Messofanego
Banned
I've seen The Apprentice. This always goes wrong. You'll get absolutely blown the fuck out if you're not honest on your profile. Are you insecure about your body or health?
Then why are you talking about faking it?
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Not being judgmental is probably the biggest thing. Show respect to peoples beliefs and ideas, because those are the most important things to them.
Don't get bitter. Online dating is impersonal and a constant barrage for women. Diligence is the key.
Girl that works in the leasing office at my apartment seems to be coming onto me pretty hard and invited herself to my apartment on Friday. I have zero interest in dating anyone right now, it's not personal or specifically her. The worst part is I have zero awareness of signals and she might just be friendly or wants to be friends.
How do I proceed without making it awkward? Do I just let her come over and hope she just wants to be friends...?
How do I proceed without making it awkward? Do I just let her come over and hope she just wants to be friends...?
This is by FAR the most irritating thing about online dating. It sucks when the conversation stops but I can deal with it, but when you're at the point where you're planning a meet it's ridiculous. Happened to me again this week.
peanutbutterlatte
Member
I would say a girl that doesn't know you that well inviting herself over to your apartment is a pretty clear signal. Just politely say you're busy, and repeat if it keeps coming up. No use in having a "I'm not interested in you" discussion unless she makes that a neccesity.
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
You need to accept it. Read this post of mine.
Ghosting is simply part of the unwritten rules of the game now, whether you like it or not. It's basically polite to not continue to re-engage after two or so messages have gone unanswered. At that point, the socially aware online daters realize it's time to move on. Similarly, "I'm really busy" is codespeak for "I'm not interested."
Honestly, these easy disengagements are helpful, because you can take advantage of them too.
peanutbutterlatte
Member
It's exhausting really, but I realise I'm as guilty of ghosting girls I don't find attractive or interesting than the other way around. Everybody does it.
So if I already said I didn't have plans Friday out of not wanting to be awkward, I should just say something came up? I don't even have her phone number or know her last name, or anything about her really. We had one conversation when I re-signed my lease for another year, and she wants to come over to "celebrate" my staying instead of moving out. The entire conversation she said she was single at least 5 times.
It's fucked up because any normal guy would be excited. I feel terrible because she's really nice I just get anxiety about this type of stuff and prefer to be left alone to do my own thing. I can't stop dreading the entire situation, it's always in the back of my head no matter what I'm doing.
Well I do respect peoples beliefs and ideas, it's just that I'm always surprised by them. you could say I'm "in complete shock all the time", constantly surprised and taken aback by the simplest of things.
Edit: today I was shocked (internally) when she said a swear word
peanutbutterlatte
Member
Oh yeah, I would be, except one thing; she's a co-worker. I had a similar thing a few weeks back where I'm fairly sure a colleague was lightly flirting with me, but you don't shit where you eat.
It's tough really, you could be 100% upfront and honest but it's awkward as fuck, even if that was her intention. I'd honestly say something came up and you're not up to having people round. Say the place is a mess. But I can see how lies, even white ones, would increase your anxiety.
Just stop. Seriously. Hang out with her. You're psyching yourself up over nothing.
ErrorMacro
Member
TBH, I'm really tired of online dating. But at this point, it seems like the only viable option for me. Meeting girls in person has been a true nightmare, and it doesn't help that every time I meet a girl in person that I'm into, she is not single. Let me break down for you guys:
- I'm a PhD student in Computer Science. Even though CS is not known for having lots of girls, I actually think the faculty has plenty of interesting girls thatare just my type (more nerdy). The problem is, none of them is single. I shit you not, I haven't met a single CS girl (of A LOT) that doesn't have a boyfriend, or fiancé, or is married. The last one I was into, and was pretty sure did not have one, bought up a boyfriend on my last conversation with her.
- I do like to take courses in other stuffs besides what I work on. I'm currently taking illustration classes, and plan on taking music theory classes next semester. I also took photography and acting (which I plan on taking again) classes in the past. But once again, the moment I find a girl that is my type and that is also on my league, BAM, I find out she has a BF.
- My friend situation is complicated. I don't have many friends, especially friends to hang out with. Plus, most of them do not care about my dating situation, or do not have single friends they could eventually introduce to me. Because of lack of company, I also end up not going out much, which certainly does not help me meeting more people. I don't have issues making acquaintances, but making the kind of friends you hang out and do stuff with is reaaaally tough.
