Support NeoGAF

[Skellig Gra]

I'm honestly more afraid of what other adults will do to me than what will happen to my son if I give him some freedom. Let my kid walk to school and it gets caught on Twitter. Here come the death threats and reports to child protective services.

 

[riotous]

Grew up in the suburbs outside Seattle in the 80s. We were allowed to roam freely as far back as I can remember; some of my earliest memories are of being 4 or 5 and walking pretty far from my house with my brothers (who were 6 and 8 at the time.)

I had a friend whose parents were helicopter parents at the time; it was funny because they'd still hire baby sitters for him when we were 10-12 years old.. but stopped once we became good friends and instead would just make sure I was around when they weren't there.

But the inverse of that was they basically wouldn't let their son stay at my house; they trusted me since I was responsible but they idea of leaving their kid with my parents horrified them lol. They went away for a weekend once and he stayed with us and they wrote up an extensive release form and all these instructions for my parents (who were offended.)

 

[Peltz]

Yes. Imagine 6 year olds doing the shopping.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y-V7ZxueazA

 

[milanbaros]

I mean, look at just THIS thread. You're all blaming parents for being overprotective. But when bad things actually happen that could've been prevented it's the same story.

And to the person that asked, it's really not about being judged or blamed so much as the chance that something terrible happens and you could've prevented it. I dunno. Parenting is the hardest thing ever, and there are no good, risk-free choices. Either you fuck them up with negligence, or you fuck them up with overprotection. Or you, like every parent in history, do your best with what you're given while being judged no matter what you do.

I don't think the article is saying parents are not trying to find the right balance just that they have a distorted view of the world based on fear and the risks. This leads them to be over protective.

 

[Finale Fireworker]

I don't know how I feel about this. I'm only 26 and won't be having kids for a while, but I often think about what my style of parenting will be. My girlfriend and I talk openly about this pretty often and will take real-world examples and discuss what we would have done or what we would do in the future.

I know there were a lot of things my parents did that I wouldn't do. But I also know I would share a lot of their same concerns. When I hear about nine year olds walking home after dark, it gives me anxiety. That same anxiety the article is talking about. My brain says they're going to get raped or hit by a car. Even though I don't know anybody that has ever happened to, I am always afraid it will happen to every kid I see.

There are a lot of things my parents were sure would happen that I thought were demented even as a child. The fear of razor blades in Halloween candy, or somebody asking me to help them find their puppy, or not being able to use public restrooms because there might be "a man with a knife in there", always seemed moronic and impossible. It feels like that was the kind of made up stuff parents had to worry about before 9/11 happened and they had to be afraid of pretend things instead of real ones.

But now that having a child is dawning closer in my own life, I have all my own made up shit I'm afraid of. And my child is still hypothetical.

I think the thing I fear the most is a traffic accident or sexual assault. I'm not worried about really anything else. But these two things, in their grand unlikelihood, will probably dictate everything I think or do.

 

[John Kowalski]

One thing i was thinking about recently that's sort of about this, but more about kids who grow up in big cities, is that watching kids in cities, either alone or together, really shows how natural the urban landscape it to them, much more than it ever seems to be to older people, even young adults. So i think a lot of fears that adults have about kids not... uh, knowing how to do city traversal and other city things is not actually taking into account that their kids are probably much better positioned to learn that stuff than the adults are.

 

[Peltz]

I mean, look at just THIS thread. You're all blaming parents for being overprotective. But when bad things actually happen that could've been prevented it's the same story.

And to the person that asked, it's really not about being judged or blamed so much as the chance that something terrible happens and you could've prevented it. I dunno. Parenting is the hardest thing ever, and there are no good, risk-free choices. Either you fuck them up with negligence, or you fuck them up with overprotection. Or you, like every parent in history, do your best with what you're given while being judged no matter what you do.

I think this is a fair stance to take.

 

[Work of an Enemy Stand]

I see it all the time with my older sister and her daughter.

