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Dilemma: I feel my superior treated me wrongly

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Bit of a story to this, so stay with me.

I work at a company where I was recently promoted. I'm now part of a team which handles different tasks than those of the regular support-staff. My title could very well be consultant considering all the tasks I handle. At my job, there used to be four different teams handling the regular support-staff which I was a part of. So far, all of my direct superiors have really liked me, while I've had certain arguments with one of the other managers.

This manager is a total fucking sociopath. I could write entire pages of run-ins me and others have had with her. Almost everyone at the place loathe her and feel she's a cold, manipulative and straight up evil person.

Recently, tons of people have quit the regular support-staff as school has come around and such, which has led to a crisis. They're now forcing all the full-time employees to work extra as a part of the regular support-staff. As I've left that position behind, as we're understaffed and as we're backlogged as it is, this didn't please me or any of my other direct co-workers.

So I'm having a shitty day because this, when she comes to our department, and starts going around forcing us to take shifts we really don't want. As always, I'm very on edge when she's near, like being close to a nazgul or something. She starts telling me "you need to take this and this shift" to which I reply "But on that day I have driving lessons booked etc." She replies "Yeah you're just gonna have to cancel those".

Bit of a context before I go on: This assignment was recently won over another company, and we get all our tasks externally from the main partner. The consensus is that since these managers have never been in support, they have no idea what we do, how essential we are and how we work. Thus, this string of nonchalant reactions among other actions, has been pissing us off for the last month or so.

So finally, I snap. I ask her "So when are your extra shifts in the support-staff?"

Her eyes fill with furious rage, and she responds "Did you just say that? How dare you say that to one of your superiors? How did your parents raise you? What's wrong with you? Fuck".

I black-out, I realize it was a really stupid thing to say, but I just couldn't take it.

I went to my manager who also dislikes her, and he just starts chuckling. "Yeah, I can see that. Don't worry, it's good that you went to me. You do a great job so I really don't care."


I then went to the senior operations-manager (who used to be my manager) to just explain how it was a shitty thing to say, that I shouldn't have said it, but that I took great offense to her insulting me, my mothers's upbringing and for generally talking down on me. This is when the evil ice-queen highjacks the meeting and make the whole thing into a shaming party.

My senior manager starts telling me "It saddens me so much to see you act so disloyal to the company". The ice-queen with the dead eyes like Tom Cruise has turned her against me, even though she's always loved me.

I apologize and try and explain how her words really hurt me, how frightening it was to see a superior act out like that. She responds that she's sorry and then smiles in that creepy dead way she does when her brain is imploding at the lack of empathy.

So now, the whole thing has blown over, my superior manager has told me she's glad I went to her, how I showed responsibility and apologized etc, but I still feel fucking livid at her reaction.

Yes, it was incredibly stupid of me to respond that way, but her words hurt me so goddamn much. I've had a troubled upbringing and has experienced a lot of shitty situations, and just recently I've been able to start feeling pride in how far I've come. Then she just dashes it and in the process insult my dear mother.

I want to take this somewhere, to further bring proof of how horrible she is. She's done this kind of thing to several people, making them feel like shit, and I want to expose and bring her down.

Some of the shit she's done:
1. She's told my depressed friend how she wasn't being a team player for taking a leave of absence, AFTER a doctor had ordered her to.
2. She told a friend "Haven't you had enough cupcakes now, dear". This person is very sensitive about her weight and was crushed by this.
3. She told a friend of mine who just found out she was pregnant (and miserable because of it) that "she should be happy because she can at-least have babies" (apparently she's sterile, but I don't know).
4. She laughed in the face of a friend when he asked if he could be hired full-time.
5. She told a co-worker how stupid and childish he was for liking e-sports, then promptly laughing at him.
6. I was in the running for a trip to Sochi, which I said I didn't want to win because I didn't want to support Russia and their anti-gay laws. She responded "But, sports are very important, you should know that". I replied "I think sexual-expression without oppression is pretty important".
7. She stood in the middle of a morning assembly, and said to the entire staff "Goddamn you all suck, this month you've been terrible, what are you doing wrong?".
8. She told a friend of mine that she would be fired soon if she didn't stop being at home when her three-year old daughter was sick.
9. She harassed a co-worker hoping she would admit to not being able to take a certain position because of her epilepsy. Mind you, this was during an interview for said position.
Etc. etc.

