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[always crazy bacon]

A chip in your ear and on your shoulder? How long until you become Iron Man? See, that's how you deal with it, lean into it with humour and don't make it the first thing you mention to women if at all. I'm short and I trade up for a few more inches in height for a hearing problem.

I know a guy that disabled, wheelchair bound, overweight becuse he can't do any excersise and his condition means he talks slow. He's a really great guy, people warm to him and he has a wicked sense of humour. He's also got a partner and they are both very happy, I must say that his partner is a particularly handsome guy.

Everybody has something not quite right with them to varying degrees, just don't make that your definining characaristic. If someone rejects you for that, that's not a person you want to be with anyway so why spend any time thinking about it.

Reading girls? Stop looking for damn signs they might like you before you build up confidence to ask them out for a drink/lunch. The only reason you,want signs is because your afraid of rejection. Don't over invest before you ask them for a date, act quick. They say no? So what? Your're no worse off as your used to that. You learned the wrong damn lesson avoiding asking them becuse you were looking for signs.

Some girl chose someone else over you JUST becuse of money? Get that redpill shit thinking out of your head right now. If she was that shallow, you didn't want to be with her anyway. I'll take a stab in the dark and say that guy just moved faster than you.

Looks? Women aren't as focused on that as you think. You can post your picture if you really want confirmation that your at least OK in the looks department. You've made a great step just learning how to dress well, that will make a great impression and if you work on losing the weight too that's also to your benefit.

Your problems or the ones you THINK you have are common, easy to fix with a little perspective change.

 

[Salamando]

In that case, the kinds of insecurities I have are:

That's pretty much it.

- Consider seeing a therapist. I think everyone should - it's nice having someone trained to listen to your problems...and can't legally discuss them with other people.

- You may want to seek out a support group for the hearing impaired. Some disabilities can feel isolating, and it'll help you feel less alone. You'll also get to meet people who've thrived despite their issues, motivating you to be your best. And you might meet a cute girl too

- ACB already made a comics reference, but I don't care..."You're deaf? Fuck, you're now 100% closer to being Hawkeye than I am!" (Comic book Hawkeye is canonically deaf/near-deaf. When he forgets his hearing aid or it's blown out in battle, he has to ask heroes wearing masks to pull 'em up a little so he can lip read)

- With confidence, it helps to have something you can take pride in. I don't care what it is, take that pride, let the confidence ooze into every aspect of your personality. Even if all you got is the ability to name every Pokemon, let it empower you.

- If you lost a girl because of a lack of hearing or a lack of money, you didn't lose anything of value. One of the best skills you can develop in dating is a tolerance of rejections. She lost someone who cares about her, you didn't. She's the loser in the transaction.

 

[duxstar]

I literally think im losing my girl of 4 months tonight ..... and it will absolutely destroy me , like im mad low insecure and legit fell in love with her .... to the point i wanted to get her a nice ring, talked about having kids..... the whole nine yards.

Then she unlocks my phone tonight .... goes through all my old facebook messages , all of my old texts, and finds this ome long ass conversation with a girl i seen back in November of last year ..... then we kind of talked off and on for a few months.

Losing this girl would destroy me , and i cant take that .... its not even about finding another girl would be impossible .... im just so in love with this one ..... i see my future im her

 

[Miles Quaritch]

I literally think im losing my girl of 4 months tonight ..... and it will absolutely destroy me , like im mad low insecure and legit fell in love with her .... to the point i wanted to get her a nice ring, talked about having kids..... the whole nine yards.

Then she unlocks my phone tonight .... goes through all my old facebook messages , all of my old texts, and finds this ome long ass conversation with a girl i seen back in November of last year ..... then we kind of talked off and on for a few months.

Losing this girl would destroy me , and i cant take that .... its not even about finding another girl would be impossible .... im just so in love with this one ..... i see my future im her

Four months, so you started dating in March. Why would messages from November matter? Were you still talking to Facebook lady during these last four months?

What were you talking about?

 

[always crazy bacon]

I literally think im losing my girl of 4 months tonight ..... and it will absolutely destroy me , like im mad low insecure and legit fell in love with her .... to the point i wanted to get her a nice ring, talked about having kids..... the whole nine yards.

Then she unlocks my phone tonight .... goes through all my old facebook messages , all of my old texts, and finds this ome long ass conversation with a girl i seen back in November of last year ..... then we kind of talked off and on for a few months.

Losing this girl would destroy me , and i cant take that .... its not even about finding another girl would be impossible .... im just so in love with this one ..... i see my future im her

4 months. That's nothing and you're lucky to be getting out early if she's that insecure. It would only get worse from this point. Walking on eggshells not to upset her hoping her confirmation bias does not find something innocent that sets her off again. You got too invested too soon with a crazy.

4 months is nothing.

 

[True Savior]

I don't get this, I meet someone, she and I have flirted to the point of escalating things, she reciprocates, and then she disappears causing me to doubt everything (and I'm already not in a good position since second-thinking myself with women has been the bane of my existence).