She still loooves to brag about how they used to play exclusively on the street when they were kids, going to their friends' houses and generally just staying outside the whole time scraping their knees, while at the same time making fun of me for "never going outside" (which will always be complete bollocks because I used to go play at my friend's kinda shitty neighborhood by myself all the time but she refuses to listen).

I, in turn, look at her own daughter and how she wouldn't even let her go up the stairs by herself until she was 8 and get really annoyed by how much she talked shit about me to our mother and then turned around and did "WORSE" with her own daughter.

(I'm from Brazil, but from what I read parents around here are starting to act like helicopter parents from the US.)

 

[Emperor_Uriel]

I mean, look at just THIS thread. You're all blaming parents for being overprotective. But when bad things actually happen that could've been prevented it's the same story.

I'd never blame a parent who was a victim of a tragedy.

 

[Hoo-doo]

I don't think US parents realize how much their kids are shielded and isolated compared to kids growing up in western european countries.

Even reading US-GAF on the subject sometimes honestly feels like a parody. With people just overthinking everything.
Everything is out to get them, to possibly abduct them, to harm their families and steal their belongings. Guns for protection, guns to feel safe in Wal-Mart, bad parts of town you don't want to find yourself in, etcetera.

This shit just barely even enters people's consciousness in The Netherlands, at least. I'd say it doesn't even exist. That's freedom right there.

 

[Finale Fireworker]

I don't think US parents realize how much their kids are shielded and isolated compared to kids growing up in western european countries.

Even reading US-GAF on the subject sometimes honestly feels like a parody. With people just overthinking everything.
Everything is out to get them, to possibly abduct them, to harm their families and steal their belongings. Guns for protection, guns to feel safe in Wal-Mart, bad parts of town you don't want to find yourself in, etcetera.

This shit just barely even enters people's consciousness in The Netherlands, at least. I'd say it doesn't even exist. That's freedom right there.

I wish America didn't constantly give me things to be afraid of.

As an American, there is nothing I fear more intensely than other Americans.

 

[Skellig Gra]

I don't think US parents realize how much their kids are shielded and isolated compared to kids growing up in western european countries.

Even reading US-GAF on the subject sometimes honestly feels like a parody. With people just overthinking everything.
Everything is out to get them, to possibly abduct them, to harm their families and steal their belongings. Guns for protection, guns to feel safe in Wal-Mart, bad parts of town you don't want to find yourself in, etcetera.

This shit just barely even enters people's consciousness in The Netherlands, at least. I'd say it doesn't even exist. That's freedom right there.

I'm not disagreeing with you but Holland is statistically a much safer country than the US so in some ways it makes sense.

 

[Hoo-doo]

I wish America didn't constantly give me things to be afraid of.

As an American, there is nothing I fear more intensely than other Americans.

That's the thing, i'd likely feel the same way if I lived in the United States.

You've built a nation on a foundation of distrust for your fellow American. It's fucked up.

 

[Kayhan]

I would NEVER let my child walk to school. Wtf is this shit.

The way things have been done all over the world since the invention of schools.

 

[Finale Fireworker]

That's the thing, i'd likely feel the same way if I lived in the United States.

You've built a nation on a foundation of distrust for your fellow American. It's fucked up.

Well, somebody built it. I was born in it. So will my own kids. Maybe I shouldn't have any. Then they'll be safe.

 

[Kayhan]

Can you fucking imagine letting a 9 year old little girl walk home by herself every day?

That's just one example of this boomer finding yet another reason to blame gen x and younger parents for fucking everything.

Yes. Happens every day all over Europe.

I am not a girl but I walked to school every day from the very first day of school.

I was 6.

 

[SpecX]

Found it:


http://neogaf.com/forum/showthread.php?t=855760&highlight=mom+leaves+kid+at+park

1) How old is the kid?

2) If it's old enough to be by itself playing, what's wrong with the kid being in the park for hours?

America is all about fear. So none of this is shocking.

