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Could straight men and women just be friends?
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Mr. B Natural
Member
Men and women can be just friends as long as neither of the two of them find each other attractive in the least. But you rarely ever see that because if two people of the opposite sex don't find each other attractive, then they don't bother with each other...especially the guy. If the woman isn't attractive, then all of a sudden she's annoying or stupid or a know it all or whatever.
I dont see how I've exaggerated anything. I've not used absolutes as you keep pointing out(perhaps implying I was?). I just think its interesting how you can think that in most cases, one party does actually like the other, but you dont feel its an issue with you and your female friends or your SO and her male friends, as if you guys have struck gold being in the minority of the cases or something.
I mean, you say you dont find any of your female friends attractive. Is that because they are objectively ugly? Cuz thats understandable. But it would also come with the implication that you probably couldn't be friends with an attractive female. Or are you saying that by 'unnattractive', you just mean you're not interested in them, even though they are actually attractive people in reality? Which would be normal, but also comes with the implication that there's a very good chance they like you as more than 'just friends' going by your logic and that its probably not a good thing to remain friends with them because of that.
The Anti-Monitor
Banned
Green Mamba
Member
I came in here to ask this very question.
BadAss2961
Member
For the most part, i've only been friends with women who were dating my other friends. I had kept a little distance between us in those situations though.
Angry Grimace
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and says "does something taste funny to you?"
This is such a dumb question. It really is. I'm friends with some hot girls and it doesn't mean anything because I have control of my faculties and am not a slave to my wang.
Ela Hadrun
Probably plays more games than you
It consistently amazes me that people don't know how to do this. Let's put this in a slightly different context.
Can men and women be coworkers?
Well, I guess so, but only if she's ugly.
Of course, but it will often end in at least one person wanting the other.
What is this romantic comedy everybody-fucks mentality? Hot people of compatible orientations are friends ALL THE TIME. There isn't some kind of powerful electromagnet in the crotch. Jeez. It is important to learn to be the boss of your own junk. Preferably before like, senior year of high school.
Can men and women be coworkers?
Well, I guess so, but only if she's ugly.
Of course, but it will often end in at least one person wanting the other.
What is this romantic comedy everybody-fucks mentality? Hot people of compatible orientations are friends ALL THE TIME. There isn't some kind of powerful electromagnet in the crotch. Jeez. It is important to learn to be the boss of your own junk. Preferably before like, senior year of high school.
HappyBivouac
Member
But it's an irrelevant question. A bisexual person having a friend is not analogous to a heterosexual person being just friends with an attractive member of the opposite sex.
The most important word is "just."
It's not a question of what you do. That's the issue with this question: it means something different to different people. In my view, if you think a girl is hot, regardless of how well you "control yourself" or what you do and don't do, it's still not just a purely platonic friendship.
Continuity
Member
Sure, I friend-zone myself with every female I meet. It's been working out very well
K
kittens
Unconfirmed Member
Of course. Most my friends are women.
FindMyFarms
Member
Sure, as long as there's no attraction. If there is attraction between the two, then still yes assuming both parties have other active sexual partners. But things get iffy when two people that are attracted to each other are each others' only options.
FallingEdge
Member
Pancakes be delicious =)
And I don't see what the problem is with being friends with someone you find attractive. Are you in it for just sex? A gf/bf situation? Companionship? It really goes a lot deeper than that.
HappyBivouac
Member
GUYS
The question is about being just friends. How is this not clear to you?
All the people saying "sure I can be friends with someone I'm attracted to," are displaying a lack of reading comprehension.
If you're attracted to someone, whether you act on it or not, there is tension.
The question is about being just friends. How is this not clear to you?
All the people saying "sure I can be friends with someone I'm attracted to," are displaying a lack of reading comprehension.
If you're attracted to someone, whether you act on it or not, there is tension.
Of course. But I still want to have sex with them on some level, and some of them want to have sex with me. It's so different when you know, it's like, no questions asked, really. But I like the friendships and the jokey funny fooling around more than I would some sex and potential awkwardness and wrecking the friendship later, etc.
One girl in particular, I don't even want her to know where I live, or to know where she lives, because it might just click. Sometimes I will play with the thought, but even that's kind of too much. She's a really good battle buddy at my new job, and I could totally imagine my shitty luck with relationships wrecking that, so I refuse to even go there.
It's interesting. This perspective has to be what a lot of women feel about their male friends.
One girl in particular, I don't even want her to know where I live, or to know where she lives, because it might just click. Sometimes I will play with the thought, but even that's kind of too much. She's a really good battle buddy at my new job, and I could totally imagine my shitty luck with relationships wrecking that, so I refuse to even go there.
It's interesting. This perspective has to be what a lot of women feel about their male friends.
charlequin
Banned
foreveralone.gif
It's embarrassing (or, sometimes, much worse) when people use alcohol or other drugs as an excuse for being unable to control themselves.
Fine, if I discount those of my friends who I'm even the slightest bit attracted to... Nope, girls still outnumber guys. And not because the rest are ugly.
It's possible.
While there might be tension, that is certainly not enough of a reason on its own to prevent a friendship.