So yeah, I want to bring her down, but I can't because if I re-open this issue, I will be re-investigated too. Then they will just see it as me mouthing off to a supervisor and she responding accordingly.

Tl;dr: I mouth off to shitty superior, she responds by saying I was raised wrong and there's something wrong with me. I can't re-open the issue after we've both apologized as that would bring me down too.
 
The core of the way our work system is structured is your superiors treating you unfairly. It's inherent to a capitalist system of ownership and management.

She sounds like a real bitch, too.
 
In the usa, none of that is actionable and an employee has no recourse but finding another job, or waiting for the toxic manger to do so. Sorry. You can keep venting if you need to. (I dunno about Sweden's employment laws)
 

Angry Grimace

Two cannibals are eating a clown. One turns to the other and says "does something taste funny to you?"
Personality conflicts are not illegal.
 

kirblar

Member
I would assume the issue with them having people leave is due to people not wanting to work under her.

Document, document, document would seem to be the key here.
 
I would assume the issue with them having people leave is due to people not wanting to work under her.

Document, document, document would seem to be the key here.

The people in her department like their tasks, but say it's a gruelling task getting to work because of her.
 

Beardz

Member
Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.

But seriously OP, social interactions are like playing chess, start by answering the following questions:

What do you want to achieve?
What do you might lose because of that?
Does it worth it?

My advice is, let the things cool down then like Machiavelli said "keep for friends close and your enemies closer".
Gain her trust and use that for your advantage.
 

kirblar

Member
Fear leads to anger, anger leads to hate, hate leads to suffering.

But seriously OP, social interactions are like playing chess, start by answering the following questions:

What do you want to achieve?
What do you might lose because of that?
Does it worth it?

My advice is, let the things cool down then like Machiavelli said "keep for friends close and your enemies closer".
Gain her trust and use that for your advantage.
If she's an actual psychopath, it's going to be extraordinarily difficult to out-Machiavelli her. :p
 

Koriandrr

Member
You don't do that. There are superiors like this in a lot of large companies and they have their positions stable because they've been loyal to this company for many years - they will not lose their job over something like this, but you might.

I've worked in HR and situations like this and my only advice is either put up with it or move workplaces. I've only heard of one story where there was a superior like this, absolutely crap at their job as well, who got scolded, but never fired since they've been working at this company for over 10 years.

Be careful what kind of drama you create - you can't just get people to go against each other and put a blame or bad light onto anyone, no matter how much they deserve it. This will look bad no matter how you put it.
 

Lord Fagan

Junior Member
This manager is a total fucking sociopath...

...Recently, tons of people have quit...

...I went to my manager who also dislikes her, and he just starts chuckling...

...She's done this kind of thing to several people, making them feel like shit...

...they will just see it as me mouthing off to a supervisor and she responding accordingly...

Get a new job, friend.
 
In the usa, none of that is actionable and an employee has no recourse but finding another job, or waiting for the toxic manger to do so. Sorry. You can keep venting if you need to. (I dunno about Sweden's employment laws)

I'm not trying to defend the US or anything here, but is there recourse for situations like this as a matter of law in other, less capitalist countries?
 

asvpxjad

Banned
My dad recently was terminated after being in a very very similar situation to yours. He had enough of his bitch manager who also was a sociopath. Long story short he took her to HR and he lost because HR will always side with their managers. As much as they say they're impartial, they're not. He worked 75 hour weeks without overtime and his bitch manager just kept pushing at him. Boeing has now terminated him after 23 years for his 'performance' after not having a blemish on it for the previous 22 until this year when this new cunt was hired. He is know turning around and suing for many different reasons.
 

Seth C

Member
Anytime someone refers to him or herself as my "superior" I'm 100% done taking any orders or advice for them, because it's an obvious sign that they are completely incapable of management.
 

Seth C

Member
Then the military is definitely a no-go.