Sorry for the rant, but It's really maddening. I know I'm not entitled to shit, especially when it comes to dating, but for once I wish I could meet a girl I'm into, and she is not single. Even if I ended up being rejected, at least I would get to try.
So what do you say GAF? Am I stuck with dating websites?
- I'm a PhD student in Computer Science. Even though CS is not known for having lots of girls, I actually think the faculty has plenty of interesting girls thatare just my type (more nerdy). The problem is, none of them is single. I shit you not, I haven't met a single CS girl (of A LOT) that doesn't have a boyfriend, or fiancé, or is married. The last one I was into, and was pretty sure did not have one, bought up a boyfriend on my last conversation with her.
- I do like to take courses in other stuffs besides what I work on. I'm currently taking illustration classes, and plan on taking music theory classes next semester. I also took photography and acting (which I plan on taking again) classes in the past. But once again, the moment I find a girl that is my type and that is also on my league, BAM, I find out she has a BF.
- My friend situation is complicated. I don't have many friends, especially friends to hang out with. Plus, most of them do not care about my dating situation, or do not have single friends they could eventually introduce to me. Because of lack of company, I also end up not going out much, which certainly does not help me meeting more people. I don't have issues making acquaintances, but making the kind of friends you hang out and do stuff with is reaaaally tough.
Sorry for the rant, but It's really maddening. I know I'm not entitled to shit, especially when it comes to dating, but for once I wish I could meet a girl I'm into, and she is not single. Even if I ended up being rejected, at least I would get to try.
So what do you say GAF? Am I stuck with dating websites?
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
You're not "stuck" with anything. Make use of dating websites as another means to meet people, but don't blindly turn away anyone you could meet in real life. Of my various romantic liaisons, in recent memory, all but two of them I met online, and one was a girl that I'd previously known from graduate school that I ran into again at a conference.
Zaraki_Kenpachi
Member
Why would you be shocked by someone using a swear word? How old are you?
Blitzrules240
Banned
I was just about to post about this, this is the most irritating thing about online dating, waiting for responses and they just leave you hanging. I know women have a lot of matches but I'm waiting for a response and there's nothing. Just silence. I'm slightly annoyed.
Helensmith
Member
I thought you were joking!
Advocatus Diaboli
Member
You have no right to a response. The fact that you're annoyed speaks of entitlement. Disabuse yourself of these feelings or be doomed to negative experiences. For good examples, see a ton of people in this thread.
Blitzrules240
Banned
Okay...
So good news, she replied and were going out again tomorrow evening.
Blitzrules240
Banned
I think maybe my problem is I have a terrible attitude with online dating in general, though I've had relative success :/
edit: And I now have a new OKC match lol. The world works in mysterious ways.
edit: And I now have a new OKC match lol. The world works in mysterious ways.
ZackieChan
Member
As I pointed out the last time you complained, your terrible attitude is not warranted. It's also a self-fulfilling prophecy. Go into it with a good attitude, while recognizing the realities of online dating, and you will prosper. Come at it with a shitty attitude, and you'll fail, and your attitude will amplify those failures, like in your post a few days ago.
This is your problem. You are ruleing out tons of girls that you don't know anything about because "they aren't your type" or "they are out of your league"
You are discountimg girls who would be perfect for you because "they aren't your nerdy dream girl" or "you think you have no chance"
You just need to quit being a judgemental ass . grow a pair and ask out the next attractive girl you meet. Even if you are intimidated because she's a 10/supermodel/I'll be seeing her in my dreams for weeks Level of attractive. You like photography, she definitely has an Instagram. So you will have at least one common interest.
If she says no. The result is the same as you not asking. So you have nothing to lose. People you don't know can surprise you. Embrace the uncertainty and remember every bad date is good practise for your next good date
Banjo-Kazooie
Member
Just had birthday dinner with the girl I've been seeing and she got me a small but thoughtful gift (wasn't expecting anything because we've been hanging out for a month or so). Things are going swell for Banjo 
Blitzrules240
Banned
Thanks for setting me straight again, ZackieChan. I'll buck up.
