Yes. Why?
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Could straight men and women just be friends?
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Yes. Why?
Yeah, this is where a lot of people in this thread part ways...
There ya go! You're getting it
...And the part where I tell Darknessbear to speak for himself.
There's nothing wrong with people admitting you can't get over the attraction factor, but insisting that most or all others think and feel the same way is an over-generalization.
Like the hat?
Banned
I would turn down sex from anyone that's not my wife, because I love and respect my wife. It's not a matter of not being attracted to other women.
Boards of Canada
Member
Every girl I'm friends with, I've had sex with at some point in our friendship.
Devolution
Member
Get in some relationships, realize that people who can't trust you are the problem, not being around others whom you consider friends. It has nothing to do with "respecting" someone so much as maintaining trust.
Green Mamba
Member
The projection is strong in this topic.
timetokill
Banned
Unfortunately, based on my experiences talking to other guys about this, I'd say probably 80%-90% of males will not be friends with a female unless there is some desire there to have sex with her. Even if it would never happen for whatever reason, even if they know it's not a realistic possibility, the physical attraction is there. If they were somehow in a circumstance where they could step outside their life and jump your bones just once, they would in a heartbeat.
If you're in a really good relationship with a girl, sex wouldn't be the #1 thing on your mind.
LightofRohan
Member
I know its illogical and feeble-minded ect. But it's generally the truth. There's nothing I can do about it! But again, I'm in a great relationship (7 years) and have a great female friend that I do want to bang. BUT if I was single, I'd probably would try and bang her even if I'm not attracted to her... its how we are wired.
And if you are in a friendship atm w/ a guy; he wants to bang you but wont say or he's gay and wont say.
Also I can smile if I want !
I'm sorry. I'll stand by that the majority of straight guys want to bang/would bang most woman.
Not all guys are like this, and I have met girls who are like this too. I see a lot more guys who are like this though because I think it's part of their 'image' to keep up. I can't compute that and neither can my partner. That's probably why we are both able to have friends of the opposite sex. I know both guys and girls who claim to be wired like the above and seem to have no friends of the opposite sex, so maybe there's just different breeds, lol. I'll stick to the way I am, thank you very much!
Devolution
Member
They just sound pathetic and lonely to me. I make friends based on whose company I like.
Green Mamba
Member
Oh please.
BadAss2961
Member
I'd love to have an explanation for you, but sometimes it just is what it is.
LightofRohan
Member
Ok that statement was too general. I should have stressed the MAJORITY. We are on the internet here, we have to speak in majorities. I don't know you all personally. Of course there are exceptions, but there are exceptions to anything in life.
Ghost_Protocol
Member
YES! I found it!
Why Men and Women can't be friends
In the beginning, all the girls say yes, guys and girls can be just friends, but then he asks, "so if you gave your best guy friend the opportunity to hook up with you, would he?" Yes across the board. This issue isn't complicated.
Why Men and Women can't be friends
In the beginning, all the girls say yes, guys and girls can be just friends, but then he asks, "so if you gave your best guy friend the opportunity to hook up with you, would he?" Yes across the board. This issue isn't complicated.
Why ignore something that you see as possibly special? I don't think you would have to be a hopeless romantic to think it is a rarer find than a platonic relationship. What type of friendship involves someone forcibly suppressing their own feelings?
Johnny Cage In The Shower
Member
The bolded is the key word here.
Men are genetically programmed to be sexually attracted to other men or women. I highly doubt the passage of time has any effect on this, Unless we are talking million years of evolution or something...(but that's besides the point)
What you call "perception" and "old school holdouts" was just the previous social norm and society's view of the opposite sex in one specific part of the world. And now we have entered (or entering) another social norm constructed by society that teaches us how to properly behave and communicate with the opposite sex.
Having sexual desires for each other has nothing to do with how a community grows and changes with trends. Sexuality is in our DNA, it's human/animal behavior programmed for our survival.
Devolution
Member
Show up at the wedding on a horse and steal her away.
idlethreats
Member
I strongly disagree with this. If I expected my SO to "respect" me by limiting/restricting who they can spend time with, I think I would actually be the one who was being incredibly disrespectful - disrespectful of their need to form bonds and socialize with others outside of our relationship. It's controlling and abusive to place those kinds of expectations on your SO, IMO. If you can't trust their SO or they can't trust you, you honestly should not be in a relationship w/one another.
I have a little bit of relationship experience. I'm using that and things I've seen first hand. In the particular scenario I have in mind basically, this girl got mad and began crying when a female friend grabbed by arm and started dragging me. Of course, my first thought was that she was overreacting. Still, the way she acted afterwards made me feel bad. That's why I don't like putting myself in compromising situations.