Trust me, I'd be court martialed within minutes. At 34, I have very little interest in joining the military, not that I ever considered it as an option. But that's not management and it's not a business environment. It's more similar to breaking an animal. If you run a business like you're a drill Sargent, back to my original point -- you aren't fit to manage anyone.
 

bill0527

Member
Fuck corporate America.

Maybe this is why some people completely flip out, lose their shit, and start shooting up the workplace.
 

LuchaShaq

Banned
A. Document everything.

B. Search for an equivalent job in case she railroads you, or you can use it as leverage to not to have to deal with her.

C. Don't let her walk all over you. Don't want or can't take a shift? Too bad for her, you don't owe her ANY explanation as to why beyond "personal. Doesn't matter if you plan on fapping all day or having brain surgery.
 
Get a new job, friend.

I should clarify that my supervisor who chuckled, he's a good guy. He's going to check out this thing tomorrow regarding the overtime.

He chuckled because he despises her and reacted to her becoming so pissed over something so small.
 
Fuck corporate America.

Maybe this is why some people completely flip out, lose their shit, and start shooting up the workplace.

I'm in socialist Sweden.

Although this kind of mentality seems much more prevalent since the socio-democratic party lost some years back.
 

pigeon

Banned
After going to your manager, who told you that everything was fine and it was good that you talked to him, why did you go to the senior operations manager?
 
After going to your manager, who told you that everything was fine and it was good that you talked to him, why did you go to the senior operations manager?

Because I've talked with her several times about this manager, and because the ice-queen said "I'm going to talk with your boss about this" to which I didn't know if she meant my direct supervisor or my senior manager.
 
Dont you have unions on the sweden? I would give them a call, about how to record these incidents and go forward with it. Also please ask your coworkers to do the same. Not 100% sure about sweden but in finland there is law about getting to be home when your child is sick. Seems like your superior/boss doesnt know about workers rights or just likes to fuck with them.

Do not let her walk over you, you will regret it later on. Being treated poorly is devastating to your selfesteem, mental health and might grow into being bigger problems.

http://www.saco.se/en/Affiliated-associations/

Find your union and give them a call, and if you're allready part of one they should have free lawyers to protect you and your coworkers.

Hope you can get rid of her bullshit.
 
I'd say you're fucked if you were in the US, but since you're in Sweden the only thing I can really say is consult with workplace laws that are applicable and see if you have something you can do.
 

Aiii

So not worth it
Talk to your co-workers, list your complaints in a letter to management/HR, have everyone sign it and get said superior removed from their position.

If this is, as you state, really an issue across the board, it should be as simple as that. Organize, form a block, stand up.
 

televator

Member
Ive noticed this sort of structure in leadership everywhere that enables assholes to be assholes as long as the status quo and company MO is maintained.

Maybe its just me, and probably why I havent made it too far up the rung in most places, but ive felt that if some jerk feels they can run their mouth and disrespect me with impunity... Well, Ill play that game too. I wont sit there and apologize for hurting some suit's feelings after they tear into me unfairly.
 
So far my dislike for her has never really affected my job. I have no direct interactions with her, she's not my supervisor, the problems are generally with the company so I wont make my job better by trying to get her fired.

I would very much like to see her reprimanded, and I've been told by the senor-manager that she knows people don't like her and that she's gotten several warnings. Apparently, she's disliked by all the managers who agrees she's too cold and hostile.

I'm going to speak with my supervisor tomorrow and see if he can pull some strings to get this somewhere, as it was incredibly insulting hearing her tell me those things. Like I wanted to call my mom and have her come over and beat the shit out of her for insulting her job with raising me.

For now I just wanted to vent.

And FYI, at the office I'm kind of known by many to be one of the few who will not take her shit. So far I've been much more effective and professional in my arguments with her, but this day things blew over. Many of my interactions with her come from my friend being in her team, who's very fragile and depressed at the moment. This has led me to fight her battles as she's almost thrown in the towel (she's about to quit though so things are turning up).
 
Is it in the US, EU, or somewhere else?

It really depends on this one, and i think you'll have to weigh in how much you like your work at that place and think 5-10 years in the future.