I'm married but even when I was single I tended to have more female friends than male. That might stem from the fact that when I was single I ended up doing a lot of online dating. I'd get to "know" someone via email/chat/phone before the date and if the physical spark just wasn't there we'd often end up hanging out as friends. I'm not saying that we were overly close or anything like that but we'd keep in touch and meet up once every couple of weeks for dinners/movies/concerts, etc...
Maybe I'm in the minority but when I was single I always thought it was a good idea to have a couple of strictly platonic female friends around because you never knew when you'd need to bring someone to an event, etc...
As I've said before in other threads, my wife and I broke up for 3 months before getting married. During that time we remained friends on a strictly platonic level because she was dating someone else. Granted, I still had feelings for her and she still had feelings for me (feelings that only grew and eventually led to us getting married posthaste) but I'd like to think that even if things hadn't ended in marriage that we'd still be friends to this day.
Also, aside from my wife (who is my best friend) my next closest friend is a smokin' hot lesbian who works for one of my clients. Obviously gay men/women can be friends with straight men/women without much drama.
Maybe I'm in the minority but when I was single I always thought it was a good idea to have a couple of strictly platonic female friends around because you never knew when you'd need to bring someone to an event, etc...
As I've said before in other threads, my wife and I broke up for 3 months before getting married. During that time we remained friends on a strictly platonic level because she was dating someone else. Granted, I still had feelings for her and she still had feelings for me (feelings that only grew and eventually led to us getting married posthaste) but I'd like to think that even if things hadn't ended in marriage that we'd still be friends to this day.
Also, aside from my wife (who is my best friend) my next closest friend is a smokin' hot lesbian who works for one of my clients. Obviously gay men/women can be friends with straight men/women without much drama.
HappyBivouac
Member
Yes, but there's more to it than just the friendship.
Devolution
Member
No. Girls have cooties and boys are always trying to put boogers in my hair.
Kind of scary too given what it can imply.
Kind of scary too given what it can imply.
The Anti-Monitor
Banned
I'm sorry we can't be friends
And I called the bisexual thing before anyone else!
I'm sorry we can't be friends
And I called the bisexual thing before anyone else!
beaten like a dead horse.... college is throwing me off my game
HappyBivouac
Member
The bisexual argument is ignored because it's irrelevant. The question is NOT "can you be friends with someone of the opposite sex/someone you find attractive?"
The question is, "can you be JUST friends with them?" No attraction, no tension, nothing. That's what just friends means.
Why is this difficult for people to understand?
The question is, "can you be JUST friends with them?" No attraction, no tension, nothing. That's what just friends means.
Why is this difficult for people to understand?
Angry Grimace
Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and says "does something taste funny to you?"
It's just kind of a warped perspective that assumes that Girls cannot have anything more to offer than being sex partners. I fail to see how attractiveness has any relevance to being friends.
Steve Youngblood
Member
Hmm... I don't really know if I agree that's what just friends means. Tension and attraction aren't in and of themselves problems in as much as what they might lead to is problematic. Having a female friend isn't a problem. Having an attractive female friend isn't a problem. Having an attractive female friend with some innocuous flirtation isn't even necessarily a problem.
The problem would be if I secretly pined for her and behaved differently with fake niceness as an ulterior motive. The problem would be if the attraction was mutual and that eventually led to something, as I'm married. The problem would be if my wife was suspicious of the relationship I had with this girl.
HappyBivouac
Member
How does it assume that at all? Where are you getting that? I don't think anyone is saying you can't be friends with someone of the opposite sex. The important question is centered around the phrase "just friends."
Sexual attraction often stems from a lot of things other than "herp derp I want to put my penis in a vagina." Hell, sexual attraction can even happen as a result of what a good friend someone is and how much you like/respect them as a person.
HappyBivouac
Member
The question asks nothing about problems. It's a definitional argument.
Devolution
Member
More like why do sexually frustrated people project their nonsense into every day life. It's obvious who has healthy friendships and who doesn't.
FallingEdge
Member
OriginalNameGuy
Member
Sure, its possible. As long as you can exercise some self control over your urges then you should be able to maintain a friendship
Devolution
Member
So what you're saying is the people around you are immature.
Steve Youngblood
Member
Point taken. That was a bit of projection as for me, if a friendship led to some sort of non-platonic relationship, it would be problematic. But I still stand behind the sentiment that attraction and perhaps even some tension don't lead to people not being able to be just friends in and of themselves.
I don't know if its comparable, men get and understand each other, gay or straight.
HappyBivouac
Member
People have feelings. Most people control them when needed if they're mature. Doesn't mean they don't have them.
But keep that knee-jerk condescension thing going on. Its working out really well.
I'm sorry we can't be friends
But men and women can't get and understand each other?
The Anti-Monitor
Banned
It's just according to some people.
'sides, it's even more of a no if he's attractive after all.
Devolution
Member
The logic that prevails in this thread isn't about feelings, it's about not being friends with an entire gender because you either can't ignore your genitals and or you degrade people to sexual objects and their company alone isn't enough.
There's nothing much to be condescending about really. In the real world people have friends of both sexes and it's not some thing that is entirely impossible. And if someone finds another person attractive, big fucking deal, it happens. If they're worth being friends with the answer is obvious. Getting rejected is one thing, there's your feelings argument. Deciding that you can't be friends with the opposite gender, especially if they're attractive, suggests a problem with how you view them.
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