I was like wtf is this sick shit. So disappointed :(

...but aye, don't call your mum a Karen, she might be family but you can't talk to your mum that way you big wally.

Try coming at it from a slightly more compassionate angle.
 

Tesseract

Banned
Here's a life lesson for every guy on GAF. Learn when not to engage in discussion OVER TEXT with a woman. Saying nothing gives you plausible deniability that you could not reply becuse "Busy/no signal" rather than having to walk back anything you did text that they will NEVER EVER FUCKING FORGET even when they were the ones sending the issue to your phone while you were just minding your own business.
dis except not just text, sometimes you gotta rust cohle and walk the fuck away

get to the chopper
 

Spokker

Member
Should have posted it on r/insaneparents and they would probably advise you to get emancipated by the court.
 

Weiji

Banned
Yeah I hate when women expect you to just “offer to help”...

Wait you.. called her a Karen? RIP OP.
 

Tesseract

Banned
i have difficulty knowing when to help others, don't take kindly to help myself and consider most exchanges of that nature to be insults or signs of weakness

people should ask or give simple clues, mind reading gets old after the 119th time someone scolds you for something you didn't do that was never adequately communicated in the first place

however, you gotta give plenty slack to the most important women of your life and that includes your mom

help her out and don't call her karen
 
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Lord Panda

The Sea is Always Right
The Karen jab was uncalled for and you could have handled it better, instead of being a condescending git.
 
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BluRayHiDef

Banned
Your mother is right; it's an able-bodied child's responsibility to offer their parent help if they see that their parent is in need. You and your sister are terrible.
 

Peggies

Gold Member
I wouldn't say you're an asshole. It's just that the Karen Meme seems off in that chat. Does she even know what that means?

My second thought is that good mums who've always been nice to their kids, usually don't even have to ask for help. They just get it, because her kids love her. Needy bitch mums demanding help are usually those who don't deserve it.
 

Peggies

Gold Member
My mum didn't back me up once when I was 19 at 130lbs being threatened by my boxer neighbour that had at least 40lbs on me but a few years ago I was 190lbs and managed to hold my ground against him and nearly beat him when we sparred in the ring.

He's a good friend now, but underestimating people is wrong.

Edit: I didn't read the title right.
I like that story (y). Thanks Man.
 
OP, your mum was in distress and frustrated, so wanted to vent her irrational emotions at a sympathetic third party.

Being 2000 miles away, literally all you had to do was give vague platitudes in a non comital and sympathetic manner.

Given that you were clearly raised with at least two women around, how are you this bad at dealing with them?
 

Ionian

Member
Threads from May, I'd say his Mother has murdered him by now for calling her a Karen.

OP has ascended.
 
S

SLoWMoTIoN

Unconfirmed Member
Its not really Karen.....
its women
Ironically if OP would have just said lol women he would have gotten a hi-5 but oh no Karen is going too far. HOW DARE HE?

Idk adults communicate by talking not signals or gestures/suggestions mom was literally being quite immature over a non issue.

This guy fucks.
It's a typical woman thing to just expect you to read their minds. Somehow everyone is supposed to know that her leg is bothering her and to offer to help her with everything even if she never communicated anything about it whatsoever.

And if you haven't read her mind yet, it's because you're the asshole. And don't bring up the fact that you aren't psychic. They aren't looking for a logical debate. You're just supposed to bow down and accept your thrashing. This is another reason why you should never get married.
 
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DrJohnGalt

Banned
She stopped responding after that. It's probably gonna be a bit before I hear from her.
Sounds like you came out the winner here!

I can't stand people that expect others to read their minds and act accordingly. Sure, sis could have asked if there was anything around the house to help with, but mom could have just as easily asked directly. I'm with sis on this one. The only possible exception is if mom is doing your sister's laundry for her; then fuck that, sis can do her own shit while mom rests and recovers.

If somebody wants/needs something from me, I expect them to ask. If the roles were reversed I would not expect somebody to just do something without my asking.

Also I agree with you. You did nothing wrong. Maybe a bit insensitive since mom just called to have somebody listen to her problems, but she should know by now that if you want something, ask for it. Also, you cannot depend on anyone but yourself when the chips are down. Hell, I learned that growing up.

I don't even think you calling her a Karen was wrong (although I think the word itself is stupid and would never use it myself).

You are in the right. She is in the wrong. Case closed.

Let her cool off and she will call you back when she's ready. Or when she needs something.
 
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