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[Maximilian E.]

Docpan..

Now, if you train as much as you say you do and you always eat healthy and whatnot.. you know, your body does not automatically transform to shit just by eating this stuff ONCE. You can definately manage a meal like this now and then.

 

[Vigilant Walrus]

OP: GREAT THREAD!
I can so relate... the shit with you downing the protein bar.. oh gawd.

That is like the universal rule it seems... you can get shit with no calories or carbs in it, but the trade off? there is always a tradeoff, and the tradeoff here is that there is usually no taste, it has sucked up sweetner in it that will fuck you up, or it has some weird nature shit in it that will make you shit.
I found these strong hard candy... (those you put in your mouth and suck on.. they are very hard to crack with your teeth. dont know the english term) - you could get a little cup of 100 gram for 5 bucks... well... eat half of that(50g) and you get brown acid rain shit for the next 24 hours... and its like FFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUU
you cant put that into any diet unless you basically live on a toilet!

Found a pic of DocPan's date.

I wish I had thre... no four hands!

 

[Vigilant Walrus]

don't you just want to put yer dick in there.

Imagine trying to motorboat them, and going blind due to a popped blood vessel! shit! this women was made for 80s arnold.



I remember that film were Danny De Vito is his brother, and he has it in for this girl, and his heart is beating so fast, his pec muscles rip the shirt. kinda lol.

 

[truly101]

Last couple of times we went to Busch Gardens, my friends and I went to the Festhaus for sandwiches. At the time you could get a good size sandwich a side and a drink for about $12, which is cheap by amusement park standards. I don't know why anyone would eat anything heavy at any amusement park unless they want to risk dropping a deuce in their pants

 

[Air Zombie Meat]

Kinda funny but was hoping this was going to be the story about how you were fired from your last job Docpan. Since you mentioned it in the other thread I wanted to hear about it.

 

[DonMigs85]

Docpan..

Now, if you train as much as you say you do and you always eat healthy and whatnot.. you know, your body does not automatically transform to shit just by eating this stuff ONCE. You can definately manage a meal like this now and then.

Exactly. It's not like you go to fairs every week, so why not indulge in the yummy greasy goodness just once? Makes you seem less uptight and demanding in front of your date too.

 

[gdt]

Heeyyy Brucie!

 

[Always-honest]

Found a pic of DocPan's date.

that could very well be Shakira's mom.


goddammmit.. why do this to yourself?

 

[NameGenerated]

The churros at Busch Gardens are great. You missed out.

 

[Tim the Wiz]

And you wonder why you didn't get laid. :lol

 

[Pterion]

Docpan is back?

 

[Easy_D]

This caught my eye.

Why do girls have to whine and complain about every little thing??

Docpan is a girl, confirmed?

 

[AVclub]

Is this dude in the joke character thread? If not, he should be. That OP reads like an epic troll. There's just so much wrongness there! I don't think an original WWF wrestler could pull off a clumsier heel than docpan.

 

[operon]

Thanks you docpan you must have known we were all pissed off with all the religion vs atheism threads lately and needs a good laugh cheers mate.

Ps is jersey shore that show with the beefcake thing people were on about months as I see its on BT vision now and I wanted to laugh

 

[DonMigs85]

Heeyyy Brucie!

Genetically different baby!

 

[Bisnic]

Wouldn't be a docpan thread without the laughs.

I honestly don't know if this guy is serious or a joke character.


Also, wtf at the fat belly pics from shaowebb. We don't wanna see that.

 

[JoeBoy101]

I love the whole first paragraph where an attempt is made to make the reader feel sympathy for the poor body builders who only get to feel the rewards of their efforts in the summer when they tear their shirts off in non-conformist defiance to society.

Beautiful.

 

[balladofwindfishes]

One "bad meal" is not going to cause your body to explode. Instead of acting like a jerk on your date, you should have just swallowed your pride and ate an iceberg salad or something that isn't totally healthy, but not the worst thing in the world.

Instead you let a minor thing ruin your entire day.