1) Kid was 9

2) I'll admit the kid did seem a bit mature, going out for lunch and returning and what not, but I still disagree with the mom was using the park as a sitter for hours as being ok.

If it's the one I'm thinking off the older kid walked her sibling to the park and they played for a while before someone called the cops. The parents got in trouble for neglect, endangerment or some bullshit like that.

Different story, but this would be more acceptable for me having an older sibling along depending on the ages.

It might be me having 2 young girls that makes me a bit more overprotective and who knows, maybe I might change as they get older and prove to me they can stay out of trouble.

 

[Skellig Gra]

Yes. Happens every day all over Europe.

I am not a girl but I walked to school every day from the very first day of school.

I was 6.

I hate to admit it but I would probably be much more likely to be a helicopter parent if I had a daughter instead of a son.

 

[Zen_Arcade]

Did America ever have this? I can't think of a time. Apart from close knit minority communities.

Of course it has. It probably hasn't been that way for decades in a bunch of areas, but do you really think minorities are the only people in America who form communities?

 

[____]

I definitely walked to and from school my entire life. My elementary school was at the end of my block, but Middle and High school were about 45 mins each way. Wasn't that big of a deal, imo.

Edit: I -was- with a group of people from my block, though. I'd walk alone if I overslept, but otherwise there were from 2-4 of us at all times.

 

[Mesoian]

https://youtu.be/P7YrN8Q2PDU

Japan may be on the top of kids independence scale, but I expect kids to be able to go to school independently as young as 6, really.

I fucking love "My first Errand".

I damn near lost a day of my Japan trip to that god damn show.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y-V7ZxueazA

Yakuza 0 spoilers
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uWDk1MaS2nE

I'm not saying that kids won't be kids, but you have to trust them to be able to get around. Helicopter parenting them just makes them more reliant on their parents indefinitely. A sense of independence, now more than ever, has to be fostered.

 

[Finale Fireworker]

I hate to admit it but I would probably be much more likely to be a helicopter parent if I had a daughter instead of a son.

Same.

 

[cromofo]

Kids have too much energy to be inside most of the day. Take them to the park, organise meetups with other parents and let them get muddy.

 

[ScatheZombie]

Either you fuck them up with negligence, or you fuck them up with overprotection.

I think the argument is that the chance you fuck them up with negligence, specifically the type you are referring to, is statistically extremely low. While the chance you fuck them up with over-protection seems to be far greater.

Or, in other words, "I would rather take a 50/50 shot that my kids winds up developmentally stunted because I never allowed them any measure of independent growth, than take the 1/1000+ chance that something bad might happen and I'll look like a bad parent/get blamed for it."

 

[pokeystaples]

American society in general is governed by fear.

Should have been first post. I am surprised so many of us leave the home.

 

[bahamut zero]

I'm astonished at all the people who would let their kids walk to school alone and let them play outside by themselves, seems to me you are stuck in the 90s, world is a much worse place today.

Only time I would let my kid go alone is if it swallowed a gps tracker beforehand.

 

[LosDaddie]

I mean, look at just THIS thread. You're all blaming parents for being overprotective. But when bad things actually happen that could've been prevented it's the same story.

And to the person that asked, it's really not about being judged or blamed so much as the chance that something terrible happens and you could've prevented it. I dunno. Parenting is the hardest thing ever, and there are no good, risk-free choices. Either you fuck them up with negligence, or you fuck them up with overprotection. Or you, like every parent in history, do your best with what you're given while being judged no matter what you do.

Also to note, most of GAF aren't parents.

 

[cHaotix8]

I lived about 4-5 miles away from my elementary/middle school growing up and used to catch the bus at a closer school, which I walked to. I also grew up in the 90's and we used to walk/catch the bus/bike ride everywhere. I couldn't imagine growing up in society today while constantly having parents breathing down my neck.

 

[cromofo]

I'm astonished at all the people who would let their kids walk to school alone and let them play outside by themselves, seems to me you are stuck in the 90s, world is a much worse place today.