1) how likely is she to be promoted?
2) how likely are you to be promoted?
3) are there more than 50% of your colleagues, who feel the same way?
4) is the salary in the company better than the competition?
5) how much does this affect your life, outside of work?
7) are there alternatives to the field you are in?
8) do you have means for documented evidence against her, as in the chance of her being fraudulent?
9) if yes to 8, create enough to build a case, the company only cares, if she cheats them of something important, you have to put the one reason, the company keeps her, against her.
10) is the work worth it?

you have to weigh her strength, to yours, what the company prioritize. And i guess we have to ask, if she's attractive and is able to manipulate that when confronted with the higher ups?

i've had similar trouble, like you, but there are two solutions, and neither are really easy, one is that you check the market for a new job, while also building a solid documented case against her, and when a new job is more or less secured, you confront the company with your findings, while also having colleagues back you up, numbers are important. The second is that you make yourself a higher valuable asset for the company, and chips away at the things she's supposed to be great at, in the company's eyes, and always question her plans/methods in the sight of making sure they seem inefficient, and that they actually are, and you have an alternative better method, which is proven. You also have to be that kind person, and make her show her true shitty nature enough to make a stark contrast between you two. The latter also requires, you having a majority of the staff on your side during the whole time, and more importantly gaining trust and recognition of most higher ups that out rank her.

In short, the first, is a matter of weeks/months, the second, is a matter of years.

So, do you see yourself there at 5 years?

If no, then you know what to do. :)
 

Borgnine

MBA in pussy licensing and rights management
God I'm so glad I don't work for a corporation, just from gaf it always sounds like Kindergarten.
 

Phobophile

A scientist and gentleman in the manner of Batman.
Ive noticed this sort of structure in leadership everywhere that enables assholes to be assholes as long as the status quo and company MO is maintained.

Maybe its just me, and probably why I havent made it too far up the rung in most places, but ive felt that if some jerk feels they can run their mouth and disrespect me with impunity... Well, Ill play that game too. I wont sit there and apologize for hurting some suit's feelings after they tear into me unfairly.

I'm in the fucking same boat as you, man. I have very low tolerance for incompetency and complacency (I think my standards in life are too high). Unfortunately, a significant enough plurality of people are dumb and lazy, thus making my job difficult when their performance bottlenecks mine. It's an inevitability of working in a corporate environment. And it seems like the loudest ones seem to get their way, even if they're blatantly wrong.

God I'm so glad I don't work for a corporation, just from gaf it always sounds like Kindergarten.

It's like junior high school all over again.
 

Rapstah

Member
OP, I have a Swedish relative in a very similar position, except he actually managed to get his boss fired after everyone banded up to report her for the terrible shit she had done. What they did may or may not be possible in the structure of your company, but it can happen.

I almost asked you to PM me the name of your workplace so I could check if it was the same place... but he already got his boss fired, so it's obviously not the same place.
 

akira28

Member
toxic boss syndrome. shit, it ain't a syndrome. we know what the problem is. that toxic ass angry bitter mean boss.

edit: wait she's not even your boss? just slightly up on the totem pole? Yeah if she can't fire you, I'd take some action to HR. documentation of toxic behavior and other employees to corroborate the stories.
 
The structure of our office is basically as follows:

Senior-operating manager (my previous boss, who likes me)
-->
Team-managers for team 1, 2, 3, 4 & 5. Lets say Ice-queen is in charge of team 1 with certain tasks, and I'm part of team 5 with a completely different set of tasks.

So yeah, of course she can fuck up my job if she really tries, but she's not my boss but a superior.

If I get reprimanded, it's by my team-manager of team 5 who goes through it with me, and he and I are really good and understand each other.

The company we're handed the assignment from doesn't work if more than one person of my department is away, so I'm essential, unfortunately our internal organization hasn't really understood this yet who thinks we're just like the remaining teams.
 

CrankyJay

Banned
Not saying she is in the right, but it seems she only said those things because you made that remark.

Saying you have to cancel those appointments is wrong though. However, you could have asked for another shift if you already had an appointment.

Alternately. You could have just told her "okay" to get her off your back and then bring up the scheduling issue with your direct manager.

Let your manager advocate for you instead of trying to battle her yourself.
 
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