I would have to say it varies, a lot. Some of my friends are okay with letting there friends touch their girlfriends inappropriately, (...) others get mad when someone flirts with there girlfriend and then tries to fight them (...). They're all hypocrites though.
Enough about me though.
Pretty much this.
Because it's not always a strong feeling. Not every tiny chance for love and/or sex is so fixating that I'd trash a perfectly good friendship in pursuit of it.
H.Protagonist
[-_-]/
This makes me not want to associate with guys at all. Like all my friendships are a lie. I really value my guy friends because I feel safe and unreserved with them. I'm not worried that they're scheming or angling for something that doesn't exist and isn't a possibility. It's the other wolves that keep most of my attention and now you're telling me that I'm surrounded by them.
We're talking about friendships outside of sex. If friendship only comes to the forefront once you're having sex with a girl, then that's depressing for your gender (and mine I suppose).
I know its illogical and feeble-minded ect. But it's generally the truth. There's nothing I can do about it! But again, I'm in a great relationship (7 years) and have a great female friend that I do want to bang. BUT if I was single, I'd probably would try and bang her even if I'm not attracted to her... its how we are wired.
And if you are in a friendship atm w/ a guy; he wants to bang you but wont say or he's gay and wont say.
Also I can smile if I want !
I'm sorry. I'll stand by that the majority of straight guys want to bang/would bang most woman.
You can't smile at all. This damn discussion made me cook the shit out of a steak and it's medium-well now.
Right? My guy and I have talked about this a lot actually since it's come up on Gaf and at work so much. He's not jealous, concerned or so pessimistic about his own gender. He believes it's possible as well. I'm not saying he doesn't entertain passing thoughts of other women, that's natural, but he doesn't cut off potential friendships because they just happen to come from a girl.
Doesn't this depress you at all? I do wonder if some guys just aren't trying to get past it. It seems plenty are capable of having female friendships not based on the hope of sex, and then others are like 'welp'.
C'mon, Orayn. I've seen your pic and been witness to many a debate on gaf involving you, so why such low self-esteem? Thinking people are out of your league is the exact way to make them out of your league (by your own design). You've got the goods, so don't be so down on yourself.
AndresON777
shooting blanks
This, so much. We can be friends if she doesnt want me and I wont flirt at all and it wont be weird but if she changes her mind Im good to go. Im like a fire extinguisher and Im ok with that. Everyone belongs to everybody
Devolution
Member
Um the only real answer to this is to trust your SO. If they do something inappropriate you let them know. If they keep it from you, you ask why. Trying to limit who they see and what they do is controlling and reeks of insecurity. If your SO is the jealous insecure one you tell them to knock it the fuck off or date someone else.
H.Protagonist
[-_-]/
I never said sexual desire was a non-issue, just that when you let it rule your decisions, there's a problem.
This is ridiculously unfair to your guy friends.
Wait, what? That's...not what I was saying.
I was saying that the sex part comes later, AFTER you created a friendship with this person.
Devolution
Member
If they're thinking anything it might be because of who you are not necessarily some sort of "she's hot I'd hit that." It's not all predatory honestly.
idlethreats
Member
Conversely, it's grossly unfair to H. Protagonist if all of her guy friends view her first and foremost as a potential sexual conquest, which is what many folks in this thread seem to be suggesting.
H.Protagonist
[-_-]/
This is not my interpretation. It's based off timetokill's version of guys and this question. I should rephrase, "this would not make me want to associate with them." I don't personally believe guys are incapable of platonic-only friendships.
^Yes. IF guys were like this, then I would be a bit disgusted. But I don't think they are. Or not all of them anyway.
Devolution
Member
Yeah that's the part that's like =/.
I wouldn't let some of the projection here get to you too much honestly.
I'll drink to that! and drink and drink and keep on drinking...
GAF is not representative of her friends. I'd be pretty insulted as a guy if a female friend thought I was just hanging out with her for her pants.
Devolution
Member
But they are trying to implicate that they represent a vast majority of straight male opinion.
Well, most guys (I'd be willing to bet) aren't friends with females just to get in their pants. It's that if the opportunity arouse they'd most likely take it.
H.Protagonist
[-_-]/
Ah. I read that as relationship = dating type relationship. And, yes, I should think sex wouldn't be in the picture if it's a good relationship.
I think you missed my reply to you above.
Yeah, I think I'd be pretty insulted if one of my guy friends implied that about me, too. That's just projecting.
Ah, yes. Right.
idlethreats
Member
Right. I was trying to point out that the implication is pretty gross.