Only time I would let my kid go alone is if it swallowed a gps tracker beforehand.

You must be American then.

In most of Europe, kids are outside all day, playing soccer and whatever

 

[HStallion]

Most things in America are governed by fear, not just the parenting.

 

[Skellig Gra]

I'm astonished at all the people who would let their kids walk to school alone and let them play outside by themselves, seems to me you are stuck in the 90s, world is a much worse place today.

Only time I would let my kid go alone is if it swallowed a gps tracker beforehand.

I'm assuming you are joking but for those who don't know the world is actually a significantly better place than 20 years ago.

 

[Poor GRIMES]

You must be American then.

In most of Europe, kids are outside all day, playing soccer and whatever

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/ukn...r-leaving-kids-home-alone-made-every-day.html

 

[Mesoian]

I'm astonished at all the people who would let their kids walk to school alone and let them play outside by themselves, seems to me you are stuck in the 90s, world is a much worse place today.

Only time I would let my kid go alone is if it swallowed a gps tracker beforehand.

I mean, you're being facetious, I get it.

But it's called a cellphone. Damn near every child in America is being tracked. Foster independence, but don't be lazy either.

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/ukn...r-leaving-kids-home-alone-made-every-day.html

Latch key kids are a problem everywhere. It's not their fault their parents weren't ready for them.

 

[PantherLotus]

I think the argument is that the chance you fuck them up with negligence, specifically the type you are referring to, is statistically extremely low. While the chance you fuck them up with over-protection seems to be far greater.

Or, in other words, "I would rather take a 50/50 shot that my kids winds up developmentally stunted because I never allowed them any measure of independent growth, than take the 1/1000+ chance that something bad might happen and I'll look like a bad parent/get blamed for it."

this is it exactly. the stricken part is a factor but in the grand scheme of things it's more like 'and I could have prevented it.' A slight nuance but one worth noting.

Also to note, most of GAF aren't parents.

Which is clearly true based on this thread. Congrats to all you latch key kids who walked to school in 1991, though!

 

[platakul]

This country celebrates the murder of 20+ kindergartners hell yea I'm parenting out of fear 😂😂😂😥

 

[Kayhan]

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/ukn...r-leaving-kids-home-alone-made-every-day.html

That is the UK though. World famous nanny state.

 

[cromofo]

http://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/ukn...r-leaving-kids-home-alone-made-every-day.html

UK tho.

 

[Poor GRIMES]

That is the UK though. World famous nanny state.

The point I'm trying to make is that this isn't a specifically American phenomenon. Europeans like to pretend they're exempt from everything, like racism, but in reality, that isn't the case.

 

[Hoo-doo]

I'm astonished at all the people who would let their kids walk to school alone and let them play outside by themselves, seems to me you are stuck in the 90s, world is a much worse place today.

Only time I would let my kid go alone is if it swallowed a gps tracker beforehand.

I hope this is a joke post, because damn. Why even foster kids if the outside world is such a menacing hellscape.

 

[PSqueak]

most Americans parent based on religious values, not surprised.

You...really didn't get what the article is about.

 

[jwk94]

I don't think US parents realize how much their kids are shielded and isolated compared to kids growing up in western european countries.

Even reading US-GAF on the subject sometimes honestly feels like a parody. With people just overthinking everything.
Everything is out to get them, to possibly abduct them, to harm their families and steal their belongings. Guns for protection, guns to feel safe in Wal-Mart, bad parts of town you don't want to find yourself in, etcetera.

This shit just barely even enters people's consciousness in The Netherlands, at least. I'd say it doesn't even exist. That's freedom right there.

You can't honestly tell me your place doesn't have a bad part of town.

 

[bahamut zero]

You must be American then.

In most of Europe, kids are outside all day, playing soccer and whatever

I'm German. And I've seen too much shit regarding abducted kids in my neighborhood. And I life in a "safe" neighborhood.

