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Boy-Age: Because boys will be cute and silly
- Thread starter Devolution
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" and is was all awwwwhhh sho cute.Professor Beef
Banned
If you've got to fart/burp, it's fine. As long as you excuse yourself and don't try to turn it into a one-upmanship thing, it's all good.
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
Londa said:
so then for the last 3 months, he might be feeling like he's being neglected or that you guys aren't really "together" anymore.
i mean, a relationship has to actually be a relationship right? If you guys had been going out for a long time, like say 5 years or something, then it'd be dumb of him to split over 3 months of you trying to do homework.
but if you guys were only together for a year, that's 30% of the relationship. 30% of the time he's had with you he hasnt spent WITH you. That's a lot of wasted time, and I'd see someone who doesnt have much invested in you to feel like there's no "need" for you since he's alone all the time anyway.
my only suggestion for that is to MAKE TIME and spend like 10 or 20 minutes with him or do your homework while in his presence. In an ideal relationship i would think you'd both have to make sacrifices or adjustments.
I'm not necessarily saying its all on you in this case, there could be other factors involved that i'm not privvy to, but that's just what it seems like. I think if he's splitting with you because he doesnt see you (which is essentially the same thing as being "bored" of you). Its both selfish and reasonable as to why he'd do so. There's no point being in a relationship with someone you never interact with.
i read back a couple posts and it SEEMS like its a longer-term relationship. I'm probably going to go with the answer that "he feels neglected and bored of you, and the pressure of finding a job doesn't exactly help him cope with the aforementioned problems" answer.
davepoobond said:
Yeah we are almost on 3 years.
Thank you, now if only I could talk to him about this. It's too late.
For a brief period after waking up I felt fine, then reality sat in and, I feel hopeless again. I have to get out of this mood because right now nothing seems interesting.
Londa said:
As an advice from somebody that ended a very destructive 7 years long relationship (though we're still good friends), keep yourself occupied in any way, and do it quick. Don't let your brain take control of the situation because... well, you know, it's what's happening right now.
Clear your gaming backlog, join a gym with collective classes (body combat or any derivative is great for these moments), "force" your friends to take you out to have fun... The worst part is suddenly having nobody to talk about daily stuff so starting a diary (even as an anonymous blog or twitter account) might be a good idea as well.
davepoobond
you can't put a price on sparks
Londa said:
you can try if you really want to. i don't personally see the good in it, though. the only purpose really would seem to be trying to convince him otherwise to stay with you, and i guess you could if you wanted to, but the point is that he broke up with you, not the other way around.
so yeah, talk to him, but don't expect to get much of a straight answer or expect things to change. he'll probably not tell you the truth unless you really push him.
FallingEdge
Member
I'm on the other side with this. If I was in that situation, I want to know what's really going on. If it was a 3 week relationship, there is no real point finding out but this is 3 years. And to see it happen like this? I'm the type that needs closure and it seems like you want to find out as well. It just seems like such a dramatic turnaround. Regardless if he just came back from a cookout, feelings don't just change overnight. There is something else. Has he acted this way before?
FallingEdge said:
Last year around this same time he did the same thing. And again, both me and him were not able to see each other as often because he went out of town. He was visiting family in a a different state, and one day during his vacation he calls me up at 4 am to tell me he needed time apart. It wasn't a break up, but a separation.
After I continued to call and message, he gave in and started to talk to me. He seemed utterly lost in depression. Because he doesn't have a job.
brucewaynegretzky
Member
Mr Cola said:
WHY DON'T YOU LOVE ME!?!?! I PLAY THE HARPSICHORD FOR CHRIST'S SAKE!!!!!
(sorry that was just screaming to be posted in my head.)
Mr Cola said:
Well, is it just a hobby? In that case I don't see how it can be a plus or a minus, except for the fact that you have things that you're passionate about (which is always attractive.) Some girls may think it's hot, some may not care either way.
Now, if your goal is to be a musician professionally... kind of a minus? At least in my experience, musicians tend to be more obsessed with spending every minute playing. Not always fun for a significant other, even if they really enjoy music.
(Though when it comes down to musicians or artists, I'd rather date a musician. I find as an artist being with other artists isn't really fun. For some reason the guy always gets competitive. I've never officially dated them, only been on dates with them... yeah, not fun.)
Mr Cola said:
Plus. I always enjoyed it when my boyfriend would learn a new song and get really excited about it and play it for me. It was just a hobby, he went to lessons once a week.
But if it is something that you want to turn into a career, minus. It is good to know your partner has a steady job, musician is not good for that.
Professor Beef
Banned
I have a friend who actually did that once to try and get in the pants of a girl my other friend was going after. I felt bad for Friend 2, but I still couldn't help but laugh at the ridiculousness of the entire situation.suzu said:
SouthernDragon
Member
Mr Cola said:
If it's just a hobby, I don't see how it can be a minus. Even as a career it can be a positive if they are objectively talented.
Re: About the "affording a girlfriend".
It is all about social preassure. Quite a lot has been researched and written about the roles that society expects for females, and how societal preassure leads to feelings of supression and unhappiness for girls, but very few people give a crap about the same for we, men.
Thinkers and activists of gender equality assumed that the traditional, machist spiel about how the male should take a position of leadership in the couple meant that it was somehow better or less taxing for us than the reversal, when truth is that all comes down to the individual, not the gender.
Thing is, society actually expects the male to bring the food to the table. And it is not a view confined to rednecks in the depths of Idaho, but a quite spreaded one.