 

[Jason's Ultimatum]

I haven't touched fast food in ages, and if I do, I feel sick to my stomach and lousy for the rest of the day. Don't know how some people can eat shit like Chic-fil-A.

 

[Tenks]

The irony of the fact is bodybuilders die quicker than normal fat Americans

 

[SapientWolf]

The irony of the fact is bodybuilders die quicker than normal fat Americans

Only the ones that abuse drugs.

 

[Tenks]

Only the ones that abuse drugs.

I could have sworn I read somewhere that having too much muscle puts way more stress on your heart than simply being overweight. I'm not talking like biggest loser overweight but on the high end of overweight / low end of obese.

 

[Kai Dracon]

The irony of the fact is bodybuilders die quicker than normal fat Americans

The moral of the story is that extremes tend not to work out. The best life is always somewhere in the middle, with moderation in all things.

Whether troll or not, the OP reminds me of a bodybuilder rant on a talk show I saw years ago in the 90s where some passing, transitory health guru made his character based around "shock tactics" and insulting people to make them follow his shit and "be real men and women". I twas really hilarious in hindsight because the people he was insulting as disgusting meatsacks were just about normal in every way :lol

 

[BattleMonkey]

One "bad meal" is not going to cause your body to explode. Instead of acting like a jerk on your date, you should have just swallowed your pride and ate an iceberg salad or something that isn't totally healthy, but not the worst thing in the world.

Instead you let a minor thing ruin your entire day.

Exactly :lol

 

[Get'sMad]

I just run like 30 minutes a day pretty much every day and eat whatever the fuck I want.

it rules

 

[Numpt3]

You guys leave him alone, it's a well know fact that one unhealthy meal will cause your nicely ripped muscle to dissolve into a puddle of fat......... :lol

 

[operon]

should have avoided the protein powder and eaten something truly great

 

[Kai Dracon]

Oh what the hell, for the fun, there's also this rant-faq I found a while back:

http://kateharding.net/faq/but-dont-you-realize-fat-is-unhealthy/

 

[RobertM]

I actually started reading the post and my eyes just deviated toward the username, and lo and behold it said "Docpan".

 

[jred2k]

I love how the guy is an Adonis, but all of his dates end in failure because he ends up being a little bitch. A real man would have ate that shit down and worked out twice as hard the next day to punish himself for it.

 

[levious]

Let me tell you a little bit about me.

If I do something, I'm going to do it right. Someone who is a "jack of all trades," to me, is an idiot. Why? Because it essentially means he is great at nothing.

Why do something if you don't do it right? If I drink, I'm going to to be stumbling, if not blackout-level. If I lift, I'm going to lift until I can barely move. If I set out to go to a buffet (which I don't in the summer), I want to feel sick when I'm done.

It's all about goals, and results. Everything you set out to do when you wake up is a goal to accomplish, therefore what you put into it says something about who you are.

Why would I pussy foot around and half ass what I'm trying to say, like you're telling me to do? This is a typical American type of mentality, I guess. Like, seriously, that pisses me off.

so when you have a male bonding moment...

 

[Kusagari]

I was waiting for your latest roid rage thread. This did not disappoint.

 

[Alucrid]

Docpan, I'm disappointed. You brought a power bar and two protein powders for yourself, but not your date? We're you going to let her wallow in that greasy, fatty food while you enjoyed your delicious and healthy foods? Really, what an asshole.

 

[D4Danger]

I always read Docpan posts in Brucie's voice.

somebody mentioned this in another thread, it makes all the difference.

Fuck no I don't have a medical condition. Unless of course you consider being ripped a medical condition.

My new favourite docpan quote.

 

[jorma]

The irony of the fact is bodybuilders die quicker than normal fat Americans

They look just about as healthy so i have no problem believing that.

 

[way more]

Ha. Docpan wipes the grease off his food. What a pansy.

"Ooh, look at me! I'm so dainty I blot my pizza with a napkin like a little princess."