All I want is for one date/relationship development to go fucking smoothly like it seems to go for everyone else. It's frustrating.

Some people just want that. To flirt. To have a bit of attention. A small distraction. Still, if you're so doubtful just try to talk to them after.

If you're ugly wouldn't you have all the time to pick and choose? I mean you aren't spending that time going on dates so...

brutal

 

[Subpar Scrub]

Then she unlocks my phone tonight .... goes through all my old facebook messages , all of my old texts,

I'd tell her she had no right to breach my privacy like that and to fuck off.

Hmmm... got me thinking...

If you're thinking you should just ask someone out you've been wanting to ask out, do it breh.

 

[Mediking]

Everybody has something not quite right with them to varying degrees, just don't make that your definining characaristic. If someone rejects you for that, that's not a person you want to be with anyway so why spend any time thinking about it.

Reading girls? Stop looking for damn signs they might like you before you build up confidence to ask them out for a drink/lunch. The only reason you,want signs is because your afraid of rejection. Don't over invest before you ask them for a date, act quick. They say no? So what? Your're no worse off as your used to that. You learned the wrong damn lesson avoiding asking them becuse you were looking for signs.

Some girl chose someone else over you JUST becuse of money? Get that redpill shit thinking out of your head right now. If she was that shallow, you didn't want to be with her anyway. I'll take a stab in the dark and say that guy just moved faster than you.

Looks? Women aren't as focused on that as you think. You can post your picture if you really want confirmation that your at least OK in the looks department. You've made a great step just learning how to dress well, that will make a great impression and if you work on losing the weight too that's also to your benefit.

Wow... now this is something I really needed to hear.

Amazing advice. Like seriously.

Never knew the looking for signs thing was bad. I thought it was smart to look for chemistry before asking a woman out but I realize that its best to just jump for it.

Hmmm... got me thinking...

 

[Prime crotch]

How would you feel if the person you're seeing or dating said that they're not emotionally all there?
I've been casually dating for the past month these two girls I've met, and it's been fun, but I'm starting to wonder if I'm leading them on. It's not that I don't see any possibility of being with any of them in long-term, it's just I don't feel it. I've mentioned I was still meeting other people and I still have tinder active, where we've met through.. but I get this feeling the expectations changed recently.
Some years ago I was in a similar road before and ended up on a long-term relationship that I really didn't want to be in. So I'm extra wary these days about it.

 

[always crazy bacon]

How would you feel if the person you're seeing or dating said that they're not emotionally all there?
I've been casually dating for the past month these two girls I've met, and it's been fun, but I'm starting to wonder if I'm leading them on. It's not that I don't see any possibility of being with any of them in long-term, it's just I don't feel it.
Some years ago I was in a similar road before and ended up on a long-term relationship that I really didn't want to be in. So I'm extra wary these days about it.

Either keep it casual or end it. Don't waste the other parties time with indecision.

 

[Manu]

Alright, this is gonna be a long one.

So I ended a 7 year relationship back on March, while I'm still in good terms with my ex I figured it was about time I tried dating. And I don't say I'm getting back into dating because before my ex I wasn't exactly successful with women, you could say she was my first true girlfriend and everything prior to that was failed experiences and one night hookups that didn't even end in sex. So now I'm 28 and trying to learn how to get into dating, which sucks, a lot.

A couple weeks ago this girl added me on Facebook, said she knows me off some gaming groups where I'm and administrator and she's into metalheads so she added me to chat. We really hit it off, despite the fact I'm a shy piece of shit. She's really pretty and very foulmouthed for a girl which I'm not used to but for some reason I really like about her. A week later she's already inviting me to her place to smoke pot and listen to some metal. Of course I said yes. She also warned me about having some "unresolved stuff" with her last ex, a guy she was with for the better part of a year and who was kind of a jerk who will sometimes lurk her facebook profile to make sure she's not dating anyone else and shit. I said I was ok with that as long as she gave me a chance anyway. She said yes.

And then I recognized the guy.

Turns about her abusive ex is also the abusive ex of another friend I've had for a decade, and this guy is some heavy shit. My friend endured years of abuse from this guy, she even had to do therapy after breaking up with him, and this girl is already showing some similar behaviors when it comes to this dude. Last Saturday we went out together and while we had a lot of fun, we didn't even kiss because there was a feeling of awkwardness about the whole thing. She even made me promise I wasn't going to let anyone know about this and got increasingly nervous about it as the night went on. What started out as a cool night out with a girl ended up with me feeling paranoid about even kissing her. Before leaving I asked her if there was a chance that we could at some point have a second date that doesn't have to be awkward, she said yes but she didn't know when because she wants to get rid of this guy first. She also told me I shouldn't have to wait for her in the meantime (like I had options or something -_-) I feel like shit because I've seen his MO before and this could take some time, or not happen at all, and I really like this girl. We both agreed to stay in contact and still chat on Facebook, but I'm not sure what to do.

Phew, it was nice getting all this off my chest.