ZackieChan
Member
I did the "I don't think you really want to talk to me" message yesterday. I instantly regretted it. Never look weak!
shocked might be strong, but it surprises me. im 25, i'm a sensible nature :3
Miles Quaritch
Member
A friend was telling me last night that a woman he matched with Tinder looked up his twitter/instagram, added him on both and got pissy when she saw he was active and didn't add her back...they'd been speaking for literally five minutes
I'm still laughing my ass off about it since he told me.
I'm still laughing my ass off about it since he told me.
That's actually horrible. What a strange thing to do... (the girl)
Miles Quaritch
Member
Yeah, verging into stalker territory there. That's why I'm laughing ass off. He sent me a message he matched with this smoking hot woman and then messages me later saying she's added him on both literally after asking him his name and is angry that he didn't add her back...
It doesn't help he uses his pic on his profiles, makes him super easy to find.
People just don't know the power of the reverse Google Image Search. You use the same pic on an online dating site as you use anywhere else, they can be linked together by anyone who cares enough to do so.
War Peaceman
You're a big guy.
Nothing about you seems sensible, kurtofan! Nothing!
i meant sensitive, damned faux-ami
Too late.
Precisely. Two unanswered messages = time to move on. (Or one unanswered message if it's the first one, but this should be common sense anyway)
Well, the only people I ghost are the masses of <30% matches from thousands of miles away (Philippines, Bahrain, USA mostly) who keep sending me messages for some reason. There's just no point. What do they expect?
Otherwise, I always respond. It's just common courtesy. But then again, I can count the number of users who messaged me first on one hand, so saying I "always" respond doesn't really mean much at this point.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Seems creepy as fuck. Is this the new norm for dating sites? Reverse image search everything?
ZackieChan
Member
Brother, I know everything about you based on your dumb meme avatar. Haxxor'd
Miles Quaritch
Member
Bitterness suggests entitlement. Are you entitled to a date? To people replying to your messages or to keep talking to you when they aren't interested?
Don't take things so personally. So what if someone ghosted, there's literally millions of other people out there, becoming bitter won't help you find anyone or accomplish anything other than hinder your chances.
Worth noting that bitterness is also extremely easy to perceive.
Don't take things so personally. So what if someone ghosted, there's literally millions of other people out there, becoming bitter won't help you find anyone or accomplish anything other than hinder your chances.
Worth noting that bitterness is also extremely easy to perceive.
Miles Quaritch
Member
That cuck porn you might have noticed wasn't mine...a friend...yes, a friend...sent me a link and I stupidly clicked it.
ZackieChan
Member
Too late. I reverse cuck searched you on pornhub
Miles Quaritch
Member
Fuuuuuuuuuck!!
Hot videos though, you should check out the one where my girlfriend is grinding her heels into my balls while calling me a whiny little bitch with a baby dick...
ZackieChan
Member
It's an everyday occurrence for NeoGaf's Vern.
Of course not. I'm not entitled to anything.
I'm not bitter about one specific instance of being ghosted. I'm bitter about the fact that in six months of membership, I had just about ~5 actual conversations. Everyone else ghosted me. And of those five, four ended with, as you might have guessed, me suddenly being ghosted.
Miles Quaritch
Member
With Ray Wonder writing a hit song about it all!
So why did they ghost you? Were you boring? Did you run out of things to say? Maybe you didn't impress them enough in the small window you had to keep them interested enough to find it more.
Go through your old conversations, see if you can any issues and work on bettering them. If you can't find any, then maybe you just had a long stint of bad luck. It happens...I guess.
Not everyday. 😰
Miles Quaritch
Member
I don't think it's fair to say a high percentage. There's certainly a few but it's not as high as you'd think.
You're being screened by the other person from the moment you say hello, any signs of behaviour or tone the don't like will see them ignore your messages.
First few messages should all be fun and high energy in tone and then you ask them out on a date or for off site contact details. This ideally shouldn't take more than five messages in total.
peanutbutterlatte
Member
Yeah I talked to a recent divorcee (she was only 23!!) and it was clear she just wanted someone to talk to, as soon as I mentioned meeting up she bolted.
Miles Quaritch
Member
Married and divorced by 23? You dodged a major bullet there bro...
War Peaceman
You're a big guy.
Come on. There could be so many reasons for that.
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