That one bastard who abducted that immigrant kid in Potsdam (was huge news hear in Germany) lived one village next to my Grandparents. They even knew his mother.

World is a small place and it is fucking scary.

 

[Atomic Playboy]

Can you fucking imagine letting a 9 year old little girl walk home by herself every day?

That's just one example of this boomer finding yet another reason to blame gen x and younger parents for fucking everything.

The generation that "walked to school 6 miles in the snow uphill both ways with barbed wire wrapped around their feet for traction" is going to be shocked to learn that kids walk to school?

 

[despire]

There was a Art of Manliness episode on this and they mentioned a fact that if you were worried for something like your kid getting abducted, they would have to play outside unsupervised for some obscene amount of time (like 200 years) for it to be statistically likely.

Anyway, USA seems to go a bit overboard with this. In Finland now one drives their kids to school. Kids walk or take the bus from the first grade onwards. Kids play outside unsupervised all day. Kids can be at home on their own. Normal stuff.

 

[cromofo]

I'm German. And I've seen too much shit regarding abducted kids in my neighborhood. And I life in a "safe" neighborhood.

That one bastard who abducted that immigrant kid in Potsdam (was huge news hear in Germany) lived one village next to my Grandparents. They even knew his mother.

World is a small place and it is fucking scary.

It's not safe then if there's abductions and shit

 

[bosseye]

Parenting is hard you guys. Can't speak for any other parents, but it's hard not to imagine the worst case scenario with anything to do with your kids when they're young and out of sight. I suppose my son at 7 is old enough to walk to and from school on his own but, it's not far and I'd say safe enough.....but it's a big step to take, I'd find it quite hard to wave him off at the door, I'd worry about the roads he'd have to cross, that something might happen, silly though it might be.

Hard to let them go a bit I guess.

 

[entremet]

There was a Art of Manliness episode on this and they mentioned a fact that if you were worried for something like your kid getting abducted, they would have to play outside unsupervised for some obscene amount of time (like 200 years) for it to be statistically likely.

Anyway, USA seems to go a bit overboard with this. In Finland now one drives their kids to school. Kids walk or take the bus from the first grade onwards. Kids play outside unsupervised all day. Kids can be at home on their own. Normal stuff.

I honestly blame our media culture. It's brain washing at this point. I don't fault parents for being overprotective, especially when you have decades of media alarmists beating that drum.

It also shows how thoroughly manipulative the media can be. We are not logical creatures no matter what we believe about the supremacy of reason.

 

[AbortedWalrusFetus]

I remember watching a 1970s clip from Sesame Street about a mom instructing her very young daughter to go down to the store and buy a loaf of bread, a container of milk, and a stick of butter. It was something so normal in this country that the lesson of the clip was about remembering things. Nothing about safety, stranger danger, neglect, or any of this stuff. Things are safer now than they were then with far less crime, way better ways to track and keep in touch with people due to mobile technology.

I think people need to lighten up. Unless you're in a third world country your kids isn't going to be victimized by roving bands of criminals. They have a better chance of being sexually abused by a family member than a stranger. Frankly though, it seems like this brand of helicopter parenting is confined largely to suburban areas. In the city I see kids out and about going to the park, the corner store, or the playground all on their own. They even take the subway and buses to school. In fact, the school district gives free transpasses to the subway and buses to any student who lives more than a mile and a half from their school, starting at FIRST GRADE. Meaning it's accepted that 6-7 year old navigate public transit to get to school on their own. Students who live closer than a mile and a half are expected to walk from first grade on. You don't hear daily horror stories about this. The worst stories you'll hear is about bullying after school, which definitely needs to be addressed, but not by taking away the personal freedom and responsibility of the victims of it.

 

[johancruijff]

if you think this thing is not happening in europe you're mistaken

the 24/7 horror is doing damage here as well

 

[Earthbound64]

Yes. Imagine 6 year olds doing the shopping.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Y-V7ZxueazA

Why did you both link to the wrong thing?