 

[Benzychenz]

Some cute 18 year old girl super liked me this morning and now I've got her number and we're doing lunch and drinks tomorrow.

Huh.

 

[LordKasual]

In that case, the kinds of insecurities I have are:

- About my disability, some people already know this ITT but I use a cochlear implant as I am deaf on one side and Hard-Of-Hearing on the other side. As much as I really don't want to use this as an excuse, I can't help but wonder if it turns people off.
- The Chip on my Shoulder my disability has created. The one thing that pisses me off is people writing me off because of perceived inability before they've gotten a chance to see my character, so I do everything in my power to fight back against naysayers. I've had someone say to my face that no one would want to be with me because of my disability so I had been trying my damndest to prove them wrong, when I should have done it for the right reasons.
- Rejection/Lack of results taking its toll on self-esteem, confidence to the point where I'm not sure if I'm even attractive to the opposite sex. Most damaging was the first time I had ever done this with someone who said she was attracted to me, but ended up going for the guy with money.
- Horrible at reading people in dating contexts because of lack of self-confidence. Used to be in high school that I would be enthusiastic and optimistic about getting hints that someone liked me, at least until I faced the tough news that I was just looking for hints that never existed. As a result, multiple times I've downplayed whatever signs I've gotten and more often than not I end up being right about it.
- Whether I look attractive or not. I'm not the fattest man in the world, but I do have a bit of weight that I'm working on cutting out and ever since university, I've found out how to dress proper and for the occasion.

That's pretty much it.

Here's some choice words of advice from the good ol' Tyrion Lannister.

You are ultimately in control of how you feel about something. An objective fact, and the simplest concept on earth when you think about it.

But it's probably one of the hardest to actually embrace. But just start working at it, and you'll slowly notice how it changes you....and how it changes how people subconsciously perceive you.


Anxiety and Confidence are both self-perpetuating emotions. All you have to do is start trying to tip the scale in the other direction.

No... As it has been said, it ruins your algorithm.

You're working against yourself, doing that.

fuck

If you're ugly wouldn't you have all the time to pick and choose? I mean you aren't spending that time going on dates so...

ahahahaha

haha.....yeah.

 

[LucidMomentum]

Some cute 18 year old girl super liked me this morning and now I've got her number and we're doing lunch and drinks tomorrow.

Huh.

RIP your kidneys.

Spoiler

Don't worry about it, have fun!

 

[finalflame]

I literally think im losing my girl of 4 months tonight ..... and it will absolutely destroy me , like im mad low insecure and legit fell in love with her .... to the point i wanted to get her a nice ring, talked about having kids..... the whole nine yards.

Then she unlocks my phone tonight .... goes through all my old facebook messages , all of my old texts, and finds this ome long ass conversation with a girl i seen back in November of last year ..... then we kind of talked off and on for a few months.

Losing this girl would destroy me , and i cant take that .... its not even about finding another girl would be impossible .... im just so in love with this one ..... i see my future im her

Run dude. Fucking run. Seriously. I know it's gonna hurt at first, but run as fast as you can in the opposite fucking direction and never look back. What she did is EXTREMELY troubling behavior and if you stay you'll be setting yourself up for a very toxic relationship.

I know it feels impossible now, but things will get better. 4 months isn't that much time, life will go on.

 

[LordKasual]

Alright, this is gonna be a long one.

So I ended a 7 year relationship back on March, while I'm still in good terms with my ex I figured it was about time I tried dating. And I don't say I'm getting back into dating because before my ex I wasn't exactly successful with women, you could say she was my first true girlfriend and everything prior to that was failed experiences and one night hookups that didn't even end in sex. So now I'm 28 and trying to learn how to get into dating, which sucks, a lot.

A couple weeks ago this girl added me on Facebook, said she knows me off some gaming groups where I'm and administrator and she's into metalheads so she added me to chat. We really hit it off, despite the fact I'm a shy piece of shit. She's really pretty and very foulmouthed for a girl which I'm not used to but for some reason I really like about her. A week later she's already inviting me to her place to smoke pot and listen to some metal. Of course I said yes. She also warned me about having some "unresolved stuff" with her last ex, a guy she was with for the better part of a year and who was kind of a jerk who will sometimes lurk her facebook profile to make sure she's not dating anyone else and shit. I said I was ok with that as long as she gave me a chance anyway. She said yes.

And then I recognized the guy.

Turns about her abusive ex is also the abusive ex of another friend I've had for a decade, and this guy is some heavy shit. My friend endured years of abuse from this guy, she even had to do therapy after breaking up with him, and this girl is already showing some similar behaviors when it comes to this dude. Last Saturday we went out together and while we had a lot of fun, we didn't even kiss because there was a feeling of awkwardness about the whole thing. She even made me promise I wasn't going to let anyone know about this and got increasingly nervous about it as the night went on. What started out as a cool night out with a girl ended up with me feeling paranoid about even kissing her. Before leaving I asked her if there was a chance that we could at some point have a second date that doesn't have to be awkward, she said yes but she didn't know when because she wants to get rid of this guy first. She also told me I shouldn't have to wait for her in the meantime (like I had options or something -_-) I feel like shit because I've seen his MO before and this could take some time, or not happen at all, and I really like this girl. We both agreed to stay in contact and still chat on Facebook, but I'm not sure what to do.