Johnny Cage In The Shower
Member
My argument is, it will always be, without a doubt a part of a man's everyday life.
Maybe some men let it "rule" their decisions more than others, but it's never either 100% or 0%, It's involves emotions and deep desires, it's not something a man can check at the door and go about his life. I don't know, I have hard time explaining this to be honest, but it's more like wrestling with your sexual desires, rolling down the hill with them, rather than you totally subduing them or vise versa.
I don't doubt that, but let's just say the hill men wrestle their sexual desires on is lot more steep than women's, most women have a lot more control over this shit, due to how and why they find men sexually attractive, which often is not the same reasons why men find women attractive.
idlethreats
Member
You can pretty much say the same about women too though, and it would be true.
Ghost_Protocol
Member
I think I'm going to generalize here and say: Guys don't hang out with girls that they don't find attractive in some way. Period. End of story. For fucks sake, guys don't hang out with other guys they'd be embarrassed to be seen hanging out with in public!
And H.Protagonist, if your avatar is a self-portrait, I can promise you that your best guy friends think you're attractive - and that does not have to mean they're scheming to figure out how to hook up with you.
And H.Protagonist, if your avatar is a self-portrait, I can promise you that your best guy friends think you're attractive - and that does not have to mean they're scheming to figure out how to hook up with you.
BadAss2961
Member
Not at all actually.
And don't think of it as the friendship being based solely on the hope of sex, or that this is always what we're scheming for. We truly enjoy your friendship. It often gives us a different kind of relationship and perspective than what we get from our guy friends. Again, it's just that if the opportunity for sex presents itself, most of us will go after it.
Friends are great, but sex is too.
This goes contrary to GAF's 'only if they're ugly' female friendship rule!
Also, it's completely false.
Or completely true, actually. I'm not friends with people with ugly personalities.
Devolution
Member
I think the answer for anyone who's well adjusted is: I make friends with people I mesh well with gender not withstanding and yet here we are.
BadAss2961
Member
But that they've probably thought about it before, and would if they saw a way in.
timetokill
Banned
Yeah, let me be clear, I'm not saying that it's about viewing all women as a potential sexual conquest... like I said, the guy knows it's not even a possibility. It's not a potential conquest -- but he still finds her attractive. Anyway, that's just based on the discussions I've had. It's definitely not all guys, it just seems like most to me. And a lot of guys won't admit it except in all-male, close-friends company (obviously).
I had a couple roommates in college that would not stop badgering me about a girl I was hanging out with (we had a few classes together). They would repeatedly insist that I was into her, that I wanted to sleep with her, etc. I recall one insistence vividly: "Bullshit man, if she was here spread eagle on the floor you're telling me you wouldn't do it? Fuckin' bullshit." He wasn't just messing with me jokingly, he was actually angry at my refusal to agree. It was pretty nuts.
I have a younger sister and I've told her about many guy friends who she says "are just friends and they know that" but I know are still interested in her. Later she'll come to me and tell me I was right because they started hitting on her and getting mad that she wasn't reciprocating. It's sad, and she feels miserable when it happens. And it's really not fair, but a lot of guys take basic friendship as potential for more.
General takeaway is I would feel comfortable putting money on the fact that if you took a random 10 male friends of the ladies here that more than one of them secretly would love to sex her up but knows it's not gonna happen. It's a fantasy, but they're not gonna do anything about it because it's a fantasy.
cutmeamango
Banned
When/if you are single again, one of your friends will try his odds, H.Protagonist.
You are compatible enough to have a probably lasting and close relationship, which true (heh) friendship. You have the same sexual orientation. Independently of your attractiveness, that makes you one of the greatest odds of the person finding someone to grow old together together, if he has any interest in this, that is.
It's not that the person will be seeking a "fuck buddy" (may happen though), but that you are cool enough that even if you had two penises, he would still be your buddy for 40 years or so, but since you don't have a penis, if chance arises, and mood, and whatever, why not be buddy for these 40 years with a babby, or three.
That does not mean friendships break when no possibility of that is left. Because, friendships.
You are compatible enough to have a probably lasting and close relationship, which true (heh) friendship. You have the same sexual orientation. Independently of your attractiveness, that makes you one of the greatest odds of the person finding someone to grow old together together, if he has any interest in this, that is.
It's not that the person will be seeking a "fuck buddy" (may happen though), but that you are cool enough that even if you had two penises, he would still be your buddy for 40 years or so, but since you don't have a penis, if chance arises, and mood, and whatever, why not be buddy for these 40 years with a babby, or three.
That does not mean friendships break when no possibility of that is left. Because, friendships.
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