Emperor_Uriel
Member
We hear a lot about how modern political rhetoric centers around fear. "Fear of the other" is a common rationale for implementing all sorts of disastrous and unethical policies, and fear-mongering officials are being elected in record numbers.
And yet, far less attention is played to the similar role fear plays in American parenting. Simply put: Parents here are far more likely to prioritize their own anxiety over their children's happiness, development and even safety (hence why most suburban parents drive kids to school even when walking has been proven to be significantly safer), and will even extend their judgements to the children in more laissez-faire families.
As a parent and an educator, this article by the Boston Globe on the differences in parenting styles between the Netherlands and the US feels monumentally important and worth sharing.
https://www.bostonglobe.com/magazine/2017/06/06/what-happens-when-parents-loosen-bit-look-dutch/mVmOHsADKLXwOFF2Y0ISCJ/story.html
Does fear play a dominant role in how you raise your kids? For non-Americans, does your country have these issues as well?
And yet, far less attention is played to the similar role fear plays in American parenting. Simply put: Parents here are far more likely to prioritize their own anxiety over their children's happiness, development and even safety (hence why most suburban parents drive kids to school even when walking has been proven to be significantly safer), and will even extend their judgements to the children in more laissez-faire families.
As a parent and an educator, this article by the Boston Globe on the differences in parenting styles between the Netherlands and the US feels monumentally important and worth sharing.
https://www.bostonglobe.com/magazine/2017/06/06/what-happens-when-parents-loosen-bit-look-dutch/mVmOHsADKLXwOFF2Y0ISCJ/story.html
Armed with these tools of Dutch teenagerhood, Sophie zips across Amsterdam. Her dance class is a 20-minute bike ride away, through throngs of tourists and thickets of tram tracks. Come winter, its pitch dark by 5. When its warm, she and her friends scour the city to find a good jumping bridge. They change into bikinis, then leap sometimes 30 feet into the cool, inky waters of the canal beneath.
These kids have freedom. Freedom to get themselves where they need to go and make choices about what to do. They are responsible for their own activities and money and schedules.
What they dont have are moms waiting outside school in SUVs, bearing snacks and athletic clothes, ready to ferry them to the next resume-building activity.
...
Ah, freedom for the kids, to be sure, but for us parents, too. Freedom from that particularly American brand of stressed-out parenting: making a big show when it comes to the small stuff but often missing the important parts entirely.
My childhood in New Jersey in the early 80s might not have been as sophisticated as Sophies, but it incorporated the same kind of personal freedom. I biked to school every day. Got myself to after-school sports practice, too. Just be home by 6.
Where did that freedom for American kids and their parents go? Last summer, when we were home for our monthlong break in Massachusetts, our 9-year-old attended a craft class at the local public school, two blocks from our house. Town population: 4,907. Everybody knows everybody else. And yet one mom insisted on walking our daughter home every day. Even after I explained to her (tight smile) that Charlotte could manage fine by herself, thank you very much.
Were there grave dangers lurking behind those white picket fences? I dont think so. But I perceived a deep underlying anxiety in that mother. Its what guides a lot of American parenting choices and forms the backbone of our pernicious helicopter parenting.
...
Most of us would agree that independence breeds self-confidence. Self-confidence contributes to self-worth, which is a foundation of personal happiness. Well, what do you know? Dutch kids are supremely happy. In a 2013 report on child well-being in rich countries, UNICEF ranks 29 advanced economies on the overall welfare of their youngest citizens. The Netherlands is No. 1. The US is 26th.
In Amsterdam, our daughters play for hours in front of our house while Im inside working. In Boston, I wouldnt dare leave them for five minutes in Titus Sparrow Park. Its not about safety. Its about the judgment of those playground-patrolling parents.
Yes, we have big problems, America. We need to improve our schools, combat inequality, fight guns and drugs . . . the list goes on. But we can work for change on a smaller scale, too. Family by family, we can resist the pull of fear-driven parenting.
Does fear play a dominant role in how you raise your kids? For non-Americans, does your country have these issues as well?