Phew, it was nice getting all this off my chest.

I need you to describe "some heavy shit".

But before we even get there, two things:

1) The police need to be involved yesterday. Especially if you personally know one of his other victims.

2) Can you beat his ass?

 

[Manu]

I need you to describe "some heavy shit".

But before we even get there, two things:

1) The police need to be involved yesterday. Especially if you personally know one of his other victims.

2) Can you beat his ass?

The guy is really manipulative, emotionally speaking. The kinda guy who treats girls like shit but then will have them eating off the palm of his hand. This girl I dated the other day said something like "it's hard because he reminds me of some of the worst stuff I've had happen to me, but also some of the best", and that's the same thing my friend used to say. He's also the kind of guy who has ears everywhere and always finds out about stuff somehow even when there's no chance that he does.

I'm not gonna contact the police because that would only get her in trouble and I promised to lay low about the whole thing. The only reason I'm posting about this here is because you're all pretty much a bunch of strangers online in other countries. No offense

And no, this guy is like twice my size, he'd beat the shit of out of me if he could.

 

[always crazy bacon]

Run dude. Fucking run. Seriously. I know it's gonna hurt at first, but run as fast as you can in the opposite fucking direction and never look back. What she did is EXTREMELY troubling behavior and if you stay you'll be setting yourself up for a very toxic relationship.

I know it feels impossible now, but things will get better. 4 months isn't that much time, life will go on.

If your partner has been told how to unlock your phone, that's trust. Not an invatation to dig though it looking for evidence of infidelity. She broke that trust. It will only get worse.

 

[Peltz]

Alright, this is gonna be a long one.

So I ended a 7 year relationship back on March, while I'm still in good terms with my ex I figured it was about time I tried dating. And I don't say I'm getting back into dating because before my ex I wasn't exactly successful with women, you could say she was my first true girlfriend and everything prior to that was failed experiences and one night hookups that didn't even end in sex. So now I'm 28 and trying to learn how to get into dating, which sucks, a lot.

A couple weeks ago this girl added me on Facebook, said she knows me off some gaming groups where I'm and administrator and she's into metalheads so she added me to chat. We really hit it off, despite the fact I'm a shy piece of shit. She's really pretty and very foulmouthed for a girl which I'm not used to but for some reason I really like about her. A week later she's already inviting me to her place to smoke pot and listen to some metal. Of course I said yes. She also warned me about having some "unresolved stuff" with her last ex, a guy she was with for the better part of a year and who was kind of a jerk who will sometimes lurk her facebook profile to make sure she's not dating anyone else and shit. I said I was ok with that as long as she gave me a chance anyway. She said yes.

And then I recognized the guy.

Turns about her abusive ex is also the abusive ex of another friend I've had for a decade, and this guy is some heavy shit. My friend endured years of abuse from this guy, she even had to do therapy after breaking up with him, and this girl is already showing some similar behaviors when it comes to this dude. Last Saturday we went out together and while we had a lot of fun, we didn't even kiss because there was a feeling of awkwardness about the whole thing. She even made me promise I wasn't going to let anyone know about this and got increasingly nervous about it as the night went on. What started out as a cool night out with a girl ended up with me feeling paranoid about even kissing her. Before leaving I asked her if there was a chance that we could at some point have a second date that doesn't have to be awkward, she said yes but she didn't know when because she wants to get rid of this guy first. She also told me I shouldn't have to wait for her in the meantime (like I had options or something -_-) I feel like shit because I've seen his MO before and this could take some time, or not happen at all, and I really like this girl. We both agreed to stay in contact and still chat on Facebook, but I'm not sure what to do.

Phew, it was nice getting all this off my chest.

If you want to "get into" dating then read the following sentence very carefully:

Know when to not get involved with someone.

If things feel awkward, there is a reason for it. Dating is all about finding a natural chemistry and good match.

If someone is unable to shake her past, you owe it to yourself to not wait around while she goes through that process. It's not your job to save her/be her hero. And trying to play that role will lead to a toxic co-dependent relationship that you want no part of.

Trust me on this. The only role you should be taking is to ensure that she is not coming into any physical harm from the guy by calling the necessary authorities if appropriate. But all the emotional baggage and insecurities that she'll probably be harboring are her responsibility. And she is not someone who is a viable candidate for you if that is, in fact, what she is going through.

In other words, move on from this one. You've been single for like 10 minutes in the grand scheme of things. Take it slow and be selective. Being selective doesn't just mean finding a girl with a great face + body who has things in common with you. Rather, being selective means finding a girl who has her shit together and is an emotionally solid adult.

I literally think im losing my girl of 4 months tonight ..... and it will absolutely destroy me , like im mad low insecure and legit fell in love with her .... to the point i wanted to get her a nice ring, talked about having kids..... the whole nine yards.

Then she unlocks my phone tonight .... goes through all my old facebook messages , all of my old texts, and finds this ome long ass conversation with a girl i seen back in November of last year ..... then we kind of talked off and on for a few months.

Losing this girl would destroy me , and i cant take that .... its not even about finding another girl would be impossible .... im just so in love with this one ..... i see my future im her

Read what you just wrote. Your whole relationship is stupid and you should feel bad for being in it... I say that not to be mean, but rather to give you a dose of reality and tough love.

Relationships should never make you feel insecure. EVER. Period. Dump her and move on. And have some goddamn self-respect.

 

[LordKasual]

The guy is really manipulative, emotionally speaking. The kinda guy who treats girls like shit but then will have them eating off the palm of his hand. This girl I dated the other day said something like "it's hard because he reminds me of some of the worst stuff I've had happen to me, but also some of the best", and that's the same thing my friend used to say. He's also the kind of guy who has ears everywhere and always finds out about stuff somehow even when there's no chance that he does.

Okay, I was just finding out if he was emotionally abusive or physically abusive.

This is really all up to you, this girl is extremely high maintenance from the jump. If you feel like she's worth it, then by all means pursue her.

But if she's feeling this type of way and he's not physically harming her...then it sounds like this guy is deep in her head. That makes her a flight risk. Especially if this guy is basically phantom chaperoning your dates.

Assuming he's not beating her...honestly, unless she really really likes you, this is something i wouldn't even bother with. It's probably going to cause you more trouble than it's worth. Not going to end well either.


Situations like these are poisonous, the very definition of toxic. If you get involved, you're going to be involved. Keep that in mind.

I'm not gonna contact the police because that would only get her in trouble and I promised to lay low about the whole thing. The only reason I'm posting about this here is because you're all pretty much a bunch of strangers online in other countries. No offense

"Get her in trouble"? Who is he, her fuckin dad?

She's single, she likes you, enough to pursue you AND invite you over....but she's terrified of being intimate with you because of some fucking guy who's nowhere to be seen????

What is he, a crime lord or some shit? I don't understand. Is she afraid of him knowing because she's still in love with him or because she's afraid he'd do something to her?

And no, this guy is like twice my size, he'd beat the shit of out of me if he could.

Yeah no, hit the gym bro. Not gonna say that violence is the answer, as history proves, it is a deterrent!!!

And that isn't so you can beat up her stalker ex boyfriend...It's just so that you don't have to particularly worry about an issue like this ever again. It's bound to happen at some point, especially if you're dating a desirable girl.

So when something similar to this happens, and someone asks "Well can you beat his ass?", the answer can at least be "yeah probably".

 

[Manu]

If you want to "get into" dating then read the following sentence very carefully:

Know when to not get involved with someone.

If things feel awkward, there is a reason for it. Dating is all about finding a natural chemistry and good match.

If someone is unable to shake her past, you owe it to yourself to not wait around while she goes through that process. It's not your job to save her/be her hero. And trying to play that role will lead to a toxic co-dependent relationship that you want no part of.

Trust me on this. The only role you should be taking is to ensure that she is not coming into any physical harm from the guy by calling the necessary authorities if appropriate. But all the emotional baggage and insecurities that she'll probably be harboring are her responsibility. And she is not someone who is a viable candidate for you if that is, in fact, what she is going through.

In other words, move on from this one. You've been single for like 10 minutes in the grand scheme of things. Take it slow and be selective. Being selective doesn't just mean finding a girl with a great face + body who has things in common with you. Rather, being selective means finding a girl who has her shit together and is an emotionally solid adult.

This is good advice and basically my take on it. At the same time I feel we have a connection so it'd be a pity to let it go to waste.

Again, I'm not really a successful guy when it comes to dating so the whole thing sucks.

This is really all up to you, this girl is extremely high maintenance from the jump. If you feel like she's worth it, then by all means pursue her.

But if she's feeling this type of way and he's not physically harming her...then it sounds like this guy is deep in her head. That makes her a flight risk. Especially if this guy is basically phantom chaperoning your dates.

Assuming he's not beating her...honestly, unless she really really likes you, this is something i wouldn't even bother with. It's probably going to cause you more trouble than it's worth. Not going to end well either.

Situations like these are poisonous, the very definition of toxic. If you get involved, you're going to be involved. Keep that in mind.



"Get her in trouble"? Who is he, her fuckin dad?

She's single, she likes you, enough to pursue you AND invite you over....but she's terrified of being intimate with you because of some fucking guy who's nowhere to be seen????

What is he, a crime lord or some shit? I don't understand. Is she afraid of him knowing because she's still in love with him or because she's afraid he'd do something to her?

The latter.

 

[always crazy bacon]

If you want to "get into" dating then read the following sentence very carefully:

Know when to not get involved with someone.