 

[Mechanical Snowman]

I was waiting for your latest roid rage thread. This did not disappoint.

It was alright I guess. I don't think anything will beat his diarrhoea thread though, where someone (Timedog?) recorded himself giving a dramatic reading of the OP :lol

 

[Dr. Strangelove]

Ehhh, this could have been better. I agree with the people saying that it needed more rage.

C-

 

[SouthernDragon]

I'd sooner eat grass than pay 6 bucks for a handful of iceberg lettuce, a couple of cherry tomatoes, a few shredded carrots, and several packets of italian dressing. How much would something like that cost to assemble? 30 cents?

If the manager of the park was there I would have gladly told him that their business model of selling nothing but fatty foods is a load of shit.

Someone doesn't understand the fundamentals of business.

I'm starting to believe that he is, indeed, a joke poster. I have no doubt that people like him exist, but this is ridiculous.

 

[Dynamite Ringo Matsuri]

Welcome back Docpan. It's been entirely too long.

 

[Jason's Ultimatum]

Ha. Docpan wipes the grease off his food. What a pansy.

"Ooh, look at me! I'm so dainty I blot my pizza with a napkin like a little princess."

I love mac and his avatar. :lol :lol

 

[APF]

What kind of wannabe bodybuilder talks about purity of food choices and then eats a fucking Power Bar? What are you, Lance Armstrong or something taking your little bike around to tour the French countryside? I thought I was speaking to a man here. Excuse me little girl, is your mother home? I wanted to talk to someone with balls.

 

[FairyD]

B+ Thread.

I expected at least a roid rage situation between a mascot and Docpan.

 

[Escape Goat]

No, Mr Docpan. I expect you to die!

 

[Huevos de Oro]

so when you have a male bonding moment...

You rip that asshole TO SHREDS MAN! No fucking around with it.

Also, Sinatar, what the fucking fuck? :lol

 

[EvilMario]

Eating poutine topped with pulled pork right now. OM NUM NUM

 

[Ferrio]

Found a pic of DocPan's date.

Sorta want....

 

[Irish]

B+ Thread.

I expected at least a roid rage situation between a mascot and Docpan.

I'd say it's closer to a C. This is what would have happened if this were a true Docpan thread.

So me and my girl were walking around Busch Gardens when all of the sudden a little kid comes up to us, tears in his eyes. He tugs on my girl's skirt and asks if she could help him find his parents. Now, that kid obviously thought he could hit on my girl, but I wasn't having any of that. Still, I thought if I pretended to help the damn thing, my girl might give me something a little extra special later on. So, I took him to the side and said, "Look, kid, you're parents are dead and now you have to live in this park. Get the fuck away from us now." The next thing I know, the damned kid starts screaming his little head off and punches me in the chest. I ain't no bitch, so I slam his head into the concrete. A few of his baby teeth come flying out. I walk calmly back to my girl like nothing at all happened. She screamed at me and went to nurse the little baby lying in the pool of blood. I just said, "Fuck it!" and walked away. Bitch was ugly anyway.

 

[TheUsual]

Found a pic of DocPan's date.

 

[SolsticeZero]

So me and my girl were walking around Busch Gardens when all of the sudden a little kid comes up to us, tears in his eyes. He tugs on my girl's skirt and asks if she could help him find his parents. Now, that kid obviously thought he could hit on my girl, but I wasn't having any of that. Still, I thought if I pretended to help the damn thing, my girl might give me something a little extra special later on. So, I took him to the side and said, "Look, kid, you're parents are dead and now you have to live in this park. Get the fuck away from us now." The next thing I know, the damned kid starts screaming his little head off and punches me in the chest. I ain't know bitch, so I slam his head into the concrete. A few of his baby teeth come flying out. I walk calmly back to my girl like nothing at all happened. She screamed at me and went to nurse the little baby lying in the pool of blood. I just said, "Fuck it!" and walked away. Bitch was ugly anyway.

Oh... My... God..... I am so stealing this for a story/short film!