There's a true disdain in society towards males that earns less than their female partners, not to mention if they unemployed.
Case in point: if you are a girl and decide that you want to became a housewife and devote yourself entirely to your kids, the more conservative people might look good at you, thinking that you are a devoted mother. Good luck trying that and attempting to be respected if you are a man.
It goes on: If a women earns less than her partner, she is still viewed as hardworking girl that contributes her part. If a man earns less than his partner, people will always assume that he wants to "live off from you". The list goes on.
I have been in that type of situation, and it does get grating. A lot. Even if your couple is supportive and accept that situation, your man will not be so kind to himself. I sure wasn't so kind to myself. And I was not unemployed, mind you, I just happened to earn less (as in, 50% less) than my partner.
In that kind of situation, money and expenses becomes a tabu theme outside your partner (do you recall him talking too much about finances with your friends? I bet not). People automatically assume that you are a slob, that you are with your girl not because you love her, but rather because you want her to mantain you. And pray to God that your in - laws are somewhat reasonable people, or then it can get really hard for you. And even if there's no external preassure, you really cannot stop asking yourself if you are really trying hard enough, and the more you love your girl, the harder it becomes since well, you want the best for her, right? Yet you cannot best her income.
It is depressing. Seriously depressing. Not we all men do want to "lead" a relationship or a household, yet everyone expect that from us.
SouthernDragon
Member
I consider myself a pretty progressive dude, but having less money than the girl you are interested in really, really fucking sucks. Any time she discusses finances I just wince. The guy above is right, in my opinion.
Ikael said:
I wish it was not like this. My dad had a small issue with my boyfriend at first because I would drive 90% of the time. He thought he should drive and I should not be putting miles on my car. His car had about the same number of miles, (we were both over 100,000), his AC did not work, his passenger door did not open from the out side, his car was dirty, the driver's seat was broken. Most the time I did not want to ride in his car, yet I got to hear about it from my dad when I drove places instead of him.
As for paying for things, I have always felt it should be 50/50. I make a bit more than he does, and I want to go do things that cost money more often than he does, so I tend to pay more often when we go out. But he wants to go out to fast food more often than me, so he pays more often then.
I have never expected a guy to pay for things for me. It was nice when he had a job, and I did not. But even then I paid for things when he would let me.
FlightOfHeaven said:
My boyfriend cringes when I try to talk finances. He really wants to move in together. I told him sure, as soon as we both have 3 months rent+other bills worth of savings. But apparently this is a impossible and unreasonable request.
He just has issues saving money and will not let me help.
brucewaynegretzky
Member
Nymeria88 said:
That seems like alot if you both have some sense of job security, depending on how old you are of course. One of the best things about living with my girlfriend is that we have the ability to offset eachother whenever one has money problems. However, we've been together five years, work primarily out of a joint bank account, and have very similar interests/hobbies so there's not much arguing over what to spend money on. It would totally depend on the relationship I would think.
For us, I don't earn as much as he does but I manage my money far better and so always actually had more money to spend. Fortunately, he realizes that, and so financial stuff is generally in my hands. He doesn't seem to mind, but I guess there's a possibility that it does bother him deep down or something.
Every single "time rule" about relationships that you may hear is a load of horseshit. There's no fixed amount of time for freaking out or getting tired of a relationship. Noone in their sane minds goes "oh, hum, I have exceeded my limit time with a relationship, I should put it to rest in less than 24 hours or else I would have to live with it forever".
It doesn't go like this. It is a more gradual thing. At some point you come to the conclussion that you are carring on a relationship for outright inertia, as a kind of a fun and healthy habit, but that the girl you are dating is surely not the love of your life, and thus, decide to put it to an end since you don't want just a "just fine" relationship, but rather the best one possible. It is the very opposite of avoiding commitment: they take commitment so seriously that they are a aware that commited relationships should last for life. But you only have one life. And you want the best life possible, the best relationship possible, not something that do not fulfills you.
About the fear about comitment, I will never understand it. I have friends who do not want long term relationships, but they do not get "scared" about them, they just outright avoid them, they do not lie theirselves nor their partners about what are they looking for (hence why they are still my friends).
Devolution
Member
enzo_gt said:
This damn gif makes my day, every day.
BladeWorker
Member
If that's all you can do, minus. But people who can play instruments are usually good at more than one thing. So, plus.Mr Cola said:
Devolution
Member
Mr Cola said:
Depends on the instrument
.
Professor Beef
Banned
Tubamaba? Clarimanet? Oboemabo?Devolution said:Depends on the instrument
The Technomancer
card-carrying scientician
Its totally true. I broke up with a girl after nine months because even though we had good times together, I just didn't feel the potential of anything truly long term. It just started to feel like the right thing to do.Londa said:
Professor Beef
Banned
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3uISnfrNpxMMurkas said:
I don't know why guys bother asking "hey, girls, do girls like this?"
You ask 10 different girls that question and you'll get 10 different answers. Half the time those answers are contradictory to what they actually go for.
Seriously, it's best to learn about which girls are which type through trial and error and/or asking other guys with more experience.
You ask 10 different girls that question and you'll get 10 different answers. Half the time those answers are contradictory to what they actually go for.
Seriously, it's best to learn about which girls are which type through trial and error and/or asking other guys with more experience.
ZephyrFate
Banned
Why ask anyone any questions ever, then? Type is always subjective, but certain traits are universal (more or less).Dan Yo said:
Escape Goat
Member
I don't think I've encountered any universal traits for men or women. Everyone responds according to his or her own experiences.
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