Going to re-emphasise this point. When you can see the red flags for yourself, when you know how it's going to play out when you white knight them and after that (if it ever ends) you don't get the expected resolution you have learned the hard way. If your young and think you can change the world it sounds perhaps crazy or cold or heartless. But you can trust that avoiding stepping on those emotional landmines no matter how much she says she's into you or how cute she is is very liberating and will actually help you get a better woman.

 

[gaiages]

If your partner has been told how to unlock your phone, that's trust. Not an invatation to dig though it looking for evidence of infidelity. She broke that trust. It will only get worse.

For real. I know my SO's unlock code

Spoiler

Or rather I WOULD if I wouldn't keep forgetting it

and it's never even occurred to me to look through old messages, that's some shit right there

This is good advice and basically my take on it. At the same time I feel we have a connection so it'd be a pity to let it go to waste.

Again, I'm not really a successful guy when it comes to dating so the whole thing sucks.

You can find connections with people that don't have a mountain of emotional baggage, and I say this as someone that was in a similarly abusive relationship.

 

[Peltz]

This is good advice and basically my take on it. At the same time I feel we have a connection so it'd be a pity to let it go to waste.

Again, I'm not really a successful guy when it comes to dating so the whole thing sucks.

No offense, but how would you even know what you're capable of if you've been with one person for so long? You've been single for 4 months.

Poor luck is often self inflicted when it comes to dating, too. You aren't going to get better at it by getting with a girl who has serious issues. It's only going to bring you down and make you a less viable candidate for better girls out there.

It sounds counter intuitive, but if you practice more selectivity... particularly only looking for girls that have their shit together, then you'll be more successful and get more girls because you'll emanate more confidence. Knowing you're making solid life choices is the first step to attracting a solid partner.

Be confident enough to walk away and start seeing yourself as a catch. The process of dating and being attractive starts from within.

If you are constantly meeting girls that have the same issues , then the common thread between them is you. If you're constantly meeting women who treat you well, again, the common thread between them is you. You'll attract different qualities depending on how you live your life. But you have to have the balls to say "no" to hot girls who aren't worth your time.

 

[bluehat9]

Is there any way to put that you are a generally quiet person on a dating app without having it sound like a negative? Or just don't even bother putting it?

 

[Manu]

No offense, but how would you even know what you're capable of if you've been with one person for so long? You've been single for 4 months.

Poor luck is often self inflicted when it comes to dating, too. You aren't going to get better at it by getting with a girl who has serious issues. It's only going to bring you down and make you a less viable candidate for better girls out there.

It sounds counter intuitive, but if you practice more selectivity... particularly only looking for girls that have their shit together, then you'll be more successful and get more girls because you'll emanate more confidence.

Be confident enough to walk away and start seeing yourself as a catch. The process of dating and being attractive starts from within.

This is really good advice. Thank you.

 

[LookAtMeGo]

Poor luck is often self inflicted when it comes to dating, too. You aren't going to get better at it by getting with a girl who has serious issues. It's only going to bring you down and make you a less viable candidate for better girls out there.

It sounds counter intuitive, but if you practice more selectivity... particularly only looking for girls that have their shit together, then you'll be more successful and get more girls because you'll emanate more confidence. Knowing you're making solid life choices is the first step to attracting a solid partner.

Be confident enough to walk away and start seeing yourself as a catch. The process of dating and being attractive starts from within.

If you are constantly meeting girls that have the same issues , then the common thread between them is you. If you're constantly meeting women who treat you well, again, the common thread between them is you. You'll attract different qualities depending on how you live your life. But you have to have the balls to say "no" to hot girls who aren't worth your time.

Aint this the truth. Definitely applies to me right now as well.

 

[gaiages]

Is there any way to put that you are a generally quiet person on a dating app without having it sound like a negative? Or just don't even bother putting it?

I don't think you need to put it, but "I'm a great listener" would probably work

 

[Messofanego]

Manu, you need to find out from this girl if she can commit to you. If she can't and still going on about an abusive sex and afraid to spend much time with you, drop her. Especially if you don't want to sort out her issues with him. You're worth more than this mess. You're single, you deserve someone who's as into you as you are into them.

 

[Manu]

Manu, you need to find out from this girl if she can commit to you. If she can't and still going on about an abusive sex and afraid to spend much time with you, drop her. Especially if you don't want to sort out her issues with him. You're worth more than this mess. You're single, you deserve someone who's as into you as you are into them.

Thanks.

 

[Scotch]

I literally think im losing my girl of 4 months tonight ..... and it will absolutely destroy me , like im mad low insecure and legit fell in love with her .... to the point i wanted to get her a nice ring, talked about having kids..... the whole nine yards.

Then she unlocks my phone tonight .... goes through all my old facebook messages , all of my old texts, and finds this ome long ass conversation with a girl i seen back in November of last year ..... then we kind of talked off and on for a few months.

Losing this girl would destroy me , and i cant take that .... its not even about finding another girl would be impossible .... im just so in love with this one ..... i see my future im her

You should bail the hell out of there because she's going through your phone like that, but instead you're terrified she'll leave you. This won't end well.

Is there any way to put that you are a generally quiet person on a dating app without having it sound like a negative? Or just don't even bother putting it?

Don't bother. Unfortunately, quietness is not seen as a positive by some people, but, more importantly, it's not making your profile interesting. You want to put things on your profile that make you more interesting. Be it a joke, or things that excite you, or whatever.

And I don't mean you should hide your quietness from people. But you don't have to let it define you either.

 

[TheLegendaryN]

I don't think you need to put it, but "I'm a great listener" would probably work

When you say that, you should do something with the information you get from conversations though. But reacting sure is easier than starting a conversation yourself, I guess (at least for this particular group of people).

 

[gaiages]

When you say that, you should do something with the information you get from conversations though. But reacting sure is easier than starting a conversation yourself, I guess (at least for this particular group of people).

True. I would assume that quiet people would at least glean something from conversations, but now that you mention it, it's not a good assumption to make.

 

[LordKasual]

Kind of feel like "i'm a good listener" is like girls who (used) to put "Oh, by the way, im really sarcastic!" on their profiles.

what does that even mean

Don't bother. Unfortunately, quietness is not seen as a positive by some people, but, more importantly, it's not making your profile interesting. You want to put things on your profile that make you more interesting. Be it a joke, or things that excite you, or whatever.

And I don't mean you should hide your quietness from people. But you don't have to let it define you either.

Feel like this is the important bit. You can mention it to her at some point, i mean, she's going to eventually gleam it from you anyway? But it doesn't need to be in her first impression of you.

The latter.

psssh...yeah, i'm with the other guys. Just drop this.

She might be asking you for some kind of help, but i'd just help her help herself and move on personally. Toxic relationships are the last thing you need coming off a breakup.

You're supposed to be working your way up, not down. And this shit is going to land you right in the Shadow Realm.

 

[SoldierOfLight]

I literally think im losing my girl of 4 months tonight ..... and it will absolutely destroy me , like im mad low insecure and legit fell in love with her .... to the point i wanted to get her a nice ring, talked about having kids..... the whole nine yards.

Then she unlocks my phone tonight .... goes through all my old facebook messages , all of my old texts, and finds this ome long ass conversation with a girl i seen back in November of last year ..... then we kind of talked off and on for a few months.

Losing this girl would destroy me , and i cant take that .... its not even about finding another girl would be impossible .... im just so in love with this one ..... i see my future im her

Sorry to hear that man. Take it easy with your dreams with this girl. You haven't broke up yet so you have that going for you. But yeah, you should talk about trust and boundaries. She shouldn't have gone through your phone like that. With my ex wife and I I can count on 1 hand how many times we looked at each other's phones. Same with the recent ex I just broke up with on Wednesday. I never looked at her phone and she never looked at mine.

 

[gaiages]

Kind of feel like "i'm a good listener" is like girls who (used) to put "Oh, by the way, im really sarcastic!" on their profiles.

what does that even mean

No offense, but... Like... How do you not know what that means? If someone says they're sarcastic, they're... sarcastic...

Am I missing a hidden code here or something?

 

[PancakeBurglar]

Ugh dating is frustrating.

Vegan tattoo girl I went out with Saturday never got back to me with my post date follow up message so I assume she isn't interested. Went out with a girl to grab some pizza about an hour ago, just super quiet barely said anything. I don't know if she was just really shy or just wasn't into me but the conservation was a struggle to maintain so many short quiet answers.

I've gone out with over 10 women since I started dating about 2 months ago and I've only bothered to ask 2 women out on second dates and even then they ghosted me after the second date. Makes you wonder if its me and that I'm doing something wrong here.

 

[Subpar Scrub]

No offense, but... Like... How do you not know what that means? If someone says they're sarcastic, they're... sarcastic...

Am I missing a hidden code here or something?

Defining yourself by the way you speak is kind of weird to be fair. Plus, like, do you mean you only speak in sarcasm? Should I consider everything you send to me in a message to be sarcastic in nature? If not, why does it matter? It's just odd.

 

[always crazy bacon]

Ugh dating is frustrating.

Vegan tattoo girl I went out with Saturday never got back to me with my post date follow up message so I assume she isn't interested. Went out with a girl to grab some pizza about an hour ago, just super quiet barely said anything. I don't know if she was just really shy or just wasn't into me but the conservation was a struggle to maintain so many short quiet answers.

I've gone out with over 10 women since I started dating about 2 months ago and I've only bothered to ask 2 women out on second dates and even then they ghosted me after the second date. Makes you wonder if its me and that I'm doing something wrong here.

Thats dating these days, its swift and decisive. 8 women you also rejected after one date. Nobody can answer what you might be doing wrong, if we dont know what your doing. Just keep going on dates until you click with somebody.

 

[FyreWulff]

Ugh dating is frustrating.

Vegan tattoo girl I went out with Saturday never got back to me with my post date follow up message so I assume she isn't interested. Went out with a girl to grab some pizza about an hour ago, just super quiet barely said anything. I don't know if she was just really shy or just wasn't into me but the conservation was a struggle to maintain so many short quiet answers.

I've gone out with over 10 women since I started dating about 2 months ago and I've only bothered to ask 2 women out on second dates and even then they ghosted me after the second date. Makes you wonder if its me and that I'm doing something wrong here.

Uh you're actually doing it right here. Keep dating and asking people out. Going on a date doesn't mean any sort of "locked in" at all re: relationship. You're putting in the work to sift the wheat from the chaff. Don't expect instant results.

 

[asagami_]

I have lately hanging out with this girl and her group of friends (after all, I know her thanks a mutual friend who is in this group) and I have asked a couple of friends about how is she, and their answers is she is shy, a bit weird... and it will be difficult to establish a relationship with her.

But I really like her, and I'm enough weird too so that would explain my attraction for her, so I am thinking about ask her a date.

I'm thinking in places to go with her. An amusement park is a fun place for a date? I'm 24 and she's 20, so maybe it's not a typical place to go, but I want she has fun with me, and also I think this place is perfect to talk with her, too.

 

[PancakeBurglar]

I guess you guys are right. I have a date tomorrow and another on Saturday. Just got to keep at it until something something clicks for both of us. I don't think I do anything wrong on dates aside from taking awhile to really start using humor as I try to focus on getting to know people I don't joke around much.

 

[Megalosaro]

I have lately hanging out with this girl and her group of friends (after all, I know her thanks a mutual friend who is in this group) and I have asked a couple of friends about how is she, and their answers is she is shy, a bit weird... and it will be difficult to establish a relationship with her.

But I really like her, and I'm enough weird too so that would explain my attraction for her, so I am thinking about ask her a date.

I'm thinking in places to go with her. An amusement park is a fun place for a date? I'm 24 and she's 20, so maybe it's not a typical place to go, but I want she has fun with me, and also I think this place is perfect to talk with her, too.

For a first date? Sounds expensive.

 

[Salamando]

I have lately hanging out with this girl and her group of friends (after all, I know her thanks a mutual friend who is in this group) and I have asked a couple of friends about how is she, and their answers is she is shy, a bit weird... and it will be difficult to establish a relationship with her.

But I really like her, and I'm enough weird too so that would explain my attraction for her, so I am thinking about ask her a date.

I'm thinking in places to go with her. An amusement park is a fun place for a date? I'm 24 and she's 20, so maybe it's not a typical place to go, but I want she has fun with me, and also I think this place is perfect to talk with her, too.

Around here, that's $30 a ticket, plus food and parking. You don't need to spend that much. Ice cream + walk around a park, dinner, minigolf, church/community fair, random city-specific event, all perfectly good first date ideas.

 

[SmackDaddy]

I guess you guys are right. I have a date tomorrow and another on Saturday. Just got to keep at it until something something clicks for both of us. I don't think I do anything wrong on dates aside from taking awhile to really start using humor as I try to focus on getting to know people I don't joke around much.

Feel lucky you are going on dates and meeting new people. With each new experience you are learning what you want in a partner, perfecting your social skills, and potentially learning. There are a lot of folks here who are having trouble landing anything.

If it's getting you down stop dating online. Go through different avenues and make friendships.

 

[Peltz]

Ugh dating is frustrating.

Vegan tattoo girl I went out with Saturday never got back to me with my post date follow up message so I assume she isn't interested. Went out with a girl to grab some pizza about an hour ago, just super quiet barely said anything. I don't know if she was just really shy or just wasn't into me but the conservation was a struggle to maintain so many short quiet answers.

I've gone out with over 10 women since I started dating about 2 months ago and I've only bothered to ask 2 women out on second dates and even then they ghosted me after the second date. Makes you wonder if its me and that I'm doing something wrong here.

Sounds completely normal to me and similar to my experience. Most first dates don't become anything.

 

[Stopdoor]

Feel lucky you are going on dates and meeting new people. With each new experience you are learning what you want in a partner, perfecting your social skills, and potentially learning. There are a lot of folks here who are having trouble landing anything.

If it's getting you down stop dating online. Go through different avenues and make friendships.

Yeah I just had my first date after two months of swiping and messaging on apps. It's a struggle reading about people's actual date woes in comparison.

Spoiler

It didn't go that well. Just lack of chemistry really - pretty obvious from the get go, awkward to hang out with a stranger for an hour. Excited for my next date in two months.

 

[cyborg009]

So how do you guys feel about workplace relationships? I wanted to ask one of my co workers out but i'm worried that if it doesn't workout it will make things extremely awkward.

 

[Subpar Scrub]

So how do you guys feel about workplace relationships? I wanted to ask one of my co workers out but i'm worried that if it doesn't workout it will make things extremely awkward.

General consensus is that you shouldn't if you can avoid it, just because you don't really need added stress at your job if something goes wrong.

 

[Megalosaro]

This isn't a problem yet but I'm starting to think long term..

What do you guys do to avoid ho hum routiness settling in. I guess that'salways the trick, huh? Keeping things fresh.

I'm not very spontaneous, so I've been faking spontineity. It